Ten

One fact I disagree with is that I'm obsessed with my stepbrother. Ex bully but now my stepbrother. The transition is overwhelming and unbelievable. The guy who I had vowed to hate and get away from. The one who makes me feel insecure of myself. The one whose voice makes my blood boil. Just like the dew disappears with the morning light, all of this magnimonity was replaced with a feeling I can't place my hands on.

Ryder is more than I had earlier pictures of him. Of course he is a badass guy who still pisses me off anytime he wants but beneath him is something more. Ryder and I never spoke of the sexual tension between us even though it ran through my mind each time especially the movie we both shared in his room. I was pretty sure it didn’t mean anything to him, that he was just trying to lose me even though the sensations I experienced were the same as if we were in the movie.

The past few weeks have been less dramatic. He's been busy with practice so I see less of him at home. As much as I hate to admit, I miss him around the house. Since it's always me and him most times, I kinda get accustomed to it already. I'd say, I lost the relationship with mom since we moved in with James. Before amidst her busy schedules we make out time for a mother to daughter day. Just the two of us. All of that is a story of ages ago.

Like I no longer know how she is.

"Did you draw these?" I asked. He's on his feet and standing beside me immediately. He snatches the book away from my hand. Ryder gave me one last death stare before walking over to his closet and placing the binder on the top shelf. He sat back down on the bed and resumed whatever he was doing on his phone. Desperate to connect with him in some way, I just stood there and watched as he played a game on his phone.

"Don't go through my stuff!" He says. He is too late as I had probably seen almost all the stuff he drew in. Well, all of them are incredible and I can't help but wonder if he really drew those himself. I close back the drawer, desperately keeping myself away from snooping more but deciding it's better not to. Although he is rude and cocky he still needs some privacy.

"Seriously?" I turned to face him, folding my arms against my chest. "Since when did you care about privacy when you went into my room and search my drawer"

"There's nothing to see in there"

"My panties are there!" He laughed as soon as I said this.

"Don't worry sis, they're not my type"

Asshole.

He must have gone through the whole stuff because he's right. I don't have anything sexy in my panties wardrobe because I don't have anyone to show it to. How much more did he see?

Did he read my diary??

"So you drew those?" I asked again wanting a confirmation but Ryder didn't seem ready to answer that.

Without saying anything he motions to unbutton his shirt. "What are you doing?" I asked when he pulled it off. I stared at his naked body. His perfect arbs and I notice that one of his nipples is pierced. I want to run my land over the metallic ring. Does it hurt?

"Will you stop ogling me?"

I smiled and looked away. My cheeks heats up in embarrassment. He caught me checking him out.

Clearing my throat I asked him. "Why did you take off your shirt"

He motions to his arm. While I was checking him out I seemed to have left his arm out. It occurred to me that this is the first time I'm seeing his full body unclad. A big Tracia is tattooed on his arm. While the remaining ones are covered in ink. A rose, birds and some other ones I didn't know their meaning.

"Is that your mother?" I asked. He jerked his head up and his eyes met mine, puzzled.

"Tracia" as soon as I said it I watched his eyes twitch like he was in pain. He stared down at the tattoo and rubbed his hand over it. After a while he spoke up.

"My sister," he says in a low voice.

I never knew he had a sister. He never mentions her and she's not in the picture of him and his dad, down the hallway. What happened to her? Is she with his mom?

As if reading my mind he spoke up again.

"She passed away" .

"Omg! I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked you" my hand flew to my mouth. I've never had a sibling so I don't know what it's like to have one and lose it. It must have been hard for him.

"It's okay." He smiles a little and I see it didn't reach his face. I watched as he ran his hand across his head.

One of the things I've discovered about Ryder is that he has a lot to deal with. Like carrying the name of his dead sister tattooed on his arm. The pain it must have brought him seeing that everyday. Thinking she'd be this old by this time this year. I'm curious to know what happened with his mother. James and Ryder never mentioned him and one time I happened to see her picture, a very old and torn one but it still showed her face. Looking at it closer I see Ryder has the eyes of his mother.

"Yes" I heard him speak up again.

Pardon me. He saw the confusion on my face and explained.

"I drew those. They are masterpieces for some of my tattoos." He points to the drawings on the wall. "And those too." He tossed me the book he snatched from me earlier. I bend over to pick it up, starting to look at it all over. I'm left in awe as I stare at those pictures. I've never seen anything more beautiful than it. Some talented tattoo artists can't measure up to what he has drawn.

"I've never shown anyone." He spoke when he saw me not saying anything. How can I talk when I'm staring at these beautiful pieces of Ryder. "My dad thought it was silly of me to draw thinking I'd someday grow up to inherit his wealth and take over the company. He only allows me to play football because he was also a quarterback while in school so he didn't think I'd take it further"

I bent down, placed the book on the bed and placed my hands over his. He looked at me with an expression I didn't understand. Like he is in pain but couldn't express himself. His eyes soften when I start to rub my thumb over the back of his palm.

"I don't think your art is a joke" I say in a small voice not breaking his gaze. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It carries emotions that I couldn't explain. It shows a part of you no one sees that you put more in your drawings. Ryder I never see if as a joke"

We continue to stare at each other while holding hands. Expressing ourselves with unsaid words. I watch as his gaze moves to my lips and lingers there. He ran his tongue over his lips before shutting his gaze back to my eyes. I can read the words in them vividly, he wants to kiss me. Ryder watched me with a tilted head as if he's searching for something. This close, we’re almost breathing the same air. I can see the small mole at the corner of his right eye and the hollowness I said eyes. He leans closer, freeing one of his hands to bring my head closer to his. I can feel the warmth breath coming from his lips. I inhale and swallow the air.

"Ryder" I say, not understanding how I'm feeling. This sudden sensation overwhelmed me. I want to feel his warm lips over mine. I want him to take my lips between his while his front teeth press against my lips while I moan in pain. I know all of this is wrong yet I want it. What I feel right now, I've never felt the same way towards anyone. It's so wrong wanting the mouth of your stepbrother closing over your lips. It's like a taboo. So wrong.

"Fuck!" He then grabbed my face with both hands before smacking his lips with mine. Before I could respond, Ryder grabbed my face with both hands and smashed his lips into mine. The metal from his lip ring scraped my mouth as he nudged it open with his tongue hungrily and started kissing me deep. It’s agonizing the way my heart thuds against my chest, but exhilarating the way his lips feel against mine. I moaned into his mouth, my knees growing weak. My hands flew to his hair, knibling between them as I brought his face closer to mine. I can hear the front door open somewhere at the back of my head but the both of us push it away. Either of our parents must be back but we don't care about that right now. We're lost in the kiss.

His lips are fast, eager, forceful. Yet it feels so incredible. I immediately sink into him, my entire body trembling beneath his touch. I don’t know why I’m not pulling away. I know I should, I know this shouldn’t be happening, but there’s something so mesmerizing about the entire thing that I just can’t stop.

"Ryder" I meant it as a warning but it came out as a soft moan. I could barely recognize my voice.

"Ryder" I say again followed by the sound of his grunt. He seems to understand what I was warning him about because he tears his lips away from mine and releases his grip on me. Both of us panting to catch our breath.

Shit!

What the hell just happened? I kissed my stepbrother. Hard.