Visiting Denierys

Wearing a yellow sundress and a fitflop, I sashayed towards the lobby. Nicholai and I talked last night about visiting our baby’s grave.

I told him that we would just meet at The Lobby at eight in the morning to eat breakfast first. We will go to the cemetery together in his car. I forgot that I didn’t bring my car, so I agreed last night that we would just use his car.

I immediately spotted Nicholai sitting at the two-seater table. He was wearing a black polo and jeans. His polo sleeve was folded, and the two buttons on the front were also open.

Nicholai immediately stood up when he saw me approaching him. He pulled the chair for me to sit on when I arrived at his table.

“Thanks. Have you been waiting long? ” I asked as he sat back in his chair. He was sitting across from me.

"Not that long," he answered.

We both ordered. I ordered Eggs Benedict, which included smoked salmon, poached egg, and hollandaise sauce on an English muffin. Nicholai also ordered the same. I smiled. I knew he would. It was our favorite dish.

"How are you?" he suddenly asked when the waiter left.

“I’m good. You? How are you?"

I tried to feel if I still felt angry with him. I didn’t feel angry. I am not really the kind of person who would hold grudges. It was wrong to resent people. It was not good in the heart. I would instead forgive that person and move on from the past. I knew he made a lot of mistakes back then. But it was all in the past. It was not good to judge a person because of his past. I believe that people change. We could no longer change the past, but we could still change what we wanted to be in the present and the future. There is still hope for someone to change. And it’s up to him if he wants to change.

From what I see now, Nicholai has changed a lot. Everyone noticed it. Not just me but also those who knew him.

Somewhat, I was not uncomfortable with him close to me right now. I guess drinking with him last night helped a bit. I just drank two shots of drinks last night beside him and went back to my room to rest. It's a good thing that I actually left because Nicholai’s rowdy friends went to the bar counter and teased him.

"Never been better." He smiled. "Are you really fine if we will just use my car?" he asked, sounding worried.

“Yes. Why are you worried? ” I chuckled.

"I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

I smiled at him. "It's okay. No need to worry,” I assured him.

Our order also arrived immediately. We ate in silence, but I could feel that Nicholai kept on glancing at me. I just didn’t mind it and continued eating.

***

We were already on our way to the cemetery. The whole ride was so quiet. I noticed again that Nicholai kept on glancing at me again.

I turned to him and raised an eyebrow at him. “Why do you keep on glancing at me? Do you want to say something? ”

He was caught off guard. He rubbed his free hand on the back of his neck while his other hand was on the steering wheel, driving.

“I don’t want to regret not telling you this. I just want to say that you look so beautiful today.”

"Just now? I am beautiful every day, Nicholai. ”

I heard him chuckling a bit before he glanced at me and smiled. “Right. I miss this kind of Denima. I’m happy that the old Denima is back. ”

I couldn’t help but feel touched. I’m also glad. Glad that I’m finally back.

We stopped at a flower shop to buy flowers. Nicholai picked a pink tulip. I then remembered the man leaving a tulip outside the door of my apartment in Canada.

I looked at him while he was holding it, contemplating whether I should ask if he was the one who put flowers in front of my door every morning.

I shook the thoughts off my head. It was really impossible. He didn’t know where I was. Didn’t he?

In the end, I didn’t do it. We got back in his car and headed to the cemetery.

A few minutes later, we arrived immediately. Nicholai went out first and then turned towards my door and opened it. I thanked him, and we both walked towards our baby’s tomb.

When we arrived, I noticed it was very clean. It was apparent that it was well maintained.

“I hired someone to clean it every week,” Nicholai said, which answered my thoughts.

"Thank you," I said and knelt on the bermudagrass and lit a candle.

Nicholai also kneeled beside me and put the tulip on the tomb.

I closed my eyes and talked to my baby in silence. It has also been two years since I last visited her grave. I knew she was happy where she was right now. I knew she was because she knew that Nicholai and I were doing fine.

They all said that everything happened for a reason. Maybe God had a reason why He took our baby. Perhaps he had a plan for me. For us. And I know it would be for the better.

He might hurt us, but I know something big will happen to us. And I couldn’t wait for that to happen.

Nicholai and I just stayed silent. I didn’t notice that we had been sitting on the bermudagrass for some time now. I glanced at my wristwatch and saw that it had been thirty minutes.

I got up and fixed my clothes. Nicholai also stood up and rubbed his pants.

“Let’s go?” I told him. He just nodded, so I walked ahead.

"I'll take you home," he volunteered when we got in the car.

“Okay. Just take me to my old condo. I’m staying there in the meantime. ”

"Okay," he replied. He started the engine when his phone on the dashboard suddenly rang. “Sorry. Would you mind? I need to take this call. ”

"Go ahead."

“Hello. Is there a problem?”

I was just looking outside while Nicholai was talking on his phone.

A part of me thought who it was, but I tried to shrug it off. I didn’t have the right to know.

I heard him sigh and said okay before he finally dropped the call.

“I’m sorry. Would it be fine for you if we stop over somewhere for a bit before I take you home? It’s somewhat important, and they really need me there right now. It will not take that long. I promise.” He looked worried.

It was still early, so I guess it was fine.

“Sure. It's still early.”

"Thank you!" He looked so relieved because of what I said. He started the engine and then drove the car to where he needed to be.

It took us thirty minutes before his car stopped in front of the gated property. Nicholai lowered the car’s window, and the guard immediately opened the gate when he saw him.

A spacious garden and two-story building welcomed my sight when we entered the gate.

As my eye wandered, my eye caught the name of the place where we stopped.

My eyes widened when I read it. I immediately turned to Nicholai. He was smiling shyly at me while I, on the other hand, was confused.

"Welcome to Denierys' Refuge."