Chapter 11
I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I entered my apartment the next day. I honestly couldn't remember being this happy and it felt so unusual yet satisfying.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Nate roared from the living room with his phone in hand and I frowned at his tone.
"I thought I made it clear when I said I was going on a date,"
"You should have been back instead of staying the night like a whore," he snapped, making me gasp. I walked closer towards him in shock, hurt evident on my face, "Crap, I didn't mean it---" his words were cut off as my palm connected with his cheek.
"Go to hell, asshole." I stomped off to my room, feeling like shit. My mood was completely ruined by him. How could he even say such a thing? I tried to control myself from breaking into tears and lay on my bed when I heard the loud ringing of my phone. I pulled it out from my purse to see my mom's name.
"Hey Mom," I cleared my throat and answered, trying to sound cheerful.
"Okay, what's wrong?"
Fuck, how does she do that always?
"Why do you always assume something is wrong?"
"Because I know my baby's voice. Now, spill it. Did that jerk hurt you again?" she asked in an angry voice and I sighed in response. She knew all about what happened with Nate but I didn't tell her about Xavier yet.
"It's complicated, mom. I didn't tell you but there is this guy, Xavier," I started and told her about him and Hannah while she listened patiently.
"Damn, already?" she joked and I groaned in response.
"Mom!" I whined and she just chuckled in response.
"No judgments, baby but sleeping with a guy on the first date despite knowing how things ended with Nate kinda feels like you are acting on an impulse," she stated and I fell silent, "Are you sure he is not a rebound?"
"No, I've had this insane attraction towards him from the beginning but I didn't act upon him assuming he was married as he had a kid. Then I came to know he was a single parent and one thing led to another, you get it right," I rushed out.
"Yeah, baby. God, I miss my twenties," she sighed, making my eyes go wide.
"Ewww, mom. Focus,"
"Alright, just be careful of what you want, baby. Are you sure you are over Nate?"
"Well, I certainly don't feel excited to see him. Does that count?"
"Oh it does," she chuckled and I smiled, realizing how much I missed talking to her in person.
"I feel guilty for not feeling guilt mom. I mean, all these years I have been head over heels in love with Nate and now just like that, I feel attracted to another man. Does that mean I didn't love Nate?"
God, why did feelings have to be so complicated?
"You have been in love with the idea of Nate, sweetheart and he just didn't turn out to be the guy of your dreams,"
Woah, I felt like someone hit me with a brick to knock some sense into me.
"You know what, I think you are right," I replied, still trying to process what she said.
"I'm always right. Now tell me, who was better?"
"Oh god, not this,"
"Come on, I'm curious." I could imagine her getting all excited and remembered the time when I told her about my first kiss.
"You do realize you are my mom right?" I chuckled in response.
"Eh, whatever. Now tell me,"
"Ummmm...definitely, Xavier." I blushed at the memory of last night and shook my head to get rid of my inappropriate thoughts.
"Yayyyy! Hot dad for the win," she whistled, making me laugh.
God, I missed her so damn much.
"I miss you, mom," I said in a soft voice, tears brimming to my eyelids.
"I miss you too, baby. Do you want me to come and visit?"
"No, mom. I'll be coming home soon, maybe next week,"
"Okay, now don't worry about anything and just go with the flow but trust your gut, it's always right."
"Okay, love you so much," I smiled, feeling much better than before.
"Love you too, baby." I cut the call and decided to take a nap as I didn't get much last night.
And just like that, my thoughts were filled with Xavier and I drifted to sleep peacefully.
When I woke up, it was almost 7 in the evening. Damn, I almost slept through the entire day. I reached for my phone and saw a message from Xavier.
'I know we said to keep things casual but I just can't stop thinking about you, gorgeous.'
I broke into a huge grin and squealed in excitement. He was being so damn sweet but I remembered my mom's words to be careful before I get serious with him. I was still curious about Hannah's mother and wasn't sure if I could ask him because we were keeping things 'causal'. I sent him a reply saying that we could hang out tomorrow with Hannah and went outside to make dinner.
"Becca, I'm so sorry." Nate jumped from the couch when he saw me enter the kitchen.
Silence.
"Talk to me,"
Silence
"I was just pissed off, Becca," he muttered and I looked up at him.
"You know what, Nate. I have seen you sleep around, all through high school and college. It's funny you called me a whore. If anything you are the manwhore, you hypocrite," I spat at him and he was taken aback by my response.
"I know. I'm so sorry, I was just worried and angry that you didn't call me to at least inform me."
"It slipped my mind,"
"And I hate that you are forgetting about me. I feel like I'm losing my best friend,"
"I had been feeling like that for the past five years when you always kept choosing random girls instead of me, just to get laid." I blurted out of frustration and his eyes went wide.
"What?"
Crap, I think I said too much.
"Nothing," I mumbled, hoping he would let it go but he shook his head and came closer towards me.
"No, I don't understand. You never complained when I hung out with other girls."
Oh, fuck it!
"You want me to spell it out to you? Fine, I had this huge crush on you ever since high school and I thought I was in love with you at some point but I was wrong, Nate. I don't love you, I just thought I did." I let it out, tears flowing down my cheeks, not because I was embarrassed to confess my feelings infront of him but how much I hurt myself all these years, waiting for him.
He stood there in shock, not moving and I tried to read his blank face. It was about time that I got it off my chest and I did feel much lighter. Now, he knows how it was to be in my shoes and why I threw myself at him.
"Why-- why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Would that have changed things?" I hissed in anger.
Silence
"Exactly, that's what I thought," I grabbed my phone and walked out to get some fresh air, leaving him all alone.
