54

The pack is getting uneasy and Meadow mentioned that he hasn’t called any kind of communal since, as though he’s avoiding any real dialogue with any of us. He knows the pack will have questions about this. He brought me to them, made it seem like I might have a chance and then snubbed me as they were beginning to accept my presence.

He’s caught inside his own head as he tries to work things out, but we’re losing time. Ticking away slowly as the full moon approaches in its cycle and I don’t think I can take much more. Logic is telling me to give up on him, but I don’t want to accept this is it. That he’s done and given up on us after what he said to me. My heart doesn’t want to believe he could be this way.

I’ve been lost in my own thoughts, anxious, obsessing, crying, and worrying myself sick with the chaos of this lack of closure. I’m not being a cold idiot and cutting him off, or avoiding him, like he is me. I would talk to him in a heartbeat if he let me. It’s like he just abandoned me after dumping me in his sub pack, with no idea what I’m supposed to be now, how to feel, and what I’m meant to do after the full moon.

If he marks her where do I go? What do I do? I’m only here because of my link to him. I’m not a Santo, I don’t belong here and although the sub pack seem to be warming to me, I’m not bonded to them. I’m not one of them, and Carmen will kick my ass to the curb the second he marks her.

She’ll be his beta, until she takes her place as Luna, pushing Meadow down the ranks, from merely becoming his mate. That’s how it works. She’ll have more say than any of them and I can see Colton allowing her to move me out for the sake of their pairing. She hates me with a passion and spends all her time either drooling after him or throwing me shade. It’s just a waiting game until she has that power to finally eject me.

I exhale heavily and pull myself up off the grass where I’ve been sitting cross legged for the past ten minutes, ripping at strands absentmindedly, letting my mind run riot, as Meadow strolls on up beside me and slumps down too. She’s barely flushed, no evidence of panting after scaling thirty-foot tree climbs, and almost no sweat has formed on any part of her at all. I’m over here looking like I rolled in a puddle, red faced, and having a cardiac arrest some twenty minutes after I did it, and she’s utterly unaffected.

I have to admit though, in only a few short days, my stamina is improving, and I no longer hit the shakes and near vomit like the first time we did this. I’m getting stronger.

“What is it when men today? I swear, I must be getting my own cycle, because I want to stab idiots in the head. It’s like the haze is coming in and making them all stupid, or loco.” Meadow falls back on the grass, seeming very athletic in pink leggings, and matching sports bra, that enhance her natural assets. Cesar has been driving her mad the past few days, with his overprotective side kicking in, as Juan upped the training schedule and started pushing his agenda a little harder. He’s been all over her, shadowing her through the course, stopping her before any he thinks might be dangerous, and meeting her fury at molly coddling her. Males can’t help it, even if their femmes are capable, it’s that need to shelter their mate.

The haze is mating season, and yes, it’s fast approaching, and can make the males a little crazy possessive, over sensitive, and willing to wrap their mates in wadding. It’s an inevitable part of our year, which thankfully is short lived, but sees every male and femme who’ve been turned go into horny overdrive. Most mated couples don’t leave the bedrooms for days on end. The unmated are fair game, and result in rushed unions after it’s over, many markings out of unwanted pupping’s have been borne in the past. It’s craziness. I’m not looking forward to it coming at all, seeing as this will be my first year on this side of the fence and I have no idea how it’s going to feel. Especially with a head and heart invested in a guy who intends to mark another.

Meanwhile, the villagers around the mountain are refusing to budge with, only a few actually moving to the makeshift accommodation Juan has been building. I know this is angering him and it’s denting his ego that these people don’t see him as the authority he thought they did. After all these years of swanning around, thinking his transition to ruler was set in stone and no one would dispute it.

His anger is obvious and the show of force yesterday as trucks came in, depositing screaming women and children in the camp, hinted that he’s snapped and started to take them against their will. It’s horrendous, and I watched in horror as women with bound wrists, roped so they couldn’t fight, were hauled out and unclamped to be reunited with hysterical children from another truck. He separated them. Taken babies from mothers in a bid to keep them compliant. Their mates following soon after, giving up the fight and coming to submissive control to be with their families.

Who does that?

It left a mixed feeling among the Santos and everyone has been on edge, nipping at one another, having to police the new additions in case they try to return home. You can feel the utter disgust in the air around us. No one questioning their alpha, but no one agrees with this. The Santos aren’t as bad as I used to think they all were, and it’s obvious that many are not like Juan at all.

Colton was beside him on the podium when the first trucks came in, and he couldn’t stomach it for more than seconds. Saying something to his father, I could see his aggression peeking, his expression thunderous, his eyes glowing even from this distance, and his actions animated as though showing his disapproval angrily. They argued and Colton stormed off and stayed out of sight for the rest of the deposit. The elders all looking on in silent agreement with Juan, showing who exactly in this hierarchy were the empty hearted and power hungry with all the control. Traitors to their own kind.

It feels like this place is turning into a prison, much like the home was, with wardens and it’s fast collapsing around Juan’s ears as wolves begin to question this in the corners and hallways. You hear the whispers, but they soon fall silent for fear it’ll get back to him. Everyone knows he’s ruthless and will punish any one of them, blood or not. He has his own lethal pack of war bitten psychotic wolves who do his bidding. His elders, his brother, and his beta. Four deathly loyal sub packs at his beck and call if you dismiss Colton’s. Strong enough of a mini army to get wolves to fear them. Juan’s untouchable and has the force to back up his claim to being the uniting alpha. He rules with fear, not respect. There’s no care in his heart.