CHAPTER 32 “TORN”

AS the days passed, Jenny was completely happy with Jason. And just as she had expected from the moment the young man became her boyfriend, what had happened to them had happened over and over again, almost countless times. Until it was as if they were almost a couple, minus the wedding.

That often happens at Jason's house. Because there is no one there and they often stay there.

The truth is everything that happens to them is purely unintentional. Although it enters her mind that when she goes to Jason's house something may happen again. But that’s not the type that they go there to do "that thing".

Maybe Jason was just really aggressive. And she is weak, so she can quickly give in to whatever he wants. But despite all that, the way she sees the young man still doesn't change. She still loved him dearly and everything that happened to them strengthened the love they felt for each other even more, and all of that was hidden from her mother’s knowledge.

It was in the middle of the first semester when they were startled by a piece of depressing news.

Daniel is sick, Leukemia and it's serious.

Jenny doesn't know how to alleviate that situation for her best friend Ara. She was always sad and alone, very different from the cheerful and often smiling woman she had met.

She knows the situation she is in is difficult and she understands that. She just couldn't help but worry too much about her, especially since she treated Ara like a sister.

Exactly six months after being diagnosed with the illness, Daniel passed away. At that time she and Jason knew that he had secretly married Ara.

"It's like the misery she's going through isn't easy. Even if she doesn't speak I can feel her pain. Although I'm also hurt because we're both friends of Daniel," those were the words that came to her lips as they stood on the roof deck and watching Ara.

As usual, Ara sat in the same place where she hung out with her husband. But this time, they see a different Ara.

She lost the reason to smile, lost the reason to move forward into her life.

"I miss Daniel too," she heard Jason said then followed his word with a heavy sigh.

Jenny just looked at her boyfriend and then sadly sighed as well. “From what I can see with Ara, I feel that when you are the one I lose, my life will also lose its direction,” that was true inside her.

Because of what she said, Jason looked at her and then smiled. "Don't think like that," was all he said then put his arm around her and kissed her on the forehead.

Jenny did not say anything that her boyfriend said after that. Because the truth is that while she was watching Ara, she was really feeling scared. What if she was in this situation? Can she handle it?

*****

SUNDAY when Jason invited her to church. As usual, he picked her up and formally asked permission from her mother. They bought ingredients for the Beef Caldereta that they were going to cook for lunch.

Jenny is used to that and that's their routine. She doesn't need grand and expensive dates and treats at expensive restaurants. All she wanted is for the young man to be with her. That's all and she's happy.

"Sleep, I love you," Jason put his arm around her then pulled her closer to him and hugged her tightly.

"Jason, what if you get me pregnant? What are you going to do?" only now did Jenny think about it so she thought to ask that to the young man.

That was when the young man touched her chin tenderly and then raised her face. "I'll marry you and then we'll be together, we'll live here. What do you think?" he asked her with a smile.

A wide and sweet smile tore from Jenny's lips because of that question then she consecutively nodded. “I love you so much, and I want nothing more than to be with you forever,” she confessed.

Jenny is used to that. Even though she sometimes thinks that it was as if she loves Jason more and she looks more like head over heels with him, that’s not a problem with her. She is happy that she could feel his love for her. Maybe her boyfriend isn't really showy while she's too expressive about what she really feels for him.

"Go to sleep, later when you wake up and I'm not by your side I probably just went out to buy you a snack," the young man kissed her on the lips.

When Jason resigned from kissing her, that was when the young lady closed her eyes tightly to let go of her drowsiness.

*****

SHE woke up that afternoon without Jason by her side. Jenny smiled and then got up and began to put on her clothes that as usual, the young man laid on the back of a chair at his study table.

When she got dressed, he immediately noticed the books lying on the table. Even if she doesn't open them, she knows that she will see a lot of numbers on each page.

She is not weak in Mathematics but she knows and she is sure that her computation skills are nothing compared to her boyfriend.

Jenny smiled there then as if nothing when she sat in the chair and picked up one of maybe four books. She opened it and she wasn't mistaken. But since this is the world of the man she loves the most, even if she doesn't understand anything written there it's okay.

She was in such a state when she noticed a seemingly bond paper stuck to the next book.

For some inexplicable reason, her chest suddenly throbbed with a seemingly small voice urging her to pick up the paper and read. So that’s what she did.

Maybe it's just a simple exam paper.

But she felt differently when she unfolded the paper and was exposed to familiar and very beautiful handwriting that seemed to be computerized because of its perfection.

Jenny's whole body went cold and even with resistance inside her, she started reading the letter that Jason had made for her best friend Ara.

*****

Dearest Ara,

I don't know if what I feel for you is right, but I think, I like you. The first time I saw you I can't deny that I liked you. To me, you are one of the most beautiful faces that I have ever seen. And it wasn't hard for me to finally fall for you because you're so kind.

Just in case, I hope you can give me a chance to let you know how pure my intentions are. Allow me to court you. Hopefully, there will be a chance that you would also see me not as a friend but as a man who values you. I will wait for your answer.

Always,

Jason

*****

FOR how many times did she take a breath to loosen her tight chest, Jenny could not tell.

Earlier as she was reading the letter she could not stop crying because of the excessive and unjust pain she was feeling. Her eyes were so cloudy that she did not notice that her tears had stamped the letter so the ink spread.

"There are a lot of women Jason, but why my best friend?" full of resentment she said then her sight quickly flew to the top of the paper.

She wanted to know when Jason wrote the letter but she failed. The date she was looking for was not indicated in there.

In fact, it doesn't matter when, because no matter what else she finds out, her feelings won't change, she's already hurt. And that's when Jenny thought there was no more reason to stay there. So with quick actions, she decided to leave and go home, even before Jason caught up with her.

Right now she doesn't want to see him, first. And she would never want to see him again.