Holding On

Chapter 46

Blaine De Lombardi's POV

"Are you just going to let her speak to me that way?" Mirabel said without thinking. She gave me a hopeful expression as if I was going to save her from this embarrassing predicament. I didn't reply because it would be a waste of words. It's within Lucia's control.

"Go now, Mirabel," she said. Though it's quiet, her tone is decisive.

Mirabel retreats. I almost felt sorry for her because of how devotedly her eyes looked into mine. But I ignored her. She is nothing more than an annoyance, a blot on my history that constantly jeopardizes my future with the one person who counts.

Lucia shows her parents around the house by holding their hands after she exits the room. Claire followed her cheerfully, but I could sense Steve scowling at me.

Whenever I feel like Lucia and I are making progress, something always seems to throw us off. I find myself wondering what our lives would be like if Ronaldo and Dorothy Matteo's past were not a burden on us. Had our wolves gained control on the marking night, would Mirabel and I be mated right now?

I almost passed out at the thought of having to go without Lucia in my life. It's a wonder I survived this long without her, but the effects are already felt.

My hair looks fuller, and there are no longer any shadows under my eyes when I look in the mirror. When I began to distance myself from Lucia, they appeared on my face, and once she departed for Italy, they remained there forever.

The way that nature portrays our relationship with our bodies is strange. I'm not needed by Lucia. When she was in Italy, her beauty was unmatched. She had fun, made friends, and met new people.

I simply let myself drown. After fulfilling my responsibilities as an alpha, I would just pursue the closest gratification available at that particular moment. Then, at night, I would gaze at all the photos Greg had sent me of Lucia on the screen of my phone.

She never needed my help in the same manner that I did.

I hear the Lorenzos laughing from upstairs. For a little instant, I imagine what it might be like to have a true family. Although it is impolite to state this, the truth is that my father never gave me a sense of belonging to a family. He didn't notice my suffering because he was too preoccupied with his own.

I can't resist the impulse to see my father, so I figure it's better to let Lucia and her parents talk about me in private.

The walk to his residence is not too long. After I moved out, he moved out of my boyhood home, which now stands by the lake like a ghost from our past. Sometimes it's difficult to pass by it because I swear I can hear her laughing.

My dad's current residence is more like a cottage. When I arrived at the property, he was in his garden, where he spends most of his time.

"The garden is looking better," I said to him. Despite not having much of a green thumb, my dad is passionate about his pastime.

He fills me in by saying, "Sure does; Lucia was helping me with it the other day." I didn't quite understand what he said. I was unaware that Lucia visited him.

"So you're going to continue this garden even though it's burning you out?"

To put it nicely, it's a garden. It resembles a rainforest that hasn't had any rain in a long time. With a sigh, my father let go of the small shovel he was fiddling with. He rises to his full height, matching my stature.

"Your mom and I talked about having a garden once we retired from our alpha duties, so I want to keep doing it," he said.

"Granted, we always envisioned it being at the old house, but it's too painful to go back there," he continued.

"Yes," I replied to him.

"I hope you are treating your mate well, Blaine."

"I'm trying, but it's like every time something goes right, another thing has to go wrong."

"I'm assuming Mirabel is the thing that is between you two."

I gave a nod.

He murmurs, "Never liked her very much." I hold back the temptation to scoff. It's not that he disliked her for who she was, my friend; it's more about what she wasn't.

"Are you understanding it now? Opting out of the goddess' request yields no benefits. We are gifted with partners, and even if it takes a century to fall in love, you will eventually do so since that is the whole damn idea."

He moves in my direction.

His voice grows gloomy. "Don't ruin the one thing that can save you."

"I don't need saving."

"I'm your father; the alpha act won't work on me."

Being an alpha has one drawback: it never truly ends. I am around my family, so I can't just magically take off my armor and expose myself. It's a tragic fact that alphas have given in far too often. Those who have let go of everything that weakens them are usually the best alphas.

My one weakness is that I'm too strong to back down, too lovely to hide, and too hard to let go. It's horrifying.

My dad responded, as if he could hear my thoughts, "You cannot smother her."

"I'm not."

He laughed.

"Every alpha makes the same error. It is a powerful impulse to lock your partner up so you can be sure they won't hurt them, but doing so will only lead to issues."

I began to wonder if he attempted this on my mother. My mother would never be able to retreat within herself in the face of difficulty.

And it took her life.

It feels like this visit is ending as my chest gets constricted.

"I should head back."

I headed back home after he gave me a quick embrace.

I smell my partner's unhappiness as soon as I open the door. Her hands are grasping the strong wooden railing as she stands out on the deck. Her hair is softly carried by the breeze, giving the impression that Mother Nature is aware of her value. My wolf lets out a whine, sensing her feelings.

My hand reaches the small of her back as I approach her. I know she needs words, but I still try to console her with my touch. I lack words, words I am unable to utter because I will never again devote myself to anyone.

We remain like that for a brief instant. She still has a statue-like figure, and I want to tell her nothing at all.

"I can't do this."

She whispers the words so gently that I nearly believe I'm dreaming. Though it pains me to think of letting her leave, I know it would be in her best interest, so I knew this day would come.

"Why?"

You ask?

I understand I'm a lousy friend. I'll never be able to give her the kind of affection she could simply get from another guy since my heart is walled off. I have too much baggage with me.

"I'm tired of living in her shadow. It's excessive. Since she's the talkative and gregarious one and I'm just me, I've already been set aside for the rest of my life. Blaine, I'd like to start first."

Her speech sounded strained, as though it were all she could do to voice her concerns.

I look at her intently. Bewildered. I never thought she would pick this as the cause out of all of them. Even if she is flawless at this moment, she fears living in her sister's shadow.

As she turns to leave, I hold onto her wrist.

"Look at me."

She looks insecurely into my eyes, and it makes me feel so bad on the inside since this is a woman who has always been confident in herself.

I took her in my arms and held her face.

"Lucia, how could you survive in her shadow? You are my sun, so it isn't possible."

Her eyes brighten, and I can feel her heart quickened.