His Past

Imaani

"He hated me and he never failed to let me know it," Jax said.

I had finally let Jax into my room so we could talk, on the second day. It's almost midnight and I can't sleep. It's not like I'm leaving this place anytime soon, might as well hear what he wants to say. Besides he tried his best with keeping his distance, except for the numerous "I'm sorry" text messages, the only time I see him is when I'm getting food, which he cooks.

So I decided to send a him text message telling him I was ready to talk.

"He hit you didn't he?" my heart breaks for him and I know I've not heard half of it

"Hit me?" he chuckles sadly "I wish that was all he did"

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, okay? I understand" I placed my hands on his knees

"No. I want to. I need to, besides I owe you this, you deserve an explanation Imaani. A full one.

"I'm here okay. Once you feel uncomfortable or triggered by any memory we can stop." I kiss his cheek "You don't have to do anything you do not want to"

"It's okay. He clears his throat and runs his hand through his hair. His eyes are red from all the tears he has been holding in. "Christopher made sure to always tell me, or show me rather, that he hated me. One day he came home drunk with another woman while my mum was at work.

"Did you know the woman?" I asked

"No, a prostitute, I think, because he paid her later" He stared at me for a few seconds "He brought her up to my room and told me that the only way I can prove myself to him as a man was to sleep with her. I didn't want to, I kept begging the lady to say no or at least convince him one way or the other that he shouldn't let me do it. He slapped me and said if I don't do it he'll sell my mother to his friends. But I knew he wouldn't because she paid the bills for everything, so I ran away." He cleans his eyes quickly as if to hide the proof of him crying "I was only eleven Imaani."

"Oh my God" I mutter under my breath

"When I got back home at midnight, I assumed because he's usually knocked out by then, that he would be. I was wrong. He waited for me by the door. I remember walking and seeing five burning cigarettes on the table beside him. I always hated the smell. The entire house was filled with the stench of cigarette smoke" he scoffs "I can't believe I thought he was smoking them, I mean who smokes five cigarettes at once? He tied me up, didn't even ask me where I'd been, just hit me the moment I got inside, tied me up, and burnt me on the back with all of them"

I was sad and angry. Sad for the little boy that didn't get to enjoy his childhood. And angry because I wanted nothing more than to put everyone that had hurt him through much worse pain than he had gone through.

"It's okay. You don't have to continue" I moved closer to him and held him

"I want to." He replied shortly "When I turned thirteen was the first time he ever acted like a father to me. It was my thirteenth birthday and his colleagues from work came over. They were planning something that had to do with work. I didn't get the details but they wanted to kill another colleague of theirs." I noticed the way he has held onto my hand since he started talking "He called me to where all his friends were and gave me a birthday cake. Said he's proud of me and he's made a lot of mistakes but he wants to be better. But he needs a favor from me." He paused and put his face into his hands "I was fucking gullible Imaani, I believed him"

"No! Baby, You were just a kid who wanted to be loved by his father. Just like any other kid out there." I raised his face to look at me "You are and were not gullible. You're perfect, love"

He stopped talking for a few minutes and I understood. He cleaned his tears "He told me that all I had to do was steal a key card from security at his workplace.... and I did it. I stole the key card, very happily, I didn't care to think that all this was to end a man's life. All because I wanted to impress a man that didn't give two fucks about me" he sniffs "It's funny how the next day he beat me, and my mum had to take me to the hospital. We got there and my mother looked me in the eyes and told the doctor that I got in an accident while playing. I didn't think about it because I thought she was just trying to protect us by keeping quiet and so I told myself that I'm old enough to protect her too, I have to be a man." He laughs "What does a thirteen-year-old know about being a man?"

"I'm so sorry baby" My eyes are filled with tears and I hold him.

"The beatings reduced for a long time, he started working longer and we barely saw each other. My mum fell sick and I couldn't do anything. Her insurance couldn't cover the medical bills, so I got a job. I started working as an apprentice with a mechanic." He smiled "Joe was the father I never had, I worked with him for years. When I turned sixteen, Christopher had already lost his job. One night he came home, with his friends drunk like hell. I had just gotten back from work and was making my way quietly up the stairs when I noticed they were all drunk. But he noticed me and told me to come." His nails dig hard into my palm " I assumed I knew what was going to happen so I made my way to the door to run away, but one of his friends stopped me and they beat me, all at once." His legs start to shake fast moving up and down, so I place my hand on his knee. "He insulted me and my mother saying we're the reason why he's like this. He took me upstairs, punched me numerous times till I sustained a black eye, and said "If you don't do what I ask you, one of the three guys down there, he has five thousand dollars to give to me, to buy your mother. Now that's a lot of money for an old pussy like hers," Christopher laughs "And I need that money, so if you know what's good for you and you wanna see your mother again, you do what I tell you. Now take off your trousers".

"My mum had lost her job and was only bringing little money into the house, so I couldn't use that against him again. I remember fighting him," he scoffs "I remember feeling elated that I managed to get one punch in. I just wanted to get out of there, he beat me to a pulp, threw me on the bed, tore my clothes. Told me to be a man and be quiet" he sneered "I remember his friends coming upstairs and watching with delight while they took care of themself, as he forced himself on me" tears rolled down his face "I kept telling myself that this is for my mum, so she could stay with me and not have to go through this, with his friend." Tears dropped from his eyes

"It's okay, please stop. You don't have to relive that experience again. I'm sorry" I held him tight

"I still remember every one of their names" He tightens his fists and clenches his jaw "Matthias Davis, Bryce Elvis, and Nikolas Peters" I hate them for what they did to him "He wouldn't have stopped If my mum didn't come in Imaani. All I could think about while curled up in the shower was what would have happened to me five minutes later if my mum didn't turn up. I hate them, I hate all his friends that derived pleasure from my abuse, from watching him force himself on me." He wiped his tears and held my hand again "I woke up the next morning and she was gone, no trace of my mother as if she was never even there. At first, I thought he killed her, but then I saw the note and I knew she left on her own." He smiles sadly "I ran away from home that day and went to Joe's, I told him everything except for the" he swallowed "rape." He told me he suspected but didn't look into it because I never said anything"

Flashback

"I'm so sorry, I did nothing to help son. I should have known. I suspected and still did nothing"

"There's nothing you could have done, the cops wouldn't even believe you, I've tried"

"We're going to make them pay, all of them," he said sternly before getting up.

End of flashback

Every day since I ran away from home I kept going back, to check if my mother would come back." He chuckles dryly "I was so dumb I had so much faith in her, I learned the hard way after a year when she still didn't show up."

"Joe owned a drug cartel. The auto shop was just a front for it. He never had any kids of his own. When I turned eighteen he left everything to me. He taught me everything I know. He taught me how to speak, read and write Greek and French. He smiled to himself "That's how I met Veronica." He rubs my hand gently "She was with Joe since a very young age. She and I were friends for a long time before we decided to date." He paused and looks at me "We don't have to talk about her if you're uncomfortable"

He just relived his entire traumatizing childhood because he told me about it, and he's worried about me.

"No, I want to know, she's part of the story and I'll listen" I assured him

I kiss his cheek and urge him to continue "She was one of Joe's top assassins, she was the only one who agreed with Joe's decision to hand over to me. A lot of the others sneered at his decision saying I wasn't capable. I made it my mission to prove them wrong" He lifts his eyes to mine and his expression changes to a hard one "When I took over completely, I killed all of them." He looks at me, trying to find a reaction but I gave him none, I just listened. "I knew what the job demanded, I wanted respect, I wanted them to fear me when I stepped into a room, and I got it. Veronica and I traveled handling all the business together. We had business clients everywhere, mention the place and we probably had clients there. She was able to secure a long time deal with the Italians, something I couldn't do for weeks she did it in four days, I never knew how she managed to do it but I was impressed"

"That's what she was talking about the first time?" I say quietly

"Yes." He answered "The job became bigger, it expanded. Meaning it demanded more of my time. I was always traveling and barely saw Veronica. I don't know how Chris found me or her. Like she said, about him telling her that I was cheating on her that's why she had sex with him to spite me. I found out from Tiago, he's the one who caught them. I never told her. Till a few days after she came here. The biggest mistake I made was giving her so much power over me, mentally and physically. What we had was toxic and I embraced it because it was the only form of love I believed that I could have"

"I hate her," I said without any care "You trust Tiago?"

He smiles and kisses me softly "With my life. I don't think I could ever hate her, a part of me still feels like I owe her for killing him." Good thing she's out of his life "I was twenty-three when I saw Christopher for the last time. I was heading home late at night from Micheal's college and he had cornered me in the parking area. Telling me how I ruined his life and how he never wanted me in his life. He said "You're nothing! You will never amount to anything if you don't take matters into your own hands like me. You'll only get killed if you care for anyone! Unlike you, I don't care if you die or live. But if you're going to die, might as well be by my hands. Because you're nothing! Just a weak boy!"

"His hands gripped my neck while I struggled, but it was not enough. I've killed people before, I've watched people get tortured before and I couldn't even help myself when it was him. I remember his body going still in my hands, as he fell to the ground covered in his blood. And I saw Veronica in front of me, with the gun she used to kill him. Even then I still couldn't move or do anything. I felt weak and useless"

I turned his head to face me "You're not useless. He abused you, Jax, I don't blame you for acting that way around him."

He smiled sadly before he continued "Tiago came and took his body to dispose of it. He burnt it. I had finally gotten rid of him completely, but I could still hear his condescending voice in my head"

"A few years later I fell into a spiral, Micheal had just lost Vanessa and I just broke up with Veronica"

"Why did she kill her?"

"I knew Vanessa but I never knew we were related, Veronica was hired by Mexicans to find the person who stole money from them" I gulped I didn't like where this was going "few days before she died, Micheal and she decided to come to visit me and spend time since I spent my time buried in work and alcohol. He smiled sadly as he remembered "I remember she brought her childhood pictures, saying she's willing to go through the embarrassment just to cheer me up" He laughed "Micheal was jealous because she never let him see them or even talk about her family with him. And that's when I saw, the picture of her, Christopher, and her mother. She was surprised when I told her he was my father. She cried and asked if I knew where he was?" He scoffed "She said they've been looking for him for a while and assumed he was dead".

"I'm so sorry"

"I just want to know how he did it. He spent most of the time with us. When did he ever have time to spend with them and portray the perfect father image?

I sniffed and wiped my eyes before hugging him "I'm glad he's dead"

He smiled and hugged me back "Vanessa's ex-boyfriend framed her. He was the one who stole from the Mexicans. It was months later after Veronica had killed her, that Micheal found out the truth. After weeks and weeks of digging and searching, he found the guy and killed him"

"Veronica didn't know her?"

"No. She knew Micheal but he never really liked her, even before she killed Vanessa so they never got to meet"

"Wow" I had no idea what to say

"You Don't have to say anything love, I'm just glad you listened and I could tell you. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me"

"I'll always listen to you. And I don't think otherwise of you, your past doesn't define you. And I don't want you thinking you're damaged or weak or whatever bullshit that dead bastard put in your head" he chuckles lowly "You're perfect and I won't have you any other way, Jaxon Smith"

We kiss and as much as I don't want to pull away, we do. "I've got to know though?" Are you comfortable with what I do?"

This question.

I sigh "Jax you've killed people, a lot"

"I know, and I won't lie to you and say I regret it... I don't"

"H-have you killed innocent people, kids?"

Please say no

"No. No kids, it's a rule I have. No kids, innocent women, and pregnant women"

"So all those people...?

"Most of them, were rapists, abusers, traffickers, and people who tried to kill me or steal from me. He touches my face "I don't regret killing all those people, but I will if it means I have to live with you looking at me differently"

I get up and cross my legs over his lap before sitting. I hold his chin up to look at me "Every one of them deserved it. And I'm never going to look at you any other way, except as the most handsome, perfect man in the world, who is also my boyfriend" he smiles at me before kissing me.

With his hands on my waist while we kiss he stops and pulls away before he says "If I didn't just tell you about my abusive past I'd be down to show you just how happy I am you said that"

"I'll say it every day then."

"Why?" His eyebrows raised

"Because it's the truth and you need to hear it every time.

He smiles and moves to kiss me again "Wait! I have to know"

"Know what love?"

"The man in the video? What did he do?"

"That was Mason."

I gasp loudly "Mason! He tried to kill you?"

"No, love. He touched you"

My eyes widen and my mouth falls open for about a minute before I compose myself "You killed him because he touched me?"

"And I'll do it again"

"He just grabbed my arm"

"Doesn't matter. His hands don't belong on your body"

I smile "Oh really and whose hand does?"

"Mine" he states proudly

"You're crazy"

"Only for you, love. Just you"

Be still my heart.

"So you speak Greek huh?

"Yes baby" my stomach flutters

"How do I say 'You're a dumbass"?

He laughs loudly and stares at me "Se écho erotefteí paráfora kai mou arései aftó to synaísthima"

My eyes widen and I laugh "Well there goes one language I'm never learning."

"Why," he asks with a smile on his face

"Look at how long it is just to tell you that you're a dumbass"

He laughs again and runs his hands across my back slowly.

"Okay say something else"

"What would you like me to say, love?"

"Anything. Just say anything you can think of"

"me káneis tin pio eftychisméni pou ypírxa poté" He smiles at me after saying it

"What does it mean?"

"You made me hard" he smirks

"You see what I'm talking about such a difficult language... wait what? I cut myself short when what he said clicks

He laughs at my expression "Go to bed, love. It's late"

I look at my phone for the time and he's right it's almost 2 pm "What about you?"

"I'll just go to the gym or do some work on my laptop. I don't sleep well at night sometimes. Nightmares" he smiles. But it's not the happy kind

"Sometimes?"

He avoids my gaze "I sleep well only when I'm extremely drunk or... with you." He looks at me again "I need to leave, Imaani"

"Stay here, I want you to sleep here"

"No. I agreed to give you-" I cut him short by placing my finger on his lips

"Let's go to bed baby"

"Are you sure?

"Stop questioning me and get in bed"

He chuckles "Yes ma'am"