BEHIND HIS COLD FACADE

LUCAS' POINT OF VIEW

I'm listening to a solemn song while walking in the open ground of the University. The cold wind brushing against my skin is very soothing.

I saw a comfort room nearby so I decided to passed by to wash my hands. I momentarily stop when I noticed that someone was inside too. I hesitated at first but I managed to collect my guts.

Why would I be reluctant in the very first place anyway? It's just Greyson.

"Yeah, the first man who broke your heart," my subconscious mind said.

"Lucas," he suddenly called my name that makes my heart leaps a bit. Damn it, hold your horses.

I respond to him with a slight nod. I stared at him on my peripheral vision. I got confused when he smiled out of the blue.

"What are you smiling at?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing."

I wrinkled my forehead. "You're weird."

I was about to exit the room but he suddenly grabs my arm.

I look at him with confusion. "Do you need something?"

"I miss you."

My eyes widened. An expression of shock ran across my face. What the fuck is he saying? He's probably not in his sane mind.

I fend off his grip. "Y-You're crazy," I said and furiously dash outside.

I'm panting and gasping for breath when I finally meters away from that suffocating room. I wipe the beads of sweat forming in my forehead and sit on the bench that I saw.

I close my eyes for a fleeting moment to calm myself, yet the fast beating of my heart did not alleviates. His words keep on ringing inside my ears, like a broken disk that never leaves my system, - and it's infuriating.

"Damn you, this is all your fault!" I screamed my lungs out. I'm confident that no one will hear me even if I shout loudly because this place is sequestered.

The mossy tree trunks, chairs and tables zoom in my eyes as I look around the abandoned park. Suddenly, my gaze focuses on the familiar table situated in the middle.

As if spellbound, my feet made its way towards it. I smiled bitterly when I saw the faint marks of our carved names.

"Shit," I whispered and look above to stop my tears. "Don't you fucking fall, damn it."

But I failed miserably, as the forest whispered its seraphic breath, my tears cascade down my cheeks.

The wind seems to speak nostalgia as memories flash upon my eyes.

•••••

5 YEARS AGO

I'm skipping through the hallway of the University in silence when some bastards dragged me inside a room. Several chairs were scattered in the floor. The dust covering the bookshelves and the broken window panes are enough proof that this is an abandoned library.

I squeezed my eyes shut when I felt a stinging pain in my stomach.

"Damn it," I uttered as I crouched down on the rough floor.

I didn't have the chance to defend myself when one of them kick one of my legs.

"I told you that we're not done yet, right?"

They continuously kick my legs until it was limping. I just cover my head and whimper while they are kicking me.

Someone grabs my collar and punches my face without any hesitations. My eyeglass fell down and broke, blurring my vision.

I raised my head and look at them with contempt despite the pain coursing through my body. They are the scoundrels whom I encountered in the cafeteria yesterday.

"What are you staring at? Do you want me to beat you more, huh?" the man in the middle said and raised his knuckles, but his fist was left in the air when someone opens the door.

"What the fuck?!" the newcomer exclaimed as his gaze settled at me surrounded by these imbeciles.

"Who do you think you are to intrude here?  Get out!" one of them shouted.

He smirks. "And if I don't?"

His answer seemed to triggered their petty asses.

"I want to wipe that smug look on your face," their leader said and dashes towards him.

He hissed and dodged his punch easily. The bastard's eyes widened, and the guy took advantage of his situation and kicks his legs. It looks like that the bastard did not expect the guy's move and loses his balance before falling face-flat to the ground.

"Argh!" He shrieked as he fell with the loud thud.

The other two attacked him furiously as well. But before they could even land a blow, he immediately grabs his collars and greet his face with a hard punch. He turns around swiftly and attack the remaining one from behind.

He scooches and grab their leader's jaw. "Get you and your cronies' asses out of this room if you don't want to borrow a face from a dog,"

Even I felt a shiver down my body when he said those words. The leader nodded agitatedly and run outside.

I groaned when pain strikes my abdomen again. Damn it.

He looks behind and walk towards me. His eyes widened when he finally saw my face. I remember him too, I think he's one of my new classmates. If I haven't mentioned it, I'm just a transferee in this University.

He hissed. You're just a new student and yet you were already involved in a brawl?" he said nonchalantly.

"I-I did not start the f-fight, though," I said weakly.

He held my arms and scrutinized my body. He grimaced when he saw several bruises and wounds on my legs, arms and face.

"You're badly beaten up. I'll bring you to the clinic. Come on," he said and assisted me to stand up. He wrap his arms around my shoulder before exiting the abandoned library.

"Aw! Can you please be more gentle?!"

He chuckled at my crumpled face.

"Sorry," he apologized and continue nursing the wounds on my face. He asked the nurse earlier if he's allowed to treat my wounds, and the nurse eventually agreed.

"Anyway, I almost forgot to ask you this. But why are those bastards picked a fight on you?"

I rolled my eyes. "I bumped into one of them while I was looking for a seat in the cafeteria yesterday. I spilled a juice on his uniform but I immediately said sorry. However, that scumbag started ridiculing me in front of everyone else. I thought they would stop already, but just this morning, they dragged me inside that wretched room. I didn't know that this prestigious University tolerates delinquent people," I said grimly.

"Why didn't you fight back though?" he asked while putting a bandage in my bruise.

"Do you seriously think my thin body could stand a chance against them?" I responded sarcastically. "Aw!" I winced when he accidentally touch the wound on my lips.

"Sorry," he said with a smile. "Do you want me to teach you?"

"Teach me what?"

"Fighting, you know. I'm a black belter," he said smugly.

"Thanks but no thanks. I don't intend to resort to violence," I responded in a blank tone.

He rolled his eyes. "You're so boring."

"I'm not. Books are better company than humans," I said indignantly.

Our eyes momentarily locked with each other.

"Your eyes are beautiful," he said out of the blue

My cheeks turned red that made him chuckle. "T-Thanks? I guess."

Silence fell over the place for a few moment.

"Oh, it's done already!" he said and stood up.

I smile genuinely at him. "Thank you, Greyson."

He told me his name a while ago.

He pinches my cheeks. "No biggie. Don't bother attending our class for now, I'll just tell our professor what happened and excuse you."

I was about to respond when three people barged inside the clinic.

The gray hair guy sighed. "What the fuck? We thought something bad happened to you," he said while panting.

"We're worried when you did not come back to class, then a student told us that she saw you entering the clinic," the other one wearing a hooded jacket said.

Greyson chuckled. "I'm fine, I just saw him getting clobbered by Gregor's group, and I helped him. Nothing to worry about. By the way-" he turned to me. "these are my friends, Carter, Lincoln and Asher."

They greeted me and I just bow my head timidly as a response.

"We'll get going now, if you need something, just call Ms. Costa," he bids and pats my shoulders.

After they left, I slump wearily on the bed and closes my eyes. Too much happened for my second day in this school.

Greyson and I became closer after that incident. I think he's the only person in our class that I can say is a friend of mine. I'm naturally an aloof person who prefers to be a wall flower rather than being in the spotlight, but whenever I'm with him, I can always show my eccentricities. Maybe because I'm comfortable with him.

"Do you like someone right now?" he asked while I'm teaching him an Algebra concept. Greyson's not really good at numbers- it's his worst enemy.

We're currently in our favorite spot in the University, the park behind our building. This place is really quite and peaceful that's why we often go here to unwind.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Love and shits are not my cup of- Aw!" I blenched when he suddenly flicked my lips. "The hell is your problem?!"

"Language and profanities, Lucas," he said with a playful grin.

I hissed. "You curse a lot more than me, idiot."

My eyes widened when he suddenly stands up and leaned closer to me.

"Then what are you gonna about that, Lucas? Do you want to punish my lips too, hmm?" he asked in an obvious seductive voice. And I swear, I can feel every hair in my body standing on its end as I stare back at him.

I averted my face, which I'm certain is already as red a tomato. I couldn't handle the intensity of his eyes. Damn him and his flirtatious innuendos.

"W-What?" I asked, stammering.

His laughter broke the awkward atmosphere. I glared at him while he almost died laughing.

"HAHAHAHAA. Damn, your reaction is so f-funny, HAHAHA," he said, wiping the tears of joy on his eyes.

I rolled my eyes and hit his head using my notebook.

Everything seems to be going well. My stay in Ridley University is great so far. I may not have a lot of friends, but Greyson is enough.

But that's where I'm wrong, because I did not foresee the catastrophe waiting ahead of me.

"Shit, where did I put that goddamn notebook?"

I rummage the insides of my bag. I tried to find it in my locker earlier but it's not there either. I sighed in frustration.

"Are you looking for this?"

I raise my head and look at the person who spoke beside me. My blood run cold when I remember his face, it's Gregor along with his cronies who are trailing behind him.

My gaze settled on the thing he's holding, and my nervousness intensified.

"G-Give that back, p-please," I asked in a low voice.

He grinned. "And if I don't?"

I close my eyes tightly. "P-Please, I'll do everything, just give me back my diary," I pleaded.

"What are you doing here?" someone suddenly interfered. Instead of calming down, I became more apprehensive with Greyson's presence.

I look at Gregor pleadingly, but he ignored it and turns to Greyson.

"Oh, here comes the boyfriend! Aw, what a lovely scene. Are we about to witness the cliché knight in shining armor saving his poor princess from the hands of evil?" he asked scornfully that earns a mocking laugh from his friends.

Greyson's forehead wrinkled. "What shit are you saying, you fucktard?! Do you want me to beat that hideous face of yours again?!" he exclaimed.

Gregor shook his head while hissing. "So it's true."

Greyson's brows snapped together. "True what?"

"That you are this nerd's boyfriend."

Silence. Everyone in the cafeteria seemed to stop moving as silence took over the place. A lot of students passing by heard Gregor.

"What? Is that true?"

"So you mean to say, Greyson is gay?"

"I know right! That's awfully disgusting. Greyson's looks is such a waste."

They spout those homophobic remarks like a venom, and I have no choice but to bow my head in embarrassment.

"W-What are you saying?" Greyson finally found his voice and asked.

"I read this nerd's diary, and guess what I found? His confessions for you. That's another level of sweetness, isn't it?" Gregor asks sardonically.

Tears brimmed my eyes. I wanted to leave this place, but the fear petrified me in my seat as I waited for his answer.

"It's not true."

"What?"

"Lucas and I are not in any romantic shits."

Gregor huffed. "And you expect me to believe that? The two of you are too close with each oth-"

"No!" Gresyon cuts him off. "I-I'm just bored and p-playing with him."

My eyes widened. I look at him in surprise.

He grinned at me. "What? Do you seriously think that I'm genuine with my friendship with you? You're funny," he said, a hint of disdain was evident in his voice.

"Don't come near me again, faggot," he said and walked away.

I swallowed a lump. I roam my eyes around, and everyone's eyes are gleaming with disgust as they look at me.

Gathering all the strength I could muster, I push Gregor out of my way and leave that dreadful place.

That was the start of my infernal and terrible life. I became the laughing stock of the entire University, and the person whom I expected to stand beside me did not even bats an eye. Whenever I tried to look at his eyes, all I could see is indifference.

Indeed, life is a series of fuck up events.

•••••

I was pulled out my reverie when I felt tears soaking my cheeks. I didn't even realize that I was crying already.

"Damn it, why do I even need to remember those memories?"

I sighed heavily and sit. Starting that day, Greyson and I didn't get the chance to talk again. I started to changed myself too, I became more aloof and distant from people, afraid that the same thing might happen again.

I'm really glad that my predicament has came to its end. Everyone eventually stop ridiculing me when the University Council made an action to address it.

But even though several years had already passed, deep inside me, I can still feel the pain and anguish that scarred me. There are still silent nights when those memories hunt me to sleep. Greyson's words earlier probably triggered those reminiscence.

I shook my head before lifting myself up, sitting here and acting like an emotional wreck will not benefit me anyway.

If you'll ask me if I'm still mad at him, I'm not. I learned how to forgive him in the proceds. Dwelling and getting stuck in the past will just make my stagnant. My heart might be bruised, but I learned how to move forward and let go of the old pain.

You can't start the next chapter if you keep on re-reading the last one.

I plugged my earphones in and walk out of the park. My forehead creased when I noticed the bunch of students running towards a certain direction, some of them even bumped on me.

"H-Hey." I called the girl who's running towards the same direction and held her arms. "Uh, what's with the commotion? Why were you guys running?" I asked.

"Oh, you haven't seen the cops? They just arrived a few moments ago."

I became more confused. "Cops? What do you mean?"

"Another student was found dead again."

My breathing hitched. As everyone around me joins the turmoil, I was rooted in the midst of the loud crowd. My eyes followed the commotion, and they were all running to the place where I just went earlier, on the comfort room. And Greyson's image suddenly flash through my mind.

I swallowed a lump as my heart beats erratically. "N-Mo. T-They are not pertaining to him, right?"

I collect my resolve and dash towards the commotion. A lot of students were gathered in front of the room to take a peek, but I managed to get in front. I didn't even care about my crumpled uniform anymore, I just want to make sure that he's safe.

"Despite everything he has done towards you, you're still concern about him. Talk about being stupid," my subconscious mind chastised me.

I squinted my eyes on the exposed area of the room. I can see blood spilled on the white floor, and every passing seconds is suffocating me. But what really caught my attention are the black petals scattered around.

I heave a deep sigh. I'm right, the catastrophe is too far from its ending.

"Students, get out of here! I'm requesting everyone to go inside their respective classrooms and let us handle this!" a baritone voice conquered the apprehension surrounding us. At the same time, several uniformed personnel emerged from the crowd while carrying a stretcher.

I was pushed back when the students made a way for them. They enter the comfort room and clean the mess. I look around and saw the faces of my classmates from the crowd as well.

"Oh my God! Is it Greyson?"

"Shit, w-who did this to him?"

"T-This is getting out of hand. The consecutive deaths in our school is starting to scare me."

I close my eyes momentarily and sighed. I wiped off all the emotions on my face and left the place. I fought the urge to look back and just continue walking.

When I'm certain that no one can see me anymore, my knees quivered, and I finally permitted myself to bawl my eyes out.

I don't want it to happen, but it has to happen.