Chapter 46

The dark waters and the moonless night set against the backdrop of the city lights was jarring, a permeable reminder of the constant tug and pull between my conscience and ambition. Marine Drive was a perfect example of where I stood in my life at the moment.

The divide between the wilderness of the sea and the tameness of the city was inherently visible, each co-existing but always as a threat to each other. My existence was similar. I had trouble navigating the innocent, idealistic Abhilasha amidst the cacophony and chaos of the politics around me. Can I survive it was a question I pondered over every minute? I wish at a crossroads like this I had easy answers.

Agam left me precisely where I asked him with no questions asked. I made my way to the promenade and sat looking at the sea deeply. I could not decode anything and found myself drowning in the sea of information he had passed on. There was no hope of reaching the shore ever. The waves kept crashing and the faraway light from a trailer felt limited, not bright enough to reveal anything.

Jigar dropped the food packets next to me and pouted.

"Why aren't you picking up your phone?" I searched my pockets while Jigar continued to grumble. "I had a tough time locating you."

"I can't find my phone." I panicked. How careless could I be? Where did I lose it? The last I remember I had used it in the car. Did I drop it while getting off? Getting a new phone would be so difficult. The hungry and useless friend of mine paid no attention to my distress.

"Don't stress yourself, check it in your bag. Look for it thoroughly."

Jigar's ringing phone was a distraction. "Pick it up!" I said annoyed with him.

"Someone's calling from your number." I snatched his phone and answered hurriedly.

"Hey, how can I get my phone back? I did not even wait for the person to say hello." I sounded desperate.

"Where are you?" Agam's gruff voice greeted my ear.

"Umm," I looked around to find a landmark to help him. "Opposite the jewellery showroom." He disconnected the phone without confirming anything.

"Can we eat now?" Jigar continued to be unaffected. He made a ridiculously funny puppy face to make me agree to his childish request. Since l knew my phone was in safe hands, l was relaxed.

Jigar tear opened the food packets and ate greedily from his burger. I grabbed mine and made a face at him. He was using more ketchup sachets than his required share and as a result, got a whack from me. I sipped the thick shake which was pure bliss for my parched throat.

"Abhilasha!" My name sounded like a punishment from his mouth. The guttural sound he made was unnerving. I looked back to find Agam staring at the two of us with hooded eyes. I got up in an instant with the half-eaten burger and shake in hand. I couldn't leave them behind, from the fear of Jigar snacking it up. Jigar watched the two of us staring at each other and cleared his throat to indicate I had to move to get my phone back.

I walked towards Agam in a jiffy not wanting to offend him. I missed a step in the hurry and almost dropped the burger and shake on an angry Agam who caught me by my arms to ensure I didn't fall. I steadied myself with a great effort not wanting to make a fool of myself by breaking my nose for something as silly as this.

"Thanks," I murmured. The growing awareness of two pairs of eyes on me got my senses awry. The prickling hard stare of Jigar on my back heightened my senses while Agam's proximity and touch were ruffling me in a way I could not understand.

"Be careful," Agam's words were a chastisement. I stood before him adjusting my clothes. I shamelessly offered him my half-eaten burger and shake while he smirked at my stupidity. He brought the cell phone out of his pocket and placed it in my hands.

What happened next made my heart beat hard in my rib cage. He caught me by my wrist and yanked me towards him. I crashed into his chest looking into his eyes. I was numb and strangely found comfort in being glued to his body. His body stiffened in response to my closeness. We remained together, lost in looking at each other for a long time. The heavy silence between the two of us and the ebbing of the waves transported us into a world where nothing seemed to be present except us. Jigar's loud voice filled with irate while concern on his face broke us apart.

"Are you okay?" Jigar's question confused me.

"I mean...yeah, all good."

"You got saved in the nick of time. That bastard just rammed into you. Fucking coward, he just fled."

I got saved by him and...Oh! my goodness, the reality hit me hard. He didn't bring me close to him on purpose. And the closeness lasted only for a few seconds. It was I who had imagined the more.

Why did I enjoy his touch? I liked his hands on me, his closeness, his breath fanning me. Why? Nothing was falling into place, everything was haywire.

I looked down at my feet, struggling to form a coherent sentence to thank him. Things rolled on fast and Agama was quick to react. He...What was I thinking?

I finally managed to mumble an indiscreet thanks. He arched his eyebrow and I saw the pure molten rage bubbling in his eyes. They were fixated on Jigar's hands on me. I linked my hand into his arm feeling bolder. I did it on purpose to rile him up and get a reaction. I loved the fact that he was jealous of Jigar.

"Fuck, I didn't even realise that," I spoke to Jigar as if he was my saviour and not Agam. Agam cleared his throat to draw my attention to him.

"Umm...Jigar this is Agam, my senior and Agam this is Jigar." I let the mystery hang purposely around Jigar and my relationship.

But Jigar did the unthinkable by opening his mouth, "His boyfriend."

I definitely saw fury on Agam's face because his hands fisted beside him and his jaw clenched tight. He was struggling to control himself to keep a straight face, while I enjoyed his reaction, thoroughly, I wondered why was he jealous. My heart somersaulted at the possibility...but I stopped and chided myself for being naive and foolish to think the not so obvious. He felt protective of me in and this was nothing but his protective instinct, I reminded myself.

"Would you like to have a burger?" Jigar asked him, breaking the tension.

"Thanks, dude. I need to make a move for a dinner date." I didn't know if this was insinuation or truth.

"You seem familiar, have we met before?" Jigar queried.

"Not that I recall," Agam stated plainly.

"You must have seen him on TV, I explained, he does a lot of shows. " Jigar cut me to it.

"Do you know Naina Bhansali by any chance?"

I stared at the two of them taking turns.

"Umm...I don't know who you are talking about." Agam was stoic but I felt his coolness and patience was withering. Jigar however, did not stop his interrogation and kept on persuading him with answers.

"The 90s overly dramatic actress, if that makes it easy..." I hit Jigar on his arm astounded.

"How can you describe your mom like this?" I whined. He was irritated with my impromptu outburst and held out his hand to stop me.

Agam did not show any reservation in answering, but his face showed he was irritated.

"Yeah, I have interviewed her once."

And that was okay, in his line of work, Agam could have definitely done that. Jigar however did not seem convinced.

"Can I leave?" Did he seek his permission? Like really! Or was he being sarcastic? This man's moods and words were indecipherable.

Agam didn't say a word more and left as quietly as he had come leaving a lot between Jigar and me to be explained.

"Wasn't he the one who made you cry last evening?"

If I was perplexed by his question, I didn't show. "I am sorry, what are you talking about?"

"Don't brush me off."

"I am not," I defended myself.

"What is the story?"

"What story?"

"The look that he gave me for standing by your side was not friendly, deadly. Are you two involved?"

I winced at his words painfully. It did hurt to tell that we weren't together and would never be.

"No!"

"But you like him a lot!" He laid it out casually.

"I don't know Jigar, I have no clue, but he affects me. His cold eyes, his stoic looks, his indifference towards me hurts a lot. Don't ask me why."

He stared at me and then enveloped me in a hug. "You never gave me a chance. We could be a thing."

The sickening pit in my stomach and the hollowness that his words left me were indescribable. The realisation didn't go down well with me and I spurted words without care.

"I don't love him Jigar but I love you."

"No, you don't love me. You've fallen for him and I can read it on your face. You were begging to be close to him when he held you. Your heart knows it but your rationale and practical mind are refusing it. You're fighting it. Don't!"

"You're mad Jigar, I am not fighting my feelings. I love you and it's different with you. You know." He nodded in understanding.

"I don't think I have the liberty to love anyone. You know my dreams. I want to earn money, live comfortably, be successful and make my name in this industry. That's my ultimate love."

"Lie however much you want to me but you will have to accept it for your heart because you're hurting. I am not asking you to pursue a relationship with him but just acknowledge your feelings for him to yourself."

I had no clue how to respond to this so I turned the tables on him." What about your feelings for me?"

"Ditto, I am not attracted to you. I just love you."

"So, you didn't give me a chance," I imitated him, "was a facade."

"No! I mean you know how girls prioritize their boyfriends over best friends and I don't want to lose you."

"You will always be in my life forever, everything else is temporary." I pledged to him.

"So?" He twitched his eyebrows and asked.

"So!" I played along.

"Will you tell him?"

"No ways, never. I am not making a fool of myself over him but yes I won't fight it. I know I like him...a l...lot but love is too far stretched."

"Okay, then let's go back to our first love...food."

We bit into our burgers and silently took in each other's presence deriving comfort out of it. Jigar broke it first.

"I will be leaving for Kolkata in a few days." I looked at him in dismay as he continued. "My film is scheduled for an early release as Jindal wants me to coincide it with our announcement of reviving Bhansali Production and doing a film together. He is positive that the announcement would help the box-office collection of my film. I will be back soon though to start working here."

" I will miss you," I laid my head on his shoulder, briefly letting the news sink in.

"Jigar,"

"Hmm," He sighed listlessly.

"Did you know your dad became the Editor-in-Chief of FMN?" I raised my head to look at him in his eyes. He continued gazing at the sea being lost in its endlessness.

"I didn't know about it but when he gave you the recommendation letter easily I knew there was something off."

"So, how did he put you in a corner?"

"Abhilasha!"

And my spine stiffened in the worst kind of fear ever. Both of us looked over our shoulders to see my bua looking at me furiously emitting fire from all her being.