Twenty-two

As we sat at the table during lunch, my mind was distant. I couldn't help but feel uneasy.

Steph, Oli, Ryan, and Edith went over on how Olis' swain looked from the picture Oli had shown to them from his phone.

“ Wow, he's cute, guys!” Edith said in excitement, giving the phone over to Steph to also take a good near-up look.

“ I like his blue ocean eyes, they're so talking.” She put her hand over her casket and banged her face, being each dramatic at the fact that the man was good-looking. Steph passed the phone over to Ryan who let out a shriek as soon as he took a good look at the man.

“ My, my, my. His nose, lips, and face shape.”

“ Oh, great glad you saw my man, let Ellen see him.” Oli reflected and Ryan reached over to where I was and handed me the phone.

“ He's nice.” That was all I could manage. Also, I felt Edith nudge me.

“ Hey Elle, are you than with us?” She rumored

.“ I suppose I might have a secret girlfriend.” I rumored back and Edith smiled

“ Well, you should tell me more.”

********

“ This person Ellen is easily not a girlfriend!” Edith protested while looking at my phone, taking in the filmland I had seen before.

Edith sat opposite me in the cafe we had decided to head to after work to talk about everything that had passed. She had her mug of coffee to her left and was easily in torture trying to make sense of what was conceivably passing or going on with my life.

“ It's possible that he's just joking around, could be someone I know trying to scarify me or get plutocrat from me by using my dirty secrets,” I said. That was a possibility. Not everyone was happy that Cole had come into the company, it was only normal that not everyone liked him and some were fraudulent in bringing him down formerly. It was also possible that he was being followed around by someone he knew and was trying to get back at him or get plutocrat off him.

But another proposition I had in my mind was that this someone or person was someone I knew. This is because they've easily transferred the filmland to my number meaning I was the main target, the person of main interest, or some crazy shit they had going on. Another area to suppose of was the fact that this person had transferred me to the filmland of the men I had sexual hassles with over this time, meaning they had some bad stuff cooked up for me.

“ It could be that this person is trying to blackmail.” Edith said, “ Could be for plutocrat or just to get you spooked or commodity.”

True. Perhaps this person was someone I knew who was trying to gain control over my life by using my dirty secrets.

“ It could be covetousness too, perhaps it's another-one nightstand dude I last fucked and forgot about who felt like he didn't have enough of me and still wants me,” I said. Edith jounced considering the study.

“ Elle, you have fucked a lot of guys.” She laughed, clapping her hands. She had a point. However, also I presumably didn't remember him, If this dude transferring me this filmland was someone I had hooked up with on an arbitrary night some time back. There had been a lot of nights Mark wasn't there because he was busy, nights I had felt so lonely I just wanted an escape. There had been a night mark and I had argued and he didn't really make any trouble to reach out. And also nights I felt pressure from the world, prospects, work, and exorbitantly just living that all I wanted was to escape and the way I did that was stealing town to a bar, let a man hit on me or I hit on him and we go home together for the night for some wild coitus depending on how our moods were. So from all these nights, some weird burro dude might have fallen into some preoccupation with me.

“ Yeah like the way you're fucking Ryan right now.” I reflected, staying to see her response. There was a bit of chemistry between Edith and Ryan, bone they both didn't yet put by important trouble in.

“ Hell no that isn't true and you know it.” Edith argued, nearly getting off her seat.

“ What also? He easily likes you.”

“ He was joking that time, get the difference.”

I laughed, shaking off a bit of the stress my mind had been through this day.

“ No bone jokes about similar matters while their eyes sparkle.”

“ I doubt they do, you don't see Elle easily.”

“ You aren't hysterical are you?” I asked now serious

She lowered, surprised by the change in mood from me.

“ Hysterical of meeting someone who first shows you that they want to be with you also changes.”

She was quiet for a while. Also jounced her head.

“ I want a relationship that lasts for Elle, and sorely these days those are hard to come around so yes I'm hysterical of being with someone and made to believe that they're each by, only to find out they aren't and they just leave.”

I know, it was a scary feeling. Nearly deep down within me, I felt like my coitus escape was a way to fight that reality, that we as women can get attached to a man also he just leaves us. The escape came in to just shove that up to my burro and bottle it up with some wild orgasms, but yes, I was spooked too.

“ I want a relationship like mute and daddies.” Edith smiled now, looking like her usual cheerful tone.

“ Be great riding the same gumshoe for over twenty times.” I signed

Edith rolled her eyes. “ Of course it would be, at least no one is coming at you from the once claiming you hooked up last week.” Ouch, that hurt.

“ I know this is all my fault, Edith, I just don't know how I get myself into all these.” I felt shamefaced. Knowing I could live my life a little else but chose this. I felt that my history was coming at me. I felt bad that my life wasn't as perfect, as indefectible as how others' lives appeared to be. I felt bad that I couldn't do better for myself.

Edith reached for my hand and held it tightly.

“ I'm sorry it happen like this, I hope it gets resolved as just some blend up. Imagine if these get released to Mark, your relationship will be over.”

That's where the stress for me was. I liked Mark. Yes, I wanted to be with him, yes but at some point, I wasn't so sure about him. I didn't want to lose him I admit because he sounded like the only joe that wanted to keep me for the long run for effects like marriage. I didn't want to lose him, at least not in this way of him easily seeing my resting with other men.

But I liked him, perhaps indeed loved. I just had a lot of confusion in my mind.