Desperation and Sadness vs Happiness

Ivy's POV

"Wolfsbane?" Tobias asks quietly, and Nathaniel nods. Tobias, Kane, and Genevieve have now joined Nathaniel and I back in his wing in the main living area. Nathaniel is pacing back and forth in the open space between the couch and wall-mounted TV, Evie is sitting beside me on the couch and Kane and Tobias are opposite of us on the other couch. Nathaniel had mind-linked Tobias and asked him to grab Kane and Evie to let them know too. The anxiousness and concern filling the room is maddening, but soon the silence is broken.

"You know it's completely possible that a certain someone did this." Kane states plainly and I sigh.

"You think Cole did it." I say, and Kane nods briefly before going into his reasoning. "Ivy, he's been going after you for years. You coming here away from his abuse and mistreatment? I wouldn't put it past him to make this kind of move as punishment."

"There's no way to prove it. There are at least 150 wolves here from three different packs." Evie says and I sigh again, feeling defeated.

"The perfect cover." Nathaniel states and we all turn to look at him as he stops pacing.

"Think about it. There are so many wolves, scents and the whole distraction of wolves finding their mates and doing their mating pairs, no one would really pay much attention to someone going backstage." He pauses. "But Genevieve is right. There's no way to prove it right now."

"So, what should I do? I've known for years that Cole has had it in for me, and honestly it doesn't surprise me that this has happened and could be him, but you all know the moment I go back to Red Moon, it's going to just continue as usual."

"You're not going back. Not yet at least." Kane says and I look at him, confused.

"The mating ball retreat." Evie says quietly and my eyes widen, and I turn to Nathaniel, draping my arm over the back of the couch, pulling myself up slightly. "I thought it was cancelled indefinitely?" Nathaniel raises his gaze to me and shakes his head. "We're still holding it this year."

"Since you're not mated, you can go." Tobias says and I whip my head back to face him. "I've already been away from the pack for over a week, you guys really think Cole is going to have that. Away for longer?" I question, desperation creeping up in my voice.

When no one answers me, I sigh loudly and stand up, my gown moving with me and sliding off the couch to the floor. "Look, I appreciate all that you have done. Every single one of you, but I can't keep living in a pretend fairy-tale land and not realize or recognize the reality of what I'm going back home to."

"You should have the ability to make decisions for yourself. Cole is not your keeper." Evie says and I shake my head. "You know I understand that. But after years of pushing and fighting, I don't have much left in me to keep going. I'm embarrassed to even say it, here in front of my two closest friends and the Alpha King and his Beta, but I cannot keep this up. My resolve is gone."

I feel tears pricking my eyes and I shut them to try and keep them at bay, but I feel myself failing and with a long exhale, I walk away to my room, closing the door behind me. The tears start to fall as soon as the door clicks shut, and I let them, small sobs racking my body as I try to not cry loudly since the others are still close by.

I know I need to keep pushing. I know. It's just the hardest thing I've had to do, and I'm doing it alone.

Seles was always part of my strength and confidence, helping me push past the boundaries I had set for myself. Making me the best version of myself. Without her, I'm lost, and everything is just taking too much of a toll. I can smile and just fake some type of happiness, but I know I can't live like that long term.

"I miss you Seles." I say out loud, hoping that deep down she can still hear me after all these years.

There's a quiet knock at my door, and I turn, wiping my tears away with my fingers before turning the knob on the door and opening the door a little bit. I see Nathaniel's large frame and I look up, his blue eyes showcasing his worry.

"Are you okay?" He asks, his deep husky voice filled with concern. I nod, not speaking, but he steps inside, closing the door behind him. Once it's closed, he steps close to me, cupping my face with his hands, and then pulls me into him, wrapping his strong arms around me and squeezing lightly. He's warm and comforting and I feel myself calming down, the tears slowing and eventually stopping after a few short minutes.

"I shouldn't be relying on you like this, Alpha." I say quietly as he holds me, and I hear a small grunt of disapproval come from him, rumbling in his chest slightly. "You can rely on me all you need and want to Ivy. No questions asked." More silence passes as he continues to hold me, his pacing heartbeat beating rhythmically like a drum in my ear pressed to his chest.

"You should go to the retreat. I think it would be good for you." Nathaniel says as he adjusts our stance, pulling my chin up gently to look me in the eyes. I know I probably look like a tear-stained mess and my makeup is probably smeared to all hell, but I keep his gaze, internally contemplating if I want to risk it.

"I've heard it's just full of drama." I state, still looking at him and he chuckles lightly.

"It can be, but it's also a good way to blow off some steam."

"Have you ever gone?" I ask and he nods. "Only as supervision, never as an attendee."

"Why? You haven't found your mate yet." I question and he shrugs. "Honestly, I don't have a specific answer for that, but it just never appealed to me to attend before."

"I still don't know." I trail off, but Nate grasps my hand, tugging me ever so gently towards the door. "C'mon, you can talk to Tobias about it, he's gone multiple years. Are you good?" He asks and I nod.

As we head over to the door, I can't help but ask, "Really? He's gone multiple times?" Nate nods as he chuckles again before opening the door and we walk out together back into the living area to where Tobias, Kane and Evie are sitting and talking.

They stop chatting and turn to us as they see us emerge from my room, and I can't help but blush since there is no way I can hide that there's something going on between Nate and I anymore from the three of them, although I'm sure Tobias already knew.

The smile I get from Evie makes me feel warm inside as Nate and I sit down, joining them.

"Ivy is torn on attending the retreat." Nate says after a short moment of silence, and looks over at Tobias, who clears his throat and looks at me.

"Honestly, Ivy. It's one of those things that turns out entirely how you make it to be. Some have gone to cause drama; some go to have fun with no strings attached and some go just to get away from the fact that they haven't found their mate yet."

"You should go." Kane says, turning to face me. "You've gone through enough. Screw Cole. Live your life."

"Okay, okay, I'll go." I say before turning my head to face Nate, poking a finger on his chest. "But only if you do. I need someone I know there."

I see Nate smirk as he outstretches his hands and rolls his neck. "I guess it's settled then. We're going. Time to pack."

I look at him puzzled. "Pack? You mean now?" He nods as he gets up from beside me on the couch. "Everyone who is attending is leaving tonight by town car to the airport."

"Oh crap. I'll have to get my stuff together then." I say, standing. I go to head back to my room, but Evie stops me as everyone else disperses.

"You sure you're okay?" She asks and I nod. "I'll manage. I always have. Just some days are harder than others."

"I know. Nate seems to be helping you quite a bit and I blush. "I can't deny that, but I feel like I'm using him." Evie shakes her head. "Don't think like that. It's good you have a sounding board and another person in your corner."

"I guess."

"I hope you have a wonderful time at the retreat. Kane and I will see you when you get back." I smile and hug her, and she whispers into my ear, "If you don't jump that Alpha King of ours, I swear I'll hurt you."

I back away from her my mouth wide open in shock and she winks before walking away.

That bitch!

I roll my eyes and head back into my room after saying goodbye to Kane and Tobias as well and pack all my belongings into my suitcase once again, noticing how everything has already been neatly washed and folded already. I guess someone did laundry while I was here.

I pull out some comfortable clothes, some black leggings and a purple t-shirt and my white pullover hoodie and place them onto the bed when I hear a slight creak of my door.

I stand completely still as I know it must be Nate since everyone else had left us for the evening. My guess is confirmed when I feel him come up behind me, wrapping his arms around my tiny frame and pulling me back into him. His damp hair tickles my neck as he trails kisses from my neck to my shoulder, clearly having just freshly showered.

I shiver as he whispers into my ear, "Need help getting that dress off?" I nod, not saying a word, and bite my lip as his hands trails down my exposed back to where the clasp and zipper sit at my lower back. I feel the change in pressure as he undoes the clasp and zipper, and he turns me to face him.

I can't hide the redness in my face as he stares at me so intensely.

"Lift your arms up in front of you." He says lowly, his husky tone making me shiver.

He's commanding me.

I do as he asks, and he tugs lightly on the sleeves of my dress, slowly inching each of them off my arms, letting them hang loosely. He then reaches up behind my neck where the last clasp is and once it's undone, the top of my dress falls, exposing the black lace bra I'm wearing and I hear a low growl come from him as his hands go lower, pulling my skirt off my legs, leaving me in just my stockings, underwear, and bra.

He leans his forehead into mine, closing his eyes. "You're going to be the death of me."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I say softly, and he smiles. "Good thing. You keep me on my toes."

"Should I also mention that you're going to be the death of me?" I say and he raises his head to look at me directly. "Why do you say that?"

"Have you seen yourself?" I say bewildered and he laughs out loud.

"I guess we're going to be the death of each other then." He leans down and kisses me softly, and I wrap my arms around his neck as he lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He sits me down on the edge of the bed and grabs my shirt and pulls it over my head, same with my sweater.

He then grabs my leggings and gets them over my feet, pulling them up as far as he can while I'm sitting, my face bright red with how close he is to me.

It's been ages since anyone has touched me and he's driving me insane. This is so embarrassing!

I stand and pull my leggings up the rest of the way and he places my hand in his and leads me back out of the room, carrying my bag.

"We're taking my private jet to the island for the retreat."

"Excuse me? Did you say your jet?" I say in astonishment, and he nods. "I don't get to use it often so I figured we could tonight. Sound okay?"

I nod and smile. "Yeah of course it does!"

We continue to walk out, and I can't help but let the giddy feeling wash over me completely.