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“That makes sense. Instead of fighting from the first step, me make a run for it straight to the mountain in the tiny time gap we have open. If we’re lucky we distract them around the base while Leyanne gets in with the ones needed to distract the vampires. Cuts down the time we need to keep fighting against our own and minimizes failure.”

“Is the plan… split us in two and take a species each to distract so the witch can go alone?” Carmen finally nestles into the grass and mimics Meadows habit of ripping out strands of grass while thinking. I know it’s such a tiny movement and insignificant, but by merely sitting down with us, getting on our level, it warms my heart and makes me want to hug her. That step to come closer and be involved again, like she was when we went looking for Leyanne. It’s so stupid to get emotional over it but I do, and I blink at her as my eyes mist over and try to conceal it. Damn hormones, from these two minis inside me are making me soft.

“It’s the only plan we have. She needs to focus her powers on witches and spells. Not keeping vampires and wolves at bay.” Meadow answers her while I pull myself back to normal. Realizing a lot of my up’s and downs these past weeks are probably a lot to do with being pregnant before I knew I was.

“So two dozens of us, several dozen of our pack to get through and probably the same number of vamps… wow, we’re really making life easy.” Carmen tries to joke with that heavy sarcastic way she has but it’s the reality and it’s depressing. All things are weighed against us.

“Wolves will kill wolves, you know this?” Meadow brings us all back to somber with her words and we all lower our eyes to the grass as I slump down onto my butt away from aching calves. No one has wanted to talk about this, even though it’s been hanging in the air since we knew we had to go out there, but we can’t keep ignoring it. The ones enchanted will fight to kill, we know this, while our own, they’ll fight to keep them at bay and hope that the spell breaks before someone dies. We don’t want to hurt our pack, we love them and know this isn’t their fault, but they don’t have any reason to restrain themselves against us. To them, we’re enemies they don’t know but only hate.

“Maybe the fates will bless us and no lives that are wolves will be lost in this.” I murmur, lacking conviction because even I know that’s a far reach but I have to hold onto hope.

“If we don’t’ all come home, I want you guys to do something for me… please. I know it’s an ask but….” Carmen pauses mid grass tugging and takes a silent heavy breath as though trying to steady her emotions. We both turn to her, surprised she has a request, given how self-sufficient she always acts. “Put flowers down for my mom every year. She was innocent in all of this…. She never did wrong to anyone. She didn’t deserve to die that away.”

“Carmen?” the tears catch in my throat and I throw my arms around her impulsively, reacting to the pain in my chest that swells up by what she said. “You can do it yourself. You’re one of our strongest and fiercest, I have no doubts you will be one who comes back.”

Meadow leans forward to her in my embrace and strokes her hair, for once not seeing green at my kindness to the girl, instead offering affection, and she agrees.

“You skanky puta, stop talking nonsense. Your ass is way too cursed to take the easy way out and you’re going be bugging me for eternity just because you can. I’m not so lucky to have a way to get rid of you so easy, huh.” Meadows light tone, and sassy self break the mood and I giggle at her through misted eyes. Carmen laughs too, so unexpectedly it seems to completely change the mood, through a show of tears at Meadow and shakes her head. A sudden warmth between the three of us, a solitude of being sister wolves with one common goal.

“I have no fight left… I’m tired. I don’ t think I’m meant to come back from this. I’m just meant to make sure you do, especially these… I see that now. It’s why they chose him, as a message to what’s important, and he rejected me for the reason he did.” she rubs my stomach gently from her awkward angle, stunning me with her open affection and a show of Carmen’s caring side, and sniffs noisily. “I knew as soon as that witch told you about these, that it’s why I was brought back. To stop it happening to you, what happened to me… I don’t know how, but I felt it. These two, I’m supposed to make sure they live… whether I do or not.”

I stare at her, eyes wide in open mouthed shock. Trying so hard to grasp the pieces together of where she even got that and the clogged feeling in my throat almost kills me. Moved back to tears by this show of softness, a declaration she will protect me and my children and sacrifice herself. The girl who hated me most, and stood in my way, just swore to be my shield and ensure the future of my babies. I can’t conjure words as they stick in my mouth and my heart aches with so much. Meadow swallows loudly, her own eyes once again damp.

“I loved him…. These womb fruit…. they’re part of you both, and I love them too. My bond to your brother gave me a bond to you as a sister…. I care about you, even if I never wanted to. Your stubborn ass, clingy, little do gooder self, who wormed her way under my wall. God, you’re so irritating in that wholesome sweet way I hate. No wonder he likes you.” She smiles at me, somewhat in a mocking way, trying to take away the fondness in her tone but it doesn’t reach her eyes or touch on the sadness I see there. It tugs a smile from me regardless; a warmth she’s finally admitting we have some sort of friendship but an agony that she is only doing so because she thinks she is near the end of her life. “I know it’s crazy, and doesn’t make sense, but it does to me. I know it’s what I’m meant to do to redress everything. I’ll make sure no harm comes to you and my life will be yours. Just remember me and take her flowers.”

I don’t know what to say and Meadows stunned silence mirrors mine. A new heavy tension crackling around us.

I know it’s Carmen’s fatigue and her emotional state talking and I in no way believe she has this right. But she’s convinced herself and given herself a purpose to feel somehow worthy… because she still thinks she isn’t… she’s wrong. My babies don’t need her sacrifice, they need an aunt, and I’m going to do everything to make sure she comes home as long as we do. She’s my family now, even if my brother didn’t accept her. She’s my sister. Just like Meadow is.

“Carmen, no, that’s not how the fates work. They wouldn’t make you sacrifice your life to save others.” Meadow tries to reason, finally finding a hoarse voice but Carmen shakes her head, and I can see this if futile. She’s mentally in pain and I guess the human part of her finally broke. Jasper was the last shove of pressure on a thin and dwindling thread. He took the last ounces of her light and it breaks me inside to know this.

“Isn’t that what Sierra did? So why not me too? I’m okay, really, I’m at peace with it…. I don’t plan on leaving your side unless I die. I swear to you, Luna… you’ll come home, and I’ll go accompany mom through to the other side.”