74

“Carmen asked me to deliver this and inform you she has retired to her room. She hopes the Luna understands she needs to lay down for a little while.” He answers a question before I even ask, and I sit back when the chicken salad and pasta is laid out before me as he retreats in the same direction as Meadow and Leyanne. I have no issue with Carmen needing alone time, I’m just saddened that she carries everything alone.

“Thank you.” I throw after him and push my plate closer to Sierra seeing the monster portion Carmen has sent up. I think she took eating for three as a literal guide. It’s almost overflowing and most definitely is too much for even one half-starved wolf.

“Want to share?” I smile softly at my Rema, but she shakes her head. Her eyes steady on me, as she seems to be reading my posture, thinking something through.

“I ate already but go ahead, you look tired and famished. Now what is it you want to talk about. How was the journey? Did you see Colton out there?” Her voice is strained, obvious emotion lingering in her throat at the mention of her son and I wonder how many times she has seen him through the fog and saw how feral our pack seem to be. I can feel her agony at how they’re living. Like wild animals out there.

I know showing her the memories first will and answer all her questions, and tell her what it is I want to share, but I don’t want it that way. I want her reaction face on, from my own words, to see the light of happiness break in that sad expression. I pull her hand to mine and cradle it against my cheek impulsively. Needing my adopted mother’s touch as a grounding force for my chaotic emotions. I take a steadying breath and rip off the band aid.

“You’re going to be a grandmother…. To twins.” I breathe it out finding it weird to say the words loud, so matter of factly, my heart suddenly hammering in my chest. She gasps and retracts her hand in shock as she covers her mouth, overwhelmed and not expecting this statement, while tears spring to her eyes. I can read her instant abundance of happiness and it warms my cold soul, reassuring me a little that this is not as awful as it seemed at first.

“You’re…. you’re sure?” she begins to blubber, her words broken, her mouth trembling. Emotions frayed, which pushes my own to frazzle too and my eyes mist over. Regret and longing hitting my heart that I would give anything for Colton to be here for this. There’s a hint of tension that she doesn’t want to get her hopes up, an underlying glimmer of fear because I know she suffered so many losses when trying to carry a child.

“Well, I only have the witch’s word for it, but I intend to have the doctor confirm at least the fact I’m pregnant tomorrow when we’ve all rested well. She assured me on the best way to carry to full term too, so don’t worry. Okay?” I throw it out there, seeing the smoothing of her brow as that niggle is exposed and she smiles so widely it’s almost like being beamed on by the sun.

“If Leyanne says it’s so, I wouldn’t doubt it. Oh Alora, I’m so happy, Colton’s going to be so …” the words die on her lips and her joy diminishes into real tears of pain as his name slices a wound in both our hearts. The effervescent mood tumbling back to the abyss with one simple word.

“Yes, he will…. when we get him home. Because that’s what’s going to happen and there’s no other way that’s going to go.” I state, sounding surer than I feel but knowing I have to believe or else I might not get through another hour. Colton’s absence alone is draining me so badly.

“You heard what she said….” Sierra whimpers uncharacteristically.

“I know, and we’ll deal with that when the time comes, but for now, how about we just enjoy this moment? Take it for what it is. I’m carrying Colton’s babies… my babies. Your blood…a chance to relive all those things you lost out on. Helping raise two healthy pups and experiencing all those firsts again.” I inject a lighthearted tone, grab her hand and squeeze it tight. Trying to sound excited for her sake, knowing how important this is to her.

Sierras eyes lift as do her brows, as some of the joy returns at my words, drying her eyes and she nods brightly. Her mood wavering but she can’t conceal the genuine happy.

“You’re right…. My son’s little ones will be so like him, all over again, only in double. I’m so unbelievably thrilled.”

Deep down, I think part of me is even more joyful for her than for myself at this news. For right now anyway while I have so many burdens and worries to carry about their existence.

Sierra’s loneliness, her pining for what she lost, maybe my children can play a part in healing her wounds and giving her, something only watching a child of her bloodline grow can give her. It’s not exactly a do over, but its close enough. She’ll have more than just Colton and I to adore and cherish and my babies will fill her heart in ways we can’t. They truly are a blessing.

“Okay, show me what I missed, then I can go the rest of my evening bubbling over with happiness at this wonderful news. These children are going to be so loved.” It seems after a moment to absorb it; her energy and excitement finally shows face. Like she needed my permission to forget about the fog for a second. It raises my spirt and I smile at her, basking in the warmth she gives, but then my face falling as I realize I now have to fill in the gaps too.

Oh boy…..

Now the part I’m not looking forward to and knowing that she’s going to see everything that I did. She’s going to find out I’m way more vampire than I ever knew I could be. I’m not exactly happy about that.