Issues and insecurities

“Really? You’re asking that to me, Dax? How many times have you cheated on me but I'm still here, staying with you."

I can’t help but gasp at that.

“I already made it clear to you. That girl last time was just a friend. I never cheated on you. And now, you're jealous of Phoenix's girlfriend?”

“That’s not the point. You’re always too friendly for people.” She trailed off. She sounded a bit calmer now, but her voice sounded so hurt. "It was like you're flirting with her. Right in front of your girlfriend. Do you still love me?"

I saw Dax running his hands on his hair in exhaustion, "I do. I love you, babe. I was just trying to welcome her but I didn't notice you were hurt. I'm sorry it won't happen again."

"You even liked her cooking too much…"

"Oh, is this also an issue for you? I just appreciate her effort. Even though she's new to us, she offered to make that dinner."

"Wow. Do I need to impress everyone? Why don’t you marry her then?”

Dax released a sigh and said, “I really am sorry babe. But I think I have to give you some time to think first. I love you, babe." With that, he hugged his girlfriend and walked out.

My eyes widened as I heard him going in my direction. I was about to hide again but it was too late. He already saw me.

He had a calm expression like he was not surprised to see me here. He glanced at his girlfriend and grabbed my arm to guide me away from them. "You heard everything?" He asked.

"A little bit," I answered, lying a bit.

He seemed to sense that I was not telling him the truth so he just sat on the sand. He looked up at me as  I just stood awkwardly beside him, not knowing what to do.

“Won't you sit down?" He asked.

"No. If Emma saw you with me, she’ll probably get angry at us even more.” I said to him, and he smirked like he just found out something.

"So you really heard everything then…” he trailed off, staring at the sea ahead of us. The cold breeze swished and I shivered a little.

"Yes." I finally admitted. I mean, there is no use in lying now.

Giving in, I decided to sit beside him.

He sent me a smile, “Since you’re here, can I vent on something? I know we just met and you’re the reason why my girlfriend is jealous right now but…” he started to ramble and I stopped him.

"Okay, don’t be scared to share it to me,'' I said, attempting to comfort him. He seems to be hiding something heavy with the way his eyes droop in sadness.

"Sometimes, all you need is someone who can listen to you. You know, I recently learned that it's better to open up with a stranger. They don't know the whole story and they won't judge you.” I continued. “And I promise that I won't share it with everyone."

He nodded, now opening his mouth. "Sometimes, I can’t help but be jealous of my friends. To Leroy, to Eion…They both know what they want, and it seems that the universe had already planned everything out for itself. They don’t even have to try that hard. While here I am…” as he said that, I listened intently, feeling his emotions bursting out.

The bags under his brown eyes were evident and his brown hair was ruffled, his skin was naturally tanned and his body was a bit muscled and bulky and I know that he always goes to the gym. He looked handsome, as he had good looks and had foreign genes and I’m sure girls are always after him. I don’t blame Emma for getting jealous but he looked tired right now. Tired from life.

The bitter smile on his face was present and I can’t help but think. This handsome human being beside me, is self-conscious?

I stayed still, processing everything. I stayed silent and let him continue.

"I’m trying every day, Sereia. I feel like a failure. Both me and Leroy are aspiring doctors and Leroy already passed the board exams, but here I am, retaking the exams. And, Emma still does not completely trust me.”

He breathed in and out, trying to calm himself and I pat him on the back. "I may not be in your position but I understand what you are feeling right now. You are stressed and hurt, and that is okay. Don’t blame yourself for everything. You need to stop comparing yourself to other people. There is a different path for you. Trust yourself and ask for God to guide you. Soon, you’ll pass the board exams.

He just sat still.

"You know, I really thought your lives were perfect.”

He snorted at that. “Oh trust me, we are far from perfect. Ember’s parents didn’t approve of Luke, Leroy is working hard to become a doctor and your cousin has to manage his business while having to think of everything.”

With what he said, I nodded.  I guess no one really is perfect.

I stood up and brushed off the sand that clung to my clothes. “I see.”

Just then, I heard Phoenix’s voice calling me from afar. “Sereia?”

“Yes, I’m here, Phoenix!” I yelled for him to see me.

Phoenix’s figure came to greet me and he looked at Dax and me and smiled sadly.  “Oh, you were with Dax? You should have texted me. I was looking all over you.”

I came and slung my arm at his shoulders. “You came at the right time.” Turning to Dax, I sent him one last smile.

“We better leave you now. I hope you and Emma will fix it soon.” I said to him and he nodded.

“I hope tooThank you, Ssreia.”

Phoenix’s eyebrows creased at that and he scowled at his friend. “Are you flirting with my girlfriend, Dax?”

Dax looked at him like he’s mad. “Really? First my dear Emma, now you too?” He sighed. “I’m not flirting with her, dude. Trust me.”

“Yes, he really isn’t flirting, Phoenix.” I agreed and Phoenix decided to drop it, sneering at his friend.

“Good. Because she’s mine.”

And with that, he linked his hands to mine and dragged me away from there, leaving Dax alone.

I faced Phoenix, “Wow, are you really jealous?”

He scoffed at me, “Of course I am.”

“Oh, I thought you were just acting,” I admitted and he huffed at that.

I pinched his cheek, giggling.

“I was just lending an ear and giving him advice. I feel guilty that I was the reason for their fight.” I reasoned out.

“That fight is not your fault. Emma is just being herself. Let her be, she’ll come around soon. I pity Dax for having to deal with her.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Really? You’re talking bad about her?”

Sensing the cold look on my face, he smiled nervously, “Oh, forget what I just said.”

*****

We went for a swim at the beach when we woke up and the men were still sleeping in their rooms.

At this time, I talked to Emma about yesterday and she seemed to forgive me.

She said that I should not worry about it as it’s between her and Dax’s problem.

"So, Sereia. Could you tell us something about you and Phoenix?" I almost choked on Hannah’s sudden question.

"Yeah. I'm curious too." Snow added, giving me a look. “Tell us how you met or how many months you two were together.”

Oh now. What should I tell them?

I gave them a nervous laugh. "Oh, nothing much. I met him way back and it just happened, " I answered, lying for a bit.

I looked at Emma who was silent the whole time. I was about to ask her if she's okay when Dax appeared and kissed her neck from behind. "Hey, babe, flowers for you. Don't be mad please."

I gave Dax a thumbs up. He seems to be himself now after their fight last night. Good.

We cheered at the couple, and Emma crossed her arms in front of her, avoiding Dax. Dax didn't let it affect him and instead of getting depressed, he continued on courting Emma and we just let them do their business.

"Where are the others?" I asked Dax.

"Missing your boyfriend already?” He teased me. “They are  making a kite and flying it around  there." He pointed a distance from us.

I followed where he was pointing at and my eyes searched for Phoenix and easily spotted him with my cousin Eion, Leroy, and Luke.

Phoenix sensed my gaze and waved at me, signaling me to come over. I shook my head no in reply, wanting to just enjoy the view from here as I stared at him.

He looked younger now with the way he laughed with others, almost like going back to being a child.

My lips couldn’t help but curve into a smile at the sight.

"Here, take a picture, it'll last longer." Said Snow from beside me, noticing the look on my face so she handed me a camera.

I instantly accepted it and took shots of Phoenix with Snow’s camera.

I gotta savor this moment and I feel nostalgic. Satisfied with the photos I took of him, I returned it to Snow and saw that Phoenix and the others were now walking towards us.

Phoenix leaned over me and whispered something. "We have a plan."

I looked at him with a pointed look, somehow thrilled about it. "What plan?"

"Secret. I'll just tell you later."