XXXI
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A/N: The latter part of this chapter contains some triggering contents explained quite explicitly. Suicidal attempt and near insanity, amidst other things, were mentioned and if any of my readers cannot handle such content, please skip the latter part of this chapter, especially the part after the third demarcation graphics (▬▬▬▬▬).
I repeat, Skip the latter part if you cannot handle such contents. Thank you.
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For the first time ever, the usually dark room was filled with beautiful blinding lights. For the first time ever, the curtains weren't thick and heavy enough to not be lifted by the breeze of dawn or penetrated by the rising sun.
For the very first time ever, the curtains were drawn to the side and the windows left wide open to accommodate the candescent presence of the beaming rays from the fulgent sun peeking behind the towering buildings of the East.
A pair of half closed eyelids fluttered open, paving the way for familiar grassy green eyes to emerge and soak in the beauty of the lucent room. Her gaze moved to the open window as the parted curtains caught her attention.
But today, Emerald didn't groan at the sight of the refulgent rays of the sun flooding into the room, rather, she welcomed it with open arms and a small yet bright smile on her face as she stretched her hands over her lying body.
Finally realising something, Emerald's eyebrows furrowed when she took in her position on the bed. She hadn't been lying still in her usual corpse–like posture.
For once, she wasn't lying directly in the middle of the bed and instead of both her hands resting on her stomach like they normally did, one had laid limp by her side while the other had rested on her stomach.
Although it was a meager and almost inane gesture, it still made Emerald's smile bloom brighter. Her sleeping position had been altered by her past. Her torturous past had left many scars so deeply embedded into her being, yet this little change in her gave her hope for a better future ahead. She couldn't help but have faith in that little flicker of light at the end of the dark tunnel that was her life.
She might heal from this, after all.
With the irrepressible smile etched on her face, Emerald performed her morning rituals, taking more time than usual in deciding what outfit to wear for the day.
Since it was a lazy day for all of them until they returned to their respective lives the next day, she finally settled for a casual and comfort giving outfit, which comprised of a cream coloured silk satin dress which stopped mid thigh with slits at both sides.
With her face beautifully caparisoned with a contented smile, Emerald wrapped her golden hair up in a messy bun, smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles on the short dress before finally walking out of the room.
She descended the staircase rather briskly, brimming with invigorating anticipation of seeing a certain someone. Walking into the silent and desolated kitchen, Emerald turned on the lights before pulling up the Venetian door blinds in order to allow the rays of sunlight pour into the cooking area from the beautiful backyard slash garden.
After rummaging through the cabinets, cupboards and refrigerator for a suitable meal to prepare, she cracked her knuckles and instantly got to work with profound determination to impress someone.
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A freshly showered Armani made her way into the kitchen when a congenial and very delectable aroma tickled her nose the moment she stepped outside her room.
Wondering who had gotten up so early to bother themselves with the task of making breakfast since her parents were currently on their honeymoon and it couldn't have been her mother, she walked into the kitchen just to stop short at the sight of her older sister.
Emerald had her back to Armani and Armani could clearly see her sister swaying her beautiful and bodacious hips – which were well accentuated due to the short and fitted dress she wore – to a rhythm she was humming.
Seemingly wrapped up in the shock of seeing her sister so cheerful and energetic in the morning, Armani stood still, gawking at the entrance of the kitchen and was quick to stop Oriana who trudged sleepily towards the source of the aroma trail left behind by the viands Emerald was currently preparing.
Armani swiftly pulled her to rest on the wall beside the kitchen ingress, making Oriana let out a little groan as she rubbed her sleepy eyes while letting out a yawn.
“Wha—”
“Shhh.” Armani immediately hushed, making Oriana frown at her secretive behavior. “I wanna show you something but please, promise you'll be quiet. I want to capture this rare moment,” she brought out her phone from her pocket with a wide grin on her face, further confusing Oriana, who only nodded wordlessly.
Gently, Armani guided Oriana and together, they both peeked at the voluptuous hummingbird from behind the corner. Armani's smile stretched even wider as she pressed record on her phone while Oriana's eyes widened at the sight before her.
Emerald had turned around to face their direction and she looked to be garnishing the already prepared meal. What surprised Oriana the most was how wide the smile on her best friend's face was.
She looked like she had just been replaced by a more – much more – canty and mettlesome version of her former self. She was humming and even dancing for crying out loud! Oriana couldn't stymie her wide mouthed gape.
The moment was about to be ruined when Logan walked into the house and made his way down the entrée hallway to see the figures of two people peeking from the kitchen corner.
“What are you guys doing here?” He asked and both preoccupied ladies panicked and soon enough, he found himself on the wall, in the exact same position Oriana had earlier been. He stared at them with wide eyes as they both shushed him quietly.
Their eyes went back to Emerald who seemed to be too engrossed in the task at hand to notice or hear anything. They heaved sighs of relief, not yet ready to fully take in the rare sight playing out in front them. It was too soon for her to go back to her po–faced and sober self.
“What is it?” He asked only to be shushed again.
“Be quiet. We can't let her hear us.” Oriana whispered and Armani nodded in agreement.
“Ok. . .?” He emphasised bemusedly. “Tell me, why are we whispering? And who can't hear us?” Logan whispered back.
Cheshire grins spread across both ladies’ faces, scaring Logan a bit, as they gestured towards the kitchen where Emerald was still wrapped up in her own little bubble. Armani immediately whipped out her phone again when she saw that her sister was no longer humming but now full on singing.
Her melodious voice filled the entire kitchen and the three spies couldn't help but stand and watch her in starstruck awe as though she were a famous celebrity. They would've never thought she had such a beautiful voice since they had never heard her sing.
Logan wasn't at all surprised, he already knew something like this was bound to happen the moment he had began noticing the fleeting looks his childhood friend and Mafia emperor had been passing to each other during dinners however, he was amazed by how soon it was happening.
He had to admit that he was indeed happy for her. He remembered how broken his best friend had been as a child. He remembered how she had always looked like she was in agony, although she had tried to hide it. He remembered how extremely difficult and nearly impossible it was to get the ghost of a smile to appear on her face.
She deserved all the happiness she could get, even if she didn't think so herself, even though she still carried the heavy burden of guilt like a trophy on her chest and shoulders.
Logan had spent adequate time observing Jordan enough to know that he was perfect for Emerald. Although the man seemed to have a hard exterior to himself, he was a real softie deep within, but Logan could tell he wasn't the cruel and ruthless man he was today by choice.
He had been compelled to be the monster he was today; life had forced him to morph into who and what he was today and Logan had seen through all his cold and apathetic façade to know that he was just the perfect man for his best friend.
A small smile appeared across Logan's face when he remembered a certain memory. Some time in the past month, Logan had woken up rather early to get a few things done before heading to work and in that moment, he had caught Jordan leaving the house and walking back in minutes later with a food flask in his hand.
He had been confused at first but after catching him three to four more times and also seeing Emerald washing the same food flask at night when she was back from work, he had discovered Jordan's food delivery secret and how he had lied, using his sister as a cover.
Having made that discovery, Logan decided to dig deeper into the matter and he had also found out that nothing had originally happened to Jordan's house to warrant him moving to Emerald's.
In that moment, Logan began to put two and two together and he was finally able to solve the very interesting and unbelievable puzzle that was Jordan Kale's reasons for his actions.
That discovery of his finally confirmed that Jordan did indeed feel something for Emerald. His reaction to Logan's and Emerald's ‘friendly’ PDA was the nascency of it all although, he had no idea that the two of them were just friends. Logan had decided to use this fact to his own advantage.
Now seeing his beautiful friend's beaming reaction, he knew instantly that one of them had probably made the first move. Who had? That would be a secret between the two lovebirds.
“You know that food is ample enough to feed the entire inhabitants of Back Bay, Boston, right?” Logan teased as he finally walked into the kitchen, leaving the two ladies to straighten up and follow him before Emerald could suspect anything.
The jaunty hummingbird looked up from the wooden platter, where she was carefully placing square strips of white butter around the beautifully arranged pile of pancakes and waffles.
Hearing Logan's words, Emerald frowned and looked down at the platter again to take in the amount of breakfast she had made for just five people. She flushed pink in embarrassment as she realised why he had made that statement. The food she had made was indeed of a large quantity.
With a sheepish smile, she shrugged as she faced her friends and sister. “Well, I was thinking about the pig we have amongst us.” They all looked pointedly at Oriana who was already staring at the paradise of viands laid patiently on the platter. She hadn't heard them.
She just couldn't take her eyes off the seemingly endless line of mouthwatering pancakes and waffles, the clusters of various berries – strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, you name 'em – and well sliced bananas, not to mention, the thin strips of bacon, filled glasses of vibrant coloured orange juice and cups of piping hot coffee. Oriana couldn't ask for anything more.
“Mera,” she spoke breathlessly, like she had just ran a marathon, “have I ever told you how much I love you?” her eyes remained glued to the food as her legs carried her unconsciously closer.
The others rolled their eyes at her words before Armani and Logan simultaneously turned to face Emerald with teasing smiles. “What?” She asked with a frown.
“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.” Logan responded with the same mischievous smile as he moved to hug her but was stopped when she raised her hands to his chest.
It felt like déjà vu as a certain memory of her hands on a certain someone's chest in a certain garden doing a certain something, skipped across her mind. Her ears turned pink at the memory as she struggled to contain the urge to touch her lips like she had been doing since yesterday morning after the activity.
Logan and Armani tried to stifle their laughters when they noticed her reaction, something that had never happened before. This reaction of hers proved that something had indeed happened between the two lovebirds.
Logan smiled, moving closer to wrap his arms around her, but once again, she stopped him. He looked down at her, raising his eyebrows in question. “Have you showered?” she asked, answering his unasked question.
Logan rolled his eyes while Armani laughed as she moved to begin setting the table. “What makes you think I haven't?” Emerald shrugged wordlessly. “Well, I have. I couldn't possibly leave the house all stinky and morning breath to go take some really amazing pictures now, can I?” He then gestured to the camera around his neck, which she hadn't noticed before.
“Can I get my hug now?” He complained impatiently, eliciting an amused chuckle from Emerald who proceeded to wrap her arms around him.
Logan moaned in pleasure, snuggling up against her as he inhaled her overwhelming scent. “You smell so good and you feel so soft,” he purred, making Armani – who was waiting patiently for her turn to greet her sister – roll her eyes before squeezing her way in between them and using her body weight to break them apart.
“That's enough. Now it's my turn,” she complained before also wrapping her arms tightly around her sister. “Let me have her all to myself while she's still here.” Emerald chuckled and remained still, hugging her sister before all three of them turned to look at Oriana who was oddly quiet.
“Ori!” Logan and Emerald shrieked at the sight of their best friend. She had maple syrup all over her PJs and mouth and both her hands were wrist deep in the porcelain bowl of syrup.
“Oops,” she mumbled with a sheepish smile before running out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Logan and Emerald groaned with disbelief written all over their faces while Armani only doubled over in laughter.
“Do not come down for breakfast without taking a shower!” Logan called after her as together with Armani, they moved the dishes to the dining table.
“Thank goodness I made back up.” Emerald mused as she replaced the now useless bowl of syrup with a much bigger bowl from the refrigerator.
“I'll be right back.” Armani excused herself, leaving only Logan and Emerald. He passed her a teasing smile while Emerald rolled her eyes in return before letting the silence take its abode amidst them as they sat at the dinner table.
Emerald looked up at the time to see there were less than a few minutes until noon and still there was no sign of a certain someone. She frowned and couldn't help but let her eyes wander as far as they could go within the confinements of the kitchen and dining walls.
From where he was seated opposite Emerald, pretending to be busy with his phone, Logan noticed how she kept trying to peep out of the kitchen with a frown on her face. He smiled, knowing what, or perhaps, who she was searching for, but he remained quiet, wanting to see if she had enough courage to ask him or would only pretend to not care.
Logan didn't have to wait for long until Emerald's voice came out softly, “Uh, Lo?” she called, gaining his attention, “I haven't seen Jordan since. Would you mind calling him down for breakfast? Or brunch, rather.”
She tried to sound nonchalant about it but Logan knew his best friend well enough to know that it was all an act of pretense but nevertheless, he replied, “Jordan already left for Manhattan earlier this morning. I bumped into him when I was on my way out to capture the beauty of the lambent sunrise bouncing off the brownstones of Back Bay, Boston. Such an immaculate view,” he explained proudly but Emerald was only interested in his first and most prioritised sentence.
Jordan had left. . . And without informing her.
“Oh, really,” she mumbled quietly, thousands of thoughts running a marathon through her head. ‘Why?’, that particular question kept echoing in her head.
‘Maybe he had to leave on short notice and didn't want to bother me?’ she tried to find excuses on his behalf as insecure thoughts clouded her mind.
Seeing his friend deeply troubled, Logan knew he had to do something to prevent her from doing what she knew how to do best – to overthink and censure herself, so he tapped on the table, gaining her attention.
“Hey. Don't overthink anything. I'm certain he had to leave urgently. He seemed to have been in a hurry.” Logan tried to put her at ease.
Emerald blinked, surprised. ‘Had she been that transparent?’ She composed herself and feigned ignorance. “Why would I overthink anything? Besides, what would I be overthinking?”
“Mhmm sure,” Logan hummed, smirking as he let the conversation die off, for her own comfort. She was starting to crawl out of her shell and he didn't want her to recede again.
“Let's get brunch started!” Oriana exclaimed as she rushed into the kitchen with her arms around Armani's neck, earning simultaneous eye rolls from the rest, yet again.
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Silence. Loneliness. Emptiness. Pain. Regret.
These four emotions and sentiments, each felt respectively, were enough to land someone in a mental asylum or drive someone crazy. But these emotions felt at the same time in such astronomical amount, were enough to destroy a person, to kill a person.
That was the situation in which Emerald found herself within the dark and suffocating claws of her house. These emotions drove her to the edge, almost to the point of no return. They choked her with no hope of showing a tad bit of mercy.
She felt like the thin glass that was her life was being held up by a really thin thread that could and would snap any minute now. She could feel her sanity dangling from a thread so flimsy and debilitated. She was losing herself slowly but surely.
From where she sat cross-legged on the floor of her dark bedroom, Emerald looked around, her lifeless green eyes scanning the room, which was void of any other life form. Silence cloaked the entire building and for the second time in her entire life, Emerald loathed every bit of it.
She had always been a woman with the predilection for the echoing waves of silence and the peace it brought but this time around, this familiar silence brought with it, a familiar agony. An agony that was an unconquerable parasite to her entire soul.
A vibration came from beside her on the floor and stiffly, she turned her neck towards it to behold the lit screen of her phone gleaming with a text from her mother and stepfather, who were still on their honeymoon. Slowly, she reached for it and opened the message before reading its contents.
She felt self blame surge through her as her cold eyes skimmed through the message time and time again but soon, the blame was replaced by immense hatred, self–hate; she hated herself for everything, for causing her mother and everyone around her to worry.
Even whilst on their honeymoon, her parents still worried tirelessly about her and it irked her to no end. Her parents were willing to end their honeymoon just for her. They were willing to jeopardise their long awaited happiness and dreams just for her. She felt disgusted with herself.
Swallowing an irrepressible lump in her throat, Emerald quickly replied Maggie and Luca, assuring them that she was more than okay – a complete opposite of what she was truly feeling.
Watching as her text got a positive reply, she typed in the four words that were currently swirling through her heart at the thought of the both of them. ‘I love you both.’
Confirming that her message had been sent, Emerald wasted no time in smashing her mobile device against the floor, leaving a crack in her black porcelain tiled floor as she screamed her lungs out while yanking on her hair.
Pushing herself off the floor as she heaved painfully, she hurried down the stairs and towards the kitchen. Her head was all jumbled up as she opened drawers after drawers, cupboards after cupboards with hot tears streaming down her face.
“Where the fuck is it?!” she screamed as she opened the last drawer and found what she was looking for. A sadistic grin graced her face as she grabbed the shiny, silver metal; a knife.
Different thoughts filled her head as she stared at the tool slash weapon in her grasp with pain written all over her glazed expression. Her hands trembled and her bottom lip quivered as she thought about the past week and a half.
Since the day of her parents' wedding, since the day that had somehow been the happiest day of her sad life, since the day she had made the mistake of letting down her walls and had granted a certain someone the pass to hurt her, since the day of that kiss, Jordan had been avoiding her like a plague.
At first, she had thought nothing of it until she had stayed behind three days ago, when Logan had to again leave the country for some business and Oriana had to visit her hometown after receiving an urgent call from her mother. She had refused to accompany them to the airport in hopes of finally getting some time alone with Jordan.
Her monumental amount of hope had been so ruthlessly shattered when she had escorted them to the awaiting cab and had turned around to see Jordan zoom off in his car without so much as a glance or a goodbye.
Only then, did she finally know that to him, she was worthless; a nobody. A kiss of which she had held its memory so dearly, like a diamond in the rough, like a treasure chest buried underneath a massive ‘X’, who knew that such memory meant nothing to him. He probably only kissed her to distract himself from his pain, as of then.
Emerald chuckled humourlessly, gripping the knife tightly in her palm. How could she have been so stupid to trust him? All these years, she had kept her heart locked up in the deepest, darkest parts of her being. How could such long years of endurance go to waste in the blink of an eye?
Her grip on the knife blade continued to tighten as those disturbing thoughts further dominated her mind, but she was too preoccupied with the overwhelming pain the gash in her heart brought to care about the deepening cut in her hand or the dark red pigment that constantly dropped to the black and white tiled floor.
She peeled her palm off the knife blade, grinning widely when she saw the silver blade stained with her blood. Moving the knife down her hand, she stopped by her wrist, slowly moving the golden bracelet that was latched protectively onto her skin.
The bracelet gave way to a familiar scar on her wrist. Her grin widened, remembering how she had gotten the scar. Let's just say, this wasn't her first suicidal attempt and she was sure it wouldn't be her last – if she somehow managed to survive this one.
A last tear drop trailed down her face as she placed the sharp edge of the blade on her wrist, marking the green veins that ran through her flesh.
“I'm so sorry, Mom,” she wept.
