Emotional Wreck Part Two

London

Staring at him with cold eyes, I took my anger out on the fork, which I was currently squeezing. More backup? There was a massacre here, and though casualties were high, backup from my end was sounding like a death certificate being signed. The new recruits weren't ready to face a beast like Hayes yet, and I wasn't just about ready to send them to their deaths.

A loud clang resounded in the room as the snapped half of my fork met the ground. All eyes fell on me, the silence becoming even more tense. My lazy blinks fell on my bleeding hand, lacking even an ounce of emotion.

Reece understood and immediately sighed, saying nothing more while Miller rushed to my side to access the injury. My body was seething, and strong tides of emotions created an unhealthy mix raging inside me. I could feel it: anger, hatred, regret, jealousy... and the moment Freya touched me, I yanked my hand away, immediately standing to storm out of the room.

I was doing a lot of things at the moment, and I guessed that not having Fuyu around was also adding to the list of things that were tipping me over the edge. I couldn't stand the display of affection between Miller and Freya; it irked me because I was reminded of a certain woman that haunted my days and nights.

I was trying to forget her, but every fucking time I closed my eyes, I saw her. I couldn't count how many times I had subconsciously imagined her around me or mistaken the face of a maiden coming to serve me, and it always led to me either throwing them out or just getting extremely upset.

The loss of my gamma wasn't helping my mental balance either, and neither was the heavy gloom that dominated my pack. I had lost count of the times I had seen mourning pack members. I had sworn to protect them all, but I couldn't.

The sight of children always had me staring longer than I should because I always imagined how she'd be doing and how she'd be coping with the pregnancy. I was always forced to imagine what they'd look like each time I saw a child while taking a trip down memory lane to visit my childhood.

My father wasn't the best at the game, and he had made some mistakes with me, mistakes that messed with my emotions. He always said that I had always been emotionally cold, right from diaper days, and he feared he made me worse because, according to him, a ruler must always be ready to make decisions without the interference of emotions.

I didn't want to raise my children like that. Remembering how he had raised me, I always panicked within myself because I feared I might be a worse father. I didn't like women, and my lack of interest drove me to treat Blaire the way I did, hoping she'd accept the rejection while also developing the yearn to have her always by my side after noticing how she put up with my maltreatment. I wanted to eat my cake and have it, but what surprised me was how surprisingly empty I currently was in her absence.

I know I had let her go for her safety and my children's as well, but I couldn't stop regretting not even looking back at her as another man took her. It tormented me.

I didn't want anyone around me at the moment because I had no idea what I might end up doing. I knew Reece was trying his best to maintain order in the pack since he returned, and I was grateful for it, but at the same time, I had questions. He took longer than expected to return, though he had a lot of information in store for me.

The pack members have been awfully silent around me; they dared not look up at me each time I passed, and whilst they never really got to see my presence a lot back then, a few didn't even know what I looked like, but ever since rumours of a beast tearing down thousands of enemies spread, there has been more fear attributed to my name. The rumours had spread terror of the great white, and it just made my presence less.

I was placed on bed rest but still defiled it, sneaking off into the woods at night to ensure no enemy was lagging around. It was safe to say that I was becoming paranoid. I always had my eyes and ears open, least bothered by my growing insomnia. I wasn't surprised when rumours of the Alpha patrolling the night spread.

With my thoughts all over the place, I found a growl seeking a way out. I was halfway to my room when I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

“London, we need to talk.”

I sighed, slowly letting out a low growl at Jax’s voice, which irritated and annoyed me. What else did he want from me? Haven't I already given him the girl? Why on earth was he here again? To draw information out of me?

I gave him a side glance, not bothering to spare him my time, and I continued on my way. I needed to wrap my head around my next line of action. I had people depending on me, and I couldn't afford to have a muddled mind. I needed a clear head to be able to think properly.

“Please, just fucking stop and listen to me. For once, can we put aside our differences and share a conversation? It's very important."

“Oh?” I slowly turned, arching a brow at him. “When I gave you the girl, that was me putting aside our differences and choosing to trust you with their lives. That's not enough for you?”

He looked away at my words, his fists clenching and unclenching. I got the idea that something was bothering him deeply, but I'd be lying if I said I cared.

“Leave me be, Jax. As you can see, I have a lot on my plate.” I dismissed him with a wave of my hand, turning to leave.

“I know, but it's about Blaire. Surely you can make time to hear me out now.”

I paused, my brows furrowing deeply. “What do you want from me?”

He clicked his tongue at my attitude, “I need your help. There's something wrong with Blaire, and I don't know how to fix it.”

I had no idea when I approached him and jacked him by the collar, my eyes dimming dangerously. He looked a little panicked but still looked me in the eye regardless. “What did you do to her?”

“I didn't do anything. She had been unconscious for two weeks, and when she woke up… she couldn't remember anything or anyone at all. It's been a week since her awakening, and she's not doing fine. She freaks out at almost everything; she doesn't eat, and she's always shaking like a cat. I don't know what to do; she won't let anyone go near her. She's always screaming whenever anyone tries to touch her–”

I immediately let him go, staggering backwards from the verbal blow his revelation had dealt me. She had lost her memory? How? Why? She wouldn't remember me? It was bittersweet because I wasn't exactly sure I wanted her to remember how I treated her, but I didn't want her to forget me.

“What about the children?” I was extremely worried about their wellbeing.

“Well… they're fine, but if she keeps refusing to eat and letting the doctors take care of her, they wouldn't be fine for long.”

What the hell was going on?

“I-I want to see her.” I rasped.