IT SHOULD FEEL GOOD BUT IT DIDN'T

My fist tightened around the pen drive as I watched them laughing together.

The umbrella was half covering their faces from where i was.

I was the butt of the joke. They just fucking played me like a fool.

I felt so stupid right now, God.

They lied to my face.

'Lesbian?'

'Not interested in guys?'

'Just friends?'

Please how fucking stupid and gullible could I be to believe that ?

Maybe she didn’t care that he was with another girl.

Maybe she didn't care That he had kissed me and turned my world upside down, moving slowly and taking his precious time with it.

Maybe they were in an open relationship or not exclusive and so she didn’t care about him kissing me.

She might have found it funny that I was trying to get her jealous and mad because of a mere kiss.

Did she have to lie to me? It’s easy to ask me to fuck off and say that you don’t care.

I don’t understand why she couldn’t just tell me straight forward.

I prefer brutal honesty to lying to my face.

That was what they were both doing.

Lying to me.

I hated being taken for a fool so much and the omg this waterworks. Tears sting my eyes but I wouldn’t be crying for him. He didn’t deserve my tears. Not at all. Not after everything he has done to me.

He’s had enough of my tears.

I look back out again and see that he’s turning on his laptop, about to work in her presence.

Was he that comfortable with her?

Was he going to show her his work just the way he showed me?

Was this something he does to woo girls?

It doesn’t look like a ploy that works but shit, now we know it does.

How dare he make me feel special that he was giving me a piece of himself when in reality I’m just getting scraps of his lies?

I look at the pen drive in my hand, it was blurry in my sight as tears cloud my vision.

I said we are not crying, Aaliyah get your emotions in check. What is this?

You’re not even on your period, for crying out loud.

Something wet falls on the drive and its decided.

I was definitely crying about this. Deep breaths Aaliyah

Let’s count sheep or something instead, I thought to myself but tears just fall harder and faster.

Fuck him.

Fuck him to the hottest pits of hell and back.

I go to the other side of the room and open the window that overlooks the woods.

The wind blows through my hair crazily. At this floor with the curtains opened, it is quite expected.

I take one last deep breath before flinging it outside.

I watch it as it falls

down and

down and

down, and into the trees.

If he was lying about how important this drive was to him? Then good for him but if it was real at least then I just had the last laugh.

No one messes with me and gets off easily like that.

I sit on my bed, my heart pounding from what I’ve done. But it didn’t even make me feel better. I still felt empty.

I go downstairs to have a drink to calm my racing heart.

I’ve just thrown all of Kieran’s work and dream away. In just one second. I’d flung it out my window without hesitation, without question.

It should feel good but it didn’t.

I hurt him just like how he tried to play me, right?

So why I’m I not getting any gratification from it?

No satisfaction.

I open the fridge and take out some orange juice, pouring it in a glass and taking a sip.

I notice dad’s phone on the table and go to give it to him but something stops me. It’s a mail from the desert company. I keep forgetting their name. It must be the project we discussed at the table the other time.

Curiosity gets the better of me and I open to check the message.

“Dear, Castles and Waters

We are glad to receive this amazing proposal from you. We are well known for rejecting offers of mergers from foreign companies because most are untrustworthy and end up trying to overtake us in the business. Most are racist and stereotype us to be barbaric and not business smart but we are glad that you have seen the good we are capable of and what we have done. We see that your organization and ours has similar organizational goals and do not associate work, skills competence and knowledge based on discriminatory grounds. Therefore, we have decided to make our first ever merger with you. We would like to hold a meeting and discuss details. Please get back to us and let us know what date would be best for you.

Yours sincerely,

Marabam Malls Ltd

Abdul Raman.

I can’t believe my eyes so I read it again and again.

Kieran was right and I was wrong. I should be happy that we got the merger but still I couldn’t help the ugly feeling of knowing he was the one to completely suggest this. That he had won and I lost.

I try to control myself to see the light and have better judgement but it is too late. The detest i feel towards Kieran had already buried itself deep into my soul.

Maybe that’s why I did what I did.

Or maybe that is also all me, and I’m shifting blame onto something so I can lie and say I’m not a complete vile bitch with a screwed up brain.

I reply the email

Dear Marabam Malls,

We are excited to receive your mail showing interest in our proposal but it’s unfortunate we are no longer interested. We apologize for any inconveniences caused.

Thank you,

Castles and Waters

I send the mail and block the sender before deleting the thread and downing the rest of my juice in one go… and then leaving the phone at the exact place I took it.

I was just going to pretend as if I didn’t just do the worse thing in my bitter pathetic life. I drink all the juice, going to get another drink.

I lift up my head, only to find Kieran leaning on the door frame bare-chested and looking at me.

Wait, did I say looking?

I’m sorry, I lied because he wasn’t just looking.

He was glaring at my demons, my dark, my angry, bitter and envious soul.

The look in his eyes says he had caught me red – handed. My hands begin to shake as my eyes widen in realization of the consequences of my actions.

I take a step back and the glass falls on to the carpeted floor, crashing and disappearing into the soft carpet floor.

I open my mouth but to say what ?

I don’t know.

I’m lost for words