Chapter 11-Words of Wisdom

I gazed out the window as I nibbled on my lower lip, unsure of what to do in that moment.

I haven't been to this place since I was a child, and even after Sheldon's death, I didn't even bother to show up. I felt dead inside, even more than the people in the ground here. The raindrops splashed against the window like a rhythmless song to my ears, as it blurred most of my vision towards the deserted cemetery.

I gazed down at my black dress, unsure why I chose to wear such a colour today, but I concluded that it was merely my subconscious forcing me to mourn.

I didn't have the most romantic/loving relationship with Sheldon. It was mostly a friendly agreement of companionship once friendship got too boring for us. But this wrenching in my chest, despite what he did prior to our break up, was something I needed to be rid of.

Hence why I was here.

"Thanks again for coming with me dad. I didn't know who else to turn to" I mumbled once the silence became too deafening.

He rested a comforting hand on my shoulder as he offered me a gentle, encouraging smile. "Of course honey. You know I'll always be here for you"

I returned the smile shortly before re-focusing my gaze on the grave yard. I wasn't too thrilled that the rain decided to back up my mood today, but I was also a tad happy that it was stopping me from going in. I wasn't quite sure what was holding me back. Guilt maybe? Did Sheldon even want to hear my voice? Did he still think I hated him so much for doing to me the one thing I hated most of all?

Did I even forgive him?

That was the exact same thought that kept me in that car. The mere fact that even after learning the truth about his death AND the event of his actual death, I still held a grudge against him somewhere in the back of my mind. I kept it hidden, but it was still gnawing at my brain like a tapeworm.

I'm a terrible person for doing this, but I had no clue how and when I'd get over it. I've already concluded that though I loved him, we weren't ever in love, so why can't I just let my memory of him rest in peace? I hated myself for that.

"You okay sweetheart?" My dad asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

I pursed my lips in thought as I found the most suitable answer to give him. "Remember how old I was when I learnt what cheating was?" The question escaped my lips before I could stop them, but I guess talking about it would've granted me some peace.

"Yes you were six actually" He chuckled lightly at the memory. "Your mom and I tried to convince you that the movie you watched had a completely different meaning, since you went behind our backs to watch it" His voice and eyes held that same playful scolding I am oh so used to whenever he brought up my many rebellious actions as a child. I was a wild one.

"I argued with you guys all night because I knew what I watched wasn't three friends playing a game" I elaborated on the memory still so fresh after sixteen years.

"Then you swore you'd never marry a soul because all men are alike" He bellowed out a laugh which I soon after joined in on. My six year old brain was a smart one.

"I knew I hated the concept of cheating since then. Just the mere inability to be loyal to one's partner made me sick...And after mom did it to you, I just..I-I-"

"You hated the idea even more" He finished for me, as I offered a nod in confirmation.

He sighed deeply, pivoting in his seat so he was facing me. I remained still with my head against the headrest and my eyes on the little streams forming on my windshield.

"Look sweetheart. I understand your pain, I do. But Sheldon was a decent guy, he's nothing like your mother" I couldn't help but slightly laugh at that.

If I didn't know better, I'd thought that he was saying mom isn't a decent person. However, I just stayed quiet as he continued.

"Not only was he very respectful, but he really cared for you too. Now, I'm not sure what got into him when he thought to be unfaithful, but I'm sure if he was alive right now, he'd be very sorry for hurting you" He sighed once more as he gently rested a hand on my knee. "Nobody's perfect sweetheart, we ought to understand that as humans. If you don't forgive an already dead man who cannot explain and clear your suspicions, then you'll never find peace. Take it from your old man, you have to find the will to forgive him and believe whatever reason he had was a somewhat good one"

I pondered on his words carefully. My dad was always a wise mouth, and I knew he was right.

I keep expecting Sheldon to show up and explain to me what happened, just like what mom did in order for me to forgive her. But unlike my mom, he was no longer here. So if I don't forgive and let go, I'll always have that tapeworm eating my brain out. Exactly--disturbing.

"Besides, if you don't forgive and forget, how are you going to go forward with that detective huh?" He added with a playful nudge.

I eyed him through squinted eyes with a playful simper, silently asking him how he knew about that.

"What? You think I don't notice how he looked at you and why you're not at your house for the past two days? Your dad's still got it hun. I was there once"

"Well maybe you need to get there again. You're not too old to mingle, you know?" I wriggled my eyebrows suggestively, mainly just trying to divert the attention from myself. "Plus with me and Prince not around anymore, that house must be lonely"

He looked like he was in thought for a moment, but ultimately shook his head. "Perhaps; but ah I don't know if I want to start anything new right now. I'll just wait for my baby to have babies and fill my house with grandbabies."

"Did you really just use 'baby' three times in one sentence?" I chuckled as I started my engine.

"What did I say? I still got it." He let out a hearty laugh, making my heart well up in joy. "Besides, I could fit a lot of connected words in one sentence back in my day when-"

"Dad!" I cut him off swiftly as my eyes went wide in horror. “Boundaries" I scolded, making him laugh even harder.

"Sorry.. sorry. I get carried away sometimes. You can just ask your mom-"

"Dad!" I whined like a ten year old as I shivered at the thought. If it was even possible, he just laughed harder as I pulled out of the cemetery driveway. I had to admit, he always had his ways to make me feel better, even if by doing that is seriously cringey.

"Okay okay I'm done," he said through laughs as it died down. He really enjoyed that.

"Good."

"So I see we're leaving," he pointed out the obvious as I pulled onto the main road.

"Yup. I have a lot of thinking to do before I see Sheldon. Plus I have a date to go dress shopping for" A jolt of excitement shot through me at the thought of my date with Tristan on Friday.

Even though I was currently living with him, the thought of meeting him in the living room in a new sexy dress sparked my interest.

"Ou, are we going dress shopping?" he asked, his eyes dancing in excitement. I couldn't help the chuckle that rumbled from my chest.

"Yes dad. We're going dress shopping."