Without you

RIX’s P.O.V.

The wind is now rushing through my hair, growing stronger as the ship accelerates.

Ah...

What a beautiful day.

The sea is a mesmerizing shade of blue.

I've never had the chance to truly appreciate the vastness of the ocean, the scenery, and the vibes it emanates.

I close my eyes and allow the wind to dance around my face.

"Hey..."

It's Harley.

But I keep my eyes closed as I respond, "Did you bring the urn?"

"It's right here in my hand. But do you plan on settling in the province? Working at the club is good, you earn a generous amount of money that can help support you during your pregnancy and after the baby is born."

Charis interrupts, "Come on, Harley! Don't try to make decisions for her. She has been through a lot. Let her decide for herself; it's her life, after all."

I open my eyes, breathing in the beauty of nature surrounding us.

I never had the opportunity to appreciate it before because I was always busy taking care of my brother.

Not that it was a bad thing, looking after him and working for him. But to see the light outside is truly uplifting.

"I was just giving her options, Charis,” said Harley.

"And she doesn't need your opinion."

I reply, "Really? Are you two planning to argue throughout the entire trip? Even after being together and confessing your feelings to each other, you still can't seem to overcome your habit of fighting."

They exchange glances and then chuckle. Harley rests his arm on Charis' shoulder.

"It's kind of our bonding. We're growing fond of it, so why not continue, right?"

"Get a life! You need to undergo character development. Take pride in not changing, huh?"

Charis held my hand. "You know that's not what's important right now, right? Don't worry about our relationship because we're taking steps to address it. We're still learning and growing. For now, all we need you to do is heal."

I hugged her while thinking that I knew I would never truly heal.

Maybe I would learn to live with it, but it wouldn't change a thing.

I would continue to reminisce and hold onto memories of Apollo.

But just to acknowledge her claims, I simply nodded.

"Shall we?" I asked.

Harley and Charis nodded in agreement.

While holding the urn, I slowly released some of Andrei's ashes around the sea.

“No more pain for you, my little brother,” I whispered.

I know how much you suffered. You didn't deserve to live in this cruel world.

As much as I wanted you to have more years here on Earth if you were going to continue to suffer, I think it's better this way.

With all my heart, I love you.

I will always love you.

"What will happen now?" Charis suddenly asked.

I shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know what's going to happen to me in the next couple of days. But as long as my stomach isn't visibly growing, I will continue to look for a job. I also saved enough money from Apollo's pocket when he was still providing me with a salary."

Right now, my plan was to live near the sea. It's where Andrei and I were born. I have a few relatives living there, and I believe they could help me start a new life.

Although I know that in the first few weeks, with my baby growing inside my tummy, it's better than being with someone who continues to torture me physically and mentally.

I looked at Charis. "We'll see you later. Even if you still live in the city, I want you to keep in touch with me. I don't want to lose contact with you, Charis, and Harley. You're the last friends I'm counting on. There’s no one who will break this friendship we made.”

Charis started tearing up, and Harley joined in.

Both of them embraced each other.

Aw...

"I hope you won't forget us too," Charis said.

They were one of the reasons I still held onto life tightly.

As I went back to sleep, I wondered, what was Harold's real motive for doing that to me?

If it's really about the company, why would he go after it knowing that Apollo's father would never hand over his position to someone else?

Like, skills always matter the most.

If you don’t have that skill, earn it! Or you will never attain the position you were trying to snatch.

Apollo is an asset to their company.

I don't think Mr. Cartier will be able to remove Apollo from his position.

Well, never mind.

I don't need more questions and confusion running through my mind.

I made the decision to leave that life behind when I moved to the city.

And I will never go back to that kind of life again.

---

Charis and Harley continued to visit me, even though I was already living peacefully near the sea.

This barrio is called Barrio de Fermiza. Everyone here is kind and hospitable.

Even though I haven't had a chance to meet some of my relatives, I've never felt lonely at home.

That’s why I became comfortable living here after a few days of staying.

They taught me how to fish, cultivate crops, and even how to run my own business.

Well, it was just a small business, like a mini store where people buy goods in pieces, not in bulk.

I also tried making dried fish and selling it to my neighbors.

At first, I had doubts that it would become popular. But it caught on, and customers really loved it.

Some of them even requested that I make larger quantities and spread the word to others.

It grew.

I became their supplier.

While my business was thriving, the baby inside me was growing too.

I'm so excited to meet my baby girl... or maybe it's a boy?

I don't know. Whoever it is, I will accept them with all my heart.

But honestly, I have these doubts. What if I'm just burdening my baby with future problems?

They never asked for it from me.

It's my fault that they will have to live in a cruel world.

Well, it's just a thought.

Protecting my son or daughter is a challenging task, but I will do my best.

I will give it a shot so that they can have a better life.

If other people can do it for their children, I will try to prepare mine so they will be ready to face the world and navigate the path of life.

Some say parents pave the way for their children, laying down the puzzle pieces of life, so their children won't struggle in the real world.

But as for me, I want to do that.

I want my children to be prepared when they face the challenges that await them in real life.

The one thing that worries me is, what if I die before they finish college?

Ha...

"Hi, Rix! You're getting sexy, huh?" It was Harold.

Yes, I know it’s confusing!

It's a long, long story, but he followed me here where I'm living.

Sometimes he used to stay here for a week because he wanted to have a vacation.

Sometimes we just wanted to go here and leave after the day as well.

And right now, he just came, so I don't know what his plan is for today.

"Just come inside and don’t try to mock me, okay? I know I'm getting bigger! Duh! Try carrying a baby and trying not to gain weight! I will worship if that happens.”

I'm not pissed off, but I'm used to replying to him like this.

"Jeez, you're always so serious. When can I joke with you?"

I chuckled. "Then try to make another joke so I can laugh until my lungs are gone!"

He shook his head and shrugged it off.

He went inside my house as if he were the owner.

Really? He had become this comfortable?

The house I've built here is not as big as the one when I was living in the city.

It's just a small nipa hut, but the nipa hut is extended with another room built with rocks.

Although it's peaceful to live inside the hut, it's still comfortable to have a house so that you won't have a hard time when the storm comes.

"I have a surprise for you," said Harold.

My brows furrowed, and I eagerly waited for his next words.

"SURPRISE!!"

I twisted my body only to see Seb and Michael holding a whole cake.

"Oh my gosh!"

I couldn't help but exclaim as I reached for their embrace.

One by one, I hugged them.

Harold interrupted and pulled them away from me.

"Hey, don't touch her, she's my woman," he exclaimed.

Instead of mocking him for saying "my woman," I burst out laughing.

Seb and Michael exchanged looks as if they were communicating through their eyes.

Then, they shared a high-five while laughing.

My eyebrows couldn't help but furrow.

"Why are you guys laughing because of us?" I asked.

Seb cleared his throat. "Before we talk about romantic stuff, can you please blow out the candles for us?"

I couldn't help but giggle.

To tell you the truth, today is my birthday.

Honestly, I had no idea they would remember because it's been decades—although that's an exaggeration—it's still surprising that they remembered.

Smiling at Seb, and as I was about to hug him again, Harold interrupted me, not wanting me to hug Seb.

"Come on, he's the youngest of all of you. Why can't you let me touch him?" he said, his face wrinkling as he made an exaggerated expression.

"TCH! Whatever you say. I'll do what I want," I replied.

I embraced Seb.

Michael chimed in, "What about me? I was the one who told them to bring your cakes, but now? I'm the one left out, not receiving any of your love."

"Jeez, my little boy is complaining, huh?" I teased.

Then, I reached for his arm and pulled him closer to me, resting his body in my embrace.

But just as I was about to get closer to him, Harley barged in.

This time, he was with Charis, but as he saw us hugging like this, he was fuming.

"Keep your hands off her!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

But instead of listening, I just hugged him, teasing him, "It's because you're late that’s why you will get the last and unworthy hug! I don't think you’re even deserving to be the godfather of my child either!"

Charis twitched his ears. "Why are you acting like a baby when you have your own?"

What the fuck?!

My mouth hung open in awe.

"Are you trying to announce this big news so casually?!"

Her eyes narrowed. "Should I throw a party just to announce that I'm pregnant?!"

That's when I shouted, unable to contain my excitement.

Golly! I can't believe this!

My best friend of years is finally going to have her own child.

I giggled and reached out to hug her.

I'm really glad... really.

Charis deserves this. I can't believe she's going to become a mother so soon.

I mean, I know it's not that hard, but I also know it's not that easy.

"So what are we going to do with our child?!" I asked.

"Why are you more excited than her?!" Harold asked, crossing his arms.

Seb interrupted before I could speak, "Of course, she's happy because there's another woman who will suffer as well from pregnancy."

Michael laughed and high-fived Seb. "How are you always so right all of the time?!"

"Shut up, you two!" I shouted. "I don't know how to feel because it's my best friend."

I can't believe we have our own family now.

But what I didn't realize is how surprised Harley is right now.

He couldn't speak. His mouth hung open slightly, shocked by the news he just heard tonight.

He almost dropped the cake he bought for me.

As I watched them deal with the surprises that had unfolded in a single night, I couldn't help but feel insecure.

It had been a while since I had fallen so deeply into romantic love.

Although Harold clearly liked me, it wasn't enough because I didn't feel the same way. I mean, never felt romantically in love with him.

I tried to force myself into reciprocating his feelings, but I knew it would only lead to hurt for both of us.

While it might seem fine to love someone who loves you back, I didn't think it was the best idea.

If I were to do that, I wouldn't just be deceiving Harold. I would also be deceiving myself, convincing myself that I didn't feel anything more for the father of my baby.

Finally, everything sank into Harley's mind.

He was crying, his hand reaching for Charis’ tummy.

That was one of my wishes.

How could they have what I couldn't?

Oh, that's not what I meant.

It's good that she's having a life—a life that I had always prayed to have, considering all the sacrifices she had made and the kindness she had shown to others.

But if I'm being honest, I want that life too.

Perhaps life had already given me choices, but I had been too picky.

I found myself wiping tears from my eyes.

Charis and Harley were hugging each other, both of them crying.

"Oh my god, are you stealing my moment?! God! It's my birthday!" I said, teasing them.

I just wanted to lighten the mood, and Charis and Harley understood.

Laughter resounded throughout the entire area of my house.

It felt good to savor this moment.

This moment would never happen again.

No matter how many times we say, “I will make up for it.” NO, you will never.

—-

4 years later...

"Adonis, please help me out with this dried fish."

My son is now four years old, a smart kid for his age.

"Mom, I'm still playing! You can do it without me, I promise!"

Holding the hanger proudly before approaching him, I exclaimed, "Oh, really? I can do it. Well, maybe you'll receive this hanger then!"

He immediately ran around the house, Adonis darting through every corner, trying to tease me that I couldn't catch him.

When in fact, I was just playing along.

"I'm sorry, Mom, please don't hit me!"

"Then stop right this instant!"

"But I don't want to! I know what you'll do to me, Mom."

I shook my head, giving up. "Alright, then. I'll drop the hanger, but just come to me and stand in front of me."

He nodded and rushed to drop the hanger, then instantly ran towards me.

Although I knew this was just part of his playful act, I couldn't help but feel a sense of peace.

"Come here, you rascal!"

Now I'm chasing him outside of our house, laughter echoing in the air.

Adonis got caught on a rock sticking out of the sand, causing him to fall abruptly.

"Mom!"

"Oh God, what happened?!"

I saw blood dripping from his knees.

"This is exactly what I warned you about, naughty kid!" I scolded.

But Adonis was simply crying, and my heart ached. It wasn't so tough, after all.

God damn it, I can’t stop the fast beating of my heart.

I was getting nervous.

The bleeding wouldn't stop.

Suddenly, Harold appeared before my eyes.

"Harold, oh my God... please help me, please."

But he wouldn’t respond.

"Harold?"

I turned around, only to see the person I despised the most.

"Apollo?"