24
Samantha felt her heart desperately pressing against her chest as she fell back and a few moments later felt Killian's weight on her. His body was warm, comfortable, and familiar, yet she felt an icy chill run down the back of her neck. Fear. Just when her mind had recovered enough from the kiss to be able to think clearly, her brother did everything to keep her from thinking about what they were doing.
He'd kissed her, only lightly at first, so Samantha could still convince herself it wasn't serious. But then more intense. Unbridled and deep. Just like no man should ever kiss his sister. The falsity of the situation took her breath away, but as soon as she faced his harsh, felt masculine taste on her lips, she had become addicted to it.
Her stomach clenched as Killian kissed her again, her fingers twitching and lightly touching his chin, where a rough beard had already formed. She didn't know what to do, what was right. She should push him away, feel used, but it was hard to convince yourself to be a victim when you willingly parted your lips to welcome his tongue into her mouth.
Killian was cautious and held back so much that it could be interpreted as uncertainty. But the way he kissed her, the intensity with which his body pressed against hers and the unrestrainedness with which he plundered her mouth said something else. Her brother knew what he was doing and he was absolutely sure wanting to do that.
His restraint was the gift to her so she wouldn't back down, get used to the situation, and be able to appeal—if she wanted to. Samantha didn't want it. The tingling in her stomach increased, and following an instinct, she slipped a hand behind his neck and held his face to her mouth, even as he broke the kiss to give them both a respite. His hot breath continued to smack against her lips while his forehead pressed against hers, that's when she dared lift her eyelashes and look at him with undisguised longing. There was no uncertainty in his eyes, just a wild need that she wanted so badly to quench.
"Send me away, Sam," he breathed against her cheek, but she just shook her head very slightly without a word and the kiss that followed set everything in her on fire. Hot, intense and wet with a bitter note that she knew better than herself. Killian tasted like that and robbed her of the last clear thought.
Sam lost herself in it, only noticing that her brother's hips had slid between her legs when she felt the rough fabric of his jeans against a small patch of skin that hadn't been there before either. Over her leggings she wore only one of Killian's much too wide sweaters, which usually reached below her buttocks.
But now the hem lay on her rib cage and exposed a piece of her skin. His tongue fought with hers, defeating her and forcing her to surrender and submit, while the hot storm gave way to some coldness in her body. In the end she couldn't remember what had triggered the panic attack, but the moment Killian's rough fingers brushed the skin just below her breasts and the pressure of his hips increased between her legs, she had a flashback.
He grabbed her still small breasts roughly. Him forcing his hand between her legs. The moment he yanked at her hair, slamming her face into the tabletop until she almost passed out. He. Frank. Her father. Samantha began fighting and screaming, kicking and thrashing until Killian pushed himself off her, grabbing her hands so she wouldn't hurt herself. She fought him even harder managed to kick him in the stomach, which he just ignored and kept trying to hold her still.
"NO! NO! NO!"
"SAM!" Killian interrupted her screams, grabbing her hands in front of her chest and pressing her shoulders against his chest. Legs slung left and right over hers, she was completely immobilized and managed to remind herself that it wasn't Frank who had just touched her. But it didn't help.
The lingering memory had manifested itself in her head, snapping her back to the hours and days after that assault. She had cried, pleaded and felt so small and weak that she had blamed herself afterwards. She had felt ashamed, felt betrayed. A basic trust had been destroyed and for days afterwards she had felt the desire to rip the skin off her body to get him away from her. She had spent hours in the shower, had trembled like a leaf when she had only heard her father's voice and above all: she had hidden with Killian.
Killian, who saved her and saved her from worse. She had snuggled up against Killian, absorbing his tenderness and comfort as if she were a dry sponge.
"I'm sorry, sweetie, I won't be doing any more li.." Before he could finish, she turned in his arms as soon as he loosened his grip, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him so tightly as she could. This wasn't his fault, it was hers. She was too broken too destroyed. Even with someone like him, someone she could confide in, she wouldn't be able to walk this path. She would never know love.
