Chapter 77 Hopeful Hearts

~Liam~

“AAAHHH!!!” Anna’s screams filled the entire room as our babies pushed their way out. In a few more hours or minutes, we were going to be parents!

“AAAHHH!!! Ugh!”

I clenched my jaw as she crushed my hands in a death grip. She was sweating profusely, her breathing heavy. Lexy and Helia and the nurses were constantly checking on her.

I didn’t know what else to do. If I could share the pain with her, I would. The only plan my mind came up with was to talk to her like it would help.

“You’re doing great, babe!” I encouraged.

I can’t feel my hands.

“Breathe… breathe… you’re alright… you’re doing great!”

Her screams rang in my ears. Tears fell from the corners of my eyes and all I could do was watch. The hours Carson and I spent watching videos of women giving birth because Lexy forced us to, was nothing in comparison with witnessing it happen in person. The screams, the smell, and tension – these weren’t conveyed from the screen.

“Deep breaths, babe… deep breaths.”

“Shut up! Just shut up!” she screamed.

My hands were dead by this point. Pups, please come out now…

“AAAHHH!!! Get them out!!!”

“I can see the head,” said Lexy. “Keep pushing, Anna.”

Her eyes widened as she screamed, “I can’t!” that my knees almost gave away.

Fuck you, Liam. You can do this!

“Almost there, Luna. One, two, three, push!”

She responded with an all-out effort to push our pups out.

Out of her… head and …

I shifted my weight between my feet to steady myself.

“Push!”

After what seemed like time slowed down, cries filled the room. Amidst the smell of vanilla and freshly cut roses, of sweat, and metal, three new scents registered.

I was in awe as I watched their tiny bodies, their tiny hands and feet twitching as they cried. They looked… wrinkly… and… precious.

“Anna…”

I looked down at her to see the whites of her eyes roll back. It sent a punch in my gut. The machines started beeping and Lexy’s eyes widened.

“Get the Alpha out of here!” she ordered.

Her hands let go of mine.

“No. No, Anna. Anna!”

A nurse pushed me out of the room and closed the doors behind me.

Goddess…

Rigel and Gale held me up before I lost my balance. Carson’s mouth was moving but I couldn’t hear him. Andrix was frozen from where he stood.

I heard nothing. Nothing. She was inside, fighting for her life.

You have to fight, my love. I’m waiting for you. Our pups are waiting for you. Everyone’s here for you.

I found myself sliding down a wall, my elbows resting on my knees as I ran my fingers through my hair.

You promised me you wouldn’t leave. You promised me you’d fight to stay.

I kept remembering everything – from when we met to when we first fought to when we first kissed – everything that we had been through. I couldn’t live without her.

I need your smile and your giggles. I need you slapping my chest and being adorable. I’ll bake and cook anything you want. Just come back to us – we’re waiting for you.

We have the perfect names for our babies. Don’t you want to meet them? Don’t we have a game to see who looks like who? We have more to go through, my love.

My tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought about everything. Then we felt it. Luca began howling in pain. Her mark burned my skin. Pain shot through my body like lightning, my limbs jerked uncontrollably, then I slumped on the floor.

Don’t go.

A scream tore through my throat as something pulled itself apart in my mind, stretching and stretching.

Don’t go.

“Anna!” I screamed as I forced myself to get up. Another round of pain jerked my limbs, forcing me back on the floor.

Don’t leave.

Luca howled louder than he had ever done before. My head felt like splitting into two. And as something kept stretching, the pain intensified.

I didn’t know how, but I got to my feet and somehow kept myself straight enough. I turned to face the doors.

Goddess, don’t take her.

As pain traveled through my body, I forced a silent prayer.

She deserves to live. Everyone’s waiting for her. Her pups cry for her.

It wouldn’t stop stretching.

If you should take a life, take mine instead. I’ll gladly return, just please… bring her back.

I felt numb all over. I’d never felt this much pain before. Then it happened. I screamed.

Something snapped, and the world fell away.

I fell forward into the room.

My body, my mind, my soul - unimaginable pain coursed through my being, my heart unspared. I was forced to look up at her. She was gone.

I didn’t have a second to clear my confusion. I screamed as more pain assaulted me. “Anna,” I whispered as darkness covered me.

When I woke up, I was in my room. I’d been waking up then passing out for two days. Lexy was beside me, comforting me, again. My brothers stood silent, their presence silent condolence.

It took me some time to get a grip on myself. Lexy and Helia offered to look after my pups, but I declined.

I stood to close the blinds, refusing to let the full moon peek in the windows.

Amiry, Aylan, and Alia slept peacefully in their crib. They looked adorable with their cute noses and tiny bodies, their tiny hands in tiny mittens. And I couldn’t accept that Anna was just gone.

We should be here together, watching over them. She should be here doting over them. She should be here, in my arms, both of us in awe.

I couldn’t…

I didn’t have the chance to thank her for giving me a family. I didn’t have a chance to tell her just how much she meant to me. I didn’t have a chance to tell her I love her, and that I always will.

Now, I had no chance of showing her I could love her like no other. I couldn’t show her our babies – she would’ve been fawning all over them.

Bring her back. Goddess, bring her back.

Every time I looked at my kids, I couldn’t help but be reminded that she was gone because of me. Anna gave her life for them, for me. And the guilt ate at me like maggots, and every day I feel a part of myself die.

Anna left a cold divide, a black hole that only she could satisfy. There was the familiar feeling of emptiness and helplessness and regret – my three best friends. I thought I’d gotten rid of them a long time ago, but they must’ve been hanging around in dark corners that I didn’t notice.

I sat on the edge of the bed, the white envelope beside me. Carson handed it to me right when I woke up feeling that a part of me was gone… empty. No one could explain what happened. She was just… gone.

There were no names written on it. It’d been days. I couldn’t open it. If I did, I might find something… a validation, that this was real, and that she knew it was going to happen. I couldn’t live with the thought that she continued to live every day like normal, knowing full well within herself that she wasn’t going to survive.

I heard her cry. I knew what she hid, but I still had hope that she’d fight for us. I hoped that she’d be here with us – one happy family. Why couldn’t the Goddess give me this?

Why must You take my happiness from me? Is it never enough for You? Haven’t I suffered enough?

I missed her – everything about her. It killed my heart when she left me because of a misunderstanding. Those three months without her, I burned in the fire.

This was different. It was killing me by the day, by the hour, by the second. Her scent had almost dissipated, and I feared the day it wouldn’t be here anymore. I needed her warmth, but all I had was a cold empty bedside from where she used to lay, beside me, our fingers interlocked as I stroked her hair.

The room was silent, as if mocking me, a constant reminder that these four walls wouldn’t witness her laughter and giggles anymore. For days and nights, all it witnessed was a dying man who cried and prayed and mourned the loss of his other half.

Luca was silent from the moment I regained consciousness. He was grieving with me, and right now, we were doing what we could to keep it together. Everyone was worried, but I was anxious about tomorrow.

Come back to me…

Come back to us…

Their sudden cries pulled me out of my thoughts. They must’ve been grieving with me.

Do they know? Can they feel that their Mom’s not with them?

What do I tell them? When they start to ask questions when they start to wonder where their Mom had gone, what should I say?

I couldn’t accept it myself… it’d be too selfish and cruel to force it upon them.

Their cries grew louder. I gently held Alia in my arms, her lightness still a surprise to me. I leaned her to my right as she cried, rocking the crib gently for our two boys.

“Are you crying for your Mom?”

“Your Dad’s crying for her, too.”

Their cries pierced through my heart. “We miss her, don’t we?”

I held each of them gently as the slightest pressure would hurt them. I fed them milk – Lexy taught me how to properly feed them. Helia taught me how to calm them down.

Soon, they were fast asleep. Amiry, Aylan, and Alia – their names were perfect. Anna came up with the boys’ names, my sole contribution was a “yes”.

Amiry came out first, then Aylan, then Alia.

They’re adorable, Anna. If you can see them now, you’ll see how precious they are. I’m guessing Alia will take after you – she’ll be as pretty as her Mom and as much of a handful. Amiry and Aylan will probably be a pain – I know I was when I was young.

It was adorable when they stuck out their tiny tongues or when their hands would move so slightly as they slept.

Amiry and Aylan will be the best brothers in the world for Alia. I’ll pound it into their heads. I love them, Anna. They’re our tiny versions until they’re grown. I just… wish you’re here with me.

“Amiry, Aylan, and Alia. You know, your Mom fought hard for us until the end,” I whispered. “She was the bravest woman I’ve ever known, and she saved your Dad from himself. Well, she saved me a lot of time… We’ll… get through this… together, alright?”

“She… she will always be with us, tiny pups. And maybe someday- someday, the Goddess will bring her back.”