CHAPTER 34

Showcase auditions might be over, but as the limo that picked me up at DFW pulls up Eddie’s driveway Saturday afternoon, I feel as if the real test is beginning. As I step out of the car, a stinging breeze sweeps past, lifting the hairs on my arms despite my sweater and denim jacket. When I reach the top of the familiar stairs, my fist hovers over the door, but before I can knock, it swings wide. “Timothy!” Haley’s beaming face takes the edge off my nerves. When she opens her arms wide for a hug, I can’t resist. Even though I’m bigger than her, it feels as if she’s the one holding me. “We were so glad you called.” “I know it was last minute,” I say against her dark hair. “Not at all. We live minute to minute around here. We have a guest bedroom ready for you tonight. I only wish you’d stay longer.” Something bumps against my legs, and I glance down. “Sophia?!” A round face with amber eyes and dark hair peers up at me, breaking into a smile that’s too big, too earnest, to belong to an actual human. “Holy shit, she’s big.” I grimace as I realize what I’ve said. “Eddie says worse all the time. Soph, let Timothy in the door.” I follow them down the hall toward the kitchen. It feels comfortable and strange at once. “You look fantastic,” she says over her shoulder. “How long has it been?” “Too long,” I admit. “I know we’ve kept in touch over the past year, but it’s not the same as seeing you in person.” She sighs. “Well, you’re here now. Eddie is sitting on the patio. I think he’s trying to escape Sophia, who runs all over the house like a demon.” I glance at the tiny person in question, her face all innocence. “We can’t let him get away, can we?” I hoist her up, grunting as I shift her against my side. She laughs, delighted, as I head for the double doors. “Want a beer?” Haley calls after me. “Or a bourbon?” “I’m good. Thanks, Mom.” From the expression on her face, she knows I mean thanks for so much more than the drink offer. It’s a thank-you for everything—for working with me back at Wicked, for letting me into her house two years ago, for letting me remain in their lives after the chaos I caused. “You’re family,” she says before nodding at Sophia. “Go get Daddy.” “Get Daddy,” Sophia repeats, and I grin. We find Eddie sitting in a patio chair by the glistening water. “Daddy!” Sophia squeals, holding out her arms. She scrambles out of my arms as I take a seat, but instead of climbing into her dad’s lap, she runs circles around his chair and mine. “When she was a baby, I thought, ‘It’ll be easier when she gets older,’” my mentor says in lieu of a greeting. “But they change. They don’t get easier.” “Never?” Eddie meets my gaze for the first time. “Not when they start high school. Learn to drive. Or when they start a good college across the country. You ever think about her?” he asks. The knot in my gut twists tighter. “All the time.” I wanted Emily to tell her dad for her own sake but also because of this eventuality—that I have to lie to her dad’s face. I’d do anything for her, but I hate this, especially when he goes on. “It’s hard not to have her around the house. When she first moved in, it surprised me every time I saw her or heard her. But the last couple years, I took for granted she was under my roof. “When she was seven and still living with my sister, I learned Gwen was getting bruises from her husband. I told her to leave him. She said it was under control. “I tried to get out of my touring contract so I could get my kid—couldn’t bring her on the road with me—but the head of my label wouldn’t let me. I was already a big deal, and he threatened to sue my ass if I didn’t finish up. “It was the first time in my life I trashed a hotel room. Broke all the furniture. I left the tour for three days to go see Emily and Gwen. Gwen promised me her husband never touched Emily. I hired someone to watch the house when I couldn’t be there. Check on her at school, make sure she was okay.” “You didn’t believe Gwen.” “I believed her. But I wouldn’t risk anyone, even my own sister, being wrong about the most precious thing in my life.” Eddie’s admissions swirl in my head. The year I went without Emily in my life sucked, but I didn’t realize how much of the same Eddie had endured—in the back of a tour bus, wanting nothing more than to get his kid, to make her safe, to make her his. “I didn’t know,” I say at last. He nods. “Before I met Haley, Emily was my entire fucking world. This industry tried to keep me away from her. I will always care what she’s doing, and I will always want her to have the kind of freedom I didn’t.” I turn that over. I get why he’s protective, just like I get why she calls him overbearing. I wish I could reconcile those because I care about both of them, but I can’t. “So, why’re you here?” Eddie prods finally. “Zeke’s been friendly the last week,” I say, getting to the real reason for my visit. “I wondered if you had something to do with it.” Eddie holds out a hand, and Sophia grabs onto his wrist, giggling as she tries to continue running her laps by dragging her dad with her. Neither Eddie nor the chair moves an inch, even when she screeches. “He might’ve called me to ask if I’d trust you enough for another shot.” “What’d you tell him?” “Yes. Obviously.” “Thank you,” I say and mean it. He waves me off. “I know things weren’t easy when you moved to New York. What happened to your dad… You could’ve fallen off the map. Instead, you went into your craft. I wish I’d done the same.” Gratitude washes over me, clashing with the guilt. I shouldn’t be keeping secrets from this man. He’s the closest thing I’ve had to a father. But if Eddie suspects something, he doesn’t let on. “Talking to Zeke gave me a distraction from the legal headaches I’ve been dealing with.” I straighten in my seat. “So, you’re still trying to get your IP back from Wicked?” I recall the conversation we had over the summer, which was the last time we spoke on the phone. “It’s looking more and more unlikely.” He grimaces. “Fuck studios. If I was starting over today, I’d start my own label. Not an outreach program like Big Leap. A real studio with clout.” I cock a brow. “Still could.” He stares at me as if I’m joking, a slow smile splitting his face. “You know, I don’t spend much time wondering when I fucked up. But sending you away might’ve been one of those moments. I said I sent you away for you, for her. But it was for me too. I was afraid for you both.” My chest tightens at his words. Sophia babbles at Eddie’s knee, and he scoops her up. But even as she presses her face to his chest, his serious eyes are on me. “You remember Timothy,” he murmurs to his daughter. “Tire,” she repeats evenly. There’s no hesitation in it, no self-consciousness. Kids have this way of being completely honest. They don’t know how much pain the world can cause. They don’t know what will be expected of them. I envy them. “If you and Haley had met when you were starting out, do you think you two would’ve ended up together?” I ask. Eddie is quiet so long I think he’s forgotten my question as he gazes toward the house. “I would love Haley in this lifetime or the next. I’d know her if I was deaf, dumb, and blind.” His eyes crinkle at the corners. “I don’t credit the universe with much, because I’ve built everything I have. But could I have fought for us like I did if we’d met at a different time, a different place? That I don’t know.” I stare out over the pool. I think of our times here, the party Emily held for the musical, the night she brought me that guitar, a million nights in between. I wanted us then, but maybe it wasn’t our time. I want us now. The truth of that rings through me. But I can’t be honest with Eddie today, and as much as I hate that, I have to live with it. I care for him like he’s my own father. This man is the only person I’ve leaned on when it comes to my music, my future. But I care for Emily, too. Maybe it proves how much I care for her that I’m willing to risk not once, but twice what I have with him for that chance at something with her. “I will never forget what you’ve done for me,” I say at last. Eddie rubs a hand over his jaw, eyes glinting. “That sounds like an apology.” I don’t answer. He shifts out of his chair, hitching Sophia up on his hip. “You’re staying for dinner.” It’s a statement, not a question. I’ve had some big moments in my life—ones that filled me up, made me feel like more than I am. The gig at Madison Square Garden Tuesday night blows them out of the water. “That was unreal,” the bassist says, congratulating me in the wings after the show and clapping a hand on my shoulder. “You play it better than Randy.” I shake my head. “I’m sure your guitarist will be back in no time.” “Six to eight weeks to get the cast off,” the lead singer comments as he passes us. “Could be six to eight months if we get to keep you in the meantime.” I take all of it in, grateful they gave me this shot and that it worked out, but I’m looking around for a familiar face. I finally see her in the wings and take a minute to soak her in. Emily looks gorgeous in tight black jeans and an off-the-shoulder top, her dark hair waving over her shoulders, but she could be wearing a bag for all I care. I’m so glad she’s here. “You were amazing!” she gushes, throwing her arms around me. “I’m sweaty,” I warn. “You’re perfect.” The warmth in her voice cracks my chest. I pull her against me because I need that mouth. It feels like a lifetime since I’ve had it, which is crazy because it’s only been a few days. Since I got back from Dallas on Sunday, we haven’t had a chance to be alone together because of midterms and studying and the fact that either Jacob or Rica and Andie seem to be swarming our rooms every second. When I pull back, she looks dazed but recovers fast. “Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not into rock stars.” I lean in until my lips brush her ear. “Glad to be your exception.” After the show, we hang out backstage with the band and our friends, sitting around a couch and chairs in the dressing room. A bottle of champagne arrives with a card from Zeke, saying, “To the first of many.” Andie and Jacob pop it while Emily retrieves me a beer. “Since you hate champagne,” she murmurs. I love that she remembers. “But I don’t hate you. Come here.” I set the beer on the table and pull her into my lap on the couch. Andie clears her throat, and it takes me a moment to realize everyone’s watching us. “We’re gonna go find a bathroom,” Andie says. “All of us?” Jacob echoes. “Yeah, all of us.” She grabs his arm. “We’ll catch you guys outside later.” After they trail out of the room, I drop my head back against the couch. “You were unbelievable,” Emily murmurs. “It’s what I wanted for you. And it’s only the beginning.” She bends to kiss me, but I hold her away. I want to touch her and forget everything else, but… “There’s something I have to say.” “Is this about where you went on the weekend?” Emily asks, her mouth pursing. “Indirectly.” I haven’t told her I went to see her dad and Haley. It’s not exactly a secret, but I know it would raise a bunch of questions, and I don’t want to have that conversation right now or stress her out and make her think I might out her. “My dad wanted to make it as a musician. He couldn’t, and he blamed it on me. I’ve always been afraid of doing that to someone else. Of getting in so deep in a relationship I can’t get out. Living with you and your dad and Haley? It was the first family I had. But your dad handed me an exit and… I’m not gonna say he told me to take it, because it’s all on me. “I wanted to be enough for you. I’m not yet. But I won’t stop trying until I am.” Emily’s hands slide down to my shoulders. From the expression on her face, I know she sees the way I feel about her. “Timothy.” Her throat works, and her voice has me aching to pull her closer. “You were always enough for me. Even when we were friends back in Philly. I’d never met anyone like you, and I never have since. You’re kind and smart and so talented, but that’s not what I see when I look at you. I see the way you care for people and look out for them. I see your heart. You try to protect it, and I get why, but you don’t have to try so hard.” “No?” I can barely breathe, and she shakes her head. “I’ll protect it, too.” Fuck. This girl walks around trying to prove herself when just getting out of bed in the morning means she’s enough. I kiss her because I can’t not kiss this girl—this woman, the one who’s grown up under my gaze and when I wasn’t looking. “I’m going to tell my dad about the showcase,” she says, pulling back. “And send him an invitation.” “Good.” Relief washes over me. I didn’t realize just how twisted up I was about her secret until she said those words. “But first… come home with me,” I murmur against her lips. She lifts a brow. “A sleepover sounds fun.” “Wasn’t planning on sleeping.” I’ve never let myself believe I could have everything I wanted, but between her and my music, I’m so damned close.