Confession and Regrets

Chapter 54

Blaine De Lombardi's POV

It feels like in the last three years, I haven't taken a single day off. Therefore, the worst kind of suffering is having to wait for Lucia to enter through the front door as the clock strikes twelve.

I've already cleaned the entire house. I even made a ton of food so she would have plenty when she got home. At this point, the only thing left to do is wait.

My friend Lucia, where are you?

You seem to have had separation anxiety as a wolf.

Those words really capture who you are.

I wonder if everyone has a wolf this intelligent.

I recline against the couch in an attempt to relax. The comfortable couch does nothing to quell my impatience, so I fiddle with my rings.

I received the Onyx one as a present from Johnson. The silver necklace was made from one of my mother's necklaces. It's a soothing motion. Every cycle helps me get rid of whatever's on my mind, like my partner's absence or today's lack of productivity.

Finally! Lucia appears fierce as she enters the room dressed with work clothes. Her inner conflict is evident in the look in her eyes, but I want to take her right up against the wall.

Her hair is pulled back into a messy, low bun. Although she gives off the impression that she is ready to take on the world, I can see the fatigue on her shoulders and the worry in her eyes. Right now, I'm quite vigilant. Was she mistreated by a member of the pack? I immediately brush the thought aside because Lucia only gets angry when she is pushed. She can handle herself fairly well.

I carefully got up from the couch and came over to her. Her index finger hooks into her heel as she takes it off. She makes the same motion with her second foot.

I draw her in and put my arms around her waist.

"What's wrong, little wolf?"

Her fingers clench against my chest as she slips from my grasp.

I see her walk into the kitchen and reach into the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water. Rather than twist off the cap and take a long swallow, she holds it in her hand like a safety net.

"Lucy?"

She gazes at the water bottle nonstop, as though it holds the key to everything. I try not to get angry, but I can't help myself. She won't even give me a look.

Lucia De Lombardi yelled, "Don't call me that!"

I grew cold. Her voice has a high pitch. I can feel her anger, but right now, the main feeling I'm picking up from her is perplexity.

"You are my mate," I said to her.

"So you think you own me?"

I don't know what to say; her mood has caught me completely off guard. I had the impression that we were getting along well this morning.

Is this about her blanket? Apart from saying that everything looked amazing, what else could I say?

"Lucia, I am yours, and you are mine. It is mutually beneficial.I finally blurted out.

Her hands shift from the bottle to the marble countertop.

"Perhaps I don't want to be yours," she said.

What the fuck is wrong, Lucia? You won't even try to tell me where your behaviors are coming from!"

She answered almost right away, as if she's been practicing.

"My problem stems from you! You portray us as a cute, endearing couple, but that's not who we are. When you were near death, I realized how little I knew about you! You never brought up your mother or my sister, and you never gave me an explanation for sending me away. It seems like there are issues that require attention all the time. Since I've been gone for the past three years, I've not even been aware of your actions."

I paused at what she said, and then I laughed. I laugh hysterically at her unfounded complaints.

"Lucia, I know exactly who you are," I said to her. Eventually she turns to face me, so I suppose my voice must have come across as angry.

I know what you like to eat, so I make sure the house is stocked with the foods you like to eat. I know you're grumpy before you've had coffee, so I prepare it for you every single morning. I've known exactly what you've been doing for the previous three years since I put in the effort to learn."

"You had Greg spying on me!"

And you couldn't do the same? Rose and Valerie could have easily kept you informed about my life if you had ever shown any interest in it."

I continued because she is silent.

I took the time to find out what kind of home you wanted, even though I knew that our relationship would not last. I don't know why I did it at the time; maybe it was just my want to make a place you would be proud to call home because I knew you would never do it for me. I know you never really hated your sister, even if she was a cruel person. I am aware that you can't get a good night's sleep without a blanket. I know you want a tattoo, even if you're worried you won't like it in a few years. I know you love the lake, but you've always wanted to be closer to the ocean. I am aware that you hope to see the world at some point. Lucia, I know who you are! I fucked you, therefore I know you."

She gives a gasp.

"I often ask you to bring your family here because I know how important they are to you, but you don't always do it. Instead, you go to their house without ever asking me to come. And Lucia, did it occur to you to just ask me all the questions you have?"

I swoop in closer as she no longer looks at me.

I grip the bun at the nape of her neck and pull her head up.

"I am aware that I am not the romantic partner you had in mind. I know you never wanted to be insane. I know you've hated me for a long time, but I've been trying to be better for you even though I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. I know I'm not perfect, Lucia, but I'm trying to improve. It's challenging because occasionally I think I'm the only one attempting to advance."

"That is untrue," she remarked.

Is it not? I already appear to you as this villain in your thoughts. Everything I do is tainted since you're still tied to me from a former relationship! I keep telling you that my feelings for you are significantly stronger than my feelings for your sister Mirabel, but you don't believe me."

"You sent me to another country!"

"You also thrived there. You were able to step out of your sister's shadow, focus on your medical courses, gain more training, and make many friends."

"You didn't give me a choice."

This time, I laughed right in her face.

With a surprisingly melancholic "You didn't argue with me, Lucia," I said.

It was a trying period for me. I can still clearly remember telling her I was sending her to Italy. Even though she appeared to be crying, she didn't seem to be fighting. I do know for sure that Lucia Lorenzo never does anything that she does not want to. I remember standing there ready for her to strike back. She was about to scream at me and call me names, but she looked somewhat relieved, as if it would be easier for her to be around me if she was in Italy. Is that not absurd? I was ready to change my mind. Screw the illusion, I told myself; I would make sure she never got hurt, that she would never lie lifeless in my arms.

So when she just quietly exited the room, I was let down.

"You make it seem like I never wanted you, but don't fool yourself and pretend you wanted me."

"I did!"

"If you stayed here, in Lake Tahoe, would you have loved me?"

She steps back, and I take a step toward her.

"Have you stolen my manhood each night? Maybe if you had been my Luna. Have you consented to cohabit? Could I savage you with my fangs and claim you as my own forever?

Her lips open to say something, but nothing comes out.

"Tell me."

She closes her eyes.

"No."

"Look me in the eyes and say it."

"No." "Tell me why."

Even though I already know the answers, maybe hearing them straight from her will make me stop worrying so much about her. Maybe you won't want to spend all of your time with her.

"Because I hated you," she mumbles.

"Why?"

"I'm not able to," she sobs.

"Say it!"

"Because you were present when she did! I had already lived my entire life in her shadow, so even with my partner, I didn't want to be there again."

"And?"

"You were mean to me when we were little."

"I watched my mom be ripped apart; I'm sorry if I acted out when I was ten years old."

She winces.

"What else?"

"I didn't want to be Luna; I had dreams." I didn't think well of you. You were haughty and arrogant. I didn't want to fall in love with you right away, and I didn't want a partner."

Her hand immediately moved to her mouth after saying those words.

A sad smile spreads across my face. Strangely, the way her comments were hurting me in the chest was because I knew most of these reasons. Still, though, I feel like she broke my heart.

"It's good to know you never wanted me," I remarked before moving for the door.

"Blaine, please wait!"

I've already departed.