32

I stare from my bedroom window into the darkness of the dense forest and the distant mountains, rising like sinister slashes in the night, and try like crazy to feel him out there. Focusing everything I have in sensing him, connecting in some small way, just so I can fill that empty void of sadness that I have carried with me all day. His absence is like ripping out my soul and tossing it aside carelessly and nothing I have done can distract me form how much this hurts, how much I want him to come home to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I’m emotionally weary, exhausted and have cried stupidly, on and off since I came to our room alone. Hating that it just amplifies how empty this place is without him.

Since the fog appeared all parts of our bond seem to be severed and nothing works, not even being able to feel his emotions or pain anymore. It’s like he’s dead, nonexistent and I can’t do anything except helplessly gaze for signs of our pack out there in the shadows and grasp onto the love I have for him and the hope that we can undo this.

We spotted them all day, through the trees, circling, watching us hungrily. Trying to get in, always aggressively attacking the walls if we ventured too close and now the whole village knows exactly what’s happened. How could they not. They could see them, hear them snarling and growling and they spotted their Alpha running wild and looking feral as he personally checked every inch of the perimeter for a way in.

The fog dispersed enough to see through it as though a murky morning haze lies over everything out there, but it’s not completely gone, it’s just spread further and wider and no longer condensed as it was, and we have no idea how many miles it stretches. For all we know it could be spreading far and wide and taking in packs galore as it creeps through the states.

One of our villagers came and told us her mind link to her pack family on the mountain ceased to work and I know that means the fog has possibly reached them too. The mountain has no protection against this, not in the way we do with the rune border, and I can only assume all are lost to this spell and engulfing their own mountain like ravenous zombies seeking something to devour.

This is the vampire’s new weapon, and we never saw it coming at all; we weren’t ready. Much like we never saw the frequency box coming and suffered such awful consequences of its first use against us. The fog is a much more efficient tool than the frequency ever was though. It’s turning our own people into their soldiers and doing their bidding for them. Turning on their kind, probably out there savagely mauling one another and I don’t doubt the mountain and beyond without magical protection has suffered more losses of our people if any had escaped the initial enchantment. I doubt many could get away from it though, so in a way, I guess being turned is safer than being out there unprotected. I can only hope that if they did escape the smog, that somehow, they have managed to find a shelter that our own kind can’t penetrate to get at them.

I don’t know if it can get inside the homes and the buildings as we have a distinct advantage living behind a barrier and no wish to test it. I wonder how many wolves beyond our lands have been affected, beyond Santos, or if the reach of the fog can only go so far seeing as it’s so much thinner now. I guess it has to elongate and spread until it’s not got anymore to distribute. I wonder if in its diluted state it may be less effective and less likely to affect us as quickly if we went out there.

I also wonder if maybe Meadow was right and the fog has to stay for the enchantment to work; that should it disperse for long enough would it somehow break the spell? It’s something that has plagued me all afternoon as I saw it clear up enough for us to see through the trees and it lit a tiny candle of hope deep down in my heart.

How long would that take? Days? Weeks? Months? I can’t live like this without him for even hours, so I don’t think I want to wait it out to see if this will just fade off and release them by itself. It’s only been one full day and my heart is bleeding with the absence of his touch, his laugh, his eternal warmth and attentive nature. I’m craving him like a drug that will kill me the longer I am without. The people are low, their hearts are heavy and the loss of our alpha hangs over all of us like a dark cloud.

My bed is cold and empty, uninviting, so I’ve not even tried to get in it since coming here to rest. The house and the surrounding grounds are almost silent, and you can feel the loss of our pack in every atom around us. The males and femmes out there are missed by every single house in the village, while we mourn for our loved ones and can’t escape the weight of grief it’s brought down upon us. There’s no joy, there’s no childish laughter or happy squeals in the air. All day it was as though Tawna was not the only wolf we need to lay to rest.

I checked on carmen through the day, but she was asleep and looked painfully peaceful in her vulnerable state. The doctor kept her medicated out of kindness, but I have asked to speak to her before we leave tomorrow. She needs to know what’s going on and not get secondhand information from others after I leave. It’s the least I can do, because if it were me, my own guilt and self-blame would eat me up knowing it was my mother that caused this. If it was me, I would emotionally take responsibility for all of it and I can only assume Carmen will too. She brought her here to keep her safe and yet gave her a means to end her life. I know how I would take this blow and I don’t think Carmen is as different to me as I first thought.

Her mother was bait. The vampires saw an opportunity to lure as many of us as they could, further than we have ever ventured. It’s why the kill was new. They waited and dragged her as far as they could until we started to get too close. Then they killed her in a frenzy and spread her body because they knew we wouldn’t leave her there. Wolves are respectful of the dead and our need to bury our own with ceremony meant we wouldn’t turn back. They made it so we couldn’t just pick her up and leave, because they needed time. To keep us out there and distracted while they put their spell in motion.

They had to know a wolf was about to run into the forests in an attempt of suicide, and they made full use of it. They must have been brewing their spell and waiting, getting ready, for a time when enough of us were out beyond our borders and away from our magical wall. Vampires possess some who can see things like seers do, and they have witches whom I know get visions, so I wonder if one of them had a dream that Tawna would run out and look for them to do what she couldn’t for herself. Kill her to end her misery and her mate’s life.

I think they know we have protection, I mean, with a witch among them she has to know she can’t get near the homestead in any kind of way. I don’t think we were the main target; I think we were one of many and just happened to give them a reason to do it now and an opportunity to add our numbers to the casualties. It’s rare for so many of us to be out there unprotected and if it wasn’t for Tawna, then we wouldn’t have gone out at all. I don’t want to lay blame at her feet, I don’t want to be callous but that pit of anger and despair in my heart cannot help but think of her, and what her actions have done. She left us with chaos that goes beyond the trauma she inflicted upon her child.

Meadow and I will leave at first light, taking the main road out and hope to god the pack out there don’t follow. My powers can buy us time and keep them far enough from the jeep but if they follow us all the way to New Mexico I have no idea how we will keep them off. Sierra figures she can protect our vehicle from the fog somehow and spent hours in the spell rooms looking for anything that might help us stay safe on our trip.