17. Am I a fool?

TONY.

“I should have beaten you up when I saw you at the bar with that slut but I didn’t and now I’m regretting it, you hopeless man-whore. You don’t deserve her; you’re just a worthless piece of shit and now I feel like strangling you until you breathe your last,” I said to the jerk that hurt Beth.

I was extremely angry. I could feel all my veins popping out in extreme annoyance. I wanted to beat him to a pulp but I had to consider Beth. She might not appreciate me hitting the scumbag. Just as I was about to say something else, I heard Beth’s footsteps; she was backing away.

Suddenly, she turned around and ran out of the room.

“Beth?” I called after her but she didn’t stop.

I turned around to face Jeremy and said,

“I’ll be back for you.”

I ran out of the room but didn’t see Beth anywhere in the passage. I became afraid and secretly prayed she wasn’t going to do anything stupid to herself. I checked the bar but she wasn’t there; I checked the restaurant too but she wasn’t there. I checked every other place I thought she could go except the lounge but she was not in any of those places. I looked at the wristwatch on my hand and it was just 7:03pm. The night was still very young.

I headed for the lounge, which was the last place I could go to look for her. I told myself that if I didn’t find her there, I would have to tell the captain of this ship to do something. As I approached the lounge, I heard someone crying. I walked faster, hoping it was Beth. Fortunately, it was her. She sat on the lounge chair, brawling out her eyes. She looked like she was in serious pain and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

“Beth?” I called.

She turned around and looked up to see who had called her. When she saw me, she turned around quickly and began to wipe the tears off her eyes. She probably did not want me to see her crying. I asked if I could sit down beside her.

“Sure you can,” she replied, with a low tone.

Being a white lady, her face was all red from all the crying she did and I couldn’t help but pity her more. I was itching to pull her into a warm hug and tell her that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to tell her to forget about it all but it was impossible to just forget it all.

I could remember the first time we met; she was at that club because her boyfriend broke up with her. Also when, I met her as Lara’s friend, Lara said she had just broken up with her boyfriend then and now again, she had to go through this painful experience once more.

“Tony?” I heard her call my name.

“Yes?” I answered eager to hear what she wanted to say.

She was staring at the lounge’s floor. She was probably too embarrassed to look me in the face.

“Am I a fool?” she asked.

The question caught me off-guard and I just stared at her with pity.

“No Beth, why would you think that?” I said.

“Well, if I’m not, why do I keep falling for the worst guys? Don’t I deserve to get a good man? Why do jerks keep coming my way every single time? Every single man I ever dated has in one way or the other taken my goodness and kindness for granted. My last boyfriend before Jeremy, Sam, whom I thought was going to propose to me, had already proposed to someone else while we were still dating. He told me he couldn’t marry me. He said I was too skinny and I wasn’t curvy enough for him. He also said I was white and that he preferred black women. Did I make myself? Why would he judge me like I made myself be the way I am?”

She kept saying all those things and I felt even sorrier for her. She seemed like she had really been through hell with a lot of guys.

“The painful part of it was I already saw the ring and I had assumed he was going to propose to me with it. How desperate of me,” she said chuckling.

It was the kind of chuckle one would give when they’re happy; it was a sad chuckle.

“You know sometimes I wished I was mean, like Lara. I’m sorry I’m saying this Lara had it all figured out and I’m starting to think she was right with her fuck love slogans, I mean I don’t think I’m destined with love. I don’t think I have a soul mate, I don’t even think that I have a soul either. Why couldn’t I just be like her instead and just live life as it comes?”

“Because you are a good woman at heart, that’s why. You don’t have to become another person; you’re okay just the way you are,” I said.

There was a moment of silence before I spoke again.

“Beth, you are a beautiful woman no matter what anyone says. You shouldn’t allow anyone stomp on you and make you feel low of yourself. All you need to do is build up your self-esteem; when you do that, those jerks would never be able to get to you.

Look, you don’t have to become like Lara; it would only hurt you more, Lara is Lara and Beth is Beth. Just be yourself. Don’t change please,” I said.

“Okay, thanks Tony,” she said.

Then I suddenly had an idea. I turned to look at her and said, “You know what; let’s have some fun.”

“Fun? What do you mean?” she asked curiously

“You’ll see. Why don’t you go back to your room, get dressed and meet me here in the next 20 minutes?” I said to her. She looked at me like she wasn’t sure if she could do all I had just told her to do.

“C’mon, I’m going to cheer you up tonight. It’s a surprise; just do as I say,” I added.

“Okay,” she said, staring at me as if she wanted to open my mind and know what my plan was.

She needed the fun and so did I.