Forty

I was woken by the loud sound of my alarm which I set on my alarm at 650a.m some days beforehand for me to get ready for work. It was a ritual. I opened my eyes and I could still feel the pain through my head and in my eyes. I was certain they were swollen, they surely felt like it. I felt my body bow and i was sure i was formerly feeling gestation symptoms. It felt like it. I actually had little knowledge about gestation and how the entire fire was suchlike and i guess, it was my turn to find out the veritably hard way.

I pulled my phone from the counter and saw that i had a lot of missed calls from Dylan, Cole and Edith. I opened the dispatches app and there were a lot of dispatches from them asking me if i was alright. I wasn't alright. One from Edith read

-I'm coming over after work please call me back and tell me that you're okay

I was disturbed by a loud knock on my apartment door and I was certain it was either Cole, Dylan or Edith. I forced myself up and when I stood, I could feel my balance wither off but I held myself together and I walked to the living room also to the door. I assumed it was my family until I heard the sound of a window opening and also I shocked. When I walked to the living room to probe, I waled to the door and as i opened it. I wrapped my arms against my casket to shield myself from the deep freeze. My eyes looked down at the corridor where I spotted a parcel on the ground. Incontinently, my breathing began to increase and I was going into fear mode. I felt my gashes roll down my cheeks. I actually noway really cried but with everything that has been passing, I couldn't hold back and I'm certain that the gestation hormones were remonstrating in.

The thing that looked like a parcel was cube- shaped and wrapped in brown paper. I knew that my snooper was back at his game or should i say Steph was back at her sick game. I was about to pick up the parcel because in as important as i didn't want to bring it outside with me, i knew that i just couldn't leave it outdoors. Worse case script was if someone picked up and also decided to open and see what was outside only for the them to be met with filmland of me naked in them with Mark, Cole and Dylan.

I was about to open the parcel when I noticed commodity additional attached to the package a communication in small, unreadable jotting that read

. -I AM WATCHING YOU!

I incontinently walked back into my apartment shutting the door behind me. I didn't want to make a scene outdoors and have people looking at me or be a city story content.

I let myself cry sitting to on the settee letting the words from the note Gomorrah by. Of course i knew that this wasn't over. Steph was still playing this sick game and i had enough much let my guard down.

I took in a deep breath trying to stop my weeping and prepared myself to open the box. Once i pulled it open, there were filmland in them.

I seized one where i saw Mark. The picture showed that he was walking into a shop. I also went over another picture where it showed Mark inside his apartment packing his clothes in a brown wallet.

I couldn't believe my eyes. This time, all the filmland that were in the box where of Mark. I tried my stylish to understand if the person that had transferred the filmland was trying to shoot a communication to me and i was intruding. I allowed that perhaps it would be good to call the police and show them the filmland and began an sanctioned trace of who could have been behind this. But i wasn't so sure.

I knew Mark was getting ready to leave foe his new job in Washington to be with his family, Laura. Was Steph or whoever this person was trying to tease me? Was this person trying to say it to my face that Mark and i were done for?

I was happy for Mark, i mean this was what he wanted and i was glad he as moving on with his life and with his career.

I was caught off guard when my phone buzzed from my bedroom. I put a hand to my casket as i was easily startled.

I placed the box down and walked back to my bedroom.

I saw Edith's name flash on my phone screen.

“ Elle! The heck! I've been dead upset about you! ’Edith yelled from the other line.

I should have communicated at least. I had just been locked up in my apartment crying and being miserable in my bed. I had just been laying in my bed lamenting about my life.

“ Edith, I'm so sorry.”

“ Is everything okay? I'm coming over at least to see if you're okay.”

“ Edith come on don't worry about me.” I said

“ Don't tell me that, you haven't come to work or told me what's wrong if there's anything.”

“ I'm getting ready for work don't worry okay.”

“ I'll not take that, i'm coming to see you and if really you're going to work, we will go there together.”

I soughed. I knew veritably well there was no way of me satisfying Edith to not worry. I mean i would be bothered about her as well if she was in a analogous situation where she didn't show up for work without a proper explanation.

I wasn't ready to tell Edith about the gestation. I was still accepting it myself. So i decided to enough much get dressed and force myself to go to work.

“ Okay, let me bathe and get ready okay.” I said and Edith responded with a yes. I hung up the call and put the phone back on the counter.

Another oddity in my life like ahead. The shower always held a certain power to it for me, I want to remain as long as possible, if not ever and feel the relaxing sense of the water on my skin. Why does the prospect of taking a long shower appeal to me so much? Raining is as complicated as all of my brain's neurons combined. All of the movements have a purpose and give a distinct sensation for the mind and body. It's an interesting passage through the deepest corners of the mind's castle, starting with the contact of the bases with the cold ground and continuing through the delicate touch of the warm water drops to the last swipe of the kerchief on the skin.

Perhaps it was my own mind tricking you because it had had enough of the" real world, "and I got up and subconsciously do to our coming step like a medieval launch. It accessibly has to do with the outside world. The medication for this creative shower is kindly materialistic. Choosing the right products to mollycoddle my senses isn't an easy task. Shampoo, shower gel, conditioner, and indeed the type of sponger you use all play a part. Each bone should have the right scent to stimulate all of your senses. Different smells evoke colorful feelings. They can indeed bring back memories. Memories of great coitus, of great kisses, of great touching on my skin and of great gumshoe banging into my empty coochie.

The smell of tropical fruits, for illustration, transports me to a comforting place; I knew people like Edith and others prefer lime lawn or bubblegum for the flavors, which may remind them of a nonage story or a favorite vacation. It's over to any of us to decide which bones make us feel relaxed and light as a feather. This was a safe place for me. Especially with a man plasted to my burro behind me as we both shower.

When it came to relaxation, there was one thing to do before getting into the shower, and it represents the transition from material to spiritual, from body to mind. It isn't just taking off my clothes sluggishly and precisely as if I was shelling a banana; this time it's further of an act of bearing my soul out; naked on the outside.

Water is a dynamic substance with multitudinous operations, the most significant of which is the aliment of life. It's energetic yet comforting, shapeless yet definite, inert yet living. This may be true, yet water is a necessary element of my diurnal shower for reasons that others may overlook.

I go for the shower handle, turn it to the leftism, and regulate the temperature to perfection, because I've learned this uncredited art form. The sound of gushing water energizes me; the first drops are cruelly cold, but they fleetly warm to the touch, and warm brume fills the chamber, dampening my skin. I take a step in, the water cascades down, and my body absorbs the warmth like a sponger; for some reason, this is a veritably enjoyable sensation.

For those many twinkles in the day, my mind is fully clear, a kind of emancipation that no other exertion can relatively match, a respite in my else excited life. The shower is as varied as the water that fills it. It's a place of study and contemplation, a particular stage for my veritably own singing performances, and, of course, a place where I can be refreshed.

I am impelled to step out reluctantly after my normal 20- nanosecond shower, either due to time constraints in the morning or in response to my mama's worries about the water bill.

I crop from the shower a new man, revitalized, restored, and rejuvenated, humming James Brown’s “I Feel Good" as I prepare to face the day.

I occasionally wish I could stay under the covers all day, but also I wouldn't be suitable to see all of the beauty that the world has to offer. I can feel the cool breath over my shoulder as I place my bases on the bottom. This is my greeting to the world for the day, and I'm thankful to be alive. As is customary, the first thing I do in the morning is turn on some music. Moment, I chose some songs by my favorite gemstone band, Three Doors Down. Their music always puts me in a good mood, and I could use some of that moment. I also make my bed because I always prefer to get dressed in a tidy room.

Dressing is an art form for me, and I love that every day I've the occasion to put together a look that I'll enjoy for the rest of the day.

I formerly have an image of what I want to wear in my head as I open my closet doors. The first thing I take out of the wardrobe is a brace of blue office britches, which are the most comfortable pants for the casual appearance I am going for. Piecemeal from comfort, the office britches can be worn throughout the time and with a variety of outfits. Choosing a shirt is more delicate than deciding on a trouser style. A white smart office or a blue and white checked casual shirt are the two options I am considering. Because of its simplicity, the t-shirt appears to be a decent choice; yet, the shirt is more trendy. I am also veritably sure that when I wear that shirt, people tell me how smart I appear.

Eventually, I settle on wearing the top with a vest underneath. It's also indurating outdoors, so I need to find commodity to keep me warm. I choose to wear a black cashmere sweater, one of my many. As I unfold these effects on my bed, I know I am ready to get dressed for the day. I will also get some socks, underpants, and a blue scarf to wear around my neck.

When I've everything out on the bed, getting ready is a lot easier. It takes lower time because I can view all of the clothes I have named and make adaptations as demanded. I begin by putting on my underpants and vest.

I also try on the blue britches and notice that they're impeccably fitting. I conjecture i haven't yet started putting on weight from the gestation hormones and whatever shit comes on. I also fasten the blue britches around the midriff with one of my favorite belts. The shirt appears to be crinkled, and I must iron it simply to remove the crimps. I recall that I need to apply deodorant to keep all of the sweat at bay. I enjoy wearing it because it smells awful. I also put on my shirt, and as I button it, I hear my favorite song playing in the background. I dance around the room for a many seconds before realizing that time is running out. I keep singing along to the below- mentioned band's music. I noticed that I'm in a veritably good mood as I continue getting dressed. Indeed from the way the morning had started with me chancing the parcel and chancing the filmland of Mark and how I had felt. Fear, anxiety, fear and numb.

I guess the fight was still on with this snooper or with Steph. But despite everything that had had happed from the gestation to the filmland as well as the fear I felt a bit of joy kick in.

I was thankful to be alive, and I was having a awful day. I also put on the sweater and went to the glass to assess my current outfit and my hair. It was a mess!

I find my hairbrush in the glass and comb my hair without using any products. Because of the soap I used to wash it, it had a veritably soft appearance and feel. Because my hair had always been soft, I don't need any products to keep it looking nice. The outfit was well- put-together, and I liked the clothes I chose for moment. I was feeling confident, and they were perfect for my mood. When I was shopping for clothes, I looked for colors that rounded my mood. When I was happy, I preferred brighter colors like white and blue, as seen moment. When I was in a bad mood, still, I always choose black or slate. I also chose a scarf and tie it around my neck to keep me warm throughout the day. I also searched for and put on a brace of socks. Also I realized I hadn't decided on shoes yet. That's a simple choice, and I went on with the white and simple sports I bought a month agone. I also chose my handbag bag, keys, and phone, and put on my shoes. As I walked out the door, to open for whoever had knocked, I was feeling really happy.

“ Elle.” Edith wrapped her arms around me and held me tight in a tight clinch.

“ Edith, you came on the right timing.” I smiled over her shoulder

She pulled down from me and i could see the concern and fear in her eyes.

“ Tell me what happed.” She said in a tone so low.

We walked into the apartment and Edith was holding my hand. I was figuring out what i was going to say her. I was mooting whether to break the news about the gestation of her that veritably morning or not tell her at all. I was mooting on where to indeed start from with the web of falsehoods.

“ I entered another parcel this morning.” I eventually said and Edith covered her mouth with her hands and heaved.

“ Am so sorry what was in it this time?” She asked rubbing my shoulder in comfort.

I took in a deep breath and said “ This time they were filmland of Mark.” I walked over to the settee i had left the box and showed the box to Edith. She walked over to it and read the note first. Also she went over the filmland of Mark and she was easily in unbelief.

“ Elle, perhaps we should tell the police if Mark is in trouble and they want to jut it on you?”

.I had allowed about that but my mind had formed a counter study of that. “ I wanted to but i figured Steph or whoever it's doing this just wants to make me feel bad about Mark leaving me and him leaving the megacity for his new job in Washington.”

“ Oh Elle, am sorry you had to go through this alone i can imagine how scary it must have been, come then.” Edith hugged me again holding barracuda against her. I could feel the heat radiant from her body and i could feel her heavy breathing and her heart beating presto. She was sacred that perhaps there was further to this stalking than what we were seeing or what we were being let to see.

“ Let's go to work, shall we?” I said, forcing a smile as she wiped off her gashes.

****************

Edith and i dropped off at the company structure and she held my hand as we walled in. Melisa, the receptionist gestured at us and also smiled. I guess i had missed that smile you know. In one way or the other i had missed being then where i enjoyed doing my work. I had missed it then where i had musketeers and we joked and laughed as we went about our work.

“ I'll see you over lunch, are you going to be okay?” Edith asked holding my face in her hands.

“ Yes Edith, I'll be fine.” I hugged her and was thankful i still had her with me.

She kissed my forepart and walked to where her open office was. I had missed that space so much. Doing office chores for the people but ti was a nice open office space where i could call to Edith or Seth and we'd sputter. Now it was just Cole and i with some sexual pressure at times or wrathfulness hanging between us. I wasn't complaining, i liked my job because it was a whole new experience on its own.

I walked into the office sluggishly and Steph looked up at me as i was about to walk in.

“ Ellen, it's good to see you.”

I wanted to pull her hair off her stupid head. She had so important whim-whams to indeed talk to me like nothing happed. She had so important whim-whams to speak to me like she wasn't the one making my life miserable.

“ Thank you, it i feels so good to be back.” I smiled at her. Like earlier, indeed if i wasn't really holding up OK, i wasn't ready to show her i was weak or sad. I wasn't willing to surrender or give her that satisfaction that all her doing with whoever she had been working with, had gotten to me. I was standing altitudinous and strong.

I jounced at her and walked into the office where Cole looked up at me from his computer.

Cole looks as seductive as ever. He'd a beachfront of hair over his forepart. He wore a black suit with a black tie and a white smart shirt on it. Magnet works in a mysterious way. Physical and emotional lodestones are distinct, but they partake the same thing catching our attention in order to produce a seductiveness and a glamorous response that changes our feelings or passions toward commodity or someone. I find several rates in men that are both physically and intellectually appealing. Cole is a good- looking man but i wasn't sure about his translucency as well as if he was really honest about what he said to me. One moment he was dying to fuck me hard, kiss me passionately and also make me feel heaven but another time, he was distant, cold as well as rude and mean to me. But overall when we sat in this office room, Cole was confident, purpose- driven, attentive, nonjudgmental, and have a good sense of humor. He knew what he wanted to achieve every time he came over to the office each day. He wasn't like me staying to be given a task or lines to correct.

Likewise, Cole did feel like an audacious men, men with a medicine-free life, not that i was really sure about that. I hadn't really known him veritably well for me to say that he was medicine free but he sounded like ti not that i could tell. Cole sounded to have an personality appealing, especially from the time we first had coitus and how he frenetic me feel different with his well erected figure.

“Ms. Miller, it's good to have you back.” He smiled at me. I looked into his eyes and I was taken suddenly at how handsome he was. However, I hoped they carried those gorgeous eyes, If the baby I was carrying was his.

But it wasn't possible, i mean i wasn't sure who the father of the baby was myself.

“ Thank you joe, it's good to be back.” I forced a smile still taking note of his appearance as if it was the first time i was seeing him.

For me, appearance is important because it's the first thing that I noticed about people, especially men. I was noway really concerned with physical size, but I considered myself to be seductive to really good looking men.

While growing up, Edith and I would talk about the kind of men we wanted to end up with and ultimately get wedded. My ideal man had to have a positive station, he'd to be funny, sweet, and well- spoken, and was tone- assured. Men who are tone- assured appeal to me a lot. Confidence is a widely charming quality in a man that no woman can overlook, actually. A man who believes in himself is always willing to work or rather fight for what he wants, which is a desirable characteristic in a man. It felt good as a woman seeing a man face odds for you and also come back right to you where he believes he belongs. A tone- assured man will always make a woman feel safe and comfortable. And that's what I had wanted.

Seductive to me are men who are attentive, nonjudgmental and have a good sense of humor kind of men. I was drawn to someone who was open-inclined in the sense that I could be myself around him at all times, especially the times I just wanted him to bang me and make me feel good as I lay there in his bed. I enjoyed coitus a lot, and it was really nice to find someone who i could plainly express those fantasies too, like i did with Dylan. I had tried a lot of new effects with that man and for some reason, now I wished he could be the father of my baby because I was sure, I would not mind being tired of him. Likewise, Dylan wasn't only seductive but he was also attentive to everything we did and open to new gests with me especially in the bedroom.

I walked to my seat sluggishly and made myself feel comfortable. I pulled out my laptop and some lines that had been sitting on my laptop.

I went on to carry on with the work that I demanded to do for my master.