Episode 50

Playlist~Hoobastank - The Reason

Micaela's POV

If only tears could make Ferd to forgive me then by now I wouldn't have been on my way to Sabrina's house. I don't know where I want to start my explanation from when my friend sees me this way. Despite all my cries and pleas for Ferd to forgive me and not leave me behind in Rome, it was all to no avail. He did left me behind and told me our marriage was over. How could he even say that? It's just two days ago we became married couples, and then he's just going to end it like that without even allowing it to last longer? It's so unfair! There was nothing left to do in Rome, so I left the next morning back to Seoul.

I know what I did was wrong but I thought he loved me enough to forgive me and let go of the past? It's all my fault though! I should have let go of the past and not bring it up, but my conscience wouldn't allow me lay in his arms without feeling guilty about it. The only thing I wanted was to let that deepest secret out of my heart and then we'll live a happily ever marriage without any secrets. Unfortunately I'm just so pathetic to think my life is going to be a fairytale with a good ending not knowing it's going to be a tragic ending.

"Ma'am, we're here" the driver said in Korean language and I wiped my tears and nod in response. I paid him off and alighted from the cab with my luggage. "Ma'am are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine. Thank you" I bow slightly and he returns the bow and drove off.

I stared at Sabrina's apartment and the apartment was staring at me too. I was too weak and scared to walk in there. I don't think I have the strength to answer a 101 questions that my friend is going to throw at me, is better I just leave and return to my house instead. I turned around to leave and then I heard my name, "Micaela!" That was Sabrina's voice, she caught me leaving already.

I sluggishly turnaround and gaze up at her and forced a smile, "Hi Sabri".

"You're back from Rome already? Were you leaving already when you only just got here?" I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't find my voice, all I felt was hot tears streaming down my cheeks. "Angel?" Sabrina rushed up to me and held my face, "you're crying girlfriend".

I don't know if it's because of what she just said or is all the accumulated tears I've been keeping that made it's way to my eyes but my sobs became uncontrollable. She pulls me to a hug and I sobbed to the crook of her neck. "C'mon, let's get inside" she whispers and she led me inside her two bedroom apartment.

She sat me down on a couch and sat next to me. She gently placed my head on her chest and I sniffles. "It's all over" I muttered with a husky voice.

"What is all over? Why are you here, girlfriend? You're meant to be with your husband not right here"

"He doesn't want me anymore" I muffled. Sabrina let go of me and stared into my blurry eyes that has been filled with tears.

"What did you just say?"

"Ferd doesn't want me anymore, our marriage is over" I announced in tears.

"That's not possible. Fernando is a good guy, he can't just terminate your marriage just like that. Maybe you just didn't hear him well".

"I heard him well, Sabri. He's going to send me our divorce papers unfailingly tomorrow. What am I suppose to do now? I don't want to loose him, I still love him so much. I can't live without him" I sobbed.

"Calm down girlfriend, just calm down and talk to me. What happened between you two? Why would Fernando divorce you just two days after your your wedding?"

"It's all my fault he hates me now. I betrayed his trust".

"Betrayed his trust? That's not possible, you're too honest to even betray anyone let alone the man you love so dearly".

"I'm not who you think I am, I'm a bad person, Sabri. I'm the worst human being that has ever lived. I'm a damn bitch, I'm a liar, a pretender and a rapist!" I wailed and Sabrina stared at me in alter despair.

"What was that? What are you saying? You're confusing me right now, I need to call Kim maybe she'll understand you better than I do" she shook her head and grabs her phone from the table to dial Kim's line. Just then her doorbell rang and she squint at me. "I'll be right back".

"Hey girlfriend, what's up?" Kim shrieks from the doorstep and Sabrina drags her in without saying a word. "Hey be careful, you know I'm too fragile!" Kim whines.

"Shut up and take a sit. You came right on time, I was about calling when...."

"Micaela!" Kim squeals excitedly interrupting Sabrina mid-sentence, and she came crushing me with a hug. "Wow! I wasn't expecting to see you here, when did you get back from your honeymoon, girlfriend? Gosh! Your wedding was lit! You've got to see all the beautiful pictures we took and...."

"Quit the drama already! Can't you see she's not happy right now?" Sabrina intruded.

It was only then Kim had a closer look of my face and she saw the swollen eyes and tears streaming down my cheeks. "Oh no, what happened to you? Why are you so sad?" She reached for my cheeks and her thumb wipes off the tears, but that didn't stop it from spilling out more.

"I fucked up, girls. I didn't just fucked up but I fucked my life up. I told Fernando a secret that I've been hiding for the past thirteen years, and that secret is the reason behind my sadness".

"Tell us already, we're here to listen to you. We're not going to judge you, everyone have a bad past that we find it hard to forget but that does not mean we'll drown in our past and not live in the future that is here with us. No matter what, we'll always be here for you as your friends and sisters you've got" Sabrina said and took my right hand while Kim took my left hand.

"Sabrina is right, we're always here for you in good or bad times. You don't know if we'll have a solution to whatever might have transpired between you and your husband. Just trust us and share it with us" Kim added.

"You guys have no idea that I've tried commiting suicide a few times before I met Fernando..."

"What!" Both girls exclaimed and flinched from me.

"It's because I was frustrated and guilty over the damage I caused in Fernando's life thirteen years ago. I was forced to rape him on his 15th birthday and he never knew who raped him until few days ago when I confessed to him".

"What!" They both exclaimed again with wide eyes and shared glances at each other. "How...how did it happen?"

"It's quite a long story but I'm going to tell you two all about it. You're free to lash out on me when I'm done, I do deserve it" I huff out a heavy breath and they nod for me to continue. Who knows perhaps after they hear my story they're going to also flee from me like I've got a plague, then once again I'll be left all alone like back in old days. What a pathetic life I've lived!

"I was a victim of a bully back in highschool, almost everyone in my school then bullied me except for Fernando and Antonio. I don't know why it was like that, maybe because I was a nerd and an orphan or because I wasn't beautiful enough-" I paused and sniffles, my voice was already cracking because of my sons but I continued anyways. I told my friends everything they needed to know without omitting any part of my life experiences.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry you went through all that. Being bullied in highschool is the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone especially when you don't have anyone to protect you from it, not even a friend. I see why there's so much insecurity with our friendship" Sabrina gave a sad frown and hugged me.

"None of this is your fault girlfriend, you were also a victim of what happened. You felt powerless and couldn't protect yourself and Fernando from those bitches. It was all a setup, Fernando shouldn't blame you for it" Kim added and hugged me too.

Is so unbelievable both girls are on my side after I told them all that happened. I thought they were going to unfriend me and stay away from me like Ferd did, but no, instead here they are giving me some words of encouragement and even comforting me with a hug.

"It's still partly my fault, if I hadn't crushed secretly on him none of that would have happened" I replied to my friends. I still find myself guilty even when they were trying to make me feel better.

"It's a good thing you said 'secretly'! Those girls were bitches and just wanted to set you up by all means so they decided to stalk you until they got your weakness. We all went to Highschool and each school have their queen bitches, so we know all this things because I've caught them bullying junior year students in my school. But that's not where the problem lies, the question is how did your sweet Fernando became drunk that night?" Sabrina asks and after thirteen years of mental torture that question reset my brain.

"Good question though from Sabrina. How did Fernando get there? Why was he drunk and not cautious of his environment?" Kim asks and I glanced from her to Sabrina.

When Ferd had told me about his rape he never got into much details and I couldn't ask for those necessary details back then because I was afraid I'll spill out the truth. Now that Sabrina mentioned it, it's a food for thought.

"Although I heard it was his birthday party but I never did ask him why a minor like him must have gotten drunk" I answered quietly.

"But why not?!" Sabrina exclaims and I shrugged weakly in response. "Then there's more truth to this story, you're not to be blamed for it, all those that are tied to the incident needs to be fished out. And Fernando on his part owes you an explanation of why he got drunk that night".

"Yes, he owes you not just an explanation but an apology for ruining your honeymoon vacation! Jeez! He's too mean to have done that. How could he switch from a prince charming to an evil forest beast?" Kim blabs and I rolled my eyes.

"It's not like that, Ferd is still my prince charming, but right now he's just angry at his princess. And I doubt if Fernando was drunk on that night he was raped, I think he was drugged by those bad guys".

"Awwn, look at that! Still on his defense" Kim cooes with a giggle and I forced a smile. Is the truth though, Ferd wasn't drunk, he was drugged that night.

"Prince charming or not he needs to man up and apologize for treating you like his girlfriend instead of his wife. How can he forget the marriage vows too soon? He dares not call the marriage off if not I'll personally kick him on his balls and have him arrested for....?"

"Heartbreaking!" Kim completed Sabrina's sentence.

"Stupid! That's not what I was about saying" Sabrina hisses with an eye roll and Kim rolled her eyes back at her.

"Seriously girls, I can't believe Ferd thinks I'm obsessed with him that's why I got married to him" I heave a sad sigh and sweep my hair with my hands.

"You both need to talk, he shouldn't go silent on you and just sentence you without even listening to you. If he ever did loved and trusted you then he should give you a chance to explain yourself" Sabrina said and I squint at her.

"He doesn't wants to listen to me, he has already made up his mind".

"That's hard to believe. Why not go have some rest and we'll come up with a plan in the morning. You must be feeling exhausted after spending 11hours flying down here" Kim suggested and I squint at her.

"That's right, you need to calm down and rest. I'm sure in the morning we'll find a solution to this issue" Sabrina concurred and I nodded tiredly.

"Thanks ladies, you two are such an amazing friends. I'm lucky to have you two as my friends" I hugged and pecked them on their cheeks.

"Would you like to eat anything before you sleep?" Sabrina asks and I shook my head in response. "Okay then, I'll see you to your room".

Sabrina and I stood up together and Kim grabbed my luggage and the three of us walks towards the guest room. The ringtone of my phone got us halting. My heart began throbbing faster. "That must be Ferd" I mumbled with a little bit of hope and my friends nod for me to pickup the call. I dig my hand into my small purse and I took out the phone. When my gaze met with my phone screen, the slightest hope I had few seconds ago vanished and I glance briefly at my friends.

"What?" Sabrina asks furrowing at me.

"It's not Fernando" I answered nervously.

"Then who is it?" Kim asks.

"It's Fernando's bestfriend, Antonio".

"And why is calling you now?" Sabrina and Kim asks in unison.

"I don't know. Maybe Ferd must have told him".

"Well, pickup and hear what he has to say" Sabrina said and I stared down at my phone with shaky hands. I have a feeling it's something bad that he's going to say. "C'mon pickup already". I nod slightly and picked up the call.