messed up
Devon followed Daemon into the bed where he sat down with his hands clasping his head. She took a step closer but stepped back again. His presence is telling her not to come any nearer or else a fight is about to erupt so she stays a few meters away from him just casually staring at his lowered head on his hands.
Was he sulking? Was he traumatized? By what? Is this the first time after a while that he did it with a woman? What a stupid thought, she scolded herself. Didn’t he have sex with Maddy a while back? If so, was he emotional? Is he crying?
“Uhm, Daemon, are you okay? Was the sex not good? Didn’t you come? I felt you burst inside me earlier.”
No response so she tried again.
“Dae-”
“Shut up, Devon.”
“W-What?” she asked again in furrowed brows. He sounded upset… no, he sounded angry. Angry about what? Wait, is he angry with her?
“Hey, what’s with you? Did I do anything wrong? Weren’t you satisfied? Did you want more? Come on. Let’s do it again one more time. I’m not satisfied with just one round too,” she joked to lighten the mood but that made things even worse.
He raised his head and muttered in a low, dangerous tone. “I said shut up.”
The glint on his eyes stopped her from saying anything more. What’s wrong with him to act like this? He was seducing her at first and then the next second after they had orgasm, he’s angry? About exactly what?
“Why? Why would I shut up? I just want to know what’s wrong with you. You can’t just stop talking to me after what we did and leave me hanging in the air asking myself about what the fuck is happening to you. You can’t just let me ask myself what I could have done wrong even when I didn’t do anything.”
If he thinks that she will cower at his feet then he’s mistaken. From the day Daemon approached her until the moment that he forced her to come with him, she fought up gallantly against him. She’s not the type of a woman to back down, at least the present Devon isn't timid.
“We’re married, Devon. It’s just sex.”
She scoffed. “Oh, please. Men always say it’s just sex but you’re the first to get clingy when women’s attention starts to fade away.” She sat next to him and asked him in a soft gentle voice. “What was that? Why did you suddenly become cold to me? Aren’t we good? Are you triggered?”
He snapped from sitting on the bed and bolted out of the door towards the balcony. She followed him.
“Please, stop following me. Be an obedient wife and drink your pills.”
“No, I won’t until you tell me what’s wrong,” she firmly refused and leaned back on the railings while crossing her arms together.
Slowly, he turned to her and pointed at his head, anguish and confusion evident on his face.
“You’re getting my head messed up so please, just give me time to get used to you again.”
The audacity to ask her for time when he didn’t give her any! He just threw her into the fire without even letting her to adjust with the situation.
“Why is that? How am I messing with your head when it’s you who messed with my life?”
“Devon, just please! Just please! Leave me alone just this once. Please. I felt so vulnerable right now. This is the worst feeling I felt so please, stop talking. I need silence.”
He turned his back again from her heaving a sigh while he held his head against the wall.
“Okay, okay,” she said and surrendered her hands into the air. “I’m giving you your time but just so you know and you should be aware of it that what just happened upsets me. I feel used.”
“I’m sorry,” he drawled and sat down on the floor, his head still facing the wall averse at the idea of looking at her which greatly insulted her. “Now you can go and leave me alone.”
Devon laughed incredulously. Of course, she should have seen it coming. Daemon is one heartless evil pig, a mafia boss who kills people for power and fear. What is she thinking? That she can easily melt his cold heart by just cooking his favorite food, pestering him in the office, and having sex with him? Where did her working brain go? It takes more than that to even get close to him.
“Is this what we usually do when we’re fighting? Not talking it through? Am I letting you disrespect me just because I’m your wife?”
He moved his head a little over his shoulder to make out her expression. “I need some space, Devon.”
“I don’t care about your fucking space anymore, Daemon. I want an answer. Okay, I know we’re being too toxic right now but that’s who you are and you made me a toxic person too by dragging me into this. Now I need an answer because I’m not a fucking mind reader! What’s happening to you?! What’s wrong?!”
“You have no right to force me to give you an answer, Devon. What I think, feel, and plan is beyond you. Stop trying to analyze me. It’s sickening.”
His words should not affect her anymore. After all, she is nothing to him so he should be nothing to her too so why is her heart breaking by hearing this from him?
“Can’t you see that I’m trying to understand you? I’m trying to give us a chance. I’ve been reaching out to you. Can’t you sense that? I’m taking the step first because I know that I won’t remember everything until we get along with each other,” she found her voice after a while. “I want this to get over as quickly as possible. No woman would want to stay by your side, Daemon.”
Turning on her heels, she stormed out of his presence but before she could completely leave the balcony, he spoke in a broken voice.
“I hate myself now more than I hate you. When I’m with you, I can’t control myself anymore.”
She stopped walking delighted to hear him opening up to her. “Then don’t control yourself.”
“My thoughts get blurred and I forget what really matters. After we fucked, I feel so messed up. I don’t want to feel it Devon especially with you.”
And just when she thought he had something good to say, he chose to break her again. Fighting off her tears, she shrugged and grinned bitterly.
“Okay. Ah, before I forgot, a new memory came after you cum inside me. You know what I remember? You fucking me without feelings. You on top of me humping like I am a goddamn sex toy you need for your fucking release. You, treating the past me like a rag doll. I feel so messed up too, Daemon and I don’t want to feel it especially with you.”
