Risk it all for you

I couldn’t answer him and keep quiet. I feel like a child getting caught from sneaking in some candies.

Phoenix beside me smirked. He grabbed my arm and locked it with his. Theon clenched his jaw at the sight, “Why are you holding her hand?”

“Why? Because I want to.” Phoenix cockily replied.

I shook Phoenix’s hand away from me.

“I remember this man..I  saw him waiting for you at the clinic…and the both of you are all over the news last night.” Theon said to me.

Phoenix glared at him and turned to me, “Oh, so he’s Theon? You’re boss? Is he the reason why you’ve been avoiding me, Sereia? Because you found someone new?”

Theon took a step to him and looked at him with menace, "Yes. I'm the reason. And I’m courting her.” He then turned to me, “Is he your ex?”

I shook my head. “No. We’re not lovers or ex.”

Phoenix looked at me in disbelief. “Really?”

Theon then came to stroke my hair “Sereia, he's not good for you. Leave him. Look at him bringing trouble to you. I saw his crazy fans attacking you online.”

What I hate the most is when someone tells me what to do. "Not good for me? Theon, I'm an adult. I could do what I want."

Phoenix then grabbed my hand and hid me behind him, "Yes, and she's mine."

They looked like they were about to rip each other's throat so I got in between them, "Phoenix stop it now. You two, Theon.”

Silence fell, with them staring down at each other. I pushed the two away and Theon backed away, fixing his suit and leaving us alone.

I turned to Phoenix. “Leave. Before you’ll get caught by your fans here.”

“Tsk, stop thinking about my fans. I hate that they're hurting you, Sereia. You are the most important person in my life.” He said and continued. “If they really love me, they have to let me have you.” Pressing his lips into a thin line, he clenched his jaw, “But that bastard Theon is really arrogant.”

"Phoenix, if you just insult him-"

He cut my sentence off. "What? Do you love him?"

I gritted my teeth. "Can we please stop talking about love? I don’t want love for now."

He nodded and breathed in, calming himself down.

"Okay, but I have a question. Did you even love me?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes, here we go again. "Phoenix ..."

"Just f*cking answer me Sereia because I'm confused!" He snapped.

I winced at that. When he realized what he just did, he cursed under his breath.

This is it. I’m done. I have been very patient talking to him.

In an instant, my hands reached out and came flying on his face. He gasped, looking at me with his mouth hanging open. He didn’t seem to expect that.

"Okay, fine! I’ll answer your questions!” I raged.

“Do you want the truth? Fine! I loved you!” I did! But I was also grieving! My grandfather just died, Phoenix! And I just recovered, I needed time to heal myself so I distanced myself. But you keep on appearing, forcing me to get back to you when I’m still not prepared!” I admitted.

I was breathing hard by now, and he was quietly listening to me.

“Why do men always fight for something? Why do you always think it's a competition? It’s like you want me to choose between you and Theon. For now, I choose myself.” I said, wiping the tears that escaped from my eyes.

"Yes, I miss you every day, every day I think of you if you ate if you were okay and when you came back, my heart was pounding. I always say that I did the right thing to leave, that I don't love you anymore, but I still love you! Because I fool myself every day so here I am and like a fool who told you everything. "

I paused, trying to calm down. "I could have told all of these things to you but I am stopping myself. I'm scared because if I let myself fall for you again, maybe bad things will happen. I'm scared of being happy because sadness will follow it. Like what my Grandpa and Grandma Nanding experienced. I'm afraid we might be like them. That we won't be together. But I'm also afraid to love you again. No, I'm afraid I'll be stupid like them. "

I gulped.

There, I said it all now. A few seconds passed as Phoenix just stared at me, trying to process my words.

His eyes darkened.

"But you're stupid in that situation, Sereia. You're stopping yourself from something that's not even happening. You're a coward.” It was his turn to talk now. "You couldn't even fight me when my parents talked to you?"

He reached out and grabbed my hands, "I fought for you, Sereia. I left the province, I didn’t listen to my parents, I canceled my engagement. All those things were for you. But how could I win this war when you already surrendered?” He glowered at me.

I averted my gaze to the ground. "As I’ve said, now is not the right time, Phoenix.”

“If it’s not now, when? How would you know if you’re not trying? To let me in again.” He asked and sighed. "I'm leaving for the United States soon, Sereia. I'll be training there for photography for two years." He said.

I stopped at that. The United States? Two years?

He took a step towards me until he could lean into me.

"I could follow my dreams but I will always turn back to you. You're the only dream I couldn't reach." He then caressed my cheek, his hand holding my chin to make me look up to him.

“I’m waiting for you to stop me, Sereia. One word from you and I’ll risk it all for you.”