Chapter 15 Puzzled Heart

Elena Davis,

“I am ok Patty.” As I finished, she hugged me and just cried for a few moments. I didn’t break the hug, I just held her. She is an orphan like me and always tries to give me love equal to mother. She must be scared a lot.

“Shuuu… look, I am perfectly fine.” I made her look at me while removing the teardrops from her cheeks. She was nodding at me, but fresh tears rolled down again.

“Police said they weren’t able to find yours-” Patty shuddered, tightening her grip on my hands. Oh God, they thought I died. It must be very difficult for them to hear.

“Mr. Accardo saved me from that accident.” I confessed, and she nodded at me.

“We were a lot scared, El and where were you last night? If you were alright, then why didn’t you call us before?” Theo asked, coming out from a bathroom holding a first aid box in his hand. Complete night? Was I out for the night? Yaa, can be. Should I tell them? What actually happened to me?

No, they are already worried about me and in this condition, if I tell them that someone attacked us and they had guns, they will freak out. Burning sensation over my hand broke my thought process. Theo was dabbing cotton dipped with antiseptic liquid over my scratches. I didn’t have any major injury, just a few scratches here and there, but my whole body feels heavy and tired.

“Actually, I fainted and when I opened my eyes, I was in Mr. Accardo’s apartment.” Theo stopped dabbing for a second but resumed again.

“Then his driver dropped me here.” Patty hummed at my answer.

“That explains your clothes.” Theo voiced and took my other hand. Then my mind goes on the cloth I was wearing, Mr. Accardo’s shirt and shorts. Oh god, I walked out in his clothes and came here like this. I didn’t reply to him nor react because it was my mistake to come like this.

“What actually happened?” Patty questioned while taking a seat beside me. I must make up some story for them or they will always be worried about me. Anyway, Mr. Accardo said that he will handle the rest of things, then he will. I trust him. Even though there is some problem, they should remain outside of this mess.

“A truck lost its control and came directly in front of our car.” Both of them get convinced of my story. Patty went into the kitchen to cook something for me, and Theo was still dabbing every scratch over my body. I turned to see him as I felt him froze while dabbing my neck and he actually froze for seconds while staring at the scratch longer than I expected.

“What happens when you get up?” he inquired with his faded face while turning me towards him. Why is he asking such questions?

“I came here.” He nodded at my answer and put the first aid box aside and gave me full attention. Is something wrong with him?

“Theo? Can you help me with some matter?” I questioned him. I know that attack was for him. His life is in danger and I don’t know what I should do in this condition. The only thing I know is that he needs protection against them. He just diverted that topic very casually, but I couldn’t stop myself from being worried about him.

“This is about Mr. Accardo, right?” he asked while tightening his hands around me, pulling a bit unintentionally. He never fails to surprise me, always knows what I want to talk about. I am lucky that God has given me such a best friend in my life.

“How do you know?” he chucked in sadness at my question and cupped my face in his hand. He didn’t speak, just held my face in his hand and stared at me with his dimmed eyes.

“I know you more than anyone around you. Maybe even more than you.” His eyes were watered at the end of the corner and his voice was heavy too. Something must be bothering him.

“yaa, you know.” He hung his head down when he heard my response but pulled me and rested my head on his chest, holding me closer to him.

“What’s wrong Theo? You are scaring me.” He signed loudly, caressing my hairs with one hand without letting me go.

“Nothing, Precious. Ask, where do you need my help?” He opposed me when I tried to get up, so I just rested my head on his shoulder.

“His life is in danger and I don’t know what should I do to help him or-”

“Keep him safe?” He completed the rest of the sentence. I nodded without answering him. I always wondered how he knew me better than anyone.

“I will talk to my police officer friend about it. Don’t worry; if he is important to you, then I will look into this matter. I hummed in response. He kept caressing my hair.

“Thank you Theo, I was never able to talk this with Patty and don’t know how you always find out what is going on in my heart?” I laughed a bit at my weird question.

“Because I love you.” His response stunned me. He confessed that he was asking me for coffee. I froze hearing him and tried to retreat, but he held me closer to him.

“Please, last time. Let me speak and cherish this memory for the rest of my time.” I didn’t move, but reclined myself on him. He was pleased with his cracking sound.

“On the first day of our work, I fell for you. It was love at first sight.” He chuckled at his memory, resting his head over mine.

“I was attracted to your simplicity and generosity. I have waited for five years to see the same look in your eyes, the way I see you. But God didn’t grace me with that.” The pain he was born with was suffocating for me to hear from him. He waited so long for me and every day waited for me to develop feelings for me and here I was totally unaware of his feelings, his heart. How difficult it is to live like that.

“Theo I-” what have I done with this man? It’s unfair to him.

“Don’t be sorry, darling. It’s not in our hands to fall for someone or not. At least I am lucky that I could feel that for someone.” He took a deep breath before starting again.

“Love is a very special feeling that God will grace someone with, cherish it always. Don’t deny it. Accept whatever it is and however it is.” His voice sounded like he was concerned about me.

“I will.” I assured him.

“Then why are you confused about him?” I jerked from his shoulder to face him, and it was totally unreadable for me. He just said that he loves me and now he is asking why am I confused about Mr. Accardo? He nodded at my unasked question, brimming our eyes with tears, and he cupped my face with his hands.

“My precious, I have always logged to see that look in your eyes only for me but you have eyes only for him.” One lone drop of tear escaped his eye, but his lips were holding a small, subtle smile.

“And now you are concerned about him, why don’t you accept him?” he continued further.

“I can’t.” I turned away from him, as I couldn’t look into his eyes anymore. He knows I don’t have that kind of feelings for him, but still he is helping me to figure out my emotions even though it is hurting him. Theo knows the actual meaning of love, the true selfless love, and I know I don’t have courage to do that. He chuckled softly.

“But you want to accept him. I saw changes in you after his arrival.” He walked towards me.

“No Theo, I am not made for him. He is someone else that he is searching for.” How can I accept him? When he loves her? When he only has an obsession with me? Not any feeling.

“Even after knowing this, why didn’t your feelings change for him?” he asked.

“It will, soon.” I fake assured him. This is the most frustrating thing, even after knowing that I could stop getting attracted to him. The darkness he is cultivating in his heart which repeal entire world away but attracts me like a moth to fire, always ready to get burned with no regret; willing to lose everything in that darkness just to breathe in the air that he breathed before, to feel the breeze he experienced before; just to be able to see him.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked in a worried tone.

“Because I know he is not right for me. I want to be loved, not to be someone’s obsession.” I confessed to him. It’s painful in my heart while speaking, but still it was the truth which I don’t want to remember.

“It will be easier for you if you accept it as soon as possible.” He put his hand over my shoulder.

“It’s alright, you have a long journey in this matter and I am sure that you will discover the way out of your confusion.” He assured me. He is such a kind and loving person, but still I didn’t have feelings for him but for the person I didn’t want in my life. Who considers me as an object and thinks there is no need to ask or consider my opinion.

“Theo? How do you do that? Even if it is painful for you. How can you help me ignore your feelings completely? You-” I choked and couldn’t continue further anymore.

“I can, dear, because I love you. My love is mature, and happiness. You need to reach that level too, to get your true happiness. If you love someone, you work for their happiness, not for you. Even though knowing that your heart got bound by someone else, my feelings for you are not going to change or fade a bit. If you are happy with him, I am happy too because my happiness is bound to you and you’re with him.” I turned and hugged him tightly, spilling my teas over him sobbing uncontrollably. He patted my head to soothe, but I started crying more historically.

“You deserved to be loved, Theo. You really do. I wish I had feelings for you.” I sobbed loudly.

“Don’t worry about me. I am sure that there is someone. You should take a bath as I was still able to smell him over you and rest for the rest of the day.” He hugged tightly and left the apartment without hearing me and I let him as I know he needs time to get back to usual.

I got refreshed and rested for the whole day as I was exhausted both physically and emotionally, but couldn’t, as the thought of his life being in danger couldn’t allow me to close my eyes.