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“The twins are hybrids. Angelics, actually. Then meadow, her mother was a shifter, not Lycan, still a wolf, but different. She’s fierce because she’s multi gifted, like you are, and my father made sure no one knew his son pack-bonded with impure breeds. He couldn’t do anything about them, as they are all Santo by blood and he’ll never shame his own bloodline or admit that most of the pack come from interbred unions. There are hundreds of supernatural species, wolves are highly sexed horn dogs, they will fuck anything.” delivered with a callous smirk and a hint of pride at his own species being hoes. Only a man would actually be proud of that.
“Eww, Colton!” I slap his arm, stinging my own fingers in the process, grossed out and a little offended with that last sentence. It’s hardly admirable in a species who also like to mate for life when they pick the right one.
“It’s true and the biggest secret of all. The haze doesn’t just make us want to bone each other… it’s a free for all and has been for centuries. I’m pretty sure my father isn’t even a hundred percent Lycan. He can’t trace his roots any more than anyone else and the history books are complete fabrication, with every alpha removing parts they deem shameful. They’re bullshit … like him removing prophecies. I would put money on the fact that the Santo wolves being all shades are a massive nod to us being mixed species. The original Lycans were always brown. Brown with amber eyes …. most of the Santos are grey.”
“Why am I only knowing this now? How long have you know all of this?” I blanche as my head spins and it’s like I’m relearning the entire history of everything I’ve ever known. All while he’s over there like Mr. Cool. taking it in his stride without barely even a blink that our entire existence is based on horse shit. The nausea envelopes me fully and I get a little lightheaded with the number of explosions going off in my brain.
“Not long. The Shaman, he’s with us, and finally no longer bound to his alpha Juan because I’m the rightful leader and he doesn’t have to obey my father anymore. He can now unleash all he knows without fear of the fates punishing him for betrayal. He’s a wealth of knowledge. Like what having red eyes in white wolves really means and why you had extra strong powers.” He raises a knowing brow at me and even that clicks into place.
“You knew?” I gasp at him, sitting up tall and leaning at him in utter disbelief. That statement makes my head spin and I honestly can’t even with him right now. My stomach is all in knots, my palms sweaty, and I think my lungs were on the verge of packing in with the fear of his reaction, and he already fucking knew!
“I’ve known for a couple of weeks. It all slotted into place when I found out and now, I guess I know why you found it hard to home in on your abilities and why they weren’t run of the mill wolf gifts. I’ve had time to get used to it, you might say.” I slump back, rubbing my temples with my fingers as everything blurs slightly and the lack of oxygen from gasping hits me between the eyes. I feel woozy.
“What else did he tell you?” I breathe out, feeling surreal now.
“Nothing really that important in our current situation. Just general history of our people and the fact you’re not the first like you. Neither was your mother. He knew nothing of my mom’s whereabouts, her breed, or anything about my father’s actions before he came to the Santo house seven years ago. The Shaman previous to him died, and he came to us from my family’s origin in Colombia. He never really fell for my father’s bullshit and has always kept his peace and distance from the pack elders and the sub packs loyal to my father.”
It all explains why in the room after imprinting he was the one to intervene and Colton always said he trusted him. Now I know why, and it clicks together, another puzzle piece falling into place. Another random tidbit from our combined past that had more meaning than either of us comprehended at the time.
“Everything is crazy, yet all seems to tie together. Even us.” I drop my hands on my lap, still leaning my head against the rest and suddenly so very exhausted with thinking, feeling, talking. Everything taking its toll, coming to a massive head, and draining what little energy I have left inside of me. I’m heavy and weighted down in so many ways, all while his presence is screwing me up and I want to curl up and shut it all off for a bit.
“I knew. About us…. Like the whole witch thing. Something in me; it wasn’t a surprise when we imprinted. It’s like I always knew, yet somehow my brain didn’t know how. Maybe I have her visions and somehow when she bound me, I lost the memory of them. I can’t grasp it, but it’s like all of this was always out of reach of my fingertips, but I knew it was there. When it happened, it was like déjà vu in a sense.” Colton casts me an apologetic look and I get that hint of regret, slowly filtering my way as if he’s lifting the wall between us a bit at a time and yet it’s too late. A dimple appearing with a coy boyish half smile that doesn’t do anything to lift my growing black cloud.
I just glare at him, making sense of it but at the same time hating on him all the more with what he just admitted to me. If he knew somehow, then why the hell did he let me go? Why did he reject me?
“Then you’re an even bigger idiot.” I snap, emotionally done and this adds another layer of fatigue to what I can’t handle as it is. Turning my head and staring out the window, tensing up and bristling with that same pain all over again and fighting my own stupid tears. I’m getting so fed up with feeling like shit when it comes to him. And he sits and admits that he maybe knew I should have been more important to him all along. Screw him. It crushes me and I no longer want to talk and figure all of this out. I want him to leave me alone.
“I learn from my mistakes. I’m here, aren’t I?” I can feel his eyes on me, but I refuse to look. Heart stricken with a clawing gnawing slicing agony.
“You can’t undo what’s done. Just drop it, okay. Now isn’t the time to talk about us. We need to get your mom someplace to wake her up, see what the hell she has to say about all of this and how we unbind these gifts that are somehow going to do something in the grand scheme of things.” My voice is low and raspy, I sound upset, yet probably tired, and I can feel him eating away at me with his eyes as he tries to read me.
“I can’t believe I ever doubted you weren’t going to be the Luna we all needed. I was wrong… to doubt you, to doubt us. I really am sorry that I wasn’t what you needed. I can’t tell you how much I regret everything, baby.” There is genuine sorrow and it’s just another nail in his coffin.
“Don’t okay. It’s been a long freaking day and I’m exhausted. I want to close my eyes and think about all of this later. I feel like my head’s going to explode and we’re not even getting the whole picture yet. I’ve been running for so long and I think my body is finally giving up on me.” It’s a hint, turning fully away from him as I try and get comfy on the worst seats ever invented as we bump along a relatively smooth road. Colton looks at me; a long drawn out pause of seconds and relents, exhaling heavily. He knows defeat when he senses it.
“Try and sleep, the manor is a while away and it’s not like I’m about to let you out of my sight anytime soon. We have time to talk. I think I need the headspace too, to figure some stuff out. I can’t believe my mom is laying out behind me. This is all so surreal.” There’s a lightness to what he says, and I blank it.
I curl up against the window fully, not like I needed his permission, but I’m grateful he’ll leave me be. He still has it in his head that I belong to him, even though somewhere out there, most likely this manor, he has an actual mate and he needs to remember that. I’m not his, he’s not mine, and when Sierra wakes up and unbinds me, then we need to figure out how to keep our distance and navigate this if we’re all going to get through it.
Colton’s story and mine, it’s going to head in different directions when Sierra tells us what to do. We both need to accept that and deal with it.
