Chapter 29

Z A R A

The sound that just came out of me was a reaction from something that ruins a perfectly blissful moment, transitioning into something of a more confused and distasteful moment. I scramble backward, while Alejandro already has his shirt off, revealing his perfectly toned body. His belt is on the floor, but he pauses before completely slipping out of his pants, he's looking at me confused.

Why the hell is he confused?

"Alejandro... I... I don't want this, not now," I try to convince him, I hope my expression is weak enough, pouty enough, displeased enough to sway him.

"You're still refusing?" He asks with disappointment as if I owe him something... Do I?

I know he just helped me reach an addictively, wonderful climax, more than just a couple of times but... I don't owe him anything... I think.

"I don't want to force you to do anything..." His words trail off. "But, it's rather upsetting that I made you cum quite a few times and didn't receive anything in return. Wouldn't it be fair if you returned the favor?"

The way he's phrasing it, and the way he's speaking makes me feel rather guilty that I'm saying no. Even if I didn't want him to touch me the second time, I still got off on it, and still enjoyed the core shivering moments.

I can never escape this—escape him.

"Please, don't look so afraid," he smiles a bone-chilling smile. "If you want to wait, that's completely fine. I don't mind if you put that pretty mouth of yours to use, instead."

For a split second, my mind didn't register what he meant.

"M-My mouth?" I ask, not out of uncertainty of the meaning but to make sure I heard the correct words from him.

Whether I like it or not, I know what blowjobs are. My face starts turning red, not because of what he asked, but because I clearly know what it means. It's almost embarrassing to me that I'm not completely naive. In fact, I don't think I'm that naive when it comes to any of this at all. Sure, I, myself, have never done any of this but I know it.

To be honest, it wasn't something I was willfully seeking out but, nowadays, it's casually thrown out in pop culture. I've heard non-Muslim classmates and friends talk about it, I've seen it implied on television, and of course, I've read it in my previous books.

What further embarrasses me is that I don't know how to... I mean, how unprepared I am. I shouldn't be concerned about my inexperience but a part of me doesn't want to embarrass myself in front of someone as experienced as Alejandro. It would be absolutely humiliating.

The silence only grew between us, making me uncomfortable. I hope he breaks the silence and gives out but, instead, he watches me squirm out of discomfort, something he probably enjoys.

I clear my throat, looking away, "I don't... I don't know how to... you know..."

God, I hate this.

I squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for Alejandro to mock me, laugh at my face, do something to make me want to stab my own eyes out, but he doesn't.

"Of course you don't. I'm not expecting you to know how to please a man already, my love," He smirks. "In fact, I'm quite delighted that I'm your first. It's better this way, isn't it? The only men a woman should ever know how to please are her father and her husband, aren't I correct, my love?"

There's a need to scream stuck at the back of my throat, not quite sure if it can be brought out to the surface for one reason and one reason only: Alejandro's eyes. His gaze holds this sickening delight in my torment, he's enjoying every second of this.

I didn't have much of a choice here, now do I? Either I agree to this or he takes me fully right now.

I gather up every inch of mental strength I can muster and answer, "Yes, you're right."

"Perfect! I'm glad you understand," He exclaims. "Now, stand up."

I hesitate slightly before climbing off the warmth of the bed into the cold, openness. Alejandro has already taken off any last bit of clothing he had left, throwing them onto the side, before settling himself on the edge of the bed.

I can't do this. Oh my God, I can't do this. As the thought creeps closer and closer to the front of my mind, I get a little dizzy, swaying a little off balance.

"Now, get on your knees," Alejandro orders, his voice authoritative, yet with a sweet edge.

His voice wipes away any thoughts of denial I had running around in my head just moments ago, and I abide by kneeling down between his spread thighs. I stare at the ground to avoid contact with his... his eyes. Who am I kidding? I look down to avoid eye contact with his dick, the thing scares me. But also, in reality, I didn't want to see him, his eyes, his smile, his body, or anything to do with him. I want this nightmare to be over, I just want to go to sleep, please.

I wished, and wished, and kept wishing that he would laugh and tell me to go back to my room but my dreams shatter the moment his fingers caress through my hair.

"You're such a good, obedient girl," he cooed.

His praise made me realize he has no intentions of stopping anything. Tears have been spewing out of my eyes, which I hadn't realized until now. He continues to run his fingers through my hair, while, as I see through the corner of my eyes, stroking himself with the other hand.

I know what a dick looks like, there's no avoiding that. I learned about it briefly in human biology and health classes that taught us about puberty and sex in high school. But seeing a glimpse of it in person is terrifyingly interesting.

"Are you feeling nervous, my love?" His voice is laced in warmth that comes from bathing in the joy he's taking from my discomfort. "I know you chose to do this. But of course, you can change your mind at any time and we can choose something else to do. I wouldn't mind."

Other things... He mentions other things but I know for a fact that those other things can't possibly be better than the option I chose. Who knows what he means by other things. And I'd rather not find out.

I chose... did I choose this? I did, didn't I? It almost feels like my sanity is slipping.

It's so interesting how this very moment, when done between partners who are true, can be so intimate and special. This is something I would've saved for an occasion that provided me with true passion and love.

Love... I hate that word. It sounds awful to me now. A word that once made my heart flutter at the thought that, one day, I'll be bathing in it, is now just a faraway, unattainable dream.

I blink away my thoughts and finally choose to look up at Alejandro, facing him from my seat in between his legs. Muscled and athletic, are words that can be used to describe his built. Of course, I've seen his body on multiple occasions, yet it makes me blush every single time. There's no doubt that he's extremely attractive, very eye-catching indeed.

But... That's not what was catching my attention right now. The thing grabbing my attention is what's hanging directly in front of my face. Alejandro's hand is wrapped around the shaft of his cock with an unfazed, comfortable expression, which is the complete opposite of how I'm feeling.

On another note, whatever general knowledge I had about the male genitalia, is completely and utterly useless right now because there's no way that is fitting into my mouth. No matter how I think about it or imagine it, I don't know how that's going in my mouth.

"Give me your hand," he instructs. I shakily raise my hand so he can guide it to where he had his hand, wrapping my fingers around the surprisingly soft and warm shaft. "Don't be so nervous, I won't bite," he says when he notices my hand trembling.

Yeah, well, I might.

"Though you look absolutely adorable right now, it would help you if you relax," he advises.

I nod, not being able to meet his gaze and definitely not being able to relax.

Alejandro chuckles lightly, "Oh, you poor thing." There's not one hint of pity in his voice. "Let's see, I haven't been with someone inexperienced in years. You'll have to forgive me if I cannot instruct gently."

I'm not sure if I want to pass out from nerves or want to chop his dick off.

"Let's start with your tongue. I shouldn't overwhelm you straight away, hm?" He suggests.

"What?" I genuinely don't understand what he wants me to do with my tongue.

"Lick me, my love," an order that would seem to be uncomfortable is said by him with no hesitation.

I get that, but lick how? I want to drop dead so badly right now.

I stiffen for a second, and a burst of laughter is stuck at the base of my throat because of the insanity of the situation I've gotten myself into. I like to laugh at the most inappropriate times, which never leads me anywhere good.

However, I nod. Feeling insecure, I lick the head of his cock. The skin is soft beneath my tongue, not like I expected. But, then again, what had I expected? I haven't really thought about this before. I continue, moving underneath to where my hand is placed at the base. Alejandro hums in, what I assume, is approval. Slowly confidence builds up within me and I run my tongue directly up the shaft, where I can feel the faint veins beneath the skin. He sharply inhales at my actions, which, surprisingly motivated me to keep going.

His reactions to my touch are not given out like free rewards, scaring me that he might punish me for doing something wrong at any moment. However, when my tongue reaches the spot where the shaft meets the head, I lick the ridge out of curiosity.

His hand abruptly fists my hair, a gasping moan leaving his mouth, "Fuck, you don't know how long I've been wanting this from you." For someone who's always so much in control of everything, seeing him lack that control, even just for a few seconds, is... empowering.

"Open your mouth," he orders, whatever sweet act he was putting up before vanishes.

Feeling nervous, I didn't dare question it. In fact, I didn't even look up to meet his face, afraid of what kind of expression he held now.

He pushes into my mouth, and the confusion instantly vanishes, being replaced by the fear that my jaw and throat will not be able to accommodate him. To not make this any worst, I listen to his advice, I relax my muscles in order to not jerk away from the unfamiliar feeling. Using the hand in my hair, he pulls me back slightly, while his other hand guides my hand, which is wrapped around his dick, dragging it down, along with the saliva left behind.

I think I know what he's trying to have me do so I follow up by moving my hand back and forth, matching the way he pulls and pushes my head down in a bobbing motion.

"Oh?" his tone holding a sort of surprise. "Who did you learn this from?" He forces me to continue when I stop because of his question. I thought he wanted me to explain myself but that was not the case. "Or could it be that you were born to be a whore, just for me? That would explain why you would be so very willing to let me touch you after everything I've done to you."

His words stung, they stung a lot. I wanted to pull off but his grip on my hair left me no choice but to ignore what he said and continue, hoping he can finish and I can leave.

"But, of course, you're not very good at this yet," he sighs after stopping me by letting go of my hair and pulling me off.

"Then, let me go and have someone else come in and finish it off for you," I suggest in the calmest way possible.

"You're very funny, my love. If you don't want to finish it this way, I have a list of other things we can do?" That sinister tone is back.

My eyes widen, as a rush of panic fills my heart, "I'm sorry, I'll do better."

"It's okay," he caresses my hair as if to soothe me. "There's another... technique you can use. Although you may not like it."

"I'll do it," I just want to go to bed, I just want to go to bed. I'll do anything to finish and go to bed.

"Well, if you say so... Put your hands on your knees," he instructs.

I do as he says, my saliva-slicked hands falling against my knees.

"Try your best not to choke. However, if you do, I'm sure I can find ways to forgive you," he grins.

I raise my brow in suspicion of what he's about to do but let it fall, nodding.

He grabs my hair, pushing the tip of his dick against my lips. "Open your mouth, my love."

I did.

I can get through it, I can. My sheer need to get out of here will get me through it.

Then, he proceeds to push himself into my mouth, pulling me down until he is fully lodged all the way in my throat, stopping me from breathing. My gag reflex sitting in an uncertain place where I'm not sure when it'll react. It takes everything in me to sit still, with my hands on my knees, even though every muscle in me is wanting to choke frantically.

When I finally reach my limit, he pulls me back to let me inhale a few lungfuls of breaths, before pushing me down on him again.

"You're doing very well, my sweet Zara," his praises bring my oxygen-deprived brain some consolation. It'll be over soon, he'll be done with me.

He does the same thing a few more times, repeating the process but moving faster and faster with each thrust. My jaw aches, my scalp burns from his grip, and my knees hurt, yet I still push forward. I focus on not choking, keeping my tight fists on my knees, and breathing even at the slightest moments given to me.

Insanely, I didn't fight because I was almost done. Because whenever he moans, the sound pleases me in the most fucked up way, making my body shiver. Because when he says my name, my real name, my thighs clench for reasons I'm ashamed of. If this was a moment between passionate lovers, a moment shared between a healthy love, I may have enjoyed the way Alejandro loses control when he uses me.

But this isn't something I can fully enjoy, I have to keep myself in check, I can't mess up. Time became a blur because I have no idea how long I'd been sitting here for. My mind focuses on how long until Alejandro will finish and it seems like he's almost there. It's apparent from the way his movements are getting faster the more he thrusts himself in my mouth, the way his moans are louder and uncontrolled, from the way he's becoming much less gentle and much more cruel and rough.

The longer this goes on, the closer I think I am to this being over, and the more I notice the aching in my jaw, the excessive saliva running down my chin, and the stiffness of my legs. I shut my eyes tight, hoping to stop the tears from flowing but it manages to escape anyways.

Alejandro pulls out of my mouth one last time, keeping me in place with one hand in my hair while finishing off with a raspy groan. I try jerking away in surprise when I feel a burst of stringy cum on my skin, but he holds me still with a fistful of my hair. The sticky substance runs down my chin, down to my breasts, making me feel absolutely filthy, disgusting, and humiliated.

I stay still in the hopes that this obedience will make him let me go. This should be it, it has to be it. I did everything he asked me to do, I followed every instruction he gave.

Yet... yet Alejandro's grip on my hair hasn't loosened. "Clean up the mess, won't you?"

"Huh?" I try to grasp his words.

"Lick me clean, my love," he instructs.

I let out a hitched breath, one last request, and I'll be done, he'll leave me alone. Just do as he says and get on with your day, Zara.

I did as he asked, using my tongue to clean the tip of his cock. The taste is bitter, salty, even, but nothing registers in my mind since I've experienced the worst just moments before this. Alejandro let out an approving hum as I finish up the 'cleaning'.

"You really do make such a dirty, little slut," he comments while releasing his grip on my scalp. I look up at him, with a mixture of hurt and confusion in my eyes.

I was about to protest until my eyes meet his and I stop. He's looking at me with this sultry look in his eyes, smiling. His cheeks are a lightly flushed pink, he's clearly still in a lusty daze. He looks as wild and as dangerous as ever.

"These innocent eyes of yours cannot fool me, my love," he smirks. "In reality, when you look at me like that, the truth can't be any more clearer."

"What...truth?" I blink as I ask in a hushed tone.

Alejandro's eyes glow slightly, in a mischievous manner, "Would you like to see? I would love to show you."

There's curiosity mixed in with the fear in my tone. "See what?"

Alejandro does not answer, instead, he stands up and using the grasp he has on my hair, he drags me along the floor to drop me in front of the very wide and tall, floor-length mirror. I grip my scalp from the pain of what he just did, terrified at how his attitude has shifted from calm and collected to aggressive and rough.

I want to get away, I need to get away from him, from this Alejandro. He drops to the floor from behind me and pulls me up on my knees, pressing my back tight to his chest, holding my face so I'd be able to see my reflection in the mirror.

"Stop it!" I cry out in a panic-stricken voice.

I almost couldn't recognize myself. I look like such a... pathetic mess. Naked and flushed, my hair a mess, my skin bruised with his bite marks, my flesh covered in his cum, tears streaming down my face... I look just as he described, a dirty, little slut.

My eyes meet with Alejandro's in the reflection of the mirror, and this is when utter despair washes over me... he isn't done with me yet, I can see it in the way his hungry eyes are watching over me.

"But you said... I only had to... But you came..." I said in misery and betrayal as I feel his hard, erection pressing against my bare backside.

I feel sickened, overworked, tired, and horrified by the fact that he can still keep going after this. But I can't, I can't do this anymore.

"Look at yourself, my love," he softly purrs into my ear, his grip on me tightens as his hand holds up my face directly towards my reflection. "You look like you're begging for someone to ruin you, no?"

I do, don't I? Just like the dirty slut that he said I am. I'm just so tired... so broken... When will this end? When can I go to sleep?

- - -

Not me ignoring the trauma I just wrote in this chapter... >.< it'll continue in the next chapter as well ಠ‿ಠ