Un (Satisfied)
“You’re awake.”
From looking at the baby pictures of Emily, Devon raised her head to meet Daemon’s kiss on her lips.
She nodded and went back into looking at the picture frames. “Yes.”
He sat beside her on the bed, pulled her closer to his body, and stared at their daughter’s face together. He smelled of blood and gas. “For how long?”
“Not for too long. I just woke up now.” She prevented herself from sniffing him further. “Where did you come from?”
He looked straight into her eyes and opened his mouth to answer but hesitated at the last second. “To get some fresh air.”
“Fresh air,” she repeated, seeing right through his lie. “You could have told me. I also want to breathe some fresh air.”
“You were soundly asleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.”
“I know.” She took a long sigh feeling defeated by his lack of enthusiasm to tell her the truth. “You’ve changed for good, Daemon.”
She felt him stiffened on his end before he chuckled it all away. “What were you trying to say?” He touched her head to feel her temperature. “What is wrong? Are you feeling unwell?”
Gazing at his smiling face trying to give her a composed expression blew it out for her. “Nothing. I was just walking down the lane. We’ve grown together. You and I. You’ve tolerated me.”
Daemon sighed deeply. “And you’ve learned to live with me despite the things I did to you.”
“You’re easy to love despite being an evil yourself.” She gasped for air when she recalled how she painstakingly prayed for countless nights for him to see her in a different light. Looking back, she did not even wish for him to love her. His trust and respect for her would be enough for her.
“And I don’t deserve an angel like you.” His hand traveled to her fingers and caressed them lovingly like he has never done before.
“I am not an angel now,” she whispered. It feels too wrong for her to hear him romanticizing it when she is so far from being one. “It has been too long since I stopped being one. There are things I can do now that would shock you just so I could have the desires of my heart.”
Daemon was caught off guard when he realized the meaning of her words. Slowly, he knelt on the floor before her with his head lifted at her, his hands still grasping hers tightly.
“My father once told me about being wary of kind people turning their backs to face the reality of the world. He said nothing is more tragic than seeing a soul betray his own upbringing.” He kissed her hands full of longing. “Don’t be like that, Devon. Save yourself first. There’s no point in losing yourself to the world.”
A string of emotions surged in her system and protested. She pulled her hands from his grip and stood up when the air she’s breathing became suffocating for her.
“How can I when I feel like she’s the only reason of my existence? I have been suffering since I was born, Daemon. You just can’t tell me to stay in my seat always crying. I need to do something. I am bound to do something.”
Daemon looked alar, but he quickly picked up the pace when he assessed that she was easily triggered by her words.
“Then you have me for you,” he spoke softly and unguarded to give her the impression that it was never meant to hurt her. “You have me beside you. Tell me what I can do to ease your pain.”
“How can I when I know you are also spent carrying yours as well?” Devon gasped for air again because her emotions are getting the best out of her again. “I am just desperate but not heartless. You have your own baggage. I also have mine to carry! I can’t just let you carry it all when they are also my feelings and emotions too.”
He hurriedly got up, snaked his other arm around her waist, and cradled her face using his free hand. “Listen, Devon. I am your husband and you are my wife. It is both my responsibility and honor to love and protect you until the end of my life. We’re a couple, darling. We should share our problems with each other. We should not let this defeat us. Please Devon. I know you’re tired so please rest. Let me do the work for you. We can both carry our burdens together, don’t you think so?”
But her eyes looked away, her ears shut off from communicating. It’s too much for her especially after her conversation with Henderson kept on ringing inside her head. No amount of comforting can appease the trouble brewing in her heart right now.
“Do you think what we had is worth fighting for? Can we still make it despite being broken ourselves?” The words came out of her mouth without a filter. She just wanted to say loudly the voices in her head in case she goes crazy for real. “Do you think Maddy is right? That only she could understand you. She knows you better than I do Daemon and to think that you are my husband makes it a lot more worse. I have nothing against the moments the two of you had shared together.”
But Daemon won’t surrender. He’ll keep on reaching for her no matter what. He will always erase her doubts without feeling exhausted. “I don’t care about Maddy, Devon. It’s you I want and it’s you I want to spend the rest of my life with Emily.”
“But what if we can’t bring her back anymore? Would we be able to move on? Will we be forever stuck in this vicious cycle?”
He mildly shook her shoulders to jolt her depressed system. “We will find Emily. We will heal each other, okay? It’s only a matter of time until we can find her. Trust us. Trust our journey together.”
He took her in his arms and rocked her body with his to calm her down but Devon is not having it at all.
“You wanted me to trust in us but you can’t even tell me where you went,” she said in her mind but did not bother to speak it out loud.
If Daemon is able to calm her nerves down before, then now is an entirely different case and situation. His words are not enough for her anymore.
