Episode 27

Playlist ~ Slander ft Dylan Matthew ~ Love is gone

Fernando's POV

"Are you still brooding over what you really feel for Micaela?" Antonio asks and I glanced up at him.

"I'm not thinking about her. Why should I even think twice about that? Isn't it obvious that what you're insinuating isn't real?" I fired back and he raised a brow at me and then burst into laughter. "What is so funny Antonio?"

"You brother! You're so damn hilarious!" he snorted.

"How is that?" I frowned at him. What is really funny about this whole thing?

"As your best friend and brother, I'll advise you on what to do. If you like take it or leave it, the choice is yours" he said and that caught my interest on what he was about saying.

"I'm listening to you, and your advice should better be a good one" I replied.

"Count on it!" He smiled and I nod for him to go ahead. "I'm going to give you two options for you to choose from, so choose wisely".

"Antonio, quit the suspense and tell me what you have in mind already" I groaned.

"Chill man, I'll say it. I understand you might have really gotten confused by the whole kiss thing with Micaela, let's not mention the second lady because she's not needed in the love picture-" he pause and caught me glaring at him. "Deal with it, it's a love picture. Like I was saying, your kiss with Micaela might be weird to you since you don't have any experience on that yet. But being an expert in the field, I'll advise you meet up with her again and ask her why she kissed you and if she's in love with you and..."

"Hold on, Antonio!" I half-yelled cutting him off. "What are you saying? I Fernando Perez should travel all the way to South Korea just to ask a lady if she loves me and why she kissed me?!"

"Of course. Is that a big deal?"

"Yes it's a big deal! I can never do that! I don't care why she kissed me and what she felt when she kissed me!"

"Really?!"

"Yes really! I can't believe you'll advice me to do that" I said in an exasperated tone. I am really pissed with Antonio right now.

"Okay, now this is the second option-" he paused and glance up at me if I'm listening to him.

"What? Go ahead and tell me the second option, who knows if it might be worst than the first one" I scoffed and glance away.

"The second option is this, don't go traveling thousands of miles to meet her. Stay here and keep thinking about her every damn minute of the day" he said and that got me furrowing my brows at him.

"Is that your second option?" I asks in disbelief and he shrugs.

"Yes. Expecting something more than that?"

I stared at him for a moment and shook my head in response. "Fair enough then, I guess we have that sorted out. I'm leaving, I have some work to do in the office" he said and stood up.

"But I haven't decided yet on which option to pick from" I responded and stood up with him.

"It's now your choice, buddy. I can't decide your fate, it's in your hands. I hope you make the right decision that will make you happy" he said calmly and tapped me twice on my shoulder and I gave a slight nod.

"Thanks for coming, we'll see later at the site" I replied and walked him to the door.

I came back to my parlor and sat down on the double couch. As hard as I could try not to think about it, Antonio's voice kept ringing in my head. "But how can I travel back to Seoul in search of Micaela just so I'll asks her why she kissed me? What if it wasn't love but just a mistake she made by kissing me? Which means it's going to be a waste of time at the end of it all" I thought aloud and stood up.

"Love? Love? Is there a different love from the one I feel for my mom? What does loving another woman who isn't my mother really means? Is it possible for someone like me to experience love from a woman like Micaela Alvarado?" I kept flouncing around confusedly.

Perhaps it happens she's really in love with me like Antonio said, it's going to be such a pity because I'm the wrong man for her to fall in love with. I can't give her the same love back. I heard love requires care, passion, attraction, affection, trust, commitment, intimacy and the list goes on. None of this love attributes do I possess especially trust and commitment. I can never trust any woman, so how do I go as far as having a commitment with her?

What should I do now? Antonio didn't really give me much of an option. What if I decide to stay back here and continue being haunted by the memories of the same woman? Which will be more worst between the two options? Is it possible to erase such memories from one's head? I've never been so confused than I am right now.

One Month Later

Just like yesterday one month has passed and Antonio's words became my reality despite how hard I tried to deny it. Since I didn't go for the first option he advised me on, I went with the second option and ever since then I've been haunted with memories of her. Antonio was right after all, I should have listened to him and take the first option perhaps by now I wouldn't have suffered emotionally this past one month. I guess it's too late now to even try picking the first option.

"Thinking about her?" Antonio's voice jars me out of my thoughts. For a moment I forgot we were at the mining site supervising the progress of the gold mining.

"Thinking about who?" I asks clearing my throat.

"Playing dumb again, huh?" Antonio snorted and I glance around looking for nothing actually.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I replied and bent to pick up a round shaped gold steel.

"How do you choose to live like this? Apart from your past that we both know about, nothing has ever affected you like it's with her. One full month, buddy, one full month and you've been completely out of shape. Even though you don't tell me what's going on in your mind, I already know. It's time you stop torturing yourself and go find her".

"You're bringing up this topic again Antonio" I groaned and tossed the gold on my palm.

"It's because I don't like how you've become. Deny it all you want, but I feel you like this lady and you need to tell her already".

I gaze up at him with raised brows and I snorted then burst into laughter. "I like her?" I asks and he nods. I laughed again and shook my head amusingly. "Don't assume things, brother".

"I'm not assuming things, buddy. We've been friends more or less brothers since grade five, I know you more than I know any of my siblings. I know when you're happy, sad, angry and perturbed. There's a way you behave that you don't even know you're doing when you're in your happy mood, sad mood, angry mood or perturbed mood. I've been watching you for a month now and I can tell you confidently that you like that lady".

"You're wrong" I said and glance away.

"You are right, you can say I'm wrong but that does not justify what your heart feels. Your words are mere words and your heart.... the human heart can betray our words most times" he smiled at me.

We both stood there in awkward silence. Antonio is my best friend, I shouldn't be hiding anything from him. We've been together in good times and bad times and I can beat my chest that he's the only friend that became a brother to me. If I should open up to anyone it should be him, afterall he was the one that sent me to that place where I found her.

"You're right again. I was thinking about her, not just few minutes ago when you caught me but right from the moment you advice me and I didn't listen to your advice" I admitted.

"I guess you've seen the second option didn't give you the peace of mind you needed" he replied without giving me a victory smile or laugh.

"I wouldn't argue that for a second. This past one month has been sleepless nights for me. I've been thinking a lot what is going to happen if I finally pick the first option".

"You'll have your peace of mind. Flying down to Seoul will determine if you need to keep thinking about her or you need to forget about her".

"But do you really think is possible for me to like a woman that is not my mother or related to me after the trauma they made me pass through as a teenager up to this point of my life?!" I half-yelled and he glances around.

"Keep your voice down, you're causing attention from our employees. Let's leave here and go to one of the vacant rooms in the building".

I nod and we both walked to an empty room that is still under construction in our site. "Antonio I don't understand how possible that could be. The female gender almost ruined my life and I fought so hard to get over the trauma they caused me. So why is it that out of the blue I'm beginning to like them?"

"What if by chance one out of millions of women out there is the only one that could heal you from your past? Would you still say no?" he asks and I suddenly became mute. "Think about it brother, what if the universe is trying to send a healer to you, would you ignore his help?"

"Don't confuse me more, brother" I replied and sweeps my hair with my hands. "I don't know what to think anymore".

"Just give the universe a chance. Try and have a talk with this Micaela of a lady and from the conversation you'll able to figure out what the universe is telling you. Remember she wasn't behind the bad experience from your past".

I thought for a moment on what Antonio just said and I couldn't deny the fact that I was beginning to buy his idea. "What if it's too late to find answers from her?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if she's already dead?" I asks the dreaded question.

"What are you talking about? Why would she die?" Antonio furrows his brows confusedly at me.

"The last time I saw her, she was about committing suicide. What if she already did and I couldn't save her from doing so like I'd promised her?"

Antonio gapes at me dumbfounded and feelings of guilt rushes through my veins. What if she was really dead as a a result of me not keeping my promise of protecting her? Would I be able to live with it?

"There's only one way to find out" Antonio said after the awkward silence and I knew what that means.