Progress
Imaani
"THANK YOU FOR AGREEING TO SEE me," Jax said as he took a seat on the couch opposite me.
I liked the fact that we both knew we needed this conversation and I'm proud of myself for using the past two days wisely.
I thought a lot about it and what Jax and I have currently is a work in progress no matter how fast it may seem to other people no relationship is perfect and to be honest, I've heard of people that started dating two weeks after they met.
"Yeah, I realized that if this is going to work out we need to communicate, correct me if I'm wrong but I've noticed that it's hard for you to talk or open up sometimes, and I'm not tryna rush you but like I said before, you're going to have to tell me."
"I know baby, I do. And I'm sorry about that dinner."
"It's okay. I may have overreacted a little, I mean she's your ex and we recently just started dating. Besides I'm the one who brought up the idea of her staying with you" I added for good measure
"Don't do that, it's not your fault. She was way out of line and I'll talk to her about it, is that okay love?"
My mind is pushing me to just say it and get it over with. I mean it's possible he may not have noticed it, I'll just keep it to myself then.
Fuck it! " You know she still likes you right?" I spit out before I could help myself.
He leans his back into the chair "She doesn't, Imaani. She's married."
"So? there could still be feelings somewhere" Well since I've already started I might as well continue
"I doubt it, love. What Veronica and I had ended years ago"
"How long did you guys date?" Damn, Imaani go ahead and keep digging into where you're not supposed to
"Are we seriously talking about this?" He asks slowly " We could be doing anything else, I could be cooking you dinner to make up for my guilty conscience"
"As much as the thought of your cooking sounds marvellous right now, we have to talk about this, Jax sooner or later you know that. And I'd prefer it to be sooner"
He runs his fingers through his hair "Sure, fine"
"So...Veronica?" I quip
"She was my first-" I cut him off due to my surprise
Wait! "You were a virgin till y'all met, damn. Maybe that's why-"
"My first love, Imaani"
Okay, I'll be honest I was not expecting that...
"Oh okay"
suddenly quiet huh? My subconscious quipped smugly
"Vee-Veronica and I met when I was in a pretty bad place and... I dunno I guess we just sort of hit it off at some point"
I act as if the nickname doesn't hit a soft spot and I just sit there, not moving and listening to what he was saying.
I mean I asked for it I might as well let him finish speaking.
"My family is a bit complicated that's why I uh I don't talk about them, it's sorta a hard limit for me. Veronica was looking for a place to stay when we first met. I was twenty and I was moving around" he chuckles dryly "barely trying to stay alive. She helped me through a lot of shit and from there it became more" he adds
He doesn't say much after that, and I take the hint letting me know that he's done with the discussion at least for now, I hope.
"Why did y'all break up?"
He scoffs, as he remembers the reason...
it can't be that bad though right?
"She slept with my father" He added lowly and then let out a dry chuckle as if he suddenly found the memory funny
"What!" I let out, my eyes growing wide at his revelation
"He wasn't much of a father either it hurt more from Veronica because I trusted her with everything in me, I still trusted her even after the cheating and I still did even after every other thing she did. I....." he sighs and lets his head back, exhaling
"There's more?" I'm trying to show him that he doesn't have to hide his feelings because of what society has made a lot of people believe. Being a man doesn't mean you can't let it out sometimes, they're only human and can express their emotions also anytime just as much as anyone else.
"Can we please talk about this another time?" Jax asks his expression looking tired as if the entire conversation drained him.
"Hey it's okay c'mere baby" I adjust myself on the couch so he can place his head on my la
To be honest, I consider this progress. No matter how small, it's progress for me.... for us.
I mean it would drain me too if I had to talk about how my ex cheated on me with my dad.
As I ran my fingers through his hair, my irrational thoughts started taking over, I was lost in my head once again. But I was not willing to give in to it.
Even though some of the things I was thinking about felt reasonable, I was not going to let that part of me take over and fill me with doubts.
A part of me was beginning to feel like Jax and Veronica have a history that cannot be forgotten just by snapping my fingers.
Healthy relationships require uncomfortable conversations and no matter how hard I'm trying to force myself to believe I don't want to know more about whatever they had, it's going to lead there one way or another.
No matter how uncomfortable it gets, I believe since I asked for it I gotta sit it through till the end.
I know damn well I'm right about her still having feelings for, Jax. it's a gut feeling but I trust it and I'm very sure I could be right.
Married or not it doesn't change the fact that it's still very possible that she may still like him.
I sigh and continue to run my fingers through his hair careful not to move too much and wake him up.
I thought he was asleep until he takes my other hand and brings it to his lips and then kisses it gently.
It's us against every other person if he's willing to stand by me.
One thing about me I'll do anything I can for the people I care about.
And I care about Jax, deeply. I just need him to see it and know that when he's ready he can open up to me.
It's all in his hands now.
