Chapter 39 Coldest Dark

~Liam~

When I came to, warmth seeped into me in electrifying currents. My lids felt heavy still, and in the darkness that I found myself floating in, I clung to this comforting warmth that melted away the cold. Here I felt nothing, heard nothing, tasted nothing beyond what was supposed to be my physical body. I contemplated if this was death, or the transition to it, but the warmth calmed me down. I could feel it inside me, coming from my wrists then up to my arms, as it dispersed through every part of me. It made me feel alive, gave me hope of something… that I couldn’t quite point out.

There used to be the voice I couldn’t decipher, whispers, and a far distant scream. There used to be a woman with the light behind her that I couldn’t see her face. I didn’t hear them anymore. I couldn’t see her anymore. My mind was so sure of these and now… I wasn’t.

I continued to drift in and out of consciousness, and every time I was awake, I was still floating, and I couldn’t open my eyes. The cold was gone. There were only darkness and warmth. I had forgotten who I am and how I got here. I tried many times to bring back something in my mind, for an image to come up… anything; there was none.

It was like my mind was a blank slate, and it scared me because it felt like I was forgetting something important. The longer I stayed here, the more I wanted out. To open my eyes, to move my limbs, to utter a single sound… but I was helpless. It was getting lonely, and it was scaring me.

If I didn’t leave this place, I felt like it would consume me. I would lose something…

Something…

The warmth itself was fading and the cold was returning. It was coming back with an unforgiving freeze that enveloped me whole. I couldn’t feel my legs now and I could feel it creeping up my body. There was no pain. Still, I refused to succumb to it.

There were darkness and cold now. Where had the warmth gone? It was more comforting.

My fingers had gone numb. My entire lower body had frozen. It felt like it would only be a matter of time before the cold had covered me entirely, turning me into a numb, unfeeling being. I missed the warmth. I missed that something…

Darkness is pulling me back into itself again…

When I came to, I felt it! It was faint, but it was there… warmth. I felt it in my fingers then it slipped away. I felt it again.

Please don’t leave me…

Something fell on my cheek. Something warm and wet. It slid off my cheek and then I felt a brush of warmth across it. My heartbeat is louder than before. I could hear it in my ears, the first sound I heard in a long time. It beat faster and faster… it was getting hard to breathe. It needed to calm down, but it wouldn’t stop.

With every raging beat, with every gasp of air, the tightening in my chest and the warmth on my cheeks pushed away from the cold – down my waist to my thighs, to my calves, then out my toes. I tried wiggling the big toe, and it moved!

My arms were starting to float again, and trying, my fingers flexed! More wet drops fell on my skin, only this time it was on my right hand, where it was warmest after it left my cheeks. I focused on the warmth… the source…

I was getting lightheaded. My heart seemed to want to tear itself out of my chest and my lungs were expanding more than they should. To my surprise, my mouth opened. No sound came out, but I was able to move it!

I focused on opening my eyes, forcing the weight on them. The warmth called to me. I didn’t want to lose it again… the paralyzing cold might return. The darkness, the cold, it was terrifying. I couldn’t breathe. I was about to drift off again.

My chest rose to keep up with my heart. I gasped for air, then bright light flashed in my mind and my lids flew open. I quickly closed them again for the overhead light was blinding.

A gasp came from my side. Slowly opening my eyes, I let them adjust to the light. Light – no more darkness. Someone appeared in front of me. I squinted my eyes to see the person better – my vision was blurry that I was seeing more than one image.

When I could see the person better, I realized it was a woman. A beautiful woman. Long black hair fell to the sides of her face. She held my hand in her warm, soft hands. Did the warmth come from her?

Something wet fell on my hand and I realized that it was torn. Her lips quivered and her eyes were red from crying. Why was she crying?

“Liam,” she whispered, and a smile graced her face. She brought my hand to her lips and her smile widened. “Liam,” she repeated.

Am I Liam?

Was she crying because of me? I hated seeing her cry. She saved me from that dark and cold place. She kept saying “Liam” as she cried harder, but the smile never left her lips. Her smile suited her more than her tears.

I wanted to raise my hand and touch her face, wipe those tears with my hand. But the darkness tugged at the corner of my mind, pulling me back into it. I forced to move my fingers, to wrap them around her hand so she’d never let go. I don’t know if she did, the darkness took over quickly.

I don’t know how long I’d been out. I woke up with a heavy feeling in my chest.

Straining my neck to look down, I saw black hair. She smelled really nice – like freshly-cut roses and vanilla. My right hand was sweaty – her fingers were intertwined with mine. A tingling sensation crept under my skin.

It all felt pleasant. I sank my head back down on the pillow and inhaled deeply – so sweet and calming. She murmured something. I failed to catch what she said.

Slowly, I raised my left hand. It weighed like a ton that it dropped back down. Sighing, I closed my eyes and basked in these sensations. I didn’t know where I was, but I was safe. She made me feel safe.

I felt her shift, then groan. The weight left my chest and her fingers left mine. She exhaled and yawned, then I felt a peck on my cheek. It sent sparks all over my skin.

“Good morning, mate,” she said sleepily.

Mate? She’s my mate? Where’s my wolf? Why isn’t he talking to me?

He should be howling right now and telling me that we found our mate!

I felt another peck on my lips. It lingered longer than the first.

Goddess, she feels so soft.

“Won’t you open your eyes, again?” she asked sadly. “Please, Liam?”

Who is this Liam? Is she referring to me? Is she talking to someone else? Where’s my wolf!

Curiosity taking over, I opened an eye, ready to pummel whoever this Liam was. No one was taking my mate from me.

She gasped when I saw her, mouth shaping into a small “o”. I must’ve surprised her.

Now, where is this Liam…

“Liam!” she screamed, then wrapped her arms to my sides and rested her head on my chest.

I’m Liam?

“You-You're… You’re awake,” she said, her voice breaking.

She looked up at me and I saw that she was crying. She cupped my face and brought her lips back down on mine. She kept sniffling and laughing as she cried, and she kept saying I was awake. Had I slept for too long?

She kissed my face all over and I pulled my lips into a smile. My heart jumped in joy and the tingling spread. She was getting too excited about me waking up. I had a clingy mate.

What is she doing here? Where is here?

The last thing I remember was… was…

Nothing.

I opened my mouth to speak but all that came out was a throaty whisper. She wiped her tears off, the smile staying on her face.

Goddess, my mate’s beautiful. Why’d she stopped kissing me?

“I knew you were awake!” she exclaimed. “You came back. You promised me you’d come back. I waited, and waited… I knew you’d come back to us, to me.”

She caressed my cheek and fresh tears fell from her eyes.

“I love you so, so much,” she said, then kissed me again.

I never left, did I? Did I go somewhere? She looked so relieved at seeing me awake. Did she say she love me?

My mate loves me!

As much as I loved her kisses, I couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that came over me. She seemed to know me more than I knew myself – talking about promises and coming back and waking up and saying names I didn’t know. Try as I might, I couldn’t remember… anything.

I heard something click and a Lexy came in, followed by a kid with strawberry-colored hair and a taller one with no shirt on. They all wore shocked expressions on their faces and none of them moved for a few moments.

Then the girl screamed brother and ran to my other side. She began to cry too and then she ran her hand on my hair.

“You-You’re really awake,” she said as she ugly cried.

The two men turned their heads as they raised a hand to their faces. Were they crying too? Why was everybody crying? Did somebody die? Did… did I almost die?

It made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t remember anything, and my body weighed like lead. My wolf wasn’t responding and the only thing I was sure of was that this beautiful woman in front of me was my mate. I could trust her. The rest of them, especially that half-naked guy, I didn’t want him anywhere near her. No one was seducing my mate but me.

“He’s glaring at you,” she said with a laugh, turning to look at him.

Don’t look at him!

“His ass is on a hospital bed. I’m scared, alright,” he replied.

“Don’t mind him, Liam,” she said, kissing my hand. “How are you feeling?”

Not good.

Who is he and why do you two seem close? And what is your name?

The girl beside me spoke. “I’ll have to check on his vitals and run some tests, but he should be alright. You are an idiot! You had us worried sick! Idiot, idiot, idiot brother!”

She’s my sister? She talks a lot.

I swallowed gathered saliva then wet my lips. Taking a deep breath, I tried to speak. I sounded like I gargled nails.

“Who?” I asked, and my mate drew closer. I inhaled her scent to calm my nerves. “Who… are… you?”

She stilled. She blinked her eyes a few times. The sparkle in her eyes disappeared as the color drained from her face.

“Wha-What is he talking about?” she asked the girl, who was my sister.

“It’s me,” she said, caressing my cheek. “Anna, your mate. Don’t you remember me?”

I shook my head slowly to indicate no.

Should I remember her? Why can’t I remember her?

“Bro, don’t you know I am?” the girl asked.

I now knew her name’s Lexy, and that she’s probably my sister. I shook my head again.

“You’re kidding me,” the strawberry-colored hair said.

The two walked towards me.

“Don’t you remember me?” he asked.

I stared at him and shook my head.

“Look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. Don’t stoop this low. It’s my specialty to be the asshole, not yours,” said the half-naked man, who was now standing beside my mate.

Stay away from her…

“No…” she wailed. “Liam, this isn’t funny!”

It wasn’t. I wasn’t even trying to be funny. If I did, I wished to make her laugh instead. Her tears pained me.

“Do you remember what happened before you passed out?” asked the stripper. I shook my head without looking at him. “The Alpha Duel? Alpha Myron? Nothing?”

“The attack?” the strawberry added.

“No,” I whispered. Their faces became pale.

“Lexy…”

The girl was shaking her head while she stared at me. She dropped to the floor, but I heard her muffled cries.

“This can’t be,” she whispered.

My mate forced me to look at her.

“This is a joke, right?” she asked, her eyes hopeful.

Her name was Anna. “Liam… Liam Rose, tell me you are joking right now!” she screamed when I didn’t respond.

I was this Liam Rose. I was the reason she was crying. Had I forgotten her? All of them?

Are they important to me? Who are they? Who am I? And why do their silence and cries cause me so much pain?