Fifty

~Valdus~

I couldn't breathe.

I was having a panic attack and it hurts. My hands were shaking and I would look at them as I leaned against the tree.

My hands were red, blood was covering them and I looked at my chest and I saw all these damn bandages covering me. I sat down and placed my face in my hands and tried to breathe at a normal rate but I can't. I gripped the grass and stared at the green grass. My eyes were slightly wide and my breathing was to heavy. I was panting and I couldn't seem to get enough air in my lungs.

It hurts.

But screw my pain. How can I think this pain hurts when my mate is in there by herself. I sat down and ran a hand through my hair as I tried to breathe as much as I can. I looked up to the sky and watched the grey sky as dark clouds started to come and cover the sky.

My body was sore and aching. But I kept comparing my pain to hers. Nothing can top hers. I growled in frustration and laid down. I stared at how fast the clouds were moving.

What the hell are you doing?!

Clearly trying to figure out what I'm doing.

Valdus! Out mate is dying and is afraid of us and now you want to lay here and think what's going on?! Trying to figure out what's wrong?!

Clearly.

Valdus!

What?!

Go to her damn it!

I did and look what happened! She was afraid!-

Maybe because you fûckin ripped out our dead pup from her, teared her fûckin stomach apart! For what?! For what exactly what?! To show how hurt you were?! Don't you think she was hurt too!

Of course I know she was hurt-

Then why the hell are you fûckin laying on the fûckin ground and watching fûckin clouds move around the fûckin sky?!

I didn't answer. I looked at the sky and then sat up and looked behind me where the pack house was but far away from my view. I pushed myself up and started to run back to her.

I need to stop running back and forth. I shifted because i didn't care about my wounds. I sprinted as fast as I could, and I busted through the door again. I shifted in the halls and ran towards the door. The door was locked but it didn't stop me from breaking it down.

I was breathing hard but I still ran towards her, but nurses were covering her from me. When I was close I could smell blood and my heart started to beat even faster. When I finally saw her, it weaken my knees and knocked out my air.

More nurses came rushing in, helping to hold the blood from her stomach while others tried to sewn it together but the beeping sound was ringing in my head. It wasn't the normal one, it was the one that stayed in one single strand and made the loud noise.

I grabbed the bed sheet and I stared at her face. It was pale as her mouth was slightly parted. Her eyes were closed but I wanted to see her eyes. I wanted to see her soft pink cheeks glow. I wanted her lips move with words she says to me. I looked to her chest and didn't move. I wanted it to move with her strong inhales and exhales. I looked back to her face and growled with tears rimming my eyes. "No. Not you too. Please not you too." I looked to the nurses and I see on running towards her with the thing to bring her back to life. What ever it is, but you place on her chest and she jumps.

When she came close I grabbed it hard from her and pushed some nurses out of the way. I looked back at the heart monitor and it still stayed in the straight line and my hands turned clammy and I quickly rubbed the things together and placed it hard on her chest. Her torso lifted and see that single sound was still ringing in my ears.

I did it again and the same thing happen. Over and over I kept going and still nothing. Tears were already falling down my face and I couldn't breathe. My hands would slam down on her chest hard and still nothing. I let out a fast sob and slammed even harder. Her back lifted off the bed and then slam down. I looked behind me and I see the nurses staring at me with tears rolling down their cheek, looking terrified.

"You can't leave me! You can't leave me too mate! Please!" I kept doing it again and again and I growled in frustration when the same noise went off. I went close to her and plugged her nose and breathed in her mouth. I pulled back and pushed down on her chest three times and repeated it again.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I cried loud and I did one thing that came in mind. I slammed my feet as hard as I can ever can. My hand throbbed as it hit against her chest and my eyes grew wide wide when a slight change of the sound went off. I looked at the machine that was sounding off her heart and it was two small beats and then it went back to being a small line.

"No, I'm not losing you!" I did it again and it hurt so much. I know I'm hurting her even more but I need her heart to beat again. I know I might break a bone in her chest if I can't control how hard I'm going, but I am not going to lose my mate.

I am not going to be miserable like my father was. I don't want to repeat my past. I plugged her nose again and breathed in her mouth again and then used the Celtic shock thing in her and I would get tiny small beats and that told me not to give up.

I kept going even though no of these nurses were helping. Small beats were my motivation. I kept going and this time I had gotten three beats.

I wiped away my tears and slammed my fist down hard again. Nothing this time.

I growled in frustration and slammed my fist again and again but the noise stayed the same now.

Please don't leave me mate.