XXIV

“Mar, have you had dinner tonight?” her mother, Maggie's silken voice came through the phone as Emerald grabbed the milk carton from the refrigerator.

Almost as if the guilt ate into her, she blinked rapidly a couple times before clearing her throat, unsure of whether to tell her mother that she was just about to eat dinner at past 10p.m at night or that she would only be consuming a few of her famous baked goods accompanied by a glass of cold milk.

Her mother had a strict rule against eating late at night, eating measly or insubstantial amount of meals and most importantly, not eating anything at all.

Emerald knew that this rule was made the utmost prioritized law in her mother's constitution all because of her. She remembered how she had made herself suffer from the bottomless contrition that had devoured her soul at such a young age.

She remembered all the pain and agony she had inflicted on herself with the desperate need to relieve herself of the regret that had filled her heart and entire being.

She had hated herself, despised her very existence and she had made sure to leave an indelible mark on herself. Everytime she looked at the scar, she would remember how she didn't deserve to still be given the chance to breathe such free and fresh air offered by mother nature. And just like that, she relived the guilt all over again.

Before the rue could fill her whole heart, her mother called out to her. “Maree! Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes mom. I am,” her voice came out hoarsely as she looked down to see her right hand wrapped around her left wrist, her mobile device was held between her ear and shoulder.

Hurriedly, she unclasped her hands from each other. She hadn't even been cognizant of when she had moved her hands exactly.

“Are you sure? You don't sound as cheerful as you did some seconds ago,” her mother's voice came again with a concerned tone laced stubbornly around her words.

A sad smile graced Emerald's lips as she wondered what she had done to deserve such a loving and tenderhearted mother. She had done nothing good to deserve such painstaking love from her. All those years and even now, the only thing she had given her mother was pain and worry.

Despite her disturbing and tormenting thoughts, Emerald forced a laugh in attempts to ease her mother's worries.

“I'm really fine, mom. I was just worried about the punishment you might want to give me for. . .uhm, not intentionally. . .” she deliberately stressed the word. “. . .breaking your utmost rule,” she whispered.

She heard her mother heave a sigh on the other side followed by a very familiar chuckle in the background.

“Lulu? Is that you?” Emerald called out with a wide grin on her face.

“Piccolo!” Luca's baritone voice exclaimed through the phone, his thick Italian accent accentuating his every word.

Everytime Emerald heard his voice, it reminded her of how her mother had fallen in love at first sight – or rather, at first hearing – of his sexy and deeply husky voice. Her mother's words, not hers.

Maggie had fangirled over him for days, ranting endlessly about how his first–rate husky voice coupled with his thick Italian accent had sounded much more dulcet than the melodies from a symphony orchestra.

As a young adult, Emerald had watched her mother fall into multiple daydreams and trances for almost two weeks before finally meeting him again at her restaurant when he had brought his — at the time — adolescent daughter, Armani for their father–daughter dinner.

Since then, they had hit it off and had gone on multiple dates before finally deciding to date. It had taken them almost half a year before they had eventually agreed to date each other.

Both parties had been really worried about their daughters’ well-being that they had been willing to jeopardize the happiness they gained from spending time with each other just for their children.

For Emerald, Maggie had been reluctant to get too close to Luca due to what had happened with Emerald's own biological father and for Armani, Luca had been particularly cautious about going far with Maggie because of what he and his daughter had had to suffer from the hands of his ex–wife.

Both of them had fallen abysmally in love with each other yet they had been hurting themselves just for the sake of their daughters. When Emerald had discovered, she had blamed herself once again for making her mother suffer but instead of drowning in her bottomless ocean of depression, she had played Cupid and had helped both parties get together. But of course, she had done it with Armani's help.

Emerald had to admit that notwithstanding her age, Armani had been a really intelligent and helpful kid. And in no time at all, they had created an unbreakable bond betwixt themselves.

Having seen the fulgent grin that had gained control of her mother's face when Luca had asked her to be his girlfriend, Emerald had known that she couldn't have asked for anything more than to always see her mother happy and she knew that Luca was just the right person to give her such warm fuzzies.

Her mother deserved a fresh start; a second chance at love that was sure to end happily ever after, this time around.

“Come stai, amore?” he asked, his signature Italian accentuation shining vividly through the phone's speakers.

“I'm doing good, Lulu. Thanks for asking. How 'bout you? How are you doing?” she settled on the kitchen stool as she proceeded to begin consuming her dinner after placing the milk carton back in its rightful position in the refrigerator.

After meeting Luca, Emerald had further educated herself on the language of the Italians other than the basics that she had learned in high school while Maggie, her mother, also knew bits of Italian since Luca had volunteered to teach her, although, she wasn't as fluent as the others.

“I'm perfectly fine, amore. Il mio amore here. . .” his voice gained an affectionate timbre and Emerald could tell that he was talking about her mother. “. . .is taking excellent care of me. I feel just like a neonate,” he chuckled amusedly before a yelp followed after.

Emerald laughed, knowing that her mother had probably hit the poor man and her suspicions were confirmed when she heard him trying to coax her with sweetly amorous words.

She rolled her eyes before clearing her throat in hopes of regaining their attention. “I'm still here, you know?”

“Oh, I'm so sorry, piccolo. I totally forgot about you.”

“Hahaha. Funny, Lulu,” she watched as drops of water trailed down the side of the glass cup containing the cold milk. “Tell me, how is my Armi doing? I've missed her so much. Even much more than I miss you guys,” she smirked.

“Hahaha. Funny, mimma,” Emerald laughed, aware that her teasing had worked. “Well, Armi has been missing you a lot as well but lately, she's been really busy with school. Running helterskelter, trying to finish up some projects and whatnots. You know how she is. Studious and exceptional, just like you.”

Emerald smiled. Although she missed her. . . younger sister and was worried about her well-being, she knew very well how intelligent and willing Armani was to learn. The formerly thirteen year old girl had been so intrigued and proud of the nineteen year old Emerald that she had aspired to be just like her soon–to–be older sister.

Emerald had believed greatly in the little girl because even at such young age, she had shown immeasurable determination and great potential. So, everyone had been more than elated when Armani had gotten into the same Harvard University at the age of seventeen – a year older than Emerald when she had gotten in – to study architecture.

The atmosphere couldn't have been more exultant for the whole family and Emerald couldn't have been happier that even with her accursed life, she had been able to make a positive impact on someone's life.

“I'll try calling her sometime soon then. She shouldn't overwork herself.”

“Mhmm, that'll be good. Now, how are you, Emerald?” his tone was serious and Emerald knew that as he had called her by her full name, he meant business.

“I'm fi—”

“Ah. Ah. Ah,” he interrupted. “Think well before answering me. You know how much I hate lies,” he warned earnestly.

She sighed. “I'm not lying to you, Lulu. I really am fine. Not a single thing has been out of place here. Although I miss you guys very much, but other than that, I'm good.”

There was really nothing wrong with her, at least for now. But even if there was, the last thing Emerald wanted was to dump her problems on their shoulders like she was that dependent little girl years ago. A little girl who had been scared of even the slightest pin drop.

Yet, that was what scared Maggie and Luca — the fact that Emerald was too independent. They were afraid she would end up hurting herself by trying to solve all of her problems herself. She really wasn't living up to the saying, ‘A problem shared is a problem half solved.’

But they couldn't afford to push her or pester her any further. That was something else about her; if she was being pestered or pressured to do something or to voice out, she would only recede and shut everyone out even more. The best thing was to let her know that they would always be there for her whenever she needed someone to talk to. And that was what they did.

“Fine. Prendersi cura di voi stessi, piccolo.”

▬▬▬▬▬

Jordan stared at the tray of food that had been sitting on his nightstand for some minutes now. When he had emerged from the bathroom, he had met his room filled with a delectable aroma with an underlying scent of a very much familiar redolent fragrance — an indication that she had brought his meal as usual.

It had been close to a week now since the first time she had brought him dinner and he had given the condition of only eating her meals if she continued to serve him dinner every night.

Other than the first night, the other nights that had followed, she would only quietly walk into his room, drop the dish, speak the now repetitive sentence of “I've brought your dinner. Goodnight,” as though she were a robot or she would just set down the tray and walk out without calling him out to know if he was even in the room.

He wondered if she was being cold because of how he had snapped at her the other night and had accused her of wanting to poison him but he had been peeved and those words had tumbled out of his mouth without any prior thought of what damage or hurt they could cause.

Sighing, he raked his hand through his wet ebony hair before heading into the closet and reemerging fully clothed in comfy raiments. He stood, still looking at the packed tray as he let his thoughts roam his mind in the dimly lit room.

His dark brown eyes scanned the room and his ears were filled with the earsplitting shrill of silence. It was quiet; too quiet. Jordan was a man who embraced the quietude. He welcomed such familiar emptiness, yet for the first time, he didn't want to be embedded in the same abyss that he had always allowed to swallow him.

For the first time, he felt lonely. Truly lonely.

Coming to a conclusion, Jordan carried the tray of food and walked out of the room before heading down the stairs. The living room and hallways laid in the wake of the darkness yet there were rays of light coming from the kitchen. Like a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Like a beacon of hope.

He arrived in the dimly lit cooking space to find a body hunched over the kitchen island. It was Emerald. He stood completely still, taking in her form. She was dressed in an homespun cotton shirt which was twice her size and a pair of thigh length shorts.

Her golden hair was in a messy bun and she seemed to be engrossed in her thoughts. He contemplated going back to the room but the overwhelming urge to escape that deafening silence made him take a step towards her before moving further and taking a seat two chairs away from her.

A few seconds passed before she finally noticed his presence. Surprise flitted across her face, followed by confusion before her signature blank look made its nest on her visage.

As they stared at each other, Jordan took his time to look very well at her. Her smaragd eyes looked dull and weary, her usually confident and straight shoulders were slumped and her posture looked like she was slouching. Clearly, something was bothering her.

“Why are you here? Are you done eating?” her tone was emotionless as she spoke, shifting her eyes away from his when she began to feel uncomfortable beneath his burning gaze.

“No,” was all he said.

Her eyebrows rose at his reply, “Then why are you here?”

It was his turn to look away now and suddenly, he found the dark marble top counter fascinating as his eyes shifted downwards. His eyebrows furrowed when he couldn't come up with a good excuse as to why he had come downstairs.

He couldn't possibly say that he was lonely. How would that sound?

“I didn't want to have dinner in the room,” he finally said and proceeded to remove the lid off the covered meal.

“Oh,” was all Emerald could say before returning to stare at the chocolate chips shining vividly on the two remaining chocolate cookies in her plate.

Silence engulfed the both of them as Emerald returned to her thoughts and Jordan began eating, all the while watching the distant look that filled her eyes as she stared down at the baked goods.

Jordan didn't know if he preferred the strangulating silence that currently cloaked them or the lonely one that had been a penumbra of desolation back in the room. Either way, he didn't like both, so he cleared his throat and began,

“Why aren't you eating dinner?” he asked awkwardly. He wasn't one to instigate conversations so it was new to him.

That seemed to snap her out of whatever daze she had been enshrouded by. She blinked rapidly before looking up at him. Her eyes held amazement as she stared at him. The feeling howbeit, was mutual as Jordan also didn't know what he was doing or why he was doing so.

Looking back down at the plate and glass of half filled milk before her, she replied. “This is dinner.”

His eyebrows pulled tightly together at her words. He looked down at what she had given him before his eyes shifted to what she was eating. “But you served me this.”

She had made him Cajun shrimp and rice skillet while she was here eating a few cookies with a glass of milk. Jordan was confused.

“If you're worried that it might be poisoned, I assure you it isn't. Unless you want me to taste it again,” her blunt words came as a jab to him.

Now it was confirmed that she still held his words at heart and she was still angry. “That's not what I meant,” he mumbled and the stillness settled in the kitchen once again like a thick fog.

“I'm not a heavy eater, especially at night.” Feeling as though her words had been too harsh, she finally spoke, answering his question.

“Oh.”

As the muteness settled in again, loud footsteps followed by the voices of two people arguing filled the kitchen as Logan and Oriana descended down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, only to stop abruptly at the sight of the man seated beside their friend.

For a moment, all four of them only stared at each other and although begrudgingly, Jordan took it as his cue to leave the room. But before he could move an inch, Oriana spoke up.

“Oh! I'm famished. What's for dinner, Mera?” she walked into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face and Emerald couldn't tell if it was fair dinkum or phony.

“Good evening, Mr. J.K,” she greeted Jordan but was unable to meet his eyes. He nodded, clearly confused by her behaviour.

“Yeah, Meme. What's for dinner? I could perceive the aroma all the way from upstairs,” Logan walked in as well. “Good evening, Mr. Kale.”

Jordan nodded again before looking at Emerald who at the same time, also looked at him. She was also confounded by their uncanny behavior.

“Well. . . Uhm, I made some shrimp and rice skillet with Cajun seasoning. It's over there in the pan,” she pointed and watched as her two friends hurried towards the pan, fighting for who would take their meal first.

Although Jordan found their actions juvenile, he couldn't help but be amused and when he looked over at the woman seated beside him, he found her shaking her head with a dazzling smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

Her previously dull green eyes now sparkled gently as Jordan continued to stare. He quickly looked away when she turned her head to look in his direction.

“Are you guys going to eat here?” Emerald asked, surprised when she saw her friends taking their seats in front of her and Jordan.

She didn't think they would want to be in the same room as him.

“Yes, why? You don't want us to?” Logan asked.

“No, of course not. I was only asking.”

“Then let's dig in.”

And together, all four of them had their dinner; two of which ate hurriedly like pigs while the other two could only watch in amusement while occasionally stealing glances at each other.

▬▬▬▬▬●●▬▬▬▬▬

Translations

Piccolo — Little one

Come stai amore — How are you, love?

Il mio amore — My love

Mimma — Child

Prendersi cura di voi stessi — Take good care of yourself.