Miscarriage

The white ceiling greeted me the moment I opened my eyes. I looked around and noticed that I was in a hospital bed. My head hurts. Even my whole body. I felt so weak.

Something flashed back. My eyes widened as I remembered what had happened. I hurriedly touched my tummy. I was frozen. I couldn't feel anything.

My tears started to fall. My hand started to tremble.

"M-My baby .... No ..." I kept on touching my stomach. Trying to feel the life inside me. But nothing. I couldn't feel anything.

I heard the door open. I turned my head there. I saw my mom holding a cup of coffee. Her eyes widened and ran towards me, panicking.

"Oh! God! You are finally awake!" My Mom said with a tear in her eyes. She looked so worried.

"Ma ... W- Where's my baby? Why can't I feel it inside me?"

He stopped at my question. She held my hand and squeezed it lightly. "Denima. I'm sorry."

My world seemed to crumble at what she said.

"No! Don't look at me like that, Ma. No! My baby. Isn't my baby still alive? Ma!"

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry." Mom cried. I was already crying out loud. The pity on Mama's face made me cry the most. The way she looked at me said it all. She was saying sorry for my loss.

My baby was gone.

I started to become hysterical.

"Calm down, Denima. Please. It will make your condition worse."

I ignored what she said. I couldn't stop crying. I kept on thinking about why I didn't die too. It would be better if we just die together. Why am I even alive?

The doctor and nurses were suddenly rushing inside the room. They restrained me. Until I felt something injected into me. They injected something into me. And the next thing I know I already fell into slumber.

***

The next day came. I was already awake. But this time, I was so quiet. I shut myself out from everyone. I felt so empty.

They tried to talk to me. But I did not answer any of them. I was just dazing all the time.

They were all worried but I didn't have the heart to care. I just didn't care anymore.

The doctor said that I was fine. I didn't have any serious injury and I could go home anytime.

"What do you want to eat? We will buy anything. Just tell me what you want," My dad said while smiling at me. I was not happy.

I glanced at him and his smile faded right away. "I want to be alone. Can you all go out?" I said coldly.

My Mom was on the couch with my brothers and they were all looking at me with a worried expression and at the same time a pity expression. I hated it.

I heard Dad sigh. "Okay. We'll go back tomorrow," he said before walking out the door. My mom and my brother followed after him

I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. The room was very quiet. The silence was deafening but I preferred it that way.

My mind suddenly flew to Nicholai. I smiled bitterly. While I was here at the hospital I never once saw Nicholai visit. I will be discharged tomorrow. But he had no intention of showing his face to me. Did he even care that I was in an accident?

I was startled when the door suddenly opened. I looked at it and the person I was thinking of was in front of me now.

Nicholai was in front of me while looking at me coldly.

"The doctor said that you can be discharged," he said right away when he got beside me.

He didn’t even greet me if I was okay. What could I expect from someone like Nicholai? He looked at me like he didn't even care what I was going through.

"I've been here for three days, just now you showed up and that's all you're going to say? You don't really care about what happened to me?"

"Cut the bullshit, Denima. Aren't you happy now? The baby is dead. That's what you really want, right? You get rid of my baby so you can get rid of me!" he said in gritted teeth.

"W-What did you say?" I was flabbergasted. I just couldn't believe what I just heard coming from him.

"You think I didn't know that you planned it all along? How could you kill my baby just for you to get back with your fucking ex!" he shouted.

"Are you insane? It's not just your baby! It's mine too! And what are you saying? Plan? What the fuck are you talking about ?!" I answered him back with rage.

I was confused. I didn’t know what he was saying. Plan to get rid of the baby so I could get rid of him too? He was insane! I was not thinking of any of that.

"Quit acting like an innocent woman because you are not. I didn't know that you were that desperate. You are already busted! Stop pretending now. We are the only people in this room," he kept on pressing.

Why was he insisting that I plan everything? Was Nicholai crazy already? Where did he even get that idea? How could he even say that so easily as if I never cared for our baby?

Did he just come here to accuse me of something I didn't do? I love my baby more than anything else. Even though I know it was the result of a mistake. I didn’t let my baby feel like he or she was a mistake. I even married him for the sake of my baby then it was easy for him to say that I planned to have an accident and get a miscarriage? What the fuck was wrong with Nicholai?

I massaged my temple when it suddenly ached with pain. It still had a bandage because the broken glass hit my head. Thank God I didn't have internal bleeding.

I looked at Nicholai and sighed. I looked at him tiredly. I was still mourning for my baby. I know it was my fault that my baby died. I was so reckless. I didn't take care of myself. But it was too much hearing from him that I planned it. Because God knew that I didn't.

"Stop it! You're not the only one who lost the baby, Nic! Me too! It's my baby."

"Shut up! I won't fall again to your lies!" he shouted at the same time throwing some papers in my face. My eyes widened when I saw and read what it was.

It was an annulment paper.

I looked at him with a confused expression. What was this? Why was there an annulment paper saying I wanted to annul my marriage with Nicholai? I didn't ask for this!

I winced when he suddenly grabbed my jaw. He stared at me with so much hate and rage. "If you think killing my baby will make me sign that fucking annulment paper and set you free, you are fucking wrong," he said and then let go of me. He picked the annulment paper and tore it in front of me. "You can never escape from me. Never."