Chapter 46 Opening Locks

~Anna~

The elders prayed to the Moon Goddess with the rest of the pack silently praying on their own. Dressed in black from head to toe, we gathered around the graves of the brave men and women who fought for us. Their families wailed in their dirt-covered graves, clutching at the headstones that summarized their entire identity, the life they lived. Soon, plants of their choosing would be planted by their spouse, or their parents, or their children, whoever they have left behind.

Today was particularly chilly. Mud dirtied our shoes and the atmosphere, melancholic.

I watched all these unfold with a heavy heart, holding back the tears as I felt their pain – the pain of losing a loved one. They were warriors to me, as someone else to the rest – a son, a daughter, a mother, a father, a wife, a husband, a friend. They lived their lives with a different identity to each person in their life but died with the same everyone had and will remember them by.

It was nothing short of cruel, but such was reality, and it’d take time to overcome the grief, though it didn’t always happen.

The memories were our attachments to them that transcended their physical company, and it’d continue to remind us that they once were, by our sides. Sometimes the feeling of a ghostly presence would linger when we found ourselves staying in places where we used to spend time with them, and the nights were worse because of the eerie silence that filled the room.

At least it was how it was for me. I felt their pain in every way because I knew what it was like to lose someone, to have someone fight bravely for me that it cost them their life. To me, it was an exchange. Their mine life – so I could live one more second, one more day, one more year – then celebrate a “birthday”.

They were brave, fearless even; my only regret was never getting to know who they were when they were still around. It was an honor, to be a part of the pack they served, loved, and protected.

The warriors stood straight in formation, with Rigel and Gale on the front. Their faces were solemn, hearts grieving and undeniably even more furious than mine.

Gale shifted first, into a gray wolf with black patches of fur and clear blue eyes. Rigel followed, then the rest of the warriors.

Liam let go of my hand, then shifted into his own. Bigger than the rest, he was a beautiful black wolf, too dark it almost looked like a thick dark blue, his eyes black. He sat on his hind legs, then raising his head, he let out a long, pained howl, soon succeeded by the warriors. Then everyone in the pack had shifted into their own wolves and howled along with him.

Their families had shifted too, some of them whimpering. I wished I could shift too. At this very moment, I wanted to. I wanted to join the pack in their grievance, in sending them off, a farewell for our dead, but I couldn’t.

Tears didn’t measure, and so I continued to pray instead. Afterward, the pack started to leave until it was only their families. Then, it was only Liam and me. He laid on his stomach, his head on his forelegs. I squatted to reach his level, then ran a hand on his back, soft, thick fur enveloping my fingers.

Luca whimpered. I kissed the top of his head. Looking around the graveyard, it was near impossible to get a picture of the number of the deceased for different plants were growing around, from flowers to shrubs to evergreens. The pack lost many, yet at the same time, it didn’t feel that way with the view. Perhaps this was their way of immortalizing their loved ones – by giving them another life in this world.

His tongue darted out and licked my hand. I scratched from below his jaw down to his side. I smiled softly at him. He didn’t do anything, but I could feel just how much it grieved him, and the regret of not supporting them sooner weighed on his shoulders.

It’d be easy to tell him it wasn’t his fault. It really wasn’t. He shouldn’t blame himself for their deaths. However, I felt like keeping my mouth shut and just staying beside him would speak more than whatever word might leave my mouth. In whatever way I could, I’d let him know that I was right here with him, all the way.

Getting up on his paws, he rubbed his head on my thighs before turning around. I walked beside him, occasionally rubbing his back. He kept his head down, ears flat on his head. I wished I could do more…

Instead of walking out the graveyard, he led me behind a curtain of thick vines. Hidden and separated from the rest were more headstones. The graves had different plants, too, and as we passed them by, I noticed on the visible headstones a recurring name, “Rose”. It was his family’s.

He stopped in front of two graves that were side by side. White roses grew on each grave. He laid right at the middle before these, closed his eyes, then whimpered. One read “Sarina Rose”, his first mate, and the other, “Samila Rose”. I didn’t know who the latter was, but I could tell both of these women mattered the world to him.

He kept whimpering like he was physically hurt but he wasn’t, it was more than that. I sat on my butt this time and patted his head. Holding both sides of his head, I motioned for him to spread himself across my lap, to which he did.

His massive body was heavy. But he was also warm. I could tell he was being careful to not put all his weight on me. I ran my hand soothingly across his massive body, sometimes leaning forward to kiss him wherever. His scent was stronger, and it calmed me down. He also quieted down; his eyes still closed.

Then he blinked them open, got off my lap, and shifted back to his human form. He sat beside me with a plain expression. Putting a hand on his shoulder, he raised those eyes at me. Profound sadness stared back from his brown gaze. They said, “eyes are the windows to the soul” – I was staring straight into it right now. He was letting me in, showing me what was usually concealed. Oh, Liam.

A tear escaped an eye and I wiped it with a thumb. After all these years, he carried it alone – regrets, grief, anger…

He was no different than I for although I acted like I had moved on; the truth was that I still cared so much about the past. Living with the White Lake Pack was all I had to keep me going. Their sacrifice and a promise - I would’ve ended my life a long time ago if it wasn’t because of them.

Going to the human world was me thinking I’d live a better life away from werewolves. That may be, if I wasn’t involved with them, I’d find a reason to continue living. I should’ve realized it was far from that. I questioned the Goddess often why I didn’t die that night, why I was saved by a second mate. And perhaps this was her answer – we were a somewhat perfect fit. Just two broken souls trying to live life because of a past that chained us down.

His lips parted, then he bowed his head as a sob broke from his throat. I pulled him to my chest, running a hand down his back as he clutched on my sleeves and cried. And I cried with him.

Surrounded by the graves of his bloodline, in their silent embrace, our tears fell freely, and the only sounds we heard were our own cries. At this moment, the world faded, and it was just the two of us once more.

Eventually, our wails turned to sobs, to hiccups, then heavy breaths. My clothing was soaked where he cried, and so was the back of his shirt, for my chin rested just past his nape. I took out a handkerchief from a pocket to blow my nose and he let go of me and turned to his side to do the same.

Then he turned to face me, and I chuckled. Eyes swollen; nose, red; and his lips still quivering. He offered a small smile, then tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Between the two of us, I think you look worse,” he said, then we laughed aloud like we haven’t been crying just a minute ago.

It felt good to cry, and have someone to cry to, but it felt better to have someone to laugh with. I rested my head on his shoulder. My lower back ached from our previous position. He intertwined his fingers with mine, and I was comforted by the warmth that came from him. He kissed my hair and sighed. I smiled.

“Sarina was my mate. She’s the first. But you already know,” he said as he placed an arm around my shoulders. “I met her when the Blue Moon Pack came to visit, years after my uncle had taken over as Alpha of the pack. He married the daughter of their last Alpha, who was sick at the time. When he was my father’s Beta, he was married to his mate in this pack. Sarina and Salina, their mother was from our pack. But she passed away at childbirth, and my uncle insisted on taking his daughters with him when he was banished for fucking mated she-wolves, one too many times. Dad had no choice but to let them go. He was the Alpha, but he wasn’t the children’s father.”

My head shot up to find him looking down at me with a soft smile. I was curious about this since Lexy’s short version, but was I ready to hear it? He didn’t have to force himself.

As if he could read my thoughts, he leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

I relaxed then and snuggled closer to him.

“He was banished, but he wasn’t a rogue. He became an Alpha. It was a meeting of Alphas; Dad couldn’t lose face and I think he was relieved to see that his brother was doing well for himself. I was in my mid-twenties, five years ahead of her. He brought her daughters with them, and that was how we met.”

He stared at her tombstone with longing. My heart ached with jealousy, much to my dismay.

“She was… bubbly and bright, and constantly annoyed me. I was sleeping around with whoever, I felt like I didn’t deserve her.”

I rolled my eyes – typical. Just how many came before me.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked.

“For what?”

“For sleeping with several women.”

He didn’t have to ask! No mate would be happy about it. While most of us kept ourselves untouched for our mate, some, especially Alphas, Betas, and Gammas still chose to do it with whoever was willing, which I’d imagine was never a problem since many women were as thirsty as them.

“Would you be happy if I slept with men before you? You almost killed Flynn that night, and that was my first,” I retorted.

“No. I’d be angry at you, too,” he said as he rubbed small circles on the back of my hand. “Babe, he wasn’t your first. I am. He saw nothing while I saw everything. He tasted nothing while I tasted all of you. He doesn’t wear your scent; I do. And if he took these away from me that night, I would’ve killed him, no regrets, even if it brought a war at our borders. You saw how far my warriors would go to protect the pack. How far do you think they’ll go to protect their Luna?”

He asked the question with conviction that it scared me. I didn’t want anyone dying for me, and yet a lot of them just did. I didn’t want anyone fighting over me; I wasn’t worth it.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, unsure of what I was saying it for.

“I’m sorry, too. I felt like I should let it out,” he said, sighing. “Do you want me to continue?”

I nodded.

“I didn’t fall on my knees in front of her or changed into a one-woman man overnight. I silently rejected her for two straight days and avoided her as often as I could. But as I said, she found ways to annoy me. She’d follow me wherever I go and keep talking non-stop. I even kissed a girl in front of her, so she’d leave me alone. I felt like shit, but it worked. She left me alone for the rest of the day. You can already guess what happened next.”

“You bastard,” I said firmly. My first seriously wanted to hit him right now. I was hurt too – hurt that he did that to Sarina. “You jerk of a bastard.”

“I know,” he breathed. “I deserve every curse word you throw at me. I was an asshole, and more. I didn’t deserve her. Lexy even lectured me that night. The meeting was over the next day. I’d never see her again and I convinced myself I was fine with it.”

He suddenly laughed, and my eyes narrowed at him.

“You’d never believe what she did! She came to my room at two in the morning, or was it three? She picked the lock, snuck into my room, and woke me up – so she could tell me she forgives me, and that if I really didn’t want her, she asked me to reject her and she’d respect my decision and accept.”

I smiled. She sounded like a strong woman.

“Long story short, she changed me. I cut off all my connections with… them, and after the meeting ended, we told our parents. And well, Lexy already told you the rest.”

“She told me about the agreement,” I said quietly.

“I didn’t care for it. I was happy with her and it was all that mattered. She lived with us and so did her sister. They reunited with their mother’s side of the family. I’ve never seen Aunty J as happy as she did then. She loved those two like they were her own. She still does.”

That explained why she was cold towards me. It was hard for her to lose Sarina, and she knew she was about to lose Salina because of me.

“We were happy then,” he whispered fondly. “But all good things must come to an end. Our parents were ambushed by rogues when they left the pack for a meeting. I took over as Alpha, and it was difficult for the pack, for the family, but we pulled through because of her. We eventually got married, and I thought it’d be great from then on, but she suddenly got sick. Lexy was still training then, and she had suspicioned that Sarina was poisoned. I think she still does; I do now. She got well, fortunately, and her pregnancy wasn’t affected.”

My blood ran cold. This wasn’t what Lexy told me.

His hand started shaking.

“I placed more guards around her before I left for a meeting. Three hours later, my pack was screaming at me to get back. Rogues were attacking from all sides.”

He inhaled sharply.

“Liam,” I called, holding his hand between mine. “It’s alright. You don’t have to “

“You have to know,” he said, cutting me off. “Nobody knew how she got out of the mansion, what she was doing in the woods. She was guarded, but…”

He took a sharp inhale. “I watched her life get taken in front of me; I didn’t drive fast enough, didn’t run fast enough to get to her. I killed the rogue; my men killed the rest. But we lost her.”

His voice cracked as he continued, breaking my heart further. “She died in my arms. And do you know what she said? She told me to carry on. Camila's the name of our child, our first, our baby girl. I lost them both. I lost them together. And I had myself to blame for it.”

“Oh, Liam,” I whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.

“The rumor’s true, Anna. I did kill my mate. We argued the previous night. She didn’t want me to go to the meeting. I think there was more to it, but I can’t remember. Now, I can’t remember why I was so eager to gain allies. I couldn’t even tell her how sorry I was that morning. She sent me off with a smile. I planned to surprise her when I got back… something good, something she liked. But I killed them instead. I killed them…”

“You didn’t kill them, Liam,” I whispered as I ran a hand down his back.

His shoulders shook as he sobbed. The big bad Alpha crying, shaking, and afraid beside me – this was the real Alpha of the Red Claw Pack. He had a taste of life just like everyone else, and he had a heart that could withstand life’s beatings. Here he was with his shoulders hunched and head down like he was a scared little boy. This was Alpha Liam Rose – a beat-up soul who still carried on.

I waited until he calmed down.

He looked worse than before now – his eyes were puffed up; I was sure he’d be squinting by tomorrow.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you earlier. I kept you in the dark for so long. I’m so sorry,” he said, whispering the last part.

I cupped his cheek then kissed his hand.

“I understand. Thank you, Liam.”

“You must want to leave me now,” he said, sounding defeated.

He cupped my face and gently lifted my head, so he was looking directly at me.

“You make me happy every day since I found out you were my mate. I don’t care that you don’t have a wolf, it doesn’t matter to me. It never did. I’d do anything to protect you and make you happy and keep you by my side. You have me wrapped around your finger; tell me what you want, and I’ll get it for you. I can’t promise you I’ll be a better mate. I can only try to be the mate you need. So, if you want to leave, I understand. I’ll reject you if you ask me to. I’ll set you free, and you won’t ever have to see my face again.”

You idiot. You jerk of an idiot.

“Shut up and kiss me,” I whispered.

It took him a few seconds to process my words. Then he slowly leaned in as he closed his eyes, and I felt his lips press on mine. Patient, passionate; he kissed me unhurriedly as the seconds ticked away; gently, sparking a flame in me.

My Alpha, my mate…

He placed his forehead on mine as he breathed on my face. I’d hold on to this feeling for eternity.

“So… Uhm… since we’re sharing our stories… Uhm… do you want to know mine?” I asked, a little unsure.

He kissed my forehead and smiled. “Everything. Everything about you.”

Resting my head on his lap, I looked up at him with a smile.

“What did you first think my position was?” I asked.

He looked good even from this angle.

I’m keeping it to myself.

“An… Omega?” he replied. “I did find you in the kitchen.”

Alright. That was understandable.

“I’m a Gamma.”

“I know,” he said, stroking my hair. “I was eavesdropping.”

“Ha-ha! I knew it. I knew it!”

“Then you rejected me, and it confirmed that I heard right,” he said.

“I’m sorry I rejected you.”

His hand found mine. I intertwined my fingers with his. “I’m sorry I kept you in the dark.”

I shook my head slowly. “Thank you for opening up to me.”

“I’m sorry for ruining the mood,” he said, chuckling. “Please continue?”

He raised our hands and kissed the back of my hand.

Goddess, I love you…

Focus, Anna.

“Where do I start?” I asked.

“From the beginning?”

I smiled. Tingles crept over my skin, but I could do that.

“Alright. I… Uhm… I lost my mother when I was born. It was Father who had always been there for me growing up. I… uh… I don’t know much about her, and Father didn’t tell me much. But… I… I love them both, and I really miss them.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, bringing his hand to my lips. He kept stroking my hair and it calmed me. I grinned up at him.

“So… your mate is a Head Gamma’s daughter. And she has no scary Father that her mate has to please…”

Liam threw his head back and laughed.

“… and she gets attracted to her best friend Carson –“

“Not anymore because she is marked,” he said firmly.

“Ha-ha! The curse won’t affect me anymore, Liam.”

I sat up beside him then kissed his cheek. “You have absolutely no reason to be jealous of.”

“I’m not,” he replied, pulling me into his lap. “You’re right. I have ‘absolutely no reason to be jealous of’”.

He leaned forward, his hand creeping to the back of my head.

“Say it,” he murmured, kissing my hair. “Let me hear you say why.”

His warm breath fanned the side of my neck, his lips teasingly gliding down to his mark. “Anna…”

My name rolled off his tongue in a whisper, luring me into his trance. I gasped when his tongue licked at his mark, my thighs closing tight.

“Say it.”

“I’m yours,” I breathed, shivering when he inhaled my scent.

He growled.

“Liam…”

“Mine!” He sucked on the skin harshly that I couldn’t suppress a moan. Then he traced kisses all over his mark, then my neck to my jaw, before finally claiming my lips into a dizzying kiss.

I’d never get enough of this.

It got colder, suggesting it was time we got back. My chest felt lighter now that we had this talk, and I could tell he unloaded a heavyweight from his back.

I whispered a silent “Thank you” to Sarina and Samila.

We left the graveyard and headed back to the mansion, walking hand in hand. The smile on his face was brighter than before.

“I just have one question,” I said, resting my chin on my fingers. “If Aunty J is Rigel’s mom, and she’s Sarina’s aunt, that means Rigel’s their cousin, right?”

“Yes?” he replied.

“But if her father’s your uncle, doesn’t that make her your cousin, too?”

It’d make them first cousins! A rather valid reason for her father to disapprove of their relationship, whatever his reason was. I never wanted to see him again – he planned to kill my mate! And I was too scared to ask Liam what his plans were…

“He’s adopted,” he replied. “My grandfather found him in a pack that had just been attacked. He was the only survivor unless others escaped. Pack wars aren’t as frequent now because of alliances and truces, but it continues in other ways.”

That was a relief. It was sort of weird if it were the case.

“Liam?”

“Yeah? Ask me anything, babe.”

I giggled. “I love you.”

My heart dropped. He didn’t say it back, again. At least his “I forgot everything self” said it back. “Thought you should know.”

“I do. I feel the same way about you,” he replied, pulling me to his side and kissing my hair.

So why won’t you say it?