Boys don't cry

Will

— What is it? Did I do something wrong?

— No. How about if we use the hot tub? — Nate asks me, and leaves me full of expectation.

— Now? — I ask, shaking my head, and smile. — So, I'm turning on the faucet to fill the bathtub....

— So you break any romantic moment of ours, Wirakan!

— Sorry, but the bathtub is empty, and you have to fill it up first. — I say, step back, turn on the faucet, and turn toward him. — Okay, in the meantime we can pick up where we left off...

Nate shakes his head in denial.

— You have broken the romantic moment, Wirakan!

— Why are you calling me that?

— Because it's your name, and I think it's beautiful!

— Is that so? — I ask, approaching him, who stares at me with a smile. — Don't look at me like that!

— Why?

— Because I'm going to kiss you until you go crazy!

— No shit, Thirasak! I prefer it when you kiss me until I'm hard. — he says, moves even closer, pushes me gently to the sink, and smiles once again.

Nate's words leave me stunned, he is not usually this full of teasing. Come to think of it, during our first time, he did and said some things that made me unaware of him. His mouth brushes against my ear.

— What is it, Bunny? Cat got your tongue? — as soon as he asks, I then feel his tongue running softly over my ear.

That is reason enough to leave me unsettled. I feel a warmth coursing through my body. I look up into his face, and his intimidating look is there before me, and I just babble.

— Nate.

Her lips are pressed against mine, and I bite them, while I feel her hands caress my hair, and mine clasp her back. I intensify my attack on his lips, our tongues get involved, the kiss becomes intense, I don't feel his hands in my hair anymore, they unbutton my shirt, quickly, caress my chest and his mouth detaches from mine, and touches my neck, making me shiver.

He stops, looks at me.

— On second thought, I want it in bed. Turn off the faucet, and leave the tub for later!

— Now it is you who have broken the mood of romance!

— The way I am, and my imagination, there will be romance and sex for every day we spend here, Will!

[...]

To feel his mouth touching my body gives me goose bumps and shivers, and to feel what he does with my cock is a sensation that drives me out of my mind. He makes me break into moans, especially when I realize that I can't take it anymore.

— Nate, I...

I can't finish speaking. I just feel the pleasure taking over my body. My eyes are closed, my breathing is shallow, but I feel the weight of his body lying next to me. I open my eyes, look away, and his intense gaze is on me.

— And there, did you like it?

— Of course I liked it, but I thought we would go all the way!

— Stop being hasty! First let's take a relaxing bath in that tub, have dinner in some restaurant on the island, walk along the beach, and finally come back and finish our evening with lots of kissing, sweating, and moaning. What do you think?

— That's perfect for me! — I answer and caress his face.

[...]

— Ouch, that hurts, Bunny! - he complains as I quickly rub his back.

— Sorry Pussycat! — I say and run my hands lightly along his back.

I notice his tattoo, a well-drawn font with the words "Always Come Back".

— Tell me something... What is the meaning of this tattoo?

— I made it to remind me of who I really am, and not to forget my origins, and that I will always have somewhere to go back to. After I made it, my life took a different course...

— What do you mean?

— There was a time when I was very lost...

— Sorry to ask, but was that when your parents separated? He turns around, looks at me, and gives a slight smile.

— No need to apologize, and it was during my parents' separation... I became a very stupid person, it was as if people were to blame for the pain I felt!

— You mean you have turned into a problem boy?

— More or less. Besides the support of a psychologist, my uncle Khalan played an important role in this phase. I started to see how much I was making my mother suffer, and that my father was not coming home. I needed to reconnect with who I really was. — As she speaks, I notice her watery eyes, I put the tip of my thumb against them, and wipe away the dripping tear.

— If I had known that this question would leave you like this, I...

— No, it's okay! It's been a long time since I thought about it...

— Nate, what is the relationship like with your father? — I ask, and he turns his face and stares out to sea. — I'm sorry, I shouldn't...

— After the separation he was somewhat present, but after he remarried, he withdrew. When I called, he always made an excuse that he couldn't talk at that moment, and it has been like this for a few years now since he left for the United States.

— I never saw you cursing yourself, so I thought he participated more in your life. Does he know that you became an actor?

— No. I thought it best not to say anything, after all, we haven't been in touch for years, and I don't think it's worth cursing yourself.

— You know that our series is broadcasted on Youtube, and if he accesses it, sees all our scenes, and...

— Honestly, I don't think I care much if he will like it, if he will be proud. I care about seeing my mother, my grandmother and my uncle proud of me. — he says and looks at me.

I can't bear to see the look of sadness on his face, and I wrap my arms around his shoulders and put my mouth against his ear.

— I am also very proud of you. I know that you have fought hard, and I feel very happy to know that I am by your side to see all this happen.

He turns away to look at me, smiling.

— Thank you. I am also very proud of you, Will. You are very talented, dedicated... I don't know if we'll act together in other jobs, but I confess that I need to prepare myself psychologically to see you kissing any mouth other than mine...

— What a jealous boyfriend I have! — I say and then lightly kiss his mouth.

[...]

The moon seems to help the scenery in front of us, as we walk side by side along the beach sand, lit naturally by it. I would love to take your hand, but the fear of people seeing us, and thinking too much about us, won't let me. Since the restaurant, I have had a great desire to walk hand in hand, in fact I would love to be able to touch him, to kiss his face, or his mouth, and unfortunately I can't do that. While we were in the restaurant, or walking through the streets of the island, I observed the straight couples, and once again I realized how unfair society is. They can expose their love, and I can't expose mine!

We stopped at a point on the beach, far from the resort entrance.

We sit down. I feel his eyes on me, touching my hair.

— What's wrong? — Nate asks.

— Nothing!

— Nothing? You came all the way without speaking, laughing at something. That's not my Bunny!

— I was thinking too much, that's all!

— Thinking about what?

— I envied straight couples...

— Why?

— Because they can expose that they are together, and will not be disrespected, abhorred, or a host of things!

He wraps his arm around my shoulder.

— Let's not think about it! If we start thinking about bad things, we can ruin good times.

He takes the phone out of his pocket, connects it to his cell phone, and then puts one earpiece in his ear and the other in mine, fiddles with it, activates the flashlight, clearing the short space between us.

— Since I didn't bring my guitar...

A strange music starts playing, something I have never heard before. An incessant drumming, a strident guitar matching the voice that sings the verses I don't know.

— What is this music?

— Haven't you ever heard it? — he asks, shaking his head. — It's called Boys don't cry, it's by a British band called The Cure, who were very successful in the 80's?

— What does it talk about?

— It literally talks about a guy who has lost the love of his life, and tries to disguise his sadness in order not to appear fragile in front of others, claiming that boys don't cry.

— It sounds too sad, why are we listening?

— What you just said reminded me of this song, even if it has no direct relation with what we are living. The point is that we are taught not to do many things, including cry, apologize, recognize mistakes, show feelings...

— My parents always told me that I couldn't cry, dance, find a handsome guy, or love one. In fact, I always heard that I couldn't do a lot of things because I am a man...

— Yes, but boys cry, and they can love boys too! — she exclaims, my heart beating faster as her gaze exposes an unusual sweetness. Then he looks away, and stares at the sea. — I may sound rash... It has been a little over a year since we met, and over three months that we have been together, it may not seem like much time, but I feel that it is enough time for... To... To...

— What, Nate?

— I think I'm in love with you! — she says, then looks at me, and I am completely stunned.

Nate loves me, is that it? Is that what I heard?