Chapter 57 Deserved Regrets

~Flynn~

My throat felt dry as I stood outside the door. I put up a wall to get some quiet in my head for the pack wouldn’t stop talking about him. I understood their confusion, concern, and anger, but I needed to think for myself.

“How is he?” I asked as the pack healer went out.

She smiled softly then replied, “He needs to rest, Alpha. Wherever he was, he wasn’t treated kindly.” Her smile dropped into a frown. She looked like she wanted to ask something but hesitated.

“Thank you,” I said before she could ask me a question, I didn’t know the answer to. I felt the bond break then and so did the rest of the pack.

“Is he awake?”

“He’s asleep. It’s good to have him back, Alpha,” she said then walked away.

His room was kept clean after his death. Now he laid there, in the dark, as if he had always been. There was so much I wanted to tell him after he died, so much pain that had never truly left, but now that he was here, I didn’t know where to start.

Turning the lamp on, I stood beside the bed looking down at him. He had lost so much weight that his cheekbones protruded, his arms almost meat and bones. Scars and fresh wounds laced around his arms. He had become too weak that he wasn’t healing as he should.

I used to look up to him. It was my dream to surpass him. He had always been strong and in my eyes, insurmountable, but now he was nothing but meat and bones. My hands balled into fists.

“Who did this to you?” I whispered.

We dismissed the attack as rogues. It was difficult to believe that rogues could take down the Alpha and Head Gamma, so we blamed Anna. We made ourselves believe that she was a distraction, and they couldn’t fight because they had to protect her. It was injustice, but she carried everyone’s anger, frustration, and grief on her shoulders, alone.

Everyone but Carson. He believed she was innocent. His father went rogue which drove his mother mentally unstable. One day, news of his father’s death reached the pack, and his mother soon died, heartbroken. But he never blamed it on her.

I didn’t deserve my Beta as much as I didn’t deserve her. When Carson said he was bringing her back for a visit, it was my chance to ask her to take me back, not as a mate, but as her friend – the shoulder she used to cry on, depend on, trust on.

Father groaned softly, snapping me out of my thoughts. His eyes fluttered open; those same blue eyes that I took after stared back at me.

“Flynn,” he said, his voice hoarse.

I poured him a glass of water as he sat up, visibly uncomfortable with the IV drip. I gripped my right wrist with my left hand to keep it steady, but it kept shaking that a bit of water spilled.

“He-here,” I said, handing it to him.

His fingers touched mine as he reached for the glass, calloused and bony but warm. Then his hand fell. Shakily, I helped him drink a quarter.

“You’ve grown,” he said after a short silence.

He watched me like he was studying my face and I tried to look at anything but him. I couldn’t. I failed him. I wasn’t like him. I made a member of my pack suffer, I shunned out the love of my life – he’d hate me for these. And I deserved it.

As I thought about all my mistakes, a weight was placed on my shoulder. I raised my eyes to see his hand on it, and looking at him, he had a beaming look on his face – the same look he gave me when he was proud of me. I didn’t deserve it.

Why are you looking at me like that?

“You’re the Alpha now,” he said as he cupped my face and smiled. “It must’ve been tough.”

I nodded. It was. Losing him, I couldn’t keep myself together for months afterward. It was with Carson’s help that I found the courage to get out of my room. That very same day, I saw Anna, and my blood boiled, but upon closer inspection, I saw that she was crying. She was folding laundry and her tears kept falling down her cheeks, then to the clothes.

I heard the Omegas. I heard the warriors. I heard what the entire pack had to say about her. And I knew within myself that they were wrong. It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t right to blame her. I had the power to change things, but I didn’t, because it was easier to have someone to blame for it instead of blaming myself. If only I hadn’t doubted myself that night she didn’t shift. If only I defended her then…

The guilt I felt that day I saw her because of my cowardness, remained buried in my heart and mind – an emotion that let itself known over and over, but I continued to ignore it, even when I rejected her. Only after I did have it blown. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was too late. I realized it when I lost her to someone else.

“I’m not… an Alpha, Father,” I replied, looking him right in the eye. “Not like you. I did things… to Anna, I-“

“Anna,” he exclaimed, eyes going wide. His hands gripped my shoulders. “We have to get her back! She- she-”

As if possessed, he threw the sheets aside and tugged on the tube. I caught his arms as I questioned him. “What do you mean she’s in danger?”

Does he know where she is?

“How? Why-“

“Listen to me,” he said firmly as he grabbed me by the collar and brought his face too close. “We have to get her back before she learns the truth. It might even be too late! She’s in danger around him. He’s sick.” He pushed me away then scrambled to his feet.

“He can’t protect her. The rogues and that backstabbing son of a- “

He swayed on his feet and I caught him before he fell. He was too light. I helped him sit back down on the bed.

“Father calm down. I don’t understand what you’re saying!”

I was starting to get worried… about her, about him. I had too many questions in my mind.

“We’re running out of time,” he said grimly.

An hour and a half later, I was stomping my way to my office while trying to wrap my head around what he just told me. I’d asked for Alpha Liam and his Beta and Head Gamma to meet me there. We had to plan and fast. It’d only be a matter of time. They might be under attack right now and I was still here, safe in my mansion, while she was fighting for her life!

The office door was open when I got there. Alpha Liam and his Beta were already inside. His sister was there too.

“Where is she?” Liam asked restraining anger. His eyes flickered from brown to black – everyone had been losing patience each day.

I sighed. “Calm yourself, Alpha. This plan highly depends on you. If you fail, we won’t be able to get her back.”

He took a step towards me, but his sister held out her arm to stop him.

“Where’s your Head Gamma?” I asked. After proudly introducing himself as her “knight” like we were in the Medieval Era, he should at least be here at this crucial time.

“He has matters to attend to,” answered his Beta, Gale. Always speaks and acts politely, but I doubt that was his real nature. I shrugged it off. It wasn’t any of my business.

We formed a truce with one objective – find her and get her back. I didn’t fully trust any of them, maybe except his sister who had been looking after Carson all this time. There was no doubt the feeling was mutual.

“You think I can’t get her out?” Liam challenged.

This overprotective bullshit of his was getting to my nerves. If he wasn’t Anna’s mate, I would’ve kicked his ass out the door. I needed Anna back, and so did he. As much as I hate to admit it, right now, he was our best bet on getting her out. Mates did share a connection and marked ones, even stronger.

“If you can convince her to leave this pack, surely, you can do it again,” I replied.

His Beta and his sister looked at each other in confusion.

“Have a seat. This is going to be a long night.”