27

I shouldn’t have said that to her… She just makes me crazy lately. It’s like I have no patience for her and no real guilt over what we did. I know that makes me shitty, but we were bonded, and she has no idea how hard fighting that is… In my head, we didn’t do anything wrong, even though I know technically I cheated on my girlfriend. But she wasn’t anymore… I mean…. We imprinted! … And that pretty much meant you were my mate from that second on, and it blanked out all other feelings for her. What we did, was what we were meant to do.

He stops, and I inhale heavily. Guilt instantly thudding down on top of me from my own heart and not his, pushing my irritation button all the more and I answer abruptly. Not sure I want to be the one he pours all his Carmen issues out on. I mean this alone is making me feel sick with the stabbing pain it’s inflicting on my heart. I still feel the same way about him, so I don’t know why he’s trying to talk to me about her.

You don’t need to explain this to me.

In other words – I don’t want to hear this.

I know it’s just, this whole thing sucks. It’s a mess and despite her being the one I’m supposed to be working things out with, I never stop thinking about you.

I inhale sharply, and insta-tears sting my eyes that I try to shake away. We went through this already and it’s futile talking about it again. I know what we are and that there is nothing we can do about it. This is pointless and only drags out the agony of knowing so. He walked away and left me alone for these past weeks to really let that hit home. This, now, it’s all just fallout from something bigger than this mess. The attack brought him to me and nothing else. His survival rests on mine too.

Please don’t. I try and shake him out of my head, but I’m too tired, to close the link when he is this near.

I know. I made my bed, right? I chose. And it’s not like this could ever work. My father would never allow it. I just don’t get why the fates would throw us together like this if we can’t ever be together. They’re meant to be the all-seeing power, and every choice has a reason. What reason did they have to do this to us? His angst is evident, and I agree, but the way he’s rambling makes me lose all patience with him. Burned with my own pain, frustrated with all this Carmen bullshit he’s throwing at me and now this, what sounds like regret, and wishful thinking, and questioning our entire belief system as though he had literally no hand in this at all.

We were always taught to never question the powers that be, and this kind of crap could have all sorts of consequences for him. Wolves are superstitious as hell, and condemning the fates is like breaking a mirror, crossing the path of a black cat or worse! Not to mention, he’s really getting me mad. It’s like he isn’t listening to the words coming out of his own mouth and his utter Prince Santo privilege just plain pisses me off. He has no idea.

You know better than to question the fates, Colton. Don’t tempt a curse. We shouldn’t question.

I try a diplomatic, please shut up in a stern tone, but he misses it entirely.

Why the fuck not? They gave me you, and an inability to do anything about it. They made us love one another, in a way that nothing will ever be able to kill, and then they made sure we couldn’t ever act on it. This is a curse! I can’t even be around you without someone busting my ass, let alone touch you.

I fall silent as I pull on the last item from the pile, gritting my teeth at his pigheaded denseness, as that ember erupts into a little flame, pushing my nerves taut. A small candle sized one, that hits in the dark recess and instantly glows, and grows, to epic proportions of robust flame, that moves me to dress faster with a hostile last tug to secure my pants. My blood boiling as it overtakes me, and I sweep my hair back with sass and grab the door handle angrily.

Yanking the door open, surprised to come face to face with him as he’s leaning his forehead against the door and I almost face butt him full on. His eyes glowing with the turmoil of his emotions, but it does little to dampen mine. It only notches my inner fury up another click. They meet mine and lock on in that special way we have whenever our eyes connect, the sizzle, the connection, but he isn’t expecting the response that comes out of me. Nor the rage. That little burning flame of crazy that explodes at the sight of him.

“You didn’t even like me before that night! You didn’t know me! This, us, it’s not real. It’s something implanted inside of us by something up there.” I point skyward, aggressively, glaring at him. “We would never have fallen for one another, never have crossed paths in any kind of way if it wasn’t for the fates. I wasn’t on your radar, and to be honest, I didn’t even like you anyway.” I shove him back out of my space with a push to his ab’s, so he clears the doorway, and he just gawps at me like I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have! “You don’t even remember me, do you? … Before that night. I didn’t think so! … You need to pull your head out of your ass and remember that. Carmen was the woman you loved and planned a life with, and you chose her…. Loud and painfully clear! You said the words to me, and this is done. The fates didn’t stop us, Colton, you did and your family, and everyone else in this hell hole that confined my kind to a dark hole on the outskirts and left us there to die. So don’t you dare tell me how awful this is for you, because you have no fucking idea what awful is until you’ve walked in my shoes for the last ten years of life. You have Carmen, you have a pack, a home, and a fucking choice in all of this. I never did! The fates didn’t punish you with this, they probably expected you to man up and do what they told you to do, for whatever reason they decided on us! You did this to us! You did this to me! Suck it up and shut the fuck up!” I have no idea where this angry dress down comes from, but I deliver it in a raspy, accusatory tone, right into his face. No fear or wuthering wallflower, cowering in front of an alpha of the pack. Just an angry girl, in the face of a stupid boy, who bruised her heart and is pissing her off by denying his part in it. A powerful frustration filled lecture, snarls and throaty growls included, and I lock a penetrating gaze on him pinning him where he stands as though I could impale him with looks alone.