Misery

Atasha’s Point of View

For the first time ever, I attempted to paint a mural, and I was rather anxious. Beads of sweat had started to build on my forehead as I delicately moved the paintbrush in order to get a flawless stroke. My twin sister was well aware that I was not very artistic, but as I attempted to paint, I felt as if I was beginning to grasp the reasons why other werewolves had fallen in love with art. In the end, I was pleased with how my painting came out, considering that I was a newbie.

After wiping the sweat on my forehead, I stood back and took a closer look at my work. I let out a pleased smile as I took a deep breath and looked about at my creation. I squinted at the piece of paper Leo had given me a few hours before. It featured the mural painting that I was supposed to copy, and it turned out that I was able to imitate it.

“Time for lunch!” One of the guards announced which caught the attention of everyone.

It was only then that I noticed my stomach had begun to rumble a little. I put down the paintbrush and the pails of paint that I used to use while I was painting. Before I left the Coliseum, I took a closer glance at my masterpiece and grinned.

I merely followed the other werewolves as they entered a little cafeteria. I wasn't sure what to do since there was no sign of Leo anywhere in the crowd. I saw the others get their trays, plates, and utensils, as well as how they formed a line to await their turn to be served meals. I did the same thing and waited patiently in line with them.

There was so much to see in the cafeteria. Most of the werewolves here had formed a group, some had pals. They were talking, laughing, and smiling at each other as if there had been no chaos before. These people had faces that were full of hope, happiness, and they were living their lives the same way they always had. Regardless of how long the day had been, their smiles didn't fade away at all.

Minutes passed and it was my turn to get some food. I was given an apple, a sandwich, a small amount of pork and beans, then an orange juice.

“Thank you.” I smiled at the old shewolf who served me food and moved aside so that the others next to me could get their food too.

As I looked around, I realized that there was no available table anymore. I presumed that it would be uncomfortable to join a table of unfamiliar faces so I had no choice but to eat outside.

“Hey, Atasha! Come and join us here!” I heard an unfamiliar voice when I went out of the cafeteria.

I looked around and saw a group of shewolves on the bench under the tree. They were waving their hands at me, signaling me to join them.

My eyebrows furrowed out of curiosity. I knew their faces were familiar as they also worked on the stage with me in the Coliseum. Afraid that they might think I was ignoring them, I walked their way and shyly joined their group.

“T-Thanks . . .” I said as I sat next to them.

I looked down at my food, and was about to eat when one of them tapped my shoulders. That made me look at her. I was even stunned for a moment because her cat-like eyes were so fascinating . . . her gummy small teeth stood out when she smiled.

“Hmmn, may I know why you are wearing a laborer’s clothes?” she asked, eyes filled with curiosity and amusement.

“Oh, this . . .” I looked down at my clothes and awkwardly smiled. “Something unexpected happened a while ago. Clarence was kind enough to lend me her clothes.”

“Oh all right! Clarence is really nice, don’t you think so?” she told her pals and everyone instantly agreed, nodding their heads as if they had known Clarence for years.

“Yes, Clarence is very kind!”

“And beautiful!”

“I agree,” I added.

As I watched them, I couldn’t deny that I missed the old group I hung out with just before I went here. I recalled that moment when I was with Elijah and Veronica almost every hour, and never did I experience a single dull moment with them.

I sighed. I wasn’t sure why they crossed my mind all of a sudden. I was well aware that I shouldn’t think about them anymore. I had a new life here, with the pack where I truly belonged.

I proceeded to eat my food. The group I was with were loud and lively. They were talking about their mates, how they were marked for the very first time, how it felt and so on. It was too awkward for me to listen to their topic, knowing that I was a wolf-less one who hadn't met my mate, if I had one.

“How about you, Atasha?” Gypsie, the shewolf with the cat-like eyes glanced at me.

The others’ gazed at me too, excited to hear some good stories about me and my unknown mate . . . I cleared my throat and swallowed my food before I spoke.

“I haven’t met my mate,” I replied. I didn’t know why my voice came off with a sad tone but I immediately shrugged it away. “But I’m hoping that I'll meet him soon.”

Silence filled the group. Their awkward stare made me want to run away. I hoped I didn’t say something that would put me into trouble. I hoped they would understand that in every pack, there would be one or two who would struggle to find their mates.

“So you haven’t met your mate? You’re still a virgin if that’s the case!” One of them bursted out laughing.

I shyly tucked the strands of my hair behind my ear and no longer said a word. What would they think if I told them I was no longer a virgin even though I hadn’t found my mate? Would they ridicule me?

“Hey, hey! That’s alright. Maybe her mate doesn't belong to the pack. Maybe a human . . . or a vampire?”

“Oh, don’t even think about those things, Gyps. You know that unforbidden love between two kinds is a sin!”

“Just kidding though!”

I was about to continue eating my food when someone forcefully pushed my head down on my plate. Everyone gasped, including me. Shock filled my entire system as I felt all their stares were directed at me. My face heated in shame as I looked at them. Some of them were holding their laughter.

My chest tightened.

“Oh, no! I apologize, dear! I bumped into someone and I got out of balance. I didn’t mean to ruin your lunch. I am truly sorry!” A shewolf spoke behind me.

I took a deep breath and wiped the sauce and tiny bits of pork on my face.

“It’s ok—”

“My goodness! I should be the one apologizing here. I didn’t watch where I was going and reasoned why I bumped into you.” Then I heard Clarence’s panicking voice which made me turn around. I frowned when I saw her clasping her hands together as she tried to apologize. “I apologize, Atasha. Are you okay?”

My mouth ran dry that I had to swallow hard before I answered her, “No worries, Clarence. I’m okay and I understand . . .” I stood up and awkwardly smiled at everyone sitting on the bench. “I’ll just go to the washroom.”

My lips quivered as after a few steps I made, I started to hear laughter. That, out of anything, made me more embarrassed.

In the washroom, I cleaned my face with a heavy heart. It felt as if I was on the verge of something but whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, all I could see was numbness and the unknown sadness in my eyes.

I bit my lower lip, scolding myself that I shouldn’t feel offended as what happened was not intentional . . . it was an accident, and it was no one’s fault. Perhaps the situation was really funny, that even though they tried to hold back from laughing, they weren’t able to control it.

“It’s okay, Atasha. It’s okay . . .” I kept telling myself as I washed my face again.

Minutes passed, I decided to move on and proceeded in the Coliseum. No one was there yet because it was still lunchtime. I went back on the stage so I could do some polishment on my work but when my eyes landed to it, I could feel nothing but blind terror.

I covered my mouth with my hand, eyes widened as to how the mural got ruined by some splashes of paints, pails of paints were everywhere . . . I could have sworn that I moved them aside before I went out for lunch!

How could this happen?

“What the heck did you do, Tash?!” Leo shouted behind me, anger was evident in his voice.

I almost jumped in my place. I clutched my chest and turned to him.

“It wasn’t me, Leo!” I shook my head and walked closer to him. “I-I didn’t know what happened, or who did this . . . I made sure that the pails were moved to the other side before I took my lunch and then—”

“The entire mural was ruined! How could we fix this?!” He shouted once again, which made my heart panic.

My eyes went teary. I began biting my nails as my gaze went back to the mural. It was all ruined . . . what should I do?

I eyed Leo, jaw clenched and chest going up and down due to his heavy breathings. He stared at me suspiciously.

I reached for his hand and squeezed it. “I apologize, Leo. You have to believe me. I made sure that this area was clean before I went out!”

But then, his eyes still looked at me angrily, as if he didn’t want to believe what I just said.

“Hey, hey! What’s going on here?” Clarence ran toward us. I palmed my face and avoided her gaze. “Oh, shit. What happened, Atasha? Did you do this?”

I frowned. “No, I didn’t. I worked hard to finish the mural. Why would I ruin it?”

It felt like they were having a hard time believing me, and I began to feel so frustrated. Why the heck this day had to be so difficult for me?

I was only trying my best, but ended up getting embarrassed, offended and now attacked for something I didn’t even do.

“Tell me the truth! Are you trying to sabotage our plan? Atasha, the future of Silver Moon Pack is at stake, we don’t have any room for error! ” Leo grabbed my arm. I almost whimpered as he was gripping it so tightly.

I forcefully removed his hand on my arm and pushed him. “What? I am not insane to destroy what I worked hard for! I already told you that it wasn’t me!”

“Hey, Leo. Keep your cool,” Clarence said and stepped in between us. “Don’t be mad at her. She’s just starting out and it’s only normal for her to mess up.”

My mouth was left open because of what she said. I looked at her in disbelief. I shook my head as I couldn’t deny my disappointment. Even though I tried to explain myself to them, they didn’t care to believe me.

Clenching my hand, I avoided their gaze and looked at the mural. I felt totally sick with all these things that happened. I just wanted to go home and rest . . .

“Look, I’m sorry, Tash. J-Just make sure to fix this mess.” Leo’s voice became soft and apologetic. “Just please start all over again and make sure it won't be ruined, this time.”

“You can leave it to me, Leo,” Clarence offered.

“Alright, guide her please,” Leo said and then I heard him walking away.

Clarence tapped my shoulder which made me turn around at her.

She smiled. “It’s okay. I was that stupid too when I was a beginner here. It’s okay to make a mistake once, but if you keep repeating it, then it’s an act of foolishness.”

Rage pulsed through my veins . . . how could she say that to me?

I saw her hiding her smirk which flickered another wave of irritation within my entire system.

Clarence . . . what are you doing?

***

Walking home with shoulders slumped, face turned downwards and an overall feeling of heaviness and disappointment . . . It felt like I was trapped in a day full of misery. I wanted to scream to somehow relieve this heaviness inside my chest, but I was unable to.

I guess the only thing that uplifted my mood was the sunset itself . . . From where I was standing, I could see the red-orange sun slowly setting with its flaming beauty. It was like an assurance that everything would be alright, even after a lot of bad things that happened today.

I was a few steps away from my house when I noticed something strange on its window. I almost ran towards it when I realized what happened.

I almost fell on the ground as I looked at the broken glass, its pieces were scattered on the floor. I entered the house and saw the shattered vase on the side table. I looked down at the tiny ball behind my bed as my knees went jelly.

Would there be something more harsh than this? Wasn’t it enough that I had to endure a lot of trouble at work that even here at home, I had to face another one?

I made a deep breath, layers of unsettling emotions started to build up inside my chest. I felt as if the Moon Goddess had so much time to power trip me . . .

I couldn’t deny that I was on the verge of hating my life. I thought I’d be happy now that I was reunited with my pack, but the world was making me feel the opposite.

But who am I to complain? I need to get used to this. Atasha, you’re a cursed child, remember? Even though my hands partly shifted into wolf form, it doesn't change my living conditions.

I cleaned up everything with a heavy heart. Just when I thought I could take a rest after sweeping the floor, someone knocked on my door and when I opened it, I saw Clarence with worried eyes.

“Atasha, I need your help!" she stated and immediately grabbed my hand. “My mom asked me to buy some ingredients in the market that she’ll be using for our dinner, but I need to meet someone so important in the plaza. Can you please do me a favor and buy these for me? I’ll pick you up at the Central at seven.”

She handed me a paper with a list of ingredients and money for it. I had to admit that my body was too exhausted, but I couldn’t say no to her. I’m too shy to decline. Especially, she mention her mother who was nice towards me. In the end, I nodded my head and told her I’d do it. Soon after she left, I locked the door and asked a few werewolves in the street as to where the market was.

After almost an hour of wandering on the road, I was able to arrive at the market and bought those ingredients Mrs. Norwood needed for their dinner. After that, I wandered once again and asked some folks about how to go to Central.

When I reached the Central, I sat on one of the benches and waited for her patiently. I looked at the big clock on the old tower and saw that it was already eight in the evening. However, there was still no sign of Clarence everywhere.

I wasn’t familiar with the place, thus I didn’t know how to go back home. An hour passed and some shops began to close. Freezing while sitting on the cold bench, I held the bags of groceries tightly as if my emotions wouldn't be controlled if I didn’t do so.

I didn’t want to feel mad, but in my guts, I felt that Clarence was doing this on purpose. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but whenever I recall how my day went, picturing those embarrassing moments I had and how she had always come into picture, I began doubting her intentions.

“Are you alright?” an old guy approached me.

“N-No, Sir. I think I’m lost . . .” My voice cracked. “B-By any chance, do you know how to get to Norwood’s residence?”

Luckily, he said that he was their neighbor. It gave me a comfort of relief. He was kind enough to escort me back home.

“So, how long have you been here?” he asked.

“I’ve been here for days,” I replied. “I’m still trying to get familiarized here.”

“That’s okay, hun.” He smiled at me. “You’ll get used to this place sooner.”

After more than half an hour of walking, we arrived in our streets. I thanked the old guy who helped me and we bid our goodbyes. I immediately ran towards Clarence's house and knocked on the door.

I felt ashamed when her mom in her pajamas opened the door.

“Mrs. Norwood, I’m very sorry if these groceries were late.”

I handed her the groceries. I saw the confusion in her eyes.

“W-What are these, sweetheart?”

“Clarence asked me to buy some groceries that you will use for dinner, Mrs. Norwood. I got lost in the market, that's why I arrived late. I apologize . . .”

“Clarence? I didn’t ask her to buy me groceries. She’s not here as well. She told me she’d be out for two days and will stay at her friend’s home.”

I was shocked to hear it all from Mrs. Norwood. With my widened eyes, all I could do was gasp for air.

Clarence . . .

“You can take it home, Atasha. It’s getting late. You should take a rest,” Mrs. Norwood said and kissed my forehead. “Have a good night, sweetheart.”

“H-Have a good night, Mrs. Norwood . . .”

I went home and put all the groceries on the table. I lost count on how many times I sigh, confused as to why I had to suffer like this. I sat on the edge of the bed, wanting to scream but in the end, decided to keep all this anger in.

My eyes found the little ball that was thrown against my window.

I picked it up and was about to throw it on the door but my hand stopped midway when I noticed that there was a name written on it.

C. Norwood, as what it says.