13

"Disgusting." The woman sneered as she glared at a young Alaricas.

I watched with sorrow, I wanted to help him, to protect him, but I couldn't. All I could do is watch his flashback play through.

Alaricas didn't look at his so called mother, he continued looking down. She clenched her jaw and slapped him across the face.

"Look at me you piece of shit!" She snarled.

He was shaking as he slowly looked up at her. I watched as even more anger shined in her eyes.

"A strong alpha doesn't shake!" She sneered.

"I-I'm sorry, Luna." Alaricas replied, able to hold a steady tone.

She nodded, "Good. Now, go and fight Simon. If you lose, you don't get any dinner and your father will beat you. Got it?"

"Yes, Luna."

"Now, get out of my sight. I'm already on the brink of puking."

Alaricas quickly left the room as it faded into darkness.

I thought I would wake up, but the darkness suddenly turned to light. I frowned as I watched a teen Alaricas walk on to the training grounds. He growled at passing warriors before standing beside his father.

His eyes were cold and empty, his stance was intimidating and his whole being demanded attention.

I bit back a growl as I saw girls stare at him with just, but he ignored them.

"You know what to do." His father growled.

Alaricas nodded and walked over to a man. He looked at him with sorrow.

"Alaricas, don't do this. Please." The man pleaded.

A flash of pain ran across his eyes before they were emotionless again. He clenched his jaw and gently grabbed he man's head.

"I'm sorry, uncle." He whispered in a broken voice. Low enough for only the man to hear.

The man offered a smile, "I understand."

Without further hesitation, Alaricas snapped the man's neck. He then turned around and nodded at his father.

"Good. You're learning fast, Alaricas. There's no room for love in an alpha's heart." His father said.

I woke up to see Alaricas sitting against the headboard, his eyes were wet with unshed tears. I frowned at him, just by the pain in his eyes when he killed his uncle, I knew he and his uncle were close. I silently wondered why his father forced him to kill him. It didn't make sense.

"You can ask me." He whispered.

I frowned, "What?"

"You can ask me about that man. My uncle."

I didn't want to ask him, knowing it would only cause more pain, but I couldn't keep the question from escaping my mouth.

"Were you two close?"

He smiled sadly, "We were. He was like a father to me, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't know what love is. He was always there for me whenever my parents hit me. He would take me to his wife and have her heal me."

"She didn't blame me for killing him, she knew I didn't have a choice. It was either his life or...."

He choked on his words and quickly looked down. I gently grabbed his hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"You can tell me." I whispered.

He took a shaky breath.

"Or the pack's."

"Why would your father threaten his whole pack?" I asked, bewildered.

Alaricas sighed, "He knew I loved the pack and he also knew how close I was to my uncle. He didn't want me to have any love, he wanted everyone to fear me. He wanted me to be a cruel alpha, one who's feared by everyone."

He let out a bemused laugh, "The bastard didn't know what was coming."

He sat there and stared at the wall, his eyes held sorrow. Alaricas shook his head and released a breath.

"He also wanted to hurt me....killing the only father figure in my life....did that."

I frowned, I felt horrible for him, but I also felt extremely guilty. He had tried telling me all of this when we first met, but I didn't want to hear it. I just continued tell him that he was a pathetic man, and an even sadder Alpha.

I cupped his face and made him look at me, his face was showing how vulnerable he really is. He tried looking away, but I wouldn't let him go. I gently stroked his cheek, I could feel a tear fall from my eye, but I didn't care.

"You tried telling me this before..." I murmured.

He swallowed, "I know."

"And I didn't listen."

"It's not your fault."

I smiled sadly, "It is. I should have at least tried to get to know you. Maybe that would have made it easier for you to tell me about the curse."

"I would of still had trouble telling you. I didn't know how to explain it." He whispered.

I sighed and dropped my hands to my side, I then hugged him. He nuzzled his face into my neck and planted a soft kiss there. I didn't say anything, I just continued hugging him.

"I know you don't love me, but...do you think you eventually will?" He whispered.

I frowned and pulled away from him, his eyes shined with fear. I smiled softly at him.

"I think I will." I replied.

I already want to kiss you. I'm just scared.

We laid together in silence, both of us in our own thoughts. I thought over those few months that I spent living here with him. The beatings were the same every day, maybe some lasted longer than others, but that was the only difference.

During the nights though, he was sweet and loving. He would apologize over and over again, telling me that he wished he could tell me why he abused me. He would tell me that he hated what he was doing. I knew he hated himself those nights and I can tell he still hates himself.

I just didn't know how to escape the fear, I guess it's good news that I can now sleep beside him without any nightmares. But I wanted to be able to kiss him and work on loving him. As of right now, I have no idea what I feel for him.

My wolf has been silent throughout my whole time here and didn't give me any guidance. I was clueless as to what to do with him.

He has his owns fears to work out, his own demons that haunt him. My demons were weak, made up of nightmares from our past together, but they were slowly dying.

I've always handled things pretty well, this PTSD isn't stopping me from being me. All it's doing, is stopping me from loving Alaricas.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked.

I raised an eyebrow at him and chuckled. I turned onto my side to stare at him.

"I was thinking of the past." I whispered.

He didn't have to ask me, he already knew what part of the past I was thinking of. He pursed his lips.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "For hurting you."

I smiled softly at him, "I know you are, it wasn't your fault. You had no control."

"I tried showing you the real me." He frowned.

I sighed, I scooted closer and laid my head on his chest.

"I know, and I'm sorry for not giving you the chance to explain everything. I assumed the worst."

"I can't blame you, you just did what you did to keep yourself safe." He sighed.

"I'm a monster."

I frowned at him before smiling. "Well, yeah you are, I mean, we are werewolves. So, you are technically a monster."

He chuckled, "Thank you, for that lovely advice. Really helped me."

"You're welcome." I beamed.

He rolled his eyes at me, a laugh escaped his lips. I grinned, I'm never going to get used to that. His laugh was music to my ears, I never wanted to hear it stop.

He finally calmed down enough to study me. He lifted his hand and stroked my cheek, he then cupped it. I smiled while leaning into his touch, somehow finding comfort in the very hands that hurt me not so long ago.

"I hope you can find a way to love me, Jolene. Because I love you more than anything and I promise to make it right with you." He whispered before kissing me on the forehead.