Desperation

Astrid’s Point of View

I remained still.

In the deep part of the forest where all I could see was darkness and all I could hear was deafening silence, I remained still. Sitting on the ground, my back leaning against the huge log and my hands still holding Alex and could never let him go, I stared at the view in front of me blankly.

I was breathing, yes, but my entire body was numb… barely wanting to live after all that happened in my life.

I could not find the urge to be happy at all. I knew to myself that I should be happy, victorious and should be celebrating because my plan had finally succeeded, but there was no will nor strength that I could muster for me to do all that. It felt as though I was too exhausted… too weak to even breathe.

I wanted to be lively, but my entire body was making me feel otherwise.

“Is this the result of those plans we accomplished, Alex?” I asked my mate, caressing his cold and hardened cheek. Over the last couple of days, that was the only thing that provided me such comfort and warmth. The fact that I could still hold him and speak with him made everything a little bearable.

“I created that plan for me to get everything I wanted, but why does it feel like I am losing everything, instead of gaining something?”

I blinked once… then twice… and inhaled sharply. My eyes were too focused on the freshly bloomed flowers across me. I thought I would get tired of looking at them but for the past three days, they were the only view that helped me keep sane.

“I wonder if you are still listening to me, Alex…” A small and thin smile escaped my lips.  “I bet not. Maybe you are mad at me because I did not listen to you before. Perhaps you are still alive by now if only I had listened to you at that time you asked me to run away while the Alpha was killing Linda. Are you mad at me too?”

I looked down at my lap. His head turned so white as snow. His lips, which had always been so reddish and soft, looked so pale and swollen. His eyes were shut and even if I tried to open them, his eyelids were already hardened. Every feature of his face had changed. Skin was bloodless and cold enough to make my fingers quiver. The only thing that hadn’t changed was his hair. Though three days had passed already, it remained soft and shiny, and I could never get tired of combing it for him. He liked his hair a lot… I recalled him being so conscious about it every single time we went on a date, and I did not want to make him upset so I tried to fix it as always.

“How can I make it up to you, Alex? Tell me and I will do everything so that you will feel better.” My lips quivered as I looked down at him, completely lifeless and cold. “Tell me something I need to do so you can forgive me, my love….”

Tears started rolling down my flushed cheeks as I continued to gaze at him. I pulled him closer for an embrace, my cheek brushing against the coldness of his skin as I breathe.

“Please… please, look after me, Alex. I don’t think I can do this alone…”  I murmured, hoping that wherever he was right now, my plea would reach him.

My eyelids felt so heavy, and my gaze was unable to focus on the flowers in front of me. I exhaled loudly and let myself drown into the darkness.  I jerked my head. Leaning against the huge log, I let myself drown into the silence and dark oblivion. I shut my eyes and all I felt after it was the numbness of my senses.

***

“Astrid… wake up, Astrid… Your mission does not stop here. You have to find Atasha… You must follow her… Track her… complete the goal… she must suffer…”  said the familiar voice of a man in my ear.

It was Alexander…

It was a faint voice of him that made me wake up from my deep sleep.

Even though my eyes seemed very weak to open, I managed to slowly force them to do so. I gasped when I saw a hazy shape of a man squatting in front of me. He was all smiles, eyes sparkling with joy as he stared at me.

“Alex…” I whispered.

I blinked thrice and scratched my eyes a bit to clear my vision. When I looked back at the man, he was gone.

“Alex…” I called him. I was sure he was the one who woke me up. “Alex, where are you?”

I rose to my feet, chest tightening as the heavy emotions started to build up inside my chest. I looked around, trying to find him in every corner my eyes could see. Lips quivering as I walked slowly, all I felt was the intense desire to see him.

“Alex, please, come out!” I let out a shriek, and it was followed by the hot tears that streamed down my face.  “I saw you! Come out! Please, talk to me…”

I continued to walk, trying to find the faint voice I heard earlier but as I did so, I stumbled to a giant root. Alexander’s head fell and rolled to the ground. A pang of anxiety went through me as it continued to roll down until it reached the rapid waters.

“No… No… Alex!” I shouted in horror.

I tried to stand up. Even though my foot  was severely injured, I ran as fast as I could to save Alex. My heart raced so fast, and my limbs felt as if they were about to crush. Sobbing, I kept screaming Alex’s name as I went down to reach the river.

Alex’s head was floating in the waters, leaning against the big rock and seemed like trying to fight the rapids that would flow him into the falls.

My eyes widened as I saw the end of the river, a cliff… I shook my head and tried to find something that would help me get Alex’s head.

When I found a long stem, I took it and immediately put it in the water, but the waves were so intense and fast, making me unable to maneuver the stem to get into Alex’s direction.

“Alex, hang on tight. Please, don’t leave me…” I said, crying as I tried to use the stem to get him.

However, despite my plea and faint prayers, Alex’s head was not able to hold a little longer. As the waves continued  to flow, Alex went along with it. I watched how he floated and made his way to the cliff, and then he was gone…

He was gone…

He left me…

Forever…

I screamed in despair. My hot tears streamed the same like a river as I glanced over the cliff.  I clutched my chest as I was unable to breathe. It was as if there was a big lump forming in my lungs that added to the excruciating pain I was feeling.

Alexander was the only person I had… Why did he have to leave me this way?

“Alex… Alexander… Please come back to me…”

Those were the final words I managed to whisper right before I lost consciousness.

***

The blinding sunshine of the sun had woken me up. As soon as I opened my eyes, a small gasp escaped my lips.  I could feel the dryness of my mouth… my face and entire body. I sat up and the first thing I saw was the calmness of the river in front of me.

I swallowed so hard, making me feel the pain in my throat.

“Water…” I crawled near the river and leaned down. My shaking hands fetched some cold water and I drank it. My body slowly regained the energy and refreshment as I continued to drink water.

I recalled what happened when my gaze landed over the cliff.

Alex’s head was gone…

I swallowed once again. My chest started to tighten, making me prepared for another endless tear that my eyes would burst any moment, if not for the faint voice that I recalled in my head.

It was Alex’s voice, and I was so sure of it. He wanted me to go on despite his disappearance in my life. He wanted me to continue where I left off.

He wanted me to follow Atasha and make sure that our plan would be completed…

“Is this what you really want, Alex?” I murmured.

A lot of thoughts whirled around my head. One of it was the curiosity about what would happen with Atasha in the Crimson Moon territory. Alex was probably right that I had to follow her to ensure that our plan would succeed. And that alone was the only thing that would give me relief.

Alex’s death would never be ignored.

I had to see it myself that the Alpha of the Crimson Moon pack will face his death. Alpha Gregory should suffer the consequences of killing Alexander, of taking him away from me forever… That filthy Alpha did not deserve even the air he breathed. He must be terminated too…

With that in mind, I had finally decided to go on with this life.

Alex may not be physically here but I knew he would guide me until I finished everything.

“You are with me… will always be, Alex…” I whispered.

I inhaled sharply. With the sheer determination and courage I mustered, I rose to my feet and started to travel.

For me to be able to find and enter the Crimson Moon Pack, I must go to a very helpful person that can lead me the way and cast a protection upon myself.

I did not waste any time and traveled all the way back to the Silver Moon Pack territory. It was almost two hours of travel before I got to set foot at the familiar land of the pack that ceased in an instance.

As I looked around the area, I could no longer see any werewolf alive. All that was left here were the dead bodies, burnt houses and the aftermath of the war that happened.

Among the dead bodies I saw was my father’s…

His feet were ripped into pieces, eyes were still opened but already breathless.

“That’s what you get for siding with Atasha…” I said through my gritted teeth.

A tear escaped my eyes but I instantly wiped it with my own hand. Without any remorse or regret, I turned my back on his dead body and continued with my journey.

I crossed the familiar corn field which I hadn’t visited for the longest time after Atasha was cursed.  After almost an hour, I reached my destination.

The abandoned church…

I inhaled sharply and reminded myself of the goal I must accomplish. This was what Alex wanted me to do, and I would do everything so I couldn’t fail and disappoint him.

“Witch!” I called when I entered the church.

My eyes roamed around the area and it seemed like it didn’t change for a bit. The place was still dark and eerie. The Altar still had the statue of a goat with a human body, skulls everywhere and the cold breeze made me feel like wanting to run away.

But no… I would never run away.

“Witch! Show yourself! I need your help!” I screamed in desperation with my hands clenching firmly. “I need you to help me with my plan! I am begging you to help me!”

I looked everywhere, even turned around to face the double doors to see if anyone would enter but to no avail.

Not until the air shifted its motion.

“Astrid Greene… It's been a while. How can I be of help?” said the familiar deep voice of a woman.

I smirked and in an instance, hope filled my chest.

“Diva,” I called her name and turned around to meet her gaze.