Chapter Four

Sometimes you hear the sound of silence. It sounds like danger hiding as safety. The camouflaging danger will speak to you in the silence that disturbs your peace but you would not hear.

But I did.

Beneath silence is chaos - an uprising rage inside of me. I can feel it, I can almost see it. The discomfort, the sudden irrationality.

When that irrationality engulfed me, I walked towards the window and looked down. It could have been late hours of the morning. The woman who sits at the window in the building opposite mine is there looking out. I can not make out her face but as always, she seems hopeless.

I walk to the door and try the handle even though I had heard her lock it severally. The door parts at just the first pull. An alien rage fills me and I throw back my head in laughter. I carry a stuffed doll for weapons. I did not know how to wield them but it assured me a little safety as I am conscious that I could be walking into a trap but it won't be like the last time when she let me go. I’m more prepared now.

I put one feet out first. I look to the left and to the right before fully stepping out. On tiptoes I begin to move towards the direction I knew was the entrance. The alien rage that visited because it had been so easy to leave that room suddenly transforms into excitement knowing I was breaking free. Still, it seems so easy that I begin to wonder where the hurdles lie.

Her sitting room is a wide space of two grey sofas. I was not expecting much but it would have been nice if she was one to litter so I could change out of this depressing pink maternity gown. Could she be at home at this moment watching me try to escape?

I look around the room for anything that resembles a camera but I see none. On the table there is a pack of donuts there. I did not have time to decide if it was fresh or not. It does not even matter. I grab it, open the door leading out and run out.

Once again I am free and running down a hallway but this time it is a dark hallway. Her apartment is the last on the floor. I am still unsure of what lies ahead but at this moment, I have so much adrenaline coursing through my veins - I no longer want to be caged. I pump that will into my legs and begin to run till I am running down the stairs.

It is a short flight of stairs and before I know it, I am out in the open for the whole world to see. I first shield my eyes from the sun then I look around. The woman that sells fish is making a lot of sales today; there is a queue in front of her table. The man selling fabrics is still calling customers - he is not so lucky.

There is an ice cream stand close by where young people gather. In disgust, I look away - I am yet to understand what people loved in a chilly cream.

For now, no one has paid attention to me but I know the invisibility would not last. Standing out in the open is luxury. I pretend I can afford it while still standing at the same spot and scanning my surroundings.

A beggar is on a bench very close to where I stand. He is wrapped in blankets that are torn and would better fit as rags or belong in a dump.

I take two steps to reach him then I squat right in front of the open satchel where people threw in money. "Are you cold?"

The way his eyes are on me makes me feel he knows I am about to make him buy my donuts. The street is not kind; it must have happened to him before.

I hug my teddy bear close to appear harmless and I stretch out the pack of donuts to him. "Are you hungry? I have donuts."

He does not utter a word. I'm beginning to be irritated by the emotionless look he is communicating. I accept his silence as approval.

" I'm going to give you donuts and you will give me your money."  I drop the donuts on his laps and dig into his satchel making sure to collect most of what was inside with one grab. He does not protest or even move. He could have been dumb or maybe blind. I care zero.

"Thank you," I say as I hurry down the street.

I am no devil. I only borrowed from the beggar and repaid him with my food. I did not steal from a beggar that had no one. I did not bully him either. I let these thoughts speak to me as I turn into a dark alley away from the major street. I bask in a moment of self gratification as I walk down that alley looking for where to change my clothes.

As I walk further, my eyes begin to adjust to the darkness. There are young women on the floor draped in ugly over flowing gowns. They are stretching out their hands to everyone passing and even grabbing the legs of those within their reach. For a second, I consider joining them since my dress was almost like theirs. I stare longingly at the space where I could fit in.

One of the women keeps trying to grab my leg. I shift from her and walk into an old building along the alley that seemed like it was standing on its last straw.

The women's screams of "help me!" get drowned as I walk farther into the building.

There are cracks on the walls- big holes like it survived a war. I take the stairs and stop at the last floor. There is an opening where the ceiling could have fallen out. It is from that opening that the sun illuminates that part of the building.

Most of the rooms are locked thrice; a first lock at the top, a latch over the door at the middle and at the bottom was another lock. Those were precautionary measures of people who were used to arm robbery cases. I smile knowing how easily I could carve a hole in the wooden door and slip in. But not today.

Even standing at a window in one of the empty rooms is not enough to tell me where I am or where I should go. I am just here looking at the people in the next street. A family is hosting a gathering over there. There is plenty of food being passed around. How would I look approaching them in this dress that looks like a hospital gown? I tear the gown from the back where I have not torn before.

I comb my hand through my hair and fold it in then I wait. If I put my ears to the ground, I know that I can return to my mother. But I do not want to yet I have nowhere else to go. Some months ago it had been easy - I return home and wait for uncle Joel to sneak into my room. We would wrestle and he would slap me severally. I will coil into a ball and he would stand over me and bathe me with his urine.

Then he was my only danger.

Soon footsteps begin to approach. By the lightness of it I know it is a female. I tie a good part of my face with the piece from my dress then I wait for her to lift the latch before I begin to walk towards the room door where she stood. It was a young woman with a very horrible sense of fashion. She is on a flowery gown that could fit in two people of her size. I am about to bring out my knife  when I notice how her hand kept falling away from the lock and how wobbly she was on her feet.

I sigh and get closer. ‘’Let me help you.’’

She staggers back and forth on her pumps. I reach out and steady her then slowly retrieve the keys from her hands. Quickly I open the locks and lead her in. It is a very small room and as soon as we get inside, she uses her last ounce of strength to make the short trip to the bed. I take my time looking round the cubicle. There was nothing much to steal.

Her wardrobe is a small space close to the toilet filled with short dresses and tight trousers. I hurry over and pull the long dress she is wearing from her to reveal a blue satin gown that barely covers her underwear. I take the crumpled notes in her purse. She is fast asleep and even snoring. I throw on her big dress then fold in my prison wear into the teddy bear.

‘’Lock your door,’’ I say to her before leaving.