Chapter 10

I cursed myself the moment I realized the pain of being independent – my suitcases were huge and one of them without wheels. Though I had ample time to catch my train; it suddenly dawned on me that I was yet to check my berth and coach number. I scrambled with great effort to the board where reservation charts were put up prior to the journey. I fished my paper ticket out from my handbag and started searching for my PNR number. To my utmost horror and anguish, I had not managed to get a confirmed berth. I panicked with my feet firmly glued to the ground and eyes continuously scanning the chart to find a mistake. After numerous re-checking attempts, I found out I had been doomed by the system and duped by a firm believer of the system.

The first instinct was to call up dad and narrate my ordeal but when better senses prevailed and anger morphed into fear, I decided to tackle the situation on my own. I had secured a RAC (Reservation against Cancellation) berth in B3. I at least had a berth to go to, even if it meant I had to pass an entire journey of 26 hours sitting and sharing the seat with someone else.

I took charge of my situation and made my way to the coach. The dragging of the suitcases was a task but I remained committed to it despite the availability of porters. When I finally managed to reach the coach, I was drenched in my own sweat. My white chikankari kurta: the most exquisite piece in my wardrobe was completely soiled. My untied hair was a freaking disaster; each strand of hair sticking to my neck coiled in sweat speaking volumes of the number of bad hair days I gave myself. I plopped my hair up in a swoop and gulped down water from the water bottle kept at my side of the seat. The passenger who was supposed to share the next half of the seat had not yet arrived.

However, mean it may sound, I prayed to God at that moment to make the other occupant of my seat miss the train. I quickly adjusted my luggage before I had to adjust for anyone. God, I could be so mean!

It was still twenty minutes for the train to depart. I took a look at my co-passengers. A Muslim family of four occupied the berths opposite me. And a young couple, probably newly married, because they could not keep their hands off each other in an overt display of PDA... (no I had nothing against them...and I ain't biased) ...were the occupants of the other two seats in the coupe of six. I had a side lower berth and the upper berth was occupied by a scrawny middle-aged man who refused to come down or show his face.

My phone started ringing furiously and I knew exactly who was worried at the other end.

"Sorry ma, I just got settled and was about to call you as soon as the train started," I said convincingly.

"Is everything fine? Did you get a berth to yourself? Dad just told me you have a RAC. We shouldn't have let you go alone." She continued speaking endlessly without taking a breath.

"Ma calm down, take a deep breath...I am fine, and probably the occupant of the seat with me will not turn up. So..."

"How can you be so sure? Someone might turn up later." I glanced at my watch. Five minutes to go.

"Ma it's five minutes to depart so I am sure someone has missed the train. Good for me. You guys don't worry I will manage and anything goes awry you are on my speed dial."

"Abhi..." and there, there was that meaningful, emotional pause. "I am worried...I love you and I am going to miss you."

My breath took a hitch and I felt a lump in my throat. "Ma, I love you too...take care of dad and I am going to be good. Seriously."

And at that note as if the train driver agreed with me, the train chugged and began to pull out of the station.

"Ma I will call you back. I need to catch the TTE to get a seat."

And there in front of me was sitting a living nightmare. My mouth was wide open in shock, dismay and later fear. How can the Railways be so cruel? How can they expect a young girl to share a seat with a man? Yes, a young man! Where were their senses while laying down the chart? My face was perhaps a clear mirror to all my questions. I did not wait for a second. I stood up with firmness to go and talk to the TTE and beat some sense into his head. I wanted the entire seat to myself. Come. What. May.

The TTE did not have to make his way towards me. I walked up to him and spoke to him loudly, loud enough for all my co-passengers to hear me clearly.

"Sir, how can I share my seat with a male? You have to allocate a seat to me, sir. This is outright ridiculous."

The young man who sat on the half of the seat did not betray any emotion.

"The train is packed and I have no extra seats to allocate. You will have to share the seat."

My tone and my volume came down a few decibels, "Sir, please, do something. It's a twenty-six-hour long journey, at least allot me a seat with a female."

"Ma'am please adjust. I will take a look but I cannot promise you anything."

All my hopes came crashing down. I slumped on my seat and took out my phone to call my dad. He picked up the phone on the third ring. Before he could utter a word, I lashed him angrily.

"Don't pay a penny to that scum. To hell with his assurity. Dad, I am screwed." I was on the verge of tears. My first journey where I am on my own and I am faced with such bizarre situations. I broke down at the first challenge put before me by Life. I don't know how was I to survive Mumbai without the comfort of my parent's cocoon. When life throws lemons at you, I don't know how to duck neither dodge.

"If you are going to speak without context, I can't help." He brought me out of my misery playing in my head.

"Dad, I don't have a confirmed seat, it's a RAC and the worst of it all I have to share it with an unknown guy. It is so uncomfortable. How will I sleep? And..."

I didn't care a damn about the feelings of the man sitting opposite to me. I was loud, obnoxious and downright rude. Reality check! Well, that's exactly what my dad gave me and knocked some sense into me immediately.

"Grow up! Learn to take charge of the situation. Go talk to the TTE and ask him for help or a change of seat."

"I did, but everything is packed. There is no hope." My dad could feel the sense of panic in my voice and I was soon going to cry.

"Okay. Relax. Do you want to come back home? You can get down at Kharagpur and I can come and pick you up."

"NO." And I groaned inwardly for being so weak.

"I think things will work out if you won't panic."

I was shaking convulsively out of anger and in a fit of fury I disconnected the phone and switched it off. I cursed my luck, took off my belle shoes and searched my handbag for my book. "Sea of Poppies" by Amitav Gosh – the perfect antidote to make me sleep. I flipped the pages uninterestingly, looked out of the window but there was no beauty in cattle grazing the fields.

I peeked to see what he was doing. He was occupied with his cellphone. The soft light of his phone lit up his face. Judging by his face, he was young, probably in his late twenties. A round pair of black spectacles were perched on his nose. They looked perfect and suited him completely. His eyebrows were thick, nothing I had not seen before in beauty conscious men. He sported an army buzz cut which seemed absurd; not on his face but to me. A two-day stubble did not make him look unkempt, but good, kind of cute. My gaze lingered at him, trying to understand his features. He saw me looking at him. He did not avert his gaze, nor did I. The moment was broken by the pantry worker who came in with the customary breakfast.

"31 seat no? Breakfast? Veg or Non-veg? Sir, what about you?"

"I will have vegetarian food," I replied.

He preferred non-vegetarian. The food trays were laid. I opened the foil container and recoiled immediately at the sight of potato patties. He devoured his omelette and two slices of bread. He could have done with a little more food. I could offer him mine but well we were practically strangers and why would he oblige me by accepting it. I brought my attention back to the book. I flipped a few more pages, without reading even a paragraph. The author was a literary genius but well he didn't suit my sensibilities.

The TTE arrived to examine our tickets and I jumped again in the hope of at least gaining a female companion. But to my utter dismay and the guy's fascination, I was stranded with him for the entire journey. The TTE outright refused my request and also chided me for being so unreasonable as to ask for a seat when there were so many of them without one. How could they allow waitlist passengers in a train like Duronto? It's non-stop and people travel end to end with no scope of getting berths even halfway through the journey.

"This is a scam. We pay a high price and this is what we get in return for service. The breakfast was atrocious. I don't have a seat and the TTE is a scum bug." I was too loud when I grumbled.

The young guy seemed sympathetic to my situation. I could read it on his face. My mind was plagued with thoughts, thoughts of him taking advantage of the situation or touching me inappropriately or harassing me. I had heard numerous stories of girls being harassed in a similar situation and my ma always narrated the worst and the grossest ones to ensure I always remained alert. The ifs were endless and so were the possibilities. I was in high alert mode, panicking unnecessarily. I decided to take control of the situation, took a deep breath to calm myself down and resign to the situation at hand.

Time crawled at a snail's pace and I was running out of patience with Mr Ghosh's writing. I stood up, stretched my legs and looked everywhere. No one seemed worthy or worth talking to. I have difficulty striking up a conversation with people. Purely unintentional that I seem cocky, arrogant and reserved in the first meeting. My co-passenger was busy with his laptop, typing furiously. He was too busy to bother me. So far so good, out of my way.

_X_X_X

At around nine-thirty everyone started to prepare their beds and that left both of us staring at each other. Both of us had avoided each other like plague. There was nothing to be done. How was I supposed to last the night? I don't know. Well, let's handle things as it comes. I kept myself busy with the book and the guy kept his nose buried in his laptop. Neither of us was ready to address the elephant in the room – sleeping on one berth. I was feeling drowsy and could no longer keep my eyes open. My back was paining and I had to lie down and give it some rest.

"Do you mind if I sleep?" I spoke so softly that I could barely hear my own voice.

He raised his head to say only an "uh-huh."

"Umm...my back is paining and I need to lie down." I was hesitating. I wanted to ask him to leave his side but I stopped, after all, he was tied up in the same situation.

"I won't stretch out to your side..." and before I could say anything further, he nodded in agreement and brought a dead end to our conversation.

I scooped myself in a small ball and lay down. Fatigue took over and in seconds I was drowned in a deep sleep. I was sleeping perfectly fine until I realized I had stretched my legs to the other side. I woke up with a start, afraid of the numerous possibilities, only to find the guy standing, leaning and barely able to keep himself awake.

"I am so sorry, extremely sorry." I apologized instinctively.

He gave me a lopsided smile and shrugged it off casually.

I recoiled myself immediately. "You could've woken me up."

"It's okay. I actually went to the washroom and by the time I came back you had made yourself at home."

I was embarrassed and he seemed to be unaffected. "Sorry." And that was the only thing I could offer.

"I thought of waking you up, but then... I didn't know your name and touching you would have been appropriate. Hell, if you would have thought me to be a molester, taking advantage of your situation in the middle of the night."

I was deeply mortified and I could see he had read my mind quite correctly.

"Abhilasha!" He looked at me with a puzzled look. "That's my name."

He nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"Umm, why don't you lie down and take a nap? I will sit for a while."

"That would be great." He jumped at my offer, I thought. "But I am fine. You can sleep while I will sit in the corner or at the edge whatever seems feasible."

"I insist you catch on some sleep. Meanwhile, I will walk a little bit, I really need it."

He cocked his eyebrows and gave me a bemused smile, "At this hour, in a non-stop train, you want to go for a walk. You don't seem the adventurous type."

I was definitely not the adventurous type.

"Fine, the offer expires the moment I am back from the washroom." I retorted back.

I was back only to find him keeping his promise. He was sitting in a corner, trying to sleep, difficult but determined to go on. He did not occur to me the gentlemanly type and well...

I smiled and sat down. "Listen," and he was all ears. "I know I sounded very snooty in the morning when I refused to adjust and downright mean too," he was about to interrupt me but I did not let him speak until I had finished. "...but I mean you have got to understand my situation." I paused for effect and took a breath. "It is so difficult and thinks it from my perspective, a total stranger and sleeping with him on the same seat for a night." For a second, I made it sound like a one-night stand.

He grinned. And he really did look cute for a nanosecond when he flashed his pearly whites at me.

"Okay."

"Ah-huh."

He was barely interested in striking a conversation with me. I wasn't offended. This wasn't the first time I had faced it. I am quite used to this nonsense. I have had guys ignoring me or giving me a royal snub.

"Whatever." I simply sighed.

I noticed his long legs dangling out of the seat. He was tall, but definitely not six feet. The dusky complexion, and the specs which remained on the nose permanently made him look different. I lowered my gaze to find myself staring at his toned muscles. He didn't look the athletic type but he was fit. And he caught me staring at him. It was weird and I looked away to hide my embarrassment.

"I am sorry?" He said unapologetically.

"I am sorry." I was taken aback by his sorry and the sorry escaped from my mouth involuntarily.

He kept on staring at me, perhaps awaiting an answer for my ogling.

"No, just looking at my side of the seat which has been so shamelessly occupied." I cringed at my words.

"Okay."

He got up and made way for me to sit. I coiled myself into a small ball again and tried sleeping on my side of the seat. He too tried the same thing, but the discomfort of the space did not allow both of us to bat an eyelid. After about controlling my legs for the fiftieth time from crossing the Indo-Pak border, the line of control saw a bout of firing from the other side. He stretched his legs slightly, encroaching my space, treading lightly to avoid touching me by any means. For the first few minutes, I was sick worried. Worried that our light banter may have made him think that I was a girl of loose morals and my stiffness was an act. However, the light noise of his snoring assured me otherwise and I soon let myself fall into a deep, tired sleep.

A warmth engulfed me. Was I dreaming? Definitely! I continued my vegetative state of sleep until I realized where I was sleeping and besides who, and what could the warmth be. I woke up slowly to find him completely awake and occupying the furthest corner of the seat, while I was the guilty perpetrator of his condition. I had encroached almost all of his space and he was the gentleman who had assured I slept soundly.

"You should have woken me up."

He shrugged it off casually again with a straight face.

"I am sorry."

"No need. I don't think I can manage any sleep crammed up on this seat. You seem to be doing fine so..."

I grinned sheepishly. I sat up and tried apologizing but his demeanour showed he wasn't offended or outraged.

"Why don't you sleep?"

"So that you can go ram yourself against into nothing."

He started laughing.

"Point taken."

"I think it's better we forget sleeping for the night..."

He looked at me with bewilderment. "You know Abhilasha," and he rolled his tongue like I had an exotic name, "in any other condition, the offer would be very tempting for anyone...," and he raised his eyebrows trying to gauge my reaction "...but I would refrain from accepting it on your account."

For a few seconds his words did not hit me home but when it did my face was red with embarrassment and he found it all the funnier.

"I didn't mean that at all."

"I know."

"Hmmm..."

"On any other day, I would have cared for you to explain but not tonight."

"What is stopping you?"

"Technically, nothing but..."

"...BUT..."

"Anyways...what did you say was your name?"

"Did you ask me my name?"

"Hmm okay, what is your name? Listen for a matter of fact why should I ask you your name? I mean what is that of any importance to me."

"Basic courtesy. Agam."

"Nice to meet you Agam. Hope I reach Mumbai safely by tomorrow."

"Hope so."

This was unnerving. The conversation was dying a natural death and I was hating it. I wanted to talk. We sat quietly; he took out his laptop but couldn't type much in the dim light. I stared out of the window but could see nothing except my own reflection in the mirror. We were practically bored and couldn't sleep and making no effort to talk to each other. I decided to kill boredom and started a conversation in hope of him following my lead.

"Are you from Mumbai?".

His ears perked up but he didn't answer me immediately. "No born and brought up in Kolkata but living in Mumbai for the past five years." He didn't ask me. I waited for good five minutes before I answered on my own.

"I am a true Kolkattan by heart."

I didn't feel like revealing anything to him about me. After all, he was just a stranger. But then it struck me, what was the harm even if I told him a few things, and spun a yarn here and there.

"Visiting relatives in Mumbai?"

"Sort of and not exactly."

"Okay. Getting hitched?"

"Where did that come from?"

"Sorry, just ignore that."

"Did I give you the wrong kind of vibes?" What was I asking him?

"Umm...no, I am sorry please ignore my question. I just felt..."

"Why do people think the worst of me?"

"Because you presented, I believe one of your worst sides to me today in the morning."

"I know and I apologize. The idea of travelling without a confirmed berth was intimidating. You know, and this is sort of my first journey, alone."

"Is it?" And he was completely surprised by my confession.

"I mean travelling alone in a train for a frequent flyer like me." And I took a deep breath, I had to lie convincingly. "Was scary, you know, what I mean."

"Yeah."

"Do you speak in monosyllables always or is it just me?" And he started laughing, full-throttled laughter, that surprised me.

"I am sorry, I didn't realize I was speaking so until you pointed it out to me. Not that you are the first, I have had many people saying me the same."

"Okay." I smiled. "And what do you do that makes you speak so less..."

"I work in the media industry as a ..." and before he could complete his sentence, the loud horn of the train broke his chain of thoughts as well as words. He looked out of the window and remarked. "Seems like the train is going to halt here for a few minutes."

"Yeah."

"Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Starbucks around the corner?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, double espresso shots for you, I believe." He cocked his eyebrows and remained un-flinched.

"Perfect."

He slipped on his shoes and went about looking for coffee. He came back in minutes with two cups of tea.

He offered me one, which I took it from his hands instantly. I let the cup play in my hands for a while wondering what if he had spiked my tea? And then my thoughts went on a roller coaster ride of their own, creating endless possibilities of mischief and creating havoc, mounting a surge of fear within me.

"You don't drink tea?" And he brought me out of my misery immediately.

"Yes," I replied nodding my head sheepishly.

"India, I believe is famous for its tea and its chaiwalas."

"Wasn't that a lowly dig on our chaiwala? And India is known for a lot more than its tea."

"Like?"

"Snake charmers, Aghori babas, poverty, terrorist attacks, rapes, corruption and a slew of other problems that is a never-ending list."

"Pessimist!"

"What should I be optimistic about?"

"A lot."

"Third largest economy, fastest in terms of growth and a large majority of youngsters like you and me who want change and are working to shape the future of our country."

"Statistics are to fool people; you cannot overlook the ground reality."

"We work on this ground reality to get the growth rate."

"Sitting from the comforts of your air-conditioned offices and homes, you are far from the ground reality of the common man in this country."

"I am equally a common man of this country."

I sniggered at this absurdity.

"Listen what makes you think I am privileged."

"Aren't you one?"

"How?"

"Better access to education, nutritious food, healthcare, moneyed and living in a metropolitan city throughout your life. Have you faced an iota of the hardship that the people in the interiors of our country face? They are struggling for the basics." My volume had gone a notch up. Perhaps the excitement level and the topic had riled me up.

"We will wake the others up." He whispered it to me in a comical way that had me in splits. I made the young couple groan with hatred for us. Must be catching up on the lost sleep after the wedding euphoria in the train. I giggled at my dirty thoughts. And before both of us could say anything more or go ahead with our heated conversation, the Muslim man in the next couple got up and asked us to go off to sleep or control our tongues. Like errant children, we were put in our place. And yet I could not stifle my giggle. Agam rolled his eyes at me and my erroneous behaviour.

"We will be thrown out."

"Not my problem that I don't have a seat to sleep," I said loudly for everyone around me to hear.

"Stop the nonsense or we will call the TTE."

And before it could get blown into a full-grown argument, Agam apologized and assured him, we will be careful with our volumes.

I scowled at him. He simply shrugged his shoulders falling into line.

"Keep your fire for better arguments."

"Huh."

Agam behaved himself and made sure I behaved too. We went off to sleep with the unspoken LOC protocols blurred.