41

"Okay, of course, it's not your body that has to be bombarded with poison and hormone preparations on a regular basis to prevent pregnancy.”

"You're not going to get pregnant, Sam," he interrupted, still quite annoyed. Samantha snorted. The odds of just once weren't as great as one might think. But she was there. Whether he wanted to ignore it or not.

"Oh no? Isn't the moon right?" she asked deeply sarcastically and suddenly Killian's eyes went dark again, like the moment she asked him for the condom. He just lay there, in his glorious nudity, covering nothing and made her flare up again. He just lay there and looked at her.

"I won't have children, Sam. Never. Do you understand that?" Her mind raced, a crippling disappointment brewing in her body. What they had done here was beyond wrong. They were siblings after all. But if it went further, if they would have a relationship, then... Nobody would ever forbid her to have children!

Never. But he hadn't said they wouldn't have children either. But he said: HE would not have children. And the look on his face made it clear that this was not a decision he made voluntarily. "Why?" she asked quietly, wrapping herself in the blanket and crawling back up to him. He looked like he'd bitten into a sour apple.

"I can't father children, sweetie," he replied quietly, sliding with the back of his hand caressing her cheek. It was an apology, like that like he was taking something away from her. And as if that would hurt him himself. Samantha swallowed the lump in her throat as she realized the implications of that statement.

Many would now say that it was better that way. That it would be incestuous and yet all she could feel was regret.

"How do you know that?" she asked brokenly. The corners of his mouth twitched as if he had anticipated the question. "A doctor told me, that was many years ago."

"You never mentioned it." Killian shrugged.

"It never bothered me. Children were never part of my plan, not even a serious relationship. It was always you." Sam couldn't help but feel tears in her eyes. twenty five percent, that is the risk of inherited disease between thoroughbred siblings.

During the lonely days she had read about her situation. A connection as "shameful" as that between her and Killian wasn't half as rare as one might think, and while twenty-five percent sounded like a high risk, it had to be realized that any person with the onset of the disease is at twice the risk of inheritance carried

. And as far as she knew, there were no acute disabilities in her family that could transmit her recessively.

"I will not share you, Sam. If you want to have children, we will find a solution. But I will not let that someone else touches you", he said seriously and his voice sounded so hard and determined that Samantha just had to smile at him.

Of course, she had never thought it could have mattered to Killian. That he only wanted an affair with her, but hearing it so firmly between the lines from his mouth, made her feel elated. She leaned over and kissed his lips, laying her ear on his bare chest while he ran his hands through her hair.

Just like he always did. "I love you too," she said, and they both knew she hadn't said that as a sister. Killian stopped moving, planted a kiss on the crown of her head, and murmured, "What have we gotten into, Sweetie?

It's so fucking wrong I can hardly take it and yet I want you more than anything else." Samantha didn't wait for him to tell her too that he loved her. Killian wasn't the type and it wasn't necessary. He showed her very clearly what he was feeling, so intensely that everyone noticed. Already for years.

Samantha began to wonder when this "wrong" thing between them really started. When did their love begin to veer into something so sinful that they couldn't shake themselves, that the outside world felt it was so inevitable?

The Her mother's death had kind of sparked this affair, but it had started much earlier. She couldn't remember when it first struck her how beautiful her brother was. When did her heart start bleeding, if she saw him?

When? Maybe that was the wrong question though. She didn't have to ask herself when it had started, but if it had ever been different. Because the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she had always loved him more than she should. More than she was allowed to.

"I wonder if I haven't ever loved you," she whispered gravely against his chest and was surprised when Killian suddenly laughed out loud.

"Hey! That's not funny," she said, slightly hurt, but Killian just kept hugging her on his chest and the mischievousness in his eyes was still glistening as he looked her in the eye and said, "I remember thousands of moments when you definitely didn't love me. For example, whenever you didn't get ice cream or you sat on the waiting bench in the dojo with an offended expression on your face.