Chapter 33

Z A R A

"Zara, my love, did you take my car keys?" Alejandro asks, standing opposite to me at the kitchen counter. I stare at him hazily, not sure what's going on. "No..."

He smiles at a genuine, heartwarming one. "Don't act naive. It's literally dangling from your hand." I look down to see a remote car key in my grip. "Oh..." He walks toward me but I walk around the counter, avoiding him. It's an instinct at this point.

"Zara, I need to go to work... don't make me chase you," he says with a smirk. I sprint into a run with the keys in hand, not sure where I'm going or why I'm running.

"Zara!" I hear him call out after me. A burst of giggles spurts out of me as I run through the long hallway, wind rushing past me, making me feel free. "Catch me if you can!"

"Oh, I will!" He calls out, his voice is closer than I thought. I'm looking around, noticing the only room close enough is our bedroom. I quickly run in but before I can look for a place to hide, Alejandro grabs my waist from behind, "Gotcha!"

I squeal playfully, trying to run away from his grasp only for both of us to land on the bed with a soft thud. We look at each other for a second before bursting into a fit of laughter.

He rolls onto his side to face me, running his fingers through my hair before moving a few strands behind my ear. "How do you expect me to go to work when you look this gorgeous?"

"Don't go to work! Spend the day with me!" I pout.

"I want to, my sweet, sweet Zara. But I have a few important things to attend to do today," he says as he pulls me in closer against his chest. I wrap an arm around him, taking in the familiar scent mixed with the comforting warmth of his embrace.

"I'll miss you," I say quietly under my breath.

He pulls us apart enough so he can look at my face. "I love you, Zara," he says softly with tenderness while placing a kiss on my lips. "What did I ever do to deserve someone as wonderful as you?"

My heart fills up with this tingling comfort, making me want to live in this moment forever. His hands trail down my cheek, down to my jaw, then resting on my neck.

As he hums, he slowly wraps his hand around my neck, building up the pressure gradually.

"Alejandro... that's enough," I try to stop him before his grip gets tighter.

"Oh? I don't think it's enough, I'm sure you'll enjoy it much more if I grip your throat harder," he says as his hand blocks my windpipe.

"Al... je... stop..." I gasp, gripping the sheets with all my strength as I kick and squirm to be able to breathe.

"I'll snap your fucking neck if you try my patience one more time," his voice no longer has the sweet tone to it.

What's happening? Why is this happening? We were doing so well, we were being normal for once! My vision blurs, either from tears or lack of oxygen, maybe both.

Why, why why...

I open my eyes quickly, gasping for air, only to be met by a dark room and Alejandro's arm draped around my waist as his body is pressed to my back. It was just a nightmare... I'm acting relieved as if that isn't my reality. I squint my eyes at the clock, 3:12 AM. I try to push away Alejandro's arm off from me but with no luck, his grip on me is too heavy.

"Zara..." his voice is groggy and deep. My body tenses up until he softly caresses my side with his hand. "Are you okay? I heard you heaving in your sleep like you were in distress."

I'm always in distress around you, Alejandro. It's you! You're the problem!

"It's nothing. Go back to sleep," I say as politely as I can.

"Are you sure?" There's a hint of concern in his tone but I can't distinguish if it's real or fake without looking at his expression.

"It's fine, it was nothing. Sorry for waking you up, you can go back to sleep," I feel him shuffling a bit behind me until he turns me around to face him. He holds my chin up so I would meet his gaze. It's dark, yet I can see his grey eyes glowing with concern. "I'm sure it was something. There's no wrong in sharing your nightmares with your husband."

What concern? What is he concerned about? Me? Why? Why would he be concerned if he's always the one hurting me?

"It was about you," I manage to say.

"Go on," he ushers me to continue.

I sigh, knowing he won't budge until I tell him so I do. "And then, you ended up choking me to death, I guess."

"Interesting..." his finger glides slowly up my neck until he wraps his fingers around my throat. My eyes widen at his insensitive gesture. "Relax, my love. Remember? You won't die until you bleed out for me..."

"Get your hand off of—" he pulls me in using his hold on my throat, our lips crashing against each other. His tongue manages to slip inside of my mouth, his other hand slides up to my inner thigh teasing me. He pulls away, both of us breathlessly gasping for air. "My love, you're losing yourself in me again, aren't you?" He smirks, loosening his grip on my neck but not letting go yet.

"It's 3 in the damn morning, Alejandro. You already killed me in my nightmare, don't make me want to kill myself in real life too. Please, go back to sleep," I roll my eyes, trying to not look flustered.

"Only if you willingly let me hold you while we sleep," he says, making me give him a look. "Don't fight it."

"Will you leave me alone for the night if I do?" I sound defeated.

"Yes, I promise," he answers.

"Your promises never mean anything," I mumble as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me in against his chest.

"I never go back on my word, my love," he says, resting his chin on my head.

"Yeah, you just find loopholes to manipulate those words," I sigh.

"Exactly," he chuckles as if that's something to be proud of. "It's who I am and always have been."

"Alejandro..." his name comes out almost like a whisper.

"Hm?"

"I have a question..." my voice trails off.

"I thought you wanted to sleep?" There's a hint of playfulness in his tone.

"Can I ask the question?" I roll my eyes.

"Yes, go ahead," he says.

"Why not choose someone else?" I ask as if I haven't already asked him a million times.

"I don't understand? I thought we had this conversation already," he says.

"We did but I still can't wrap my head around it. Why not choose someone else to take my place? Someone who'll be more willing with your ways of... handling things," I choose my words carefully. "I know there are women–and men–who can fill my spot easily with no hesitation."

"You're right," he pauses for a second. "But they aren't you."

"You don't need me! I don't mean anything to you!" My tone of voice rises.

"Oh, but you do," he says. "You mean enough to me for me to choose you."

"But I don't mean enough to you for you to treat me with some respect and dignity? Like you do with Yasmeen?"

"Are you jealous?" I can hear the smirk in his tone. "No, I'm asking for respect, Alejandro. Not everything's a game, this includes me—I'm not a game." I curl into myself even closer, half expecting for him to lash out at me. "What you did to me the other night, it made me feel... worthless, disgusting, embarrassed, shameful. But most importantly, it made me feel like I should've taken my own life at that very moment." I feel his arms tighten slightly around my waist. "Either I should have walked into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and slit my wrists open, or taken a pistol from your office and shot my brains out. Or maybe even jumped off the balcony, a nice calm fall to my death. Is that how you wanted to make me feel?"

"No, of course not." There's a pause. "But I can't help that you feel this way."

I'm frustrated, I'm frustrated beyond patience, "Yes, you can! You can help by not making me feel that way!"

"Is that so?" There's this hint of amusement in his tone. There's no point in talking to him, it won't get through his sick head. He only listens when it benefits him, he doesn't understand the meaning of communication.

"Never mind, Alejandro. Just go back to bed, please." I'm over it. I don't want to fix this, I don't want to talk to him anymore.

"Are you sure? There's nothing else you want to discuss?" As if he cares.

"No," I answer flatly.

"If you say so," he says. "Also, I thought I'd let you know I'll be leaving on a business trip tomorrow for about a week. Be a good girl while I'm gone."

I close my eyes, hoping only sweet dreams haunt me in my sleep tonight because Lord knows my reality is already a nightmare.

• • •

It's been a couple of days since Alejandro left for his trip. In these few days, Charlotte has trained me nonstop to the point where I'm past the basic level and closer to the intermediate level. My body aches every day but it's worth every bit of discomfort if it means that I'll be able to defend myself when needed.

"You've been catching up very quickly, Ms. Zara," Charlotte compliments me after I come out of the shower.

"I'm actually surprised."

I grin, "It's probably because I'm having fun and have nothing else to focus on but this!"

"Have you been able to see your friend lately?"

I sigh, "No, I haven't—" My sentence is interrupted by the doorbell. "Are we expecting anyone?

Charlotte looks at me just as confused, "Not that I have been informed of, no."

She uses the intercom camera to check who it is and quickly opens the door, "Mr. Wang, we weren't expecting you."

I peak my head out to see Marcus and... Yasmeen! I quickly wrap a scarf around my head and run out to the hall.

"Yasmeen!" I squeal like a child.

"Zara!" She squeals just as loud and runs toward me to give me a hug. "Are you okay? Did that bastard hurt you?"

I shake my head, "No, he hasn't been home for a couple of days."

"Oh, is that why he sent me here with Marcus? Because he isn't at home to watch me himself?" Yasmeen mumbles.

"Marcus, what a pleasure," I finally greet Marcus. "Haven't seen you in a while, how are you?"

"Good," he says flatly with the stoic expression as always. "If you don't mind, could you hurry up? I have a meeting to attend in 20 minutes."

"What does that have to do with me? I'm not stopping you from attending your meeting," Yasmeen says with a brow raised.

He rolls his eyes as if we're supposed to already know why he's here. "Alejandro asked me to bring you here for a visit and take you back No more questions, you have 10 minutes."

"That mother—"

"Yasmeen! Don't cuss him out, please. I want your head to still be attached to your shoulders," I warn her.

"Nine minutes," Marcus announces like a countdown clock.

"Okay, okay, jeez." Yasmeen is clearly annoyed.

Nevertheless, I update her on how things are and how I am. I try to be as truthful as possible because Yasmeen and Charlotte are my only outlets for these things. There wasn't much to tell her since that day but Yasmeen had loads to say.

"And then, I told the person at the front desk at my apartment building that I needed Marcus' apartment number because of an emergency." Yasmeen continues, "She was reluctant at first but I showed her that I have his number and he's just not picking up so she gave in!"

I shake my head. "You're insane! Stop stalking the poor guy."

"I'm not stalking him..." She looks away with a guilty look on her face. "I found out for emergency purposes, you know? The craziest shit happens to you guys and now I'm here, so you never know when I might need him."

"Sure, Yasmeen..." I giggle. "So, where does he live?"

"On the floor right below mine!" She says with excitement.

"No way!" I gasp. "He'll move out if he finds out you know where he lives."

"No, he won't." I give her the look and she sighs, "Okay, he might. But don't tell him I know!"

I smile, not at what she did but at how happy she is. I'm so glad she's happy and healthy while having fun. I'm glad she's nowhere near the state I am in, I feel relieved this way.

"Time's up. Let's go," Marcus says loudly so we hear him.

"A few more minutes! Please!" Yasmeen pleads.

"No, let's go." He's already slipped on his shoes and is waiting at the door.

"You're no fun, Marcus," Yasmeen pouts as she walks towards the door.

"You're truly acting like a child." He sighs, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, whatever you say, Mr. Sourpuss," she laughs.

"Even her vocabulary is of a child's," Marcus mumbles to himself loud enough for us to hear.

"Zara! He's bullying me!" Yasmeen frowns.

"You asked for it," I laugh at her pouty expression. "You know how he is."

"Ugh, no fair. Two against one is not fair at all." She hugs me, whispering quietly, "Please, take care of yourself. I know it's hard and it sucks that I literally can't do anything to help but hold on for my sake. It's a selfish request but I wouldn't be able to live in a world without you. I have already grieved for your death once, I don't think I'll survive a second time."

My heart clenches at her words; she isn't entirely happy and carefree because I'm still someone she worries about constantly. I'm the reason for her uneasiness and distress and I can't do anything to ease her heart because I can never get away with lying to her about my situation.

I give her a slightly tighter hug, being unable to say anything else. "I'm sorry," is all I can manage to say. "I'm so sorry."

She shakes her head softly, "You're always apologizing for no reason. None of this is your fault, none of it. Do you understand?"

I nod. She's right, I think. I'm pretty sure none of this is my fault. What sucks is I can't even confirm to myself that I'm sure that none of this is my fault. It feels like it's my fault because of the choices I made, but there's nothing else that can be done.

• • •

"Right now?"

"Frank will be there in 10 minutes to pick you up, my love," Alejandro informs me.

He randomly called me at around 5:30 PM to let me know I have to show up at La Notte Drago. Just thinking of that place gives me the chills, I don't have any good memories there. But then again, I don't have any good memories with Alejandro in the first place, the location doesn't matter.

"Do I have to look presentable?" I ask.

"Wear a long skirt with no leggings but wear sheer tights instead," he instructs.

What an odd request. "A skirt with tights...?" It's literally -5°C (23°F) outside, is he insane?

"Yes, I have no other dress requirements from you tonight." He's definitely not joking.

He wants to see me in a skirt with tights for what reason? It doesn't matter. I have no authority to question him if I want a smooth night.

After hanging up, I quickly run to the closet to pick out a long black skirt and pair it with a puffy-longsleeved white turtleneck. I tuck the shirt into my skirt and slip into black sheer tights, then top off the outfit with a black hijab and white purse. Standing in front of the mirror, I do a little spin and when I'm satisfied, I put on just a tad bit of makeup. A little bit of concealer, mascara, and lip tint.

Right after finishing up my makeup, the doorbell rings before it clicks and someone opens the door.

"Lady, I hope you're ready because I refuse to get in trouble for being late." Frank's voice is loud and clear.

"I'm ready!" I say back as I run towards the door. I don't want Frank to get in trouble so we'll do as Alejandro says.

"When did Alejandro come back?" I ask Frank as I settle down in the car.

"His flight arrived in the morning but he went straight to the office afterward to finish up some work," Frank replies.

"Oh, I see." There's clear disappointment in my tone.

Isn't Alejandro tired? Shouldn't he take a nap or something instead of calling me to his nightclub? Maybe I can act sweet enough to convince him to go home and sleep. My eyes wander out the window and I notice that it's snowing! I love watching it snow, it always brings me so much peace watching the little flakes gracefully float down. It's also very busy outside, colorful lights brightening up the streets, making me forget the sun had gone down long ago.

"Is something happening outside, Frank? What's with all the festivities?" I ask out of curiosity.

"It's Christmas Eve today, lady. You didn't know?" The shock in Frank's voice is quite clear.

"It's—What?" There's no way it's been three or four months since I've been brought here. How did I not know it was already Christmas Eve. I literally looked at the calendar this morning. Time seems to be slipping from my mind. "I'm so sorry I didn't get you a present, Frank. It's probably too late to shop now too."

"I wasn't expecting anything," he replies flatly. I chuckle, "I know you weren't but I would like to give you something. I promise I'll have something for you and Charlotte after stores reopen again; it would be a late Christmas present."

He stays silent for a couple of long seconds before saying, "I'm being transferred after Christmas."

My smile drops. "What? Why? Where?"

"Can't give out any information." His answer is short and secretive.

"Will you be back?" I ask with some hope n

"Can't say." He states.

"Oh... Good luck, then." There's obvious sadness in my tone. I'm glad he let me know beforehand and didn't just decide to disappear. I appreciate that he took into consideration that I would care and I do!

As we arrive, there's a long line in front of the club as always. People are dressed in the most outrageous things considering that it's freezing outside. This time though, I don't care how I'm dressed amongst them. I'm over feeling like I'm out of place because, in reality, I will always be out of place in Alejandro's world of glitz and glam. I will only fit into the cracks and crevices of his world that allow me in and that's about it. The most pitiful part is that I can't fit back into my old life either, it's like I don't belong anywhere yet I belong more with Alejandro now than anywhere else.

As I walk past the people in line, there's obvious confusion and envy in their expressions, wondering how I'm getting this privilege, why I'm dressed so out of place, what I'm even doing here, however, what they don't know is that I'd rather be anywhere but here.

"Right this way, Ma'am," the security at the door escorts me to the second floor as Frank drives away to find parking.

Once we reach the familiar door I've seen last time I was here, the man peaks through and informs Alejandro I'm here. Half expecting to walk into a horrendously lewd scene but I'm pleasantly surprised to see Alejandro sitting by himself in a slightly dim. He's still in his business attire but much more relaxed. The top few buttons on his dress shirt are undone, his tie loosely hanging around his neck, his suit neatly placed on top of a chair that's nearby. His hair is slightly messy and he has his arms splayed out against the couch.

He uses two fingers to motion for me to come to him and pats his thigh for me to sit on it. As the man behind me closes the door, the room turns silent. I forgot this was a soundproof room, it turned sort of eerie when the outside loud music and sounds instantly got washed out. I do as Alejandro motioned, he takes my hand to position me on his lap. As I sit on his lap facing him, my knees digging into the couch and my arms resting on his shoulders. I wonder how broken I must be to accept all of this without putting up a single fight; how broken I must be to accept this from him knowing he hurt me over and over again; how broken and desperate I must be to accept any form of intimacy and comfort from this man.

He runs his fingers across my cheek, gently caressing it. "I missed you," he whispers.

- - -

Alejandro really has the audacity. (눈‸눈)

Also, I didn't review the chapter before posting it today bc I didn't have time so if I have any sentences that don't make sense/grammar mistakes, please let me know! ಥ‿ಥ